Child behavior- kicking

The first thing I would want to know is WHY he kicks. I mean, is he hostile?
Is something bothering him? Is he unhappy? Are there certain triggers for
this behavior that you could avoid?

If it's just normal toddler antics, I would remove him and say, "people are not
for kicking, balls are for kicking." I would say this as many times as
necessary. If he seemed angry, I might say, "you are feeling angry at whoever.
You need to use words to tell us when you are angry." Things like that. I
don't necessarily think time out works per se, but removing him from the
situation is helpful, especially if you are dealing with unsympathetic types
who think he needs a good smack. If you take him out of the room they don't
know how you are disciplining him. :-)


Leslie

Emily (2/4/91)
Jake (1/27/94)
Teddy (2/15/95)
William (3/5/01 -- VBA3C, 13 lbs. 5 oz.)
and Lorelei, expected 11/2/04

"Children come trailing clouds of glory from God, which is their home."
~ William Wordsworth

"Mary S." wrote
Toddler discipline seems so foreign when you've only got a tiny baby

It sure does!
,
but in reality, you will instinctively know when that line between wants
and needs starts to be crossed (sometime after about 12-15 months), and
it becomes easy to start saying no, setting limits, ignoring tantrums,
etc.

I hope so. It's all new to me! Thanks for the recs..

Jill

On 23 Sep 2004 00:43:25 GMT, (Leslie) wrote:

I would remove him and say, "people are not for kicking, balls are for kicking."

Just make sure that his dad or any other guy in the room is wearing a
cup when you say this to him.

....sorry I couldn't resist! :-o

Carla
Mom to Victor Paul born 5.16.04
www.victorpictures.com --See him here!

"Leslie" wrote in message
...
The first thing I would want to know is WHY he kicks. I mean, is he
hostile?
Is something bothering him? Is he unhappy? Are there certain triggers
for
this behavior that you could avoid?

Hmmm...no, he's not hostile. He actually seems happy, and I don't think
anything can possibly be bothering him. Triggers....hmmm....this is what I
can't figure out, WHY he kicks.....I *think*, though, that he watches
wrestling on tv and that is where he gets this from. But, no, he's not
hostile and is pretty normal.


If it's just normal toddler antics, I would remove him and say, "people
are not
for kicking, balls are for kicking." I would say this as many times as
necessary.

Yeah, I think it's normal toddler antics. I wonder if he will kick again now
that the grandparent (grandfather) spanked him? Probably, but probably not
grandpa! I am pretty sure he gets it from watching tv and seeing wrestlers
and other shows that have kicking going on....I told DH this kid needs to be
given a soccer ball for Christmas

Nancy P. wrote:

I have a 2 1/2 year old, and I'm hardpressed to say what I'd do, because my
DD knows that's wrong and doesn't do stuff like that (hope I didn't just
jinx myself).

I think that's what's so tricky about what to do when other kids are
running wild in your house -- if it's your child, you already know what
their triggers are, how to deflect and distract before it happens, how
to deal with it the first time, they know your warning signals, etc.
It's such a different touchy thing to just jump in and start
disciplining a toddler "from scratch," as it were, although in cases
like the OP's where people (and eventually her daughter, or other
visiting babies) are actually in physical danger and the parents aren't
doing anything. You've kind of got to jump straight to the endgame of
consequences, which would hopefully be a last resort if it's your own kid.

Mary S.

Jill wrote:

I told DH this kid needs to be given a soccer ball for
Christmas

My secret weapon for all manner of throwing, hitting, and kicking in the
house is one of those balloons that have a rubber band attached that you can
punch. They are tougher. It can get pretty annoying but oh my, the energy
it can burn and the physical tendencies it can harness and use up are truly
amazing. The house and people in it are safe to boot ;-) I do that mostly
in the winter when going outside isn't as appealing. The kids have fun with
them alone, together, and really have a ball if dh and I play along.


--
Nikki

"Jill" wrote in message
om...
Just a kid I know, Just curious. How would you guys handle a 2 and a half
year old child (boy) who kicks? Like, he will just walk up and haul off
and
kick someone, and his parents do not say or do anything to him? He kicked
one of his grandparents, who promptly spanked him, and it made the parents
angry at the grandparent.

Were the parents there? Just curious. Unless the parents had specifically
told the grandparents they should feel free to spank, that was way out of
line.


Opinions? Discipline that would work when "time out" is a joke? "Time out"
does not work for every kid although I know a 3 year old boy who finds
time
out to be the WORST punishment ever, and will do anything to avoid it.
lol.


I have a 2 1/2 year old, and I'm hardpressed to say what I'd do, because my
DD knows that's wrong and doesn't do stuff like that (hope I didn't just
jinx myself). I think I would remove her from the situation and talk with
her privately about why that was wrong in very basic terms (kicking hurts
grandpa and gives him booboos, also hurts his feelings, etc.) I'd insist on
an apology (my DD hates apologizing). I wouldn't otherwise punish her, but
I'd give her a consequence if she did it again (ie - I'll put the prized toy
of the day is in a time out) and I'd stick with it. Actually, if we were
home I'd probably give her a timeout, I don't know...haven't been faced with
this kind of thing in a while.

Nancy

"Nancy P." wrote in message
news

"Jill" wrote in message
om...
Just a kid I know, Just curious. How would you guys handle a 2 and a half
year old child (boy) who kicks? Like, he will just walk up and haul off
and
kick someone, and his parents do not say or do anything to him? He kicked
one of his grandparents, who promptly spanked him, and it made the
parents
angry at the grandparent.

Were the parents there? Just curious. Unless the parents had
specifically told the grandparents they should feel free to spank, that
was way out of line.

Oh, I don't know. IF the grandparents had spanked their own children AND the
parents failed to intervene, knowing perfectly well that the child kicked,
THEN I would certainly understand if the grandparents intervened in the way
familiar to them, for an offense against their own bodies. Now, you can
argue that it's out of line to spank the child, but it's *also* out of line
for the parents to ignore a physical assault upon another person, and act
like it didn't happen. How is the child to learn anything? If the parents
refuse to teach him, then they're going to have to accept that sooner or
later, somebody else is going to step in and do it...one way or another.

That said, I once got in my niece's face over some roughhousing that hurt
me, and my other brothers (not her father) got all over me for 'disciplining
someone else's child.' Like I had no right to tell the kid she'd hurt me,
and that she was never to do it again? I didn't spank her, I just snapped
at her, and I *still* got jumped on, for defending myself. I don't
understand this.

--angela

Jill wrote in message
. com...
"Welches" wrote I don't think anyone
should hit someone elses child ever (whether or not
spanking's approved of) certainly if the parents are there they should
be
doing the discipline in general.
Debbie


I do agree with this. Although I said I'd probably spank him if he kicked
me, lol, I really wouldn't. I know that I would be angry too if someone
other than me or my husband spanked my child (but they wouldn't have to,
if
she did something that bad, I'd deal with her). Actually, I think this kid
is just going through the terrible 2's, because I have never seen him cry
and throw temper tantrums etc, he is always a smiley child. So I was
surprised when he just ran up and kicked someone- but I don't think that
is
such an abnormal thing to do at that age. It seems to me he is just
starting
to test the limits...

I have NO idea how I am going to handle a toddler until I have one though!
But it did just occur to me that people either seem to spank, do time out,
or do nothing. At least that I have seen. Oh, yes, and I have seen bribery
used, with a toy or a food, to get a kid to stop doing something- that
seems
to work but it backfires later when they say "No, not unless you give me
___." etc. Kids are smart!
When they reach about 3 you can use "we're not going to go to the playground
now" (having said you're going earlier). At 4 #1 reacts well to "if you do
that you won't get pudding".
At 2 I found the best way was to hold her on my lap (and do something else
like reading so I wasn't giving her attention) I'd usually either give her a
length of time (not more than 1 minute) or until she was calm.
Really, if the parents refuse to discipline I don't think (as another
relative) you can do much except express displeasure to the parents. If you
discipline then the parents may well comfort/give attention to him and then
he's got the attention he's probably wanting.
Debbie

Leslie wrote in message
...
The first thing I would want to know is WHY he kicks. I mean, is he
hostile?
Is something bothering him? Is he unhappy? Are there certain triggers
for
this behavior that you could avoid?

If it's just normal toddler antics, I would remove him and say, "people
are not
for kicking, balls are for kicking."
Then he kicks the balll at you....
Debbie


I would say this as many times as
necessary. If he seemed angry, I might say, "you are feeling angry at
whoever.
You need to use words to tell us when you are angry." Things like that.
I
don't necessarily think time out works per se, but removing him from the
situation is helpful, especially if you are dealing with unsympathetic
types
who think he needs a good smack. If you take him out of the room they
don't
know how you are disciplining him. :-)


Leslie

Emily (2/4/91)
Jake (1/27/94)
Teddy (2/15/95)
William (3/5/01 -- VBA3C, 13 lbs. 5 oz.)
and Lorelei, expected 11/2/04

"Children come trailing clouds of glory from God, which is their home."
~ William Wordsworth