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#1
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Motivating a Jr. High kid
My son is entering 8th grade this year. He's always been an uneven student,
shining in some favorite subjects (won the school's geography bee one year!), and sliding by in subjects he doesn't like so much. His teacher, and folks who are around him day to day, say he's fairly bright. Where I see him falling down academically is mostly in one thing - he just doesn't like rigor. Memorization, or anything that needs a lot of careful steps. He can *do* it, and has no problem with complex things in his model building. But when it comes to studying, as I've noticed from trying to help him with memorization tasks like German vocabulary, he loses patience with things that don't come to him quickly. It was very interesting to me that his self-evaluation, as he spontaneously told me last year, is just below the cadre of the brightest students. Some of the other kids come to him for help in things he loves, like social studies. His teachers pretty much concur. But his impatience with rigor is getting in the way of even things he likes now, like German and band. He hates to memorize the vocabulary, he hates to practice. And he's gotten no particular recognition in school, and was clearly bummed the end of last year when some of his friends did and he didn't at the awards assembly at school. I'd like to stretch him a bit and put the 8th grade honor roll as a goal for him. We've been talking about a PS3 a while after it comes out (I wait for the prices to drop), and have told him I expect to see him on the honor roll before he gets that. (He likes video games but hasn't been the type to get subsumed by them or spend too much time on them.) I think it's an appropriate goal. He knows high school grades are important for college admission, and he consistently expresses college as a goal. I've told him 8th grade marks will be an indication of how he does in high school. I must admit to being a little at a loss as to how to really motivate him or get him past this thing against memorization or rigor. I was a kid that had no problem with these things, although I had other problems like with procrastination. The only way I know to deal with rigor is just to do it. So, what do I do with this kid? TIA, Banty |
#2
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On Mon, 5 Sep 2005 10:48:44 EDT, Banty
wrote: My son is entering 8th grade this year. I have some general comments to begin with, and hope to follow up a little later with more specifics. I have a lot of personal experience with absolutely hating rote memorizing, practicing, and dealing with stuff that does not come easily. I also have a lot of professional experience working with kids like that. My general first comment would be to consider the time frame of your goals, and to consider what kinds of things your child is having trouble with. He does not like things that require sustained effort and that will only pay off in the long run, but that will be very uninteresting, repetitive and boring right now. So the first thing I would say is that the goals you are setting are way too far off into the future. These goasl are nice and good, and your child may even appear - appear! - to verbally and otherwise indicate that he finds them worthwhile and somewhat motivating. But then, sitting in front of the book, trying to memorize, he finds the work absolutely deadly, his mind wanders, and he feels that he "just can't do it." Behavior in children is motivated by immediate short term goals. I once knew a mother whose eight-year-old just hated to memorize a short poem that he was supposed to recite at a school play. The mother arranged an "American Idol" type competition that evening with the family and a neighbor as the audience to see which child would recite the poem best. She told her child on Saturday morning that the competition would be Saturday night, and they would videotape it! The child obsessively worked on memorizing the poem all day and beat two other children hands down. (The families had arranged for other prizes so that each of the children was a winner in some category). It is difficult to find short term goals and objectives for the "grunt work" of studying. But that is where your parental ingenuity and your emotional investment should go. Make bets with your son, reward and get excited about specific and small steps. Get into the immediate short term business. Do not expect your son to overcome this problem by himself just because of some lofty long-term goal. For instance, a good approach would be: Memorize this table, and then you can play video games for an hour. Memorize this page and I will take you to the car and let you drive in the driveway. Memorize this poem and we are going (today) shopping for that new video game you have wanted. Be very positive, very excited. Finally, help your child do it by helping him discover what activity helps him meorize the best. For instance, I discovered in college that I learn very very well when hearing things, I can really mimic what I hear, I have a "good ear." I started getting As when I started to (secretly) tape record lectures. (In those days you didn't have learning resource center, etc.) After hearing a lecture twice, I had it totally memorized, something I was unable to do from reading notes or books. Some kids learn best by reading a paragraph and then writing it down, sometimes in colors. Some memorize "visually" with cartoons. Good luck. |
#3
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I must admit to being a little at a loss as to how to really motivate him or get
him past this thing against memorization or rigor. I was a kid that had no problem with these things, although I had other problems like with procrastination. The only way I know to deal with rigor is just to do it. We struggle with similar things. This year I've stopped caring about how the school needs him to learn things and focus solely on learning the material. Maybe if he could view these things a little differently? Sometimes it's a stumbling block to think "I have to memorize this list of 25 German words" but more interesting to think of it another way, such as "I need to understand the meaning of each of these German words." It may seem like semantics to you and me, but at that age I think kids are struggling to have control and power over their lives, and school is a big part of their lives. As for band, I've been a lot more practical and hard-nosed on that. Henry's no longer in Band as a result. Band is a team activity, and if you're not willing to pull your weight by practicing it's not fair to the team so you lose that privilege. Plus band cost us money (instrument rental) and practice was the payment he needed to make to earn the instrument rental payments from us. No practice, no play. This year he's in choir which requires less at-home practice and which he is enjoying much more, I think in part because that practice pressure is off. I disagree with the other poster who I believe was looking at this from the perspective of parenting much younger children. I do think at this age kids can delay gratification and work toward more distant goals. I think in general your plan sounds like a good one. Let us know how it goes! -Dawn Mom to Henry, 13 |
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