cosleeping and dealing with ILs

Yeah, so I should just suck it up and tell the ILs that we're planning to
cosleep, and not look like I'm asking permission from them, any more than I'm
asking permission to have a homebirth midwife or to breastfeed. But DH says he
can tell this is going to be a huge issue for them to deal with, and I'd like
to make sure it's handled in a way that makes them comfortable if it's possible
to do so. (They are often uncomfortable people, if you know what I mean... and
old-fashioned in that they had their babies in '69 and '71.)

We will have the bassinet my sister had with her two kids; I was kinda thinking
we could stall while the baby was very young with the "We have a bassinet!"
excuse.

Was this an issue for anyone else?

They keep ringing to let us know they've found a nice crib at such-and-such a
place. Yikes. We have a hardside queen waterbed and were planning to replace
it with a softside CA King waterbed (you know, looks like a regular mattress
and takes regular linens) on the floor with the idea that there'd be plenty of
room for everyone and no concerns about the baby falling off the bed. That
means I can't really even sidecar a crib sigh.

pokeringer wrote:


They keep ringing to let us know they've found a nice crib at such-and-such a
place. Yikes. We have a hardside queen waterbed and were planning to replace
it with a softside CA King waterbed (you know, looks like a regular mattress
and takes regular linens) on the floor with the idea that there'd be plenty of
room for everyone and no concerns about the baby falling off the bed. That
means I can't really even sidecar a crib sigh.

Every set of recommendations I've seen for safe co-sleeping warns not to
co-sleep on a waterbed. (I don't know anything about a CA King, though,
so I don't know if it's fundamentally different).

Clisby

"pokeringer" wrote in message
om...
Yeah, so I should just suck it up and tell the ILs that we're planning to
cosleep, and not look like I'm asking permission from them, any more than
I'm
asking permission to have a homebirth midwife or to breastfeed. But DH
says he
can tell this is going to be a huge issue for them to deal with, and I'd
like
to make sure it's handled in a way that makes them comfortable if it's
possible
to do so. (They are often uncomfortable people, if you know what I
mean... and
old-fashioned in that they had their babies in '69 and '71.)

We will have the bassinet my sister had with her two kids; I was kinda
thinking
we could stall while the baby was very young with the "We have a
bassinet!"
excuse.

Was this an issue for anyone else?

No, but it may not even be an issue for you. As much as you want to
cosleep, it may or may not work out for you. Either you or the child may
not like it or sleep well with it. My kids sleep/slept half the night with
me. I often moved them into the crib at some point during the night because
neither of us could sleep soundly together. Why not wait and see?

"pokeringer" wrote in message
om...
They keep ringing to let us know they've found a nice crib at
such-and-such a
place. Yikes. We have a hardside queen waterbed and were planning to
replace
it with a softside CA King waterbed (you know, looks like a regular
mattress
and takes regular linens) on the floor with the idea that there'd be
plenty of
room for everyone and no concerns about the baby falling off the bed.
That
means I can't really even sidecar a crib sigh.


http://www.babycentre.co.uk/refcap/558334.html#4

"Never co-sleep on a sofa or waterbed
Don't co-sleep on a sofa as your baby could get wedged in the cracks between
the cushions or between you and the back of the couch. Waterbeds are too
soft and may have deep crevices around the frame where your baby could get
trapped. Plus, your body movements could be enough to send your baby flying
off the bed!?

http://www.birthsource.com/articlefile/Article105.html

"Never co-sleep on a sofa or waterbed "

http://www.drjaygordon.com/ap/cosleeping.htm

"Make sure that your mattress or futon provides a firm sleeping surface.
Never, ever allow an infant to sleep on a waterbed, featherbed, beanbag,
deep pillowtop mattress or other inappropriately soft surface."

Yeah, so I should just suck it up and tell the ILs that we're planning to
cosleep, and not look like I'm asking permission from them, any more than
I'm
asking permission to have a homebirth midwife or to breastfeed. But DH
says he
can tell this is going to be a huge issue for them to deal with, and I'd
like
to make sure it's handled in a way that makes them comfortable if it's
possible
to do so. (They are often uncomfortable people, if you know what I
mean... and
old-fashioned in that they had their babies in '69 and '71.)

What about co sleeping makes them uncomfortable? What do your inlaws have
to do with your personal, home life?

We will have the bassinet my sister had with her two kids; I was kinda
thinking
we could stall while the baby was very young with the "We have a
bassinet!"
excuse.

I have a bassinet which holds the toys, books, diapers and wipes I use in
the bed where I sleep with my baby.


Was this an issue for anyone else?

The inlaws opinion? NEVER!!!

They keep ringing to let us know they've found a nice crib at
such-and-such a
place. Yikes.

Are they wanting to buy you one? If so, I say let them. You will need a
crib later on AND it dos make the nursery look cute AND your baby may like
to take naps in it.

We have a hardside queen waterbed and were planning to replace
it with a softside CA King waterbed (you know, looks like a regular
mattress
and takes regular linens) on the floor with the idea that there'd be
plenty of
room for everyone and no concerns about the baby falling off the bed.
That
means I can't really even sidecar a crib sigh.


I've never heard of a waterbed on the floor. Does that mean it has no
frame? If so, I suppose it is a good idea. If not, NO WATERBED!! It is
way too dangerous (from what I understand).

~Carol Ann
www.lowcarblosers.com ~ Home of the FREE Monthly Weightloss Challenge

http://tinyurl.com/33uk7 ---Recent Pictures of Morgan born 3.24.04

I think that you need to be a bit more flexible in your thinking. I have had
three kids and only one of them was interested in co-sleeping and she only
did that for a month. However, you might want to let your in-laws buy you a
crib because there might be a point in the baby's life that you will be glad
you had one, espeically when they get to be older and wiggle around and/or
for naps during the day.

FWIW, waterbeds are not safe for co-sleeping. Even the mattress type one
that you are getting. It is still too soft and puts baby at a risk for SIDS.
You might want to consider instead of buying another waterbed and buy a
regular mattress. I personally wouldn't want to sleep on the floor, but you
can always use a side car and/or put a railing up on your side of the bed.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

"pokeringer" wrote in message
om...
Yeah, so I should just suck it up and tell the ILs that we're planning to
cosleep, and not look like I'm asking permission from them, any more than
I'm
asking permission to have a homebirth midwife or to breastfeed. But DH
says he
can tell this is going to be a huge issue for them to deal with, and I'd
like
to make sure it's handled in a way that makes them comfortable if it's
possible
to do so. (They are often uncomfortable people, if you know what I
mean... and
old-fashioned in that they had their babies in '69 and '71.)

We will have the bassinet my sister had with her two kids; I was kinda
thinking
we could stall while the baby was very young with the "We have a
bassinet!"
excuse.

Was this an issue for anyone else?

They keep ringing to let us know they've found a nice crib at
such-and-such a
place. Yikes. We have a hardside queen waterbed and were planning to
replace
it with a softside CA King waterbed (you know, looks like a regular
mattress
and takes regular linens) on the floor with the idea that there'd be
plenty of
room for everyone and no concerns about the baby falling off the bed.
That
means I can't really even sidecar a crib sigh.

Plissken wrote:

"pokeringer" wrote in message
om...

They keep ringing to let us know they've found a nice crib at

such-and-such a

place. Yikes. We have a hardside queen waterbed and were planning to

replace

it with a softside CA King waterbed (you know, looks like a regular

mattress

and takes regular linens) on the floor with the idea that there'd be

plenty of

room for everyone and no concerns about the baby falling off the bed.

That

means I can't really even sidecar a crib sigh.



http://www.babycentre.co.uk/refcap/558334.html#4

"Never co-sleep on a sofa or waterbed
Don't co-sleep on a sofa as your baby could get wedged in the cracks between
the cushions or between you and the back of the couch. Waterbeds are too
soft and may have deep crevices around the frame where your baby could get
trapped. Plus, your body movements could be enough to send your baby flying
off the bed!?

http://www.birthsource.com/articlefile/Article105.html

"Never co-sleep on a sofa or waterbed "

http://www.drjaygordon.com/ap/cosleeping.htm

"Make sure that your mattress or futon provides a firm sleeping surface.
Never, ever allow an infant to sleep on a waterbed, featherbed, beanbag,
deep pillowtop mattress or other inappropriately soft surface."

Just to add...

When I was about 6 years old, my mother had a waterbed that had a cover
over it so that it looked like a regular mattress. I don't know what a
CA king waterbed is, but if it's anything like what hers was, then there
will be no gap between the bag and the side (the cover will go right
over the edge, and the edge on her bed was padded so all was nice and
soft). Also, because of the cover, rebound from someone else moving was
not that bad. *However*, her bed was really very soft, and it was hard
to roll around in. Basically, I kept getting stuck in the middle of it.
;-) If there was an adult in the bed with me, I would tend to roll
towards that person because they made the bed sink so much in comparison
to me. Also, the cover had a tendency to bunch up in places, so that it
was almost like sleeping on a comforter. So my point is that even
though a waterbed with a cover is really much less dangerous at first
glance than one without a cover, there are still problems.

pokeringer wrote:

Yeah, so I should just suck it up and tell the ILs that we're planning to
cosleep, [...]

(1) To echo everyone else, do not use a waterbed.
Too unsafe. Also, don't use fluffly blankets.
Look up cosleeping on Google to find some
websites on how to do it safely.

(2) Co-sleeping is your business. If you really
need scientific support, consider that 60% of
Americans sleep with their dogs (who are pack
animals like we are)... Or that all primate
species other than humans always sleep with
their young. Just because we do not fear that
a lion is about to snatch our young from the
beautifully decorated nursery down the hall
doesn't mean that that gene is not there!

-- Anita --

"pokeringer" wrote in message
om...
Yeah, so I should just suck it up and tell the ILs that we're planning to
cosleep, and not look like I'm asking permission from them, any more than
I'm
asking permission to have a homebirth midwife or to breastfeed. But DH
says he
can tell this is going to be a huge issue for them to deal with, and I'd
like
to make sure it's handled in a way that makes them comfortable if it's
possible
to do so. (They are often uncomfortable people, if you know what I
mean... and
old-fashioned in that they had their babies in '69 and '71.)

Was this an issue for anyone else?


Oh yes, this was a huge issue for us. If I could go back and redo history, I
would not share with relatives where the first baby slept, or how good/bad
she slept. If I were you I'd either a) let them buy me a crib because they
really seem to want to do it or b) tell them I have a bassinet and will take
care of my own crib when I need it.

Are they going to be spending nights at your house? If so, then establish
your bedroom as a place that they do not enter (as its yours and DH's
private space). I do that by always keeping the door closed. If its after
a crib is purchased, keep the crib in your room (if there's room). No one
needs know who sleeps where.

FWIW, as others have said, you may find yourself wanting/needing that crib
afterall. We coslept with our first until 9 months, and then she just
wanted to play in the bed, keeping everyone awake at all hours. It was
really hard to transition her to a crib at that point, but no one was
getting any sleep. My second is still in the bassinet next to the bed, and
at 12 weeks sleeps an 8 hour stretch, so its no big deal for me to wake up
once and nurse at night. I'm hoping she'll transition into a rib (in our
room) just fine. Not that I don't like co-sleeping, its really sweet with a
newborn, but given my previous experience, if I can avoid it I will.

Nancy

"Carol Ann" wrote

Are they wanting to buy you one? If so, I say let them. You will need a
crib later on AND it dos make the nursery look cute AND your baby may like
to take naps in it.


No you don't ever *need* a crib. I don't own one, never have! DD is now 2
years old. She moved from our bed to her own (a mattress on the floor) at
around 13 months.

I think the OP's solution is a good one. We had a carrycot that fitted on
the chassis of our travel system so whenever anyone asked, we said "well we
have the carrycot for the first couple of months". By the time DD outgrew
it*, everyone had either forgotten that we didn't have a crib or realised
that we weren't actually going to get one.


*She actually only ever slept in it from about 4-6 months, when we started
putting her to bed upstairs in the evening and we weren't comfortable about
leaving her in the big bed on her own. Oh, and the *very* occasional nap
during the day. So occasional that I took photos every time!

Jean