14 Month Old Wont Go To Sleep Without Being Rocked!

Blue Eyes Blue wrote:
Hi, I dont know anywhere else but here to post this and I'm hoping
someone here can help me. My son is 14 months old and HAS to be rocked
to go to sleep. It all started when he came off the bottle @ 9
months--this was his way of going to sleep so once he got off the
bottle we started rocking him, PLUS his been so sick laltey with ear
infections LITERALLY every other week that we had to rock him to soothe
him. Now his 14 months and 25lbs and getting to heavy for me to rock
for 25 mins every night/nap. I tried tonight to put him to bed with a
fav toy and some lullabyes but after 25 mins he STILL was crying--and
had himself coughing as if to throw-up. So of course I went in and got
him---which at this time he cuddled into my shoulder and fell asleep
within 5 mins--BUT I REALLY need him to start going to bed on his own
for 2 reasons. #1 his starting at daycare soon and needs to get use to
it and #2 I physically cant do it anymore. The worst part of it all is
that you have to pace the floor while rocking/bouncing him to sleep.
Anyone who can help I will be forever in debt LOL! PLEASE SOMEONE
ANYONE HELP ME! TIA

Hi

As a transitional thing could you try sitting with him on your lap and
sort of rock sitting down rather than pacing. Or gradually cease the
rocking and just have cuddles on your lap until he settles. If you move
him to a toddler or single bed perhaps you could end up lying down with
him for a while.

Maybe start a bedtime routine, something like bath, story, warm drink
in sippy cup or something that suits your family so he begins to
associate these things with going to sleep.

My kids would never go to sleep on their own either FWIW, I used to
carry them in a sling a lot of the time, luckily they were
lightweights.. It is frustrating some times but eventually they will go
to bed on their own.

Larissa
mum to
DD 99
DS 01
DD2 03

--
"Larissa" wrote in message
oups.com...

snip

As a transitional thing could you try sitting with him on your lap and
sort of rock sitting down rather than pacing. Or gradually cease the
rocking and just have cuddles on your lap until he settles.

snip

Exactly what I was going to suggest With DD2 I sit on a chair with her
sitting on my lap but facing to the right (so her head is on my shoulder and
her legs are hanging over my right leg. I then pat her back with my left
hand, and giggle her a little bit if need me with my legs. I have slowly
progressed to just holding her like this (no patting etc) and I now put her
down when she is very sleepy but not totally asleep. It took a couple of
weeks to get this far but all things come in time

Also when DD2 is sick there is no other way to get her to sleep but to hold
her, I think when they are really ill the feel so dam miserable all they
want is Mum.

--
Pip

My girls :
DD1 Jasmine - 5 weeks early - 21 March 02 -
"I'm a big girl cause I go to school kindy"

DD2 Abby - 8 weeks early - 3 Feb 05 -
Took her first steps on her 1st Birthday.

"Yes you can drive me insane just by talking to me!"

Jamie Clark wrote:
Blue Eyes Blue wrote:
I'm the 1st one to admit I should of worked this out b4 it got to the
stage of not being able to rock him anymore...BUT WITH THAT
SAID.....please put yourself in my shoes---you have a sick baby whos
sick every wk of every month for the past 6 months, you would do
whatever you could to ease there pain and make them feel better.

It doesn't really change the outcome though does it? The easiest solution
to "right nows" problem often isn't the same one that you want for the long
term.

No. But that doesn't mean that always aiming for the long-term solution
is necessarily best.

Before my son was born, I'd read all the stuff about how you have to
start putting them down Drowsy But Awake from the start so that they
don't get used to being nursed/cuddled to sleep the whole time, and I
was really determined to do this - after all, surely getting into the
right habits from the start was going to be far better than setting up a
problem and then having to break it? So I spent two bloody months
trying to get him to settle to sleep from being put down
drowsy-but-awake, before it finally penetrated my sleep-deprived brain
that this was a total waste of time. The whole idea was to save myself
trouble, but all it seemed to be doing was causing me trouble. So I
just nursed him to sleep and co-slept, and I wish I'd done that from the
start.

When he was a year old, I used Tracy Hogg's PU/PD method to get him to
settle in his cot with just a few minutes of back patting. It took a
few nights for him to get the hang of it, and he was pretty upset the
first night I tried it, but it was a hell of a lot easier and quicker
than all of that faffing around trying to get him into good habits from
the start.

When I was pregnant, my mother told me that one of the best pieces of
babycare advice she'd ever had was "Don't solve the problem until it
happens". After the above experience, I know exactly what she means.

There's always a temptation in parenting (and anything else in life) to
point fingers and talk in superior tones about how you should have done
things *this* way, look how much better than you I managed it. It's
patronising, irritating, unhelpful, and frequently incorrect into the
bargain - after all, just because your child responded to being
comforted in a particular way doesn't mean the OP's child necessarily
would have. But even if he would have, what on earth is the point of
criticising her management of the problem now? I suspect she can work
out for herself whether what she did was a mistake or not.


All the best,

Sarah
--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

"That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell

Sarah Vaughan wrote:
Jamie Clark wrote:
Blue Eyes Blue wrote:
I'm the 1st one to admit I should of worked this out b4 it got to the
stage of not being able to rock him anymore...BUT WITH THAT
SAID.....please put yourself in my shoes---you have a sick baby whos
sick every wk of every month for the past 6 months, you would do
whatever you could to ease there pain and make them feel better.

It doesn't really change the outcome though does it? The easiest
solution to "right nows" problem often isn't the same one that you
want for the long term.

No. But that doesn't mean that always aiming for the long-term solution
is necessarily best.

Before my son was born, I'd read all the stuff about how you have to
start putting them down Drowsy But Awake from the start so that they
don't get used to being nursed/cuddled to sleep the whole time, and I
was really determined to do this - after all, surely getting into the
right habits from the start was going to be far better than setting up a
problem and then having to break it? So I spent two bloody months
trying to get him to settle to sleep from being put down
drowsy-but-awake, before it finally penetrated my sleep-deprived brain
that this was a total waste of time. The whole idea was to save myself
trouble, but all it seemed to be doing was causing me trouble. So I
just nursed him to sleep and co-slept, and I wish I'd done that from the
start.

When he was a year old, I used Tracy Hogg's PU/PD method to get him to
settle in his cot with just a few minutes of back patting. It took a
few nights for him to get the hang of it, and he was pretty upset the
first night I tried it, but it was a hell of a lot easier and quicker
than all of that faffing around trying to get him into good habits from
the start.

When I was pregnant, my mother told me that one of the best pieces of
babycare advice she'd ever had was "Don't solve the problem until it
happens". After the above experience, I know exactly what she means.

I think it's somewhere in between. There are lots of
things you can't "fix," or maybe even lay the groundwork for,
before the child is developmentally ready. If you try, you
might just as well beat your head against the wall for all the
good it'll do you. At the same time, there does come a time
when if you *don't* start laying the groundwork, you're digging
a hole that's going to get progressively harder to get out of.
The key is in the timing. You have to find the point at which
the child is *ready* (or about to be ready) so that you can
change your parenting to be in tune with the child's abilities.
Ideally, you always want to be expecting your child to do the
things he or she is capable of doing, rather than doing them
for him or her. I think this is an area where parents today
often tend to go astray. In all our best efforts to Do the Right
Thing, we often get sucked into the notion of doing everything
"right" from too early on (as you did), or we get sucked into the
idea of not pressuring our children too much and babying them
well beyond the point where they ought to have been doing something
for themselves. Either way is problematic. Somehow, you have
to find the sweet spot--which isn't always easy, as not all
children are the same.

Best wishes,
Ericka

Ericka Kammerer wrote:
Sarah Vaughan wrote:
Jamie Clark wrote:
Blue Eyes Blue wrote:
I'm the 1st one to admit I should of worked this out b4 it got to
the stage of not being able to rock him anymore...BUT WITH THAT
SAID.....please put yourself in my shoes---you have a sick baby
whos sick every wk of every month for the past 6 months, you would
do whatever you could to ease there pain and make them feel better.

It doesn't really change the outcome though does it? The easiest
solution to "right nows" problem often isn't the same one that you
want for the long term.

No. But that doesn't mean that always aiming for the long-term
solution is necessarily best.

I think we're talking about two specific problems, today's short term
problem of getting the baby to sleep tonight, and tomorrow's long term
problem of getting the baby to sleep without rocking him until he's out. If
she doesn't rock him, he'll cry and cry and not fall asleep easily or right
away. So in this case, the short term solution to the issue of getting the
baby to sleep TONIGHT is to rock him, but that doesn't solve the bigger
problem of not wanting to rock him to sleep every night. If she always
gives in to the short term problem (getting baby to sleep TONIGHT), then
she'll never solve the long term issue, of getting the baby to sleep without
rocking.

I may have been a bit brisk with her in that answer, but honestly, she came
in here asking for an immediate "magic" solution to her problem. There
aren't any. I wasn't harsh in my first answer, I just told her that there
were no easy answers, and that it was going to take lots of work. She
basically said that she really needed him to go to bed on his own, because
she wasn't physically able to rock him any more. Yet, she's been doing it
for 6 months, and he hasn't gained 5-10 lbs in the last week. So this is
something that she's known was going to be a problem eventually. Habits
take time to form, and habits take time to break. If she isn't willing to
take the time to break the habit, if she is always going to give in and rock
him to sleep, then it doesn't matter what advice she gets, or what methods
she tries, she will fail to get him to go to sleep without rocking. It's
just that simple.

Now I thought the person who suggested a rocking chair was right on, and
second that. At least with a rocking chair, you aren't supporting the full
weight of your child in your arms. You can rock your boy for 15-20 minutes
at a time, and try putting them down drowsy. It will still likely take all
night for a few nights in a row, but it will be easier on your arms and your
back.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03
Addison Grace, 9/30/04

Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1,
Password: Guest Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up
your own User ID and Password

Blue Eyes Blue wrote:
Hi, I dont know anywhere else but here to post this and I'm hoping
someone here can help me. My son is 14 months old and HAS to be rocked
to go to sleep. It all started when he came off the bottle @ 9
months--this was his way of going to sleep so once he got off the
bottle we started rocking him, PLUS his been so sick laltey with ear
infections LITERALLY every other week that we had to rock him to soothe
him. Now his 14 months and 25lbs and getting to heavy for me to rock
for 25 mins every night/nap. I tried tonight to put him to bed with a
fav toy and some lullabyes but after 25 mins he STILL was crying--and
had himself coughing as if to throw-up. So of course I went in and got
him---which at this time he cuddled into my shoulder and fell asleep
within 5 mins--BUT I REALLY need him to start going to bed on his own
for 2 reasons. #1 his starting at daycare soon and needs to get use to
it and #2 I physically cant do it anymore. The worst part of it all is
that you have to pace the floor while rocking/bouncing him to sleep.
Anyone who can help I will be forever in debt LOL! PLEASE SOMEONE
ANYONE HELP ME! TIA

We were whwere you are at around 8 and a half months. DS had a
succession of colds and vomiting episodes (which now know were not bugs
as we were told but an allergy to eggs). We had had success with the
PU/PD method (plus dummy) for naps but as he needed lots of cuddles and
rocking at night he no longer went off for his naps on his own. Things
turned bad when he had bronciolitis as had needed a lot of cuddles.
This was fine until he started to recover. He didn't need the cuddles
but could no longer get himself back to sleep if he woke in the night.
After 2 hours of him nearly but not quite dropping off on my shoulder
and crying because he couldn't sleep, and the same happening with DP
the next night, we realised it just wasn't working and we needed to act
for all our sakes. So we tried a soft version of controlled crying. We
would go to him straightaway when he cried, have a quick cuddle and
some soft words and lay him back down. He would cry angrily (not a sick
or distressed cry) and we would go back two mins later and repeat. At
most it took 8-10 mins in total and we only had to do it for a few
nights. He never screamed his head off and he was never hysterical or
sick. We had setbacks on a couple of nights when he was too sniffly for
it to work, but a longer cuddle and little rock worked. We were worried
it would set us back but actually it didn't because it was a case of
him *needing* the cuddles rather than them just being a habit that
didn't work. At nearly 1 year he only wakes once in the night where we
have to go to him and that's because he ends up sideways across the cot
and gets stuck. This we don't seem to have solved but we think it's
because of the heat. It was cooler last night and he was fine.

It is hard listening to them cry, even for 2 mins at a time, but every
single other method was not working. We had tried feeding, rocking
(pacing, standing, in a chair, over the shoulder, on the lap), pat/shh,
PU/PD. What he needed just a little reassurance that we were there,
which we are always happy to do. Now he goes to sleep for naps on his
own and although he has a very short bf (30 seconds last night!) he
happily goes in his cot awake for the night. If he isn't quite ready to
go to sleep he just babbles to himself until he drifts off. Like Sarah
said I did start to try and put him down awake after a bf in the early
months, but quickly realised it was pointless. He started staying awake
of his own accord at around 9-10 months IIRC and by this time had
already been going down for his naps awake so night time was no
different.

I hope you get things worked out. It is hard when the devices you have
been using due to illness no longer work when the baby is better.People
that haven't experienced thse problems can be very critical -
accusations of caring more about the parents sleep than conforting the
baby often fly about. But what they don't seem to get is that parents
use these devices because *nothing* else is working anymore. This
includes co-sleeping which I am heartily sick of reading is a cure all
for everyone. Yes it works brilliantly for some but for us it was
impossible. I have been on one sleep board where this problem of sleep
after illness comes up time and time again, so you are not alone.

Good luck!

Jeni

Jamie Clark wrote:

I may have been a bit brisk with her in that answer, but honestly, she came
in here asking for an immediate "magic" solution to her problem. There
aren't any. I wasn't harsh in my first answer, I just told her that there
were no easy answers, and that it was going to take lots of work.

Yes - I was too snappy, wasn't I? I was posting when I was tired (a
mistake I usually avoid) and hit "send" and thought "Damn, I'm probably
going to regret that one in the morning." Sorry.


All the best,

Sarah
--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

"That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell

Sarah Vaughan wrote:
Jamie Clark wrote:

I may have been a bit brisk with her in that answer, but honestly,
she came in here asking for an immediate "magic" solution to her
problem. There aren't any. I wasn't harsh in my first answer, I
just told her that there were no easy answers, and that it was going
to take lots of work.

Yes - I was too snappy, wasn't I? I was posting when I was tired (a
mistake I usually avoid) and hit "send" and thought "Damn, I'm
probably going to regret that one in the morning." Sorry.


All the best,

Sarah

No worries. Life happens, eh? : )
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03
Addison Grace, 9/30/04

Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1,
Password: Guest Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up
your own User ID and Password

For those of you who put in your 2 cents worth...you will be happy to
know after 2 night we got the baby to sleep without rocking. What we
did was: put him to bed on a pull out baby couch/bed ( the dora type
ones used to watching tv) he laid on that, I sat next to him and rubbed
his back, as soon as his eyes shut I stopped rubbing and put him ni his
crib...worked like a charm, now it only takes less than 5 mins for
bedtime It was never about whats bes for US ( mom/dad) it was whats
best for baby Lucas. Thanks to all who replied...WITHOUT judgement
Jamie Clark wrote:
Sarah Vaughan wrote:
Jamie Clark wrote:

I may have been a bit brisk with her in that answer, but honestly,
she came in here asking for an immediate "magic" solution to her
problem. There aren't any. I wasn't harsh in my first answer, I
just told her that there were no easy answers, and that it was going
to take lots of work.

Yes - I was too snappy, wasn't I? I was posting when I was tired (a
mistake I usually avoid) and hit "send" and thought "Damn, I'm
probably going to regret that one in the morning." Sorry.


All the best,

Sarah

No worries. Life happens, eh? : )
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03
Addison Grace, 9/30/04

Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1,
Password: Guest Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up
your own User ID and Password

"Blue Eyes Blue" wrote in message
oups.com...
For those of you who put in your 2 cents worth...you will be happy to
know after 2 night we got the baby to sleep without rocking. What we
did was: put him to bed on a pull out baby couch/bed ( the dora type
ones used to watching tv) he laid on that, I sat next to him and rubbed
his back, as soon as his eyes shut I stopped rubbing and put him ni his
crib...worked like a charm, now it only takes less than 5 mins for
bedtime It was never about whats bes for US ( mom/dad) it was whats
best for baby Lucas. Thanks to all who replied...WITHOUT judgement

There never was any judgment from me.

I'm glad you figured out something that worked for you. Congrats!
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03
Addison Grace, 9/30/04

Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1, Password:
Guest
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password