A Parenting & kids forum. ParentingBanter.com

If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Go Back   Home » ParentingBanter.com forum » misc.kids » Pregnancy
Site Map Home Authors List Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read Web Partners

Doula Dilemma



 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old January 9th 09, 05:44 AM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
Kat
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 177
Default Doula Dilemma


"Ericka" wrote in message
...
Kat wrote:
"Ericka" wrote in message
...
Kat wrote:


Again, I just keep thinking about how to pick one... and keep track of
all of the replies and phone calls I get and make. Trying to remember
who is who and all that.
Take notes ;-)


Ha. That's very easily said, it seems! I grabbed a sheet of paper and
tried taking notes just now based on call history on the phone, hoping I
have the right people with the right number and trying to remember the
convos of what's going on. I don't want to look like a total idiot
calling someone that I've already talked to and sounding like a very
unorganized fool going through things that we've already gone through. I
seem to have NO organizational skills lately, and my memory seems to be
on vacation. As I'm replying to emails, I've also said that I have some
issues with remembering who I've talked to, emailed, what I've asked,
etc.



You do realize that a doula's job is to support
*pregnant* and *laboring* women, right? Scatterbrained
clients pretty much goes with the territory ;-)

One thing that can help you get a bit organized
is to type up a sort of interview form that has the
questions you're most interested in already on the form,
with space for you to fill in the details. That way you
remember your most important questions and you have a sheet
for each prospective doula on which you have the pertinent
information. It's a bit of a pain, but I know when I was
pregnant I needed to write things down, make lists, and
all that sort of thing because otherwise I'd just forget
everything!


That's a good idea, and maybe by explaining that I've all but confused
myself real bad, it can be understandable if I repeat the same things over.
I should have done all this right from the start!
Scatterbrain-ism seems to be a guaranteed symptom and side effect with
pregnancy.

Best wishes,
Ericka



  #12  
Old January 11th 09, 04:27 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
Sue
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 29
Default Doula Dilemma

I personally would rather have a close friend be with me at a birth than
someone I would have to interview and pay. Do you not have any close friends
that could be with you? Do you have any close relatives, a sister or aunt?
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

"Kat" wrote in message ...
So... I waited until last second to realize that I'm running out of time.
Seeing as I'm still a happily single mom, and due in a month, I just
wasn't really thinking too much about the future.
I have decided that I'm fairly confident that I do NOT want N around at
all, especially in the hospital. At this point in time, and I'm positive
in the future, I do not want him in the hospital when the time comes, nor
do I want him as some unexpected visitor. That's his too bad, so sad.
My plan is that my mom will take the kids. She's really my only real and
guaranteed option. I've decided that although friends have all offered to
help with whatever, I do not want to rely on a friend. Especially since
babies CAN come at the most inconvenient times, I just don't feel
comfortable relying on a friend.
I then got thinking that with my mom taking all the kids, I really don't
want to sit in the hospital all by myself. And again, I really don't want
to rely only on a friend... Friends, I've found, can be a little MIA in a
pinch, and I don't want to risk that.

So... I looked into a doula for some kind of support/coach type thing...
And so I'm not sitting around like some pathetic loser by myself in the
hospital to have a baby all by myself... I looked into doulas and
originally found they're far too expensive for me to manage. They seem to
average around $500 or so, give or take, and coming up with that kind of
money for one or two days is not something I could do, even if I wanted
to. I ended up finding some contacts for volunteer doulas. The ones I
found are all free. Some are either in training and volunteer for births
for their training, some are already certified and volunteer for very low
income single mothers or couples with very low income. I, fortunately,
fall into the category for the income and single mom part, and I don't
really mind if a doula is certified or if they're still in training.

I've come into a problem though. I've always been so indecisive, it
seems, and this is one thing N has always told me right from the start.
For a number of things, I can't seem to make up my mind and come up with a
decision... I ended up emailing all the doulas that volunteer from the
list that I was given from a local doula association. I did that a couple
nights ago and I had a number of replies. I think there was maybe 5-6 of
the volunteer ones, and all said they would be more than happy to assist
me, and only one said she was not able, but she passed on my name and all
that to a friend of hers, and this friend called me yesterday.
I also had another lady call me today. And I still need to go through my
emails and all that as I've been fairly busy the last couple days
(especially with DD1's dental surgery and all that)

Now here's my big problem... How do you decide on a doula? They're all
free of charge, running on a volunteer basis. 2 of them said they would
be more than happy, but one has another client due Feb 3, IIRC, and said
if I picked her, it might be a good idea to have a backup, and another one
has a client due Feb 13, but she has her own backup if needed. The lady
that called me today said she has no other clients due around my EDD,
which is Feb 7.
I'm finding that I'm getting fairly nervous about all of this and making
decisions. Something so simple, yet it isn't for me. How do you decide
on one? Do you hold "interviews" and pick which one you like best out of
them all? Eenie, meenie, miney, mo? How do you turn down offers?
All I'm really concerned about is NOT being left all alone, someone that
is supportive of breastfeeding (which they all seem to be anyways), one
that and just be there to offer support and advice, and even translate any
possible medical or technical terms into simple English. I'm also kind of
feeling that I might be more comfortable with a doula that is a bit
younger and closer to my age. The one I talked to (with a current client
due days before me) sounds very young. She has young children - I think 3
that are between about 11 months and 4 years) and the other lady I talked
to sounds a lot older... She has 5 grandchildren between 10 and 15 years
old but she's available and has no clients due any time around me.
Another sorta issue is that I know for a fact that my OB is not very
doula-friendly. I recently found out that my OB had a bad experience once
involving a doula, and now her (my OB) opinion is basically, "Do you want
a doctor or do you want a doula?" Quite frankly, it comes down to I do
not want to sit alone in the hospital LOL
Again, I just keep thinking about how to pick one... and keep track of all
of the replies and phone calls I get and make. Trying to remember who is
who and all that. I also kind of feel bad if someone comes over here to
meet with me before I actually pick just one (I realize I can't have 20485
doulas just because they offer and say they're available LOL) for an
interview and to get to know her and talk and then not use her. Like the
time and effort wasting, and I almost feel like I'd be a jerk for not
picking them because they've put in effort and then what? I don't like
them or something??

I know this is rediculous and very stupid, but I'm having some real
problems with it. I also do feel that I should get back to people within
the next couple days at the most and not leave them hanging and hanging...
and not get back to anyone but then make a last second phone call to hope
someone can maybe come last second without even meeting them??

So does anyone have any advice? I see this is just stupid, but it's just
one of those things that I don't think I've ever been real good at and
seem to be having some issues with. I'm also running out of time!



  #13  
Old January 11th 09, 07:18 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
Kat
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 177
Default Doula Dilemma


"Sue" wrote in message
...
I personally would rather have a close friend be with me at a birth than
someone I would have to interview and pay. Do you not have any close
friends that could be with you? Do you have any close relatives, a sister
or aunt?
--
Sue (mom to three girls)


I don't recall if I said, but no, I really don't. I do have a few friends,
but none that I feel I could totally rely on. From past experience, everyone
offers to help, but when it comes right down to it, people tend to disappear
or be unavailable. I have a couple friends that are single parents (which
makes it difficult for their childcare) or they have many kids, again,
difficult with the childcare issue as well, or they work and there could be
an issue of leaving work in the middle of the day or getting up in the
middle of the night. I have a fair bit of close relatives, but that would
mean my brothers, a handful of all male cousins (or their wives, which I am
NOT close to or even really talk to except at bigger family functions once
or twice a year) I have no sisters and only one aunt I'm close to (out of a
possible 2 in and around the city) but with that, I'm just not comfortable.
The doula, though is free. I was given a list of volunteer doulas, and so
far the few I have had contact with are certified doulas that volunteer. It
sure seems that for those that have had a doula - either a single mother or
couples that have a doula - they've all said it made their experience so
much better. I've even heard a few people say they had a doula for a second
or later pregnancy, and wish they would have had one for all their births.
Doulas seem to offer more than what just a friend or family member can
offer. It seems they can offer different techniques and whatever else. One
mom said her doula had music, massages, hot and cold compresses, some kind
of aromatherapy and offered various positions and whatever else. I know to
date, I've never had that kind of stuff offered to me with any of my births.
I also figure if I can find someone I'm comfortable with, it's even
different than the nurses that come in and out of the room with various
shifts and all that. After all is said and done, I won't see the doula
again (after birth and shortly after with a newborn) but yet I do have to
see friends. I think the most part of that is that I will have to see my
friends, and have them see me in a very sensitive, vulnerable, intimate,
whatever, position. Doulas do this kind of stuff all the time. Friends and
family members don't.

"Kat" wrote in message
...
So... I waited until last second to realize that I'm running out of time.
Seeing as I'm still a happily single mom, and due in a month, I just
wasn't really thinking too much about the future.
I have decided that I'm fairly confident that I do NOT want N around at
all, especially in the hospital. At this point in time, and I'm positive
in the future, I do not want him in the hospital when the time comes, nor
do I want him as some unexpected visitor. That's his too bad, so sad.
My plan is that my mom will take the kids. She's really my only real and
guaranteed option. I've decided that although friends have all offered
to help with whatever, I do not want to rely on a friend. Especially
since babies CAN come at the most inconvenient times, I just don't feel
comfortable relying on a friend.
I then got thinking that with my mom taking all the kids, I really don't
want to sit in the hospital all by myself. And again, I really don't
want to rely only on a friend... Friends, I've found, can be a little MIA
in a pinch, and I don't want to risk that.

So... I looked into a doula for some kind of support/coach type thing...
And so I'm not sitting around like some pathetic loser by myself in the
hospital to have a baby all by myself... I looked into doulas and
originally found they're far too expensive for me to manage. They seem
to average around $500 or so, give or take, and coming up with that kind
of money for one or two days is not something I could do, even if I
wanted to. I ended up finding some contacts for volunteer doulas. The
ones I found are all free. Some are either in training and volunteer for
births for their training, some are already certified and volunteer for
very low income single mothers or couples with very low income. I,
fortunately, fall into the category for the income and single mom part,
and I don't really mind if a doula is certified or if they're still in
training.

I've come into a problem though. I've always been so indecisive, it
seems, and this is one thing N has always told me right from the start.
For a number of things, I can't seem to make up my mind and come up with
a decision... I ended up emailing all the doulas that volunteer from the
list that I was given from a local doula association. I did that a
couple nights ago and I had a number of replies. I think there was maybe
5-6 of the volunteer ones, and all said they would be more than happy to
assist me, and only one said she was not able, but she passed on my name
and all that to a friend of hers, and this friend called me yesterday.
I also had another lady call me today. And I still need to go through my
emails and all that as I've been fairly busy the last couple days
(especially with DD1's dental surgery and all that)

Now here's my big problem... How do you decide on a doula? They're all
free of charge, running on a volunteer basis. 2 of them said they would
be more than happy, but one has another client due Feb 3, IIRC, and said
if I picked her, it might be a good idea to have a backup, and another
one has a client due Feb 13, but she has her own backup if needed. The
lady that called me today said she has no other clients due around my
EDD, which is Feb 7.
I'm finding that I'm getting fairly nervous about all of this and making
decisions. Something so simple, yet it isn't for me. How do you decide
on one? Do you hold "interviews" and pick which one you like best out of
them all? Eenie, meenie, miney, mo? How do you turn down offers?
All I'm really concerned about is NOT being left all alone, someone that
is supportive of breastfeeding (which they all seem to be anyways), one
that and just be there to offer support and advice, and even translate
any possible medical or technical terms into simple English. I'm also
kind of feeling that I might be more comfortable with a doula that is a
bit younger and closer to my age. The one I talked to (with a current
client due days before me) sounds very young. She has young children - I
think 3 that are between about 11 months and 4 years) and the other lady
I talked to sounds a lot older... She has 5 grandchildren between 10 and
15 years old but she's available and has no clients due any time around
me.
Another sorta issue is that I know for a fact that my OB is not very
doula-friendly. I recently found out that my OB had a bad experience
once involving a doula, and now her (my OB) opinion is basically, "Do you
want a doctor or do you want a doula?" Quite frankly, it comes down to I
do not want to sit alone in the hospital LOL
Again, I just keep thinking about how to pick one... and keep track of
all of the replies and phone calls I get and make. Trying to remember
who is who and all that. I also kind of feel bad if someone comes over
here to meet with me before I actually pick just one (I realize I can't
have 20485 doulas just because they offer and say they're available LOL)
for an interview and to get to know her and talk and then not use her.
Like the time and effort wasting, and I almost feel like I'd be a jerk
for not picking them because they've put in effort and then what? I
don't like them or something??

I know this is rediculous and very stupid, but I'm having some real
problems with it. I also do feel that I should get back to people within
the next couple days at the most and not leave them hanging and
hanging... and not get back to anyone but then make a last second phone
call to hope someone can maybe come last second without even meeting
them??

So does anyone have any advice? I see this is just stupid, but it's just
one of those things that I don't think I've ever been real good at and
seem to be having some issues with. I'm also running out of time!





  #14  
Old January 12th 09, 12:05 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
betsy
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 234
Default Doula Dilemma

Kat wrote:
"Sue" wrote in message
...
I personally would rather have a close friend be with me at a birth than
someone I would have to interview and pay. Do you not have any close
friends that could be with you? Do you have any close relatives, a sister
or aunt?


I feel much more comfortable having a trained and experienced doula.
Friends and family may wish the best for me, but don't have the
experience to provide the support I need.


far the few I have had contact with are certified doulas that volunteer. It
sure seems that for those that have had a doula - either a single mother or
couples that have a doula - they've all said it made their experience so
much better. I've even heard a few people say they had a doula for a second
or later pregnancy, and wish they would have had one for all their births.


I'm one of those. I didn't have a doula for my first birth, but did for
the next 3. I sorely regret not having a doula for the first. I think
the experience and recovery would have been much better for me. I'm
sure the experience would have been much better for my husband too.

Doulas seem to offer more than what just a friend or family member can
offer. It seems they can offer different techniques and whatever else. One
mom said her doula had music, massages, hot and cold compresses, some kind
of aromatherapy and offered various positions and whatever else. I know to
date, I've never had that kind of stuff offered to me with any of my births.


Even though I usually tend toward the "don't touch me" type during
labor, I appreciate a doula.

I also figure if I can find someone I'm comfortable with, it's even
different than the nurses that come in and out of the room with various
shifts and all that. After all is said and done, I won't see the doula
again (after birth and shortly after with a newborn) but yet I do have to
see friends. I think the most part of that is that I will have to see my
friends, and have them see me in a very sensitive, vulnerable, intimate,
whatever, position. Doulas do this kind of stuff all the time. Friends and
family members don't.


I feel much more comfortable giving birth around people who see it
frequently. I imagine that if people who don't see birth regularly are
present, they are more likely to have the image of me in particular
giving birth burned into their memories.


Since we are discussing doulas, I thought I would mention how helpful I
found having a postpartum doula after my last birth. I knew that I
didn't have family members who could travel to help me at the time my
baby was expected. My postpartum doulas (neither one was available
as many hours as I needed) were very flexible. I didn't need as much
help with the baby as a first time mom, but it was wonderful having
someone there who could fold laundry, get snacks for the kids and me,
make sure the kids were safe, happy and didn't trash the house, and
allow me to rest and concentrate on the baby. Both my postpartum doulas
worked on a sliding scale based on what the mother could afford.

It was nice having them there to talk to too, before I was able to start
going places where I would see other adults. I liked having the
security of knowing the postpartum doulas had some training in
breastfeeding, normal vs. abnormal newborn behavior and recognizing
postpartum depression.

If you think you may need more support than your family
will be able to provide after the birth, you could look into postpartum
doulas as well as birth doulas.

--Betsy
  #15  
Old January 12th 09, 02:19 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
Ericka
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 64
Default Doula Dilemma

betsy wrote:
Kat wrote:


Doulas seem to offer more than what just a friend or family member can
offer. It seems they can offer different techniques and whatever
else. One mom said her doula had music, massages, hot and cold
compresses, some kind of aromatherapy and offered various positions
and whatever else. I know to date, I've never had that kind of stuff
offered to me with any of my births.


Even though I usually tend toward the "don't touch me" type during
labor, I appreciate a doula.


I am very much a "leave me alone" sort of person in
labor. I didn't have doulas, per se, but for my first
two births I had two midwives (well, two were there for
the first birth, but only one made it in time for the
second), and then I had a midwife and a birth assistant
for the third. Between the two midwives or the midwife
and the birth assistant they provided much the same
service as a doula. What I found helpful was that the
mother hen in me could relax because I knew that someone
was making sure that everyone else was taken care of.
Someone else would talk my husband down if he was
freaking out, someone else would make sure that everyone
was fed, someone else would make sure that any supplies
for the birth were ready when needed, someone else would
keep people informed when I kicked everyone out, etc.
Without that, I wouldn't have been able to concentrate
on labor or relax as well as I did. So, even for those
who don't necessarily *need* a doula for hands on help
during labor, it may be something to consider.

Of course, that doesn't apply so much to Kat's
situation, as she hasn't got a pile of other folks to
worry about, but might be relevant to someone else.

Best wishes,
Ericka
  #16  
Old January 12th 09, 05:35 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
Jamie Clark
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 855
Default Doula Dilemma

Kat,
Hopefully you've already been making some headway on this issue, but I
thought I'd help a bit, if I can.

I think the first thing you need to do is whittle down your list. Easy ways
to narrow down your choices are to cross off the people who have other
clients due around the same time you are. Even if they have a backup in
mind, since you have several other doula's offering, it just seems like a
simple and easy way to narrow down your choices. If you were to interview
the others available, and none seemed like a fit, you could always go back
to the original list.

Then as others said, talk to them on the phone, and then interview your top
two in person, if necessary. Good luck.
--

Jamie Clark

www.ClarkDigitalArts.com

"Kat" wrote in message ...
So... I waited until last second to realize that I'm running out of time.
Seeing as I'm still a happily single mom, and due in a month, I just
wasn't really thinking too much about the future.
I have decided that I'm fairly confident that I do NOT want N around at
all, especially in the hospital. At this point in time, and I'm positive
in the future, I do not want him in the hospital when the time comes, nor
do I want him as some unexpected visitor. That's his too bad, so sad.
My plan is that my mom will take the kids. She's really my only real and
guaranteed option. I've decided that although friends have all offered to
help with whatever, I do not want to rely on a friend. Especially since
babies CAN come at the most inconvenient times, I just don't feel
comfortable relying on a friend.
I then got thinking that with my mom taking all the kids, I really don't
want to sit in the hospital all by myself. And again, I really don't want
to rely only on a friend... Friends, I've found, can be a little MIA in a
pinch, and I don't want to risk that.

So... I looked into a doula for some kind of support/coach type thing...
And so I'm not sitting around like some pathetic loser by myself in the
hospital to have a baby all by myself... I looked into doulas and
originally found they're far too expensive for me to manage. They seem to
average around $500 or so, give or take, and coming up with that kind of
money for one or two days is not something I could do, even if I wanted
to. I ended up finding some contacts for volunteer doulas. The ones I
found are all free. Some are either in training and volunteer for births
for their training, some are already certified and volunteer for very low
income single mothers or couples with very low income. I, fortunately,
fall into the category for the income and single mom part, and I don't
really mind if a doula is certified or if they're still in training.

I've come into a problem though. I've always been so indecisive, it
seems, and this is one thing N has always told me right from the start.
For a number of things, I can't seem to make up my mind and come up with a
decision... I ended up emailing all the doulas that volunteer from the
list that I was given from a local doula association. I did that a couple
nights ago and I had a number of replies. I think there was maybe 5-6 of
the volunteer ones, and all said they would be more than happy to assist
me, and only one said she was not able, but she passed on my name and all
that to a friend of hers, and this friend called me yesterday.
I also had another lady call me today. And I still need to go through my
emails and all that as I've been fairly busy the last couple days
(especially with DD1's dental surgery and all that)

Now here's my big problem... How do you decide on a doula? They're all
free of charge, running on a volunteer basis. 2 of them said they would
be more than happy, but one has another client due Feb 3, IIRC, and said
if I picked her, it might be a good idea to have a backup, and another one
has a client due Feb 13, but she has her own backup if needed. The lady
that called me today said she has no other clients due around my EDD,
which is Feb 7.
I'm finding that I'm getting fairly nervous about all of this and making
decisions. Something so simple, yet it isn't for me. How do you decide
on one? Do you hold "interviews" and pick which one you like best out of
them all? Eenie, meenie, miney, mo? How do you turn down offers?
All I'm really concerned about is NOT being left all alone, someone that
is supportive of breastfeeding (which they all seem to be anyways), one
that and just be there to offer support and advice, and even translate any
possible medical or technical terms into simple English. I'm also kind of
feeling that I might be more comfortable with a doula that is a bit
younger and closer to my age. The one I talked to (with a current client
due days before me) sounds very young. She has young children - I think 3
that are between about 11 months and 4 years) and the other lady I talked
to sounds a lot older... She has 5 grandchildren between 10 and 15 years
old but she's available and has no clients due any time around me.
Another sorta issue is that I know for a fact that my OB is not very
doula-friendly. I recently found out that my OB had a bad experience once
involving a doula, and now her (my OB) opinion is basically, "Do you want
a doctor or do you want a doula?" Quite frankly, it comes down to I do
not want to sit alone in the hospital LOL
Again, I just keep thinking about how to pick one... and keep track of all
of the replies and phone calls I get and make. Trying to remember who is
who and all that. I also kind of feel bad if someone comes over here to
meet with me before I actually pick just one (I realize I can't have 20485
doulas just because they offer and say they're available LOL) for an
interview and to get to know her and talk and then not use her. Like the
time and effort wasting, and I almost feel like I'd be a jerk for not
picking them because they've put in effort and then what? I don't like
them or something??

I know this is rediculous and very stupid, but I'm having some real
problems with it. I also do feel that I should get back to people within
the next couple days at the most and not leave them hanging and hanging...
and not get back to anyone but then make a last second phone call to hope
someone can maybe come last second without even meeting them??

So does anyone have any advice? I see this is just stupid, but it's just
one of those things that I don't think I've ever been real good at and
seem to be having some issues with. I'm also running out of time!



  #17  
Old January 12th 09, 09:53 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
Sue
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 29
Default Doula Dilemma

"betsy" wrote in message
I feel much more comfortable having a trained and experienced doula.
Friends and family may wish the best for me, but don't have the experience
to provide the support I need.


I didn't need anyone trained besides the nurses to be with me during the
births. My husband's support was all I needed. If he wasn't around, which he
was there all three times, then I would of rather had my sister or my
closest friend. I am not into the whole "birth experience" has to be perfect
and intervention free like many of you are. I am pretty independent and did
just fine without anyone else there except the nurse popping in once and a
while.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)


  #18  
Old January 12th 09, 10:04 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
MarieD[_2_]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 86
Default Doula Dilemma

"Sue" wrote in message
...
I didn't need anyone trained besides the nurses to be with me during the
births. My husband's support was all I needed. If he wasn't around, which
he was there all three times, then I would of rather had my sister or my
closest friend. I am not into the whole "birth experience" has to be
perfect and intervention free like many of you are. I am pretty
independent and did just fine without anyone else there except the nurse
popping in once and a while.


For me, the biggest thing was to get through the pain. My mom was a huge
help there. If I hadn't had her with me, I'd have wanted *someone* useful at
helping me get through the contractions without encouraging meds(and for my
own two hospital births and the 3 others I'd been at, meds were the only way
the nurses seemed to know how to deal with the pain). It's not a perfect
birth experience we're after(most of us, I guess!), it's just support
through the hard stuff that we want. Not to be alone.
Marie

  #19  
Old January 12th 09, 10:11 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
Sue
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 29
Default Doula Dilemma

I guess I just deal with it different. I interalized my pain, focused,
breathed, rocked back and forth and got through it. I didn't have drugs nor
did anyone push them on me. I had very good experiences with my births. I
did have an epidural with my first, but it didn't take and they took it out.
No one pushed me into having it though. Everyone is different and most are
looking for that magical experience, but I just wanted to get through it,
lol.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

"MarieD" wrote in message
...
"Sue" wrote in message
...
I didn't need anyone trained besides the nurses to be with me during the
births. My husband's support was all I needed. If he wasn't around, which
he was there all three times, then I would of rather had my sister or my
closest friend. I am not into the whole "birth experience" has to be
perfect and intervention free like many of you are. I am pretty
independent and did just fine without anyone else there except the nurse
popping in once and a while.


For me, the biggest thing was to get through the pain. My mom was a huge
help there. If I hadn't had her with me, I'd have wanted *someone* useful
at helping me get through the contractions without encouraging meds(and
for my own two hospital births and the 3 others I'd been at, meds were the
only way the nurses seemed to know how to deal with the pain). It's not a
perfect birth experience we're after(most of us, I guess!), it's just
support through the hard stuff that we want. Not to be alone.
Marie



  #20  
Old January 12th 09, 11:15 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
Ericka
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 64
Default Doula Dilemma

Sue wrote:
I guess I just deal with it different. I interalized my pain, focused,
breathed, rocked back and forth and got through it. I didn't have drugs nor
did anyone push them on me. I had very good experiences with my births. I
did have an epidural with my first, but it didn't take and they took it out.
No one pushed me into having it though. Everyone is different and most are
looking for that magical experience, but I just wanted to get through it,
lol.


I don't think that everyone who hires a doula
(or who shoots for a low intervention birth) is looking
for a "magical experience." In fact, lots of women I know
who wanted low intervention births were very skeptical
of the whole "birth experience" and had completely
different reasons for wanting less intervention. Lots of
people find that they *did* have unwanted things pushed on
them. Some find that they don't get enough support *for them*
from staff (especially as hospitals get more and more
understaffed). Some found that they *didn't* get through it
without skilled help. Not only are people different, and not
only are their goals different, but their environments are
different as well. I can certainly understand that you
(and plenty of other women, for assorted reasons) feel
no need for a doula to achieve your goals, but other
women-even some whose goals are very similar to yours--
may find that a doula is important for them to achieve
those goals.

Best wishes,
Ericka
 




Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
doula volunteering Anne Rogers[_4_] Pregnancy 3 March 10th 08 03:43 PM
Finding a Doula JodiSue Pregnancy 1 March 17th 07 07:48 PM
Doula? Brigid Pregnancy 21 February 24th 06 05:51 PM
Doula questions Auntie Bubbles Pregnancy 2 February 5th 04 08:54 PM
Found a doula Em Pregnancy 1 September 17th 03 07:34 PM


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 06:52 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright ©2004-2024 ParentingBanter.com.
The comments are property of their posters.