Back-to-School Do's and DON'Ts from America's Favorite Grandma!

Summer vacation is nearly over and the little ones are going back in
school at last. Thank Goodness for that! Sending the kids back to
school is more of a mixed blessing than ever this year, since even more
severe budget cuts have changed the face of education more than ever.
There are still shootings and stabbings at virtually every one of those
pitiful public schools nearly every week, and what's more I think we
should all take a good, hard look at the people they've hired to teach
our children. Are they lustful, liberal, lying, hypocritical, deviant,
pagan, or just plain evil? So few are decent, God-fearing True
Americans these days it's a shame. It doesn't help that we're spending
millions on Arab oil when we have resources right under our noses that
we can use to drive our cars and heat our homes. I re-posting my short
list of simple do's and don'ts for parents struggling, as we all do to
one degree or another, to keep our children out of trouble at school.
Here they are for your edification...

1) DO send your children to school on time. Don't delay your vacation
so you can waste more time lounging around at some far-flung resort on
Maui or Fire Island -- and we all know why they call it that, don't we?
Make sure your kids are in school and ready to learn the very first
day the doors are opened to receive them. If you teach them it's OK to
slack off now, they'll spend the rest of their lives doing just that,
to the peril of the whole world. Why do you think there's a recession
going on right now, aside from the fact that our country's been overrun
by undocumented alien scum? It's because most people are lazy and
don't want to do a decent day's work!

2) DON'T let your children dress like little hoodlums and whores when
they go to school. That means the rough "hip-hop" look of gangsta
rappers and their cheap street "ho's" is completely out. Decent boys
wear buttoned shirts, always tucked in, along with neckties to school,
and decent girls wear skirts or dresses just short enough to allow
comfortable kneeling in Church and nothing else. Both should wear
age-appropriate underwear, which should never be seen in public. Tight
and revealing clothes are out too, especially for growing bodies.
Those so-called "hip huggers" are ABOMINATIONS unto the Lord! Violence
and mayhem hit the public
schools just about the time they threw the dress code out. Raid your
children's closets and drawers before school starts and BURN any
inappropriate garb - including those filthy thongs and low-riders.

3) DO make sure your children pray in school. School officials are
forbidden by man's evil "laws" to LEAD children in prayer, of course,
but that doesn't mean your children can't pray at the beginning of each
class and particularly before exams. Instruct your children to stand
up for their rights and to demand that a minute be set aside each day
for prayer for all those who want to engage in it. True Christians
should pray in Jesus' name. True Jews should chant their prayers in
the Holy Hebrew tongue. Muslims and pagans should not be allowed to
pray out loud because their prayers are addressed to false gods. I
think students should carry replicas of the Holy Ten Commandments that
were recently ordered removed from a courthouse in Alabama by the
state's corrupt supreme court. All our laws are based on them.

4) DON'T forget to give your children a thick annotated Bible to read
in school. As the ultimate source of all True Wisdom and Knowledge, it
should be carried to school along with other secular textbooks and
displayed as prominently as possible. I personally believe it should
be open on each student's desk whenever any other book is, and that if
any other text contradicts what the Word of God teaches in any way,
True Believers are under no obligation to memorize or apply such
profane teachings. Be sure to give your children a Bible-reading
schedule and to quiz them on their comprehension. If students are
forced to read secular rubbish like "The Odyssey" and "Sir Gawain and
the Green Knight," they should also be conversant with the Holy Bible.
They should also discuss it in class. When a secular-minded teacher
unrolls a chart showing the interrelationships between the various
so-called Indo-European languages, for example, your children should be
able to recite the True History of the Tower of Babel in class to
refute it. If a teacher wants to babble about the twelve labors of
Hercules, your children should be able to explain that the Greek myth
was borrowed from the True Story of Samson in the Bible.

5) DO make sure your children join the Good News Club or some other
prayer forum that meets regularly to pray and study the Holy
Scriptures in school. Make sure the club has a special sweater,
jacket, or other emblem that identifies your child as a God-fearing
Christian (or Jew, as the case may be) who is not afraid to proclaim
his or her devotion to God in public. As the Lord Jesus taught, "Let
your Light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and
glorify your Father which is in Heaven" (Matthew 5:16).

6) DON'T let your children read books that teach obvious error, which
includes the wicked Theory of Evil-ution, which teaches people that
their true parents were not Adam and Eve but instead a bunch of apes in
the jungle. Your Church should hold regular book burnings. Although
text books that belong to the demonic state should not be burned at
such services, your children should invite teachers, principals, and
liberal-leaning fellow students to such events to see how the True
People of God handle such propaganda from the Putrid Pit as Charles
Darwin's "Origin of Species" and Kurt Vonnegut's "Slaughterhouse Five,"
which is still available in many public school libraries in SPITE of
continued public outcry. Encourage your children to study Creation
Science in depth. This world may be chaotic now, mostly because the
heathen have made Satan its "lord," but it didn't spring into being by
chance.

7) DO join the PTA and attend as many meetings as you can. Insist
that they all start with prayer and be sure to take your Bible to them
and make proposals directly from its sacred pages. Familiarize
yourself with the school's general curriculum and point out any obvious
errors in it. Make sure it doesn't favor any disadvantaged children or
the offspring of illegal immigrants who refuse to learn proper English
at home or at school. Legal immigrants typically leave their
primitive, pagan cultures behind when they come to our Holy Country,
which will one day be a Holy Theocracy. Illegal immigrants should be
shunned. Who pays for their education? Aren't there any schools in
the Third World to teach them the basics?

8) DON'T hesitate to protest the teaching of sex education to
children. Every child should learn about the mysteries and wonders of
the Sacred Sexual Union from his or her parents, not from a bunch of
ultra-liberal teachers who don't believe in God or attend a
Bible-believing Church regularly. Today's teachers tell kids that
masturbation is not only "OK" but indispensable to good health. True
Christians know better. Masturbation is evil! "Health" instructors
regularly tell girls they can swim, ride horseback, and even do yoga
while the Bloody Curse of Womanhood is upon them if they'll only insert
tampons in their holy orifices. True Christians know that tampons are
really masturbatory devices that no decent woman would ever introduce
into her secret parts. Women should be set apart during this Special
Time and should not be allowed to engage in strenuous exercise. Yoga
is of the devil anyway and shouldn't be taught in secular schools.
Beware, parents! Today's demon-possessed teachers hand out condoms and
tell their students where they can get free birth control pills,
diaphragms, deadly IUDs, spermicidal jellies and creams and foams,
condoms, and even so-called "marital aids" just for the asking and
completely without parental consent. Many of them actually show
pornographic videos in class so their students will be turned on
sexually all the time and ready to experiment with fornication,
particularly with sexual fetishes or with homosexuality, with little
prompting.

9) DO make sure your children know all about cults whose members might
try to entice them to join false religions, such as the Mormons,
Jehovah's Witnesses, Christian Scientists, Unitarians, Swedenborgians,
Muslims, Hare Krishnas, Scientologists, New Agers, and above all
witches. If the whole class isn't allowed to study the Holy Bible as
the foundation of Western civilization, it shouldn't be allowed to
study the Koran or any other sectarian religious text either. The
Koran might as well be called "A Manual of Intolerance" anyway. Any
Muslim who accepts Christ as his or her Personal Savior will burn all
the copies of the UN-holy Koran within reach.

10) DON'T forget to commemorate September 11 at school -- and to
emphasize to your children who was responsible for the acts of
terrorism committed that day -- Muslims. They should wear American
flags to school every day and to pray for all the terrorists in the
world plotting evil against the True People of God right now. They
should see images of so-called Palestinian Arabs celebrating in the
streets as the Twin Towers fell.

11) DO teach your children to report even the slightest suspicion of
child molestation or child endangerment to the police. Many teachers
are child molesters, and deviates hang out near playgrounds all over
the country waiting for the opportunity to strike. Be especially
watchful of children who come from broken homes. The family life in
such households typically leads to sexual promiscuity and deviance. In
Californication there are teachers in the public schools who openly
recruit in their advanced sex education classes for prostitutes they
can set up on street corners. Homosexuals are also busily recruiting
in the public schools.

12) DON'T forget to get to know your children's teachers. Invite them
to dinner and grill them on all the essentials: do they oppose the
homosexual mockery of marriage that all the deviates and sex maniacs
are pleading for now? Will they join you in closing down bars, bath
houses, whorehouses, crack houses, dope dens, pot clubs, abortion
clinics, and the vast network of tunnels that extend under our borders
allowing an almost limitless influx into our country of illegal
immigrant filth? If not, why not? Hold them accountable for their
actions AND their opinions.

13) DO teach your children to shun classmates who are deliberately
different, among them the children of illegal immigrants who refuse to
learn proper English and want to be taught calculus and computer
science in their native languages just so they can get more jobs
exported overseas. And we're talking about some strange tongues here,
such as Gujarati, Bemba, and Hokkienese, not just the "big six"
(Spanish, Chinese, Vietnamese, Tagalog, Japanese, and Korean, which are
all now official out West and which will soon be replacing English
completely). Little Mussulmans who insist on taking their shoes off in
class and/or draping themselves in long veils, shrouds, and curtains
should also be avoided. You do realize they HATE God's Chosen People
and
frequently talk about blowing up people in Israel and New York. The
idea of peaceful coexistence is totally alien to them. They wouldn't
be here in the country they consider to be "the Great Satan" unless
they wanted to do harm to our way of life. I think it's funny how they
all say they don't drink the devil's potion even though they typically
own -- or at least work in -- liquor stores that are often closed down
for selling booze to minors. At one time even Osama bin Laden owned a
chain of liquor stores in this country. In almost all of them there's
a charity cup for the so-called children of "Palestine" (a fictitious
country, as any map will tell you). The proceeds are always used to
fund terrorism worldwide. I say leave these evil people to their own
devices and maybe they'll get the message -- namely that we don't want
them here.

14) DON'T neglect to help your children with their homework, which
should be both challenging and plentiful. How else are we going to
keep young people away from the boob tube and those ultra-violent video
games they're all addicted to? That means you'd better know all the
subjects they're studying inside and out. If you don't, sign up for
some adult education courses yourself, or just go out and buy yourself
some good books and read them. Start with the classics, like "The
Color Purple" or "Invisible Man," and make sure you know everything
your kids know and then some. I was talking with a woman yesterday who
said she couldn't help her son with his trigonometry homework. I asked
her why. "Did you get yourself knocked up at sixteen and drop out of
high school or something?" I said. She said she was drawn to "graphic
design" instead, which tells me she knows more about how to arrange
toss pillows on a couch than she does about the mathematical
proportions of God's Orderly World. I'd be ashamed if any of my kids
could say they knew more than their mama. Fortunately, they can't. I
had a very well-rounded education. We dispensed with all the
theoretical nonsense they give kids to study today and got right to the
basics. We started with Biblical Archaeology and moved upward from
there to the Analytical Geometry of Solomon's Temple, which includes
Kabbalistic gematria.

15) Do make sure your children eat a sensible diet. I think it's
obvious to everyone that kids today are pigging out on calorie-rich
junk food and just getting sick on account of it. It does no good to
sue McDonald's and Hostess Foods Company, makers of HoHos and Ding
Dongs (both of which are sexually suggestive and to be avoided). If
nobody bought their sugar-loaded trash, they wouldn't be selling it.
Get your kids off the sugar coaster today. Send the ones that have
already succumbed and have blown up like blimps to the nearest hard
labor fat farm to work all that flab off. That little brat who tweaked
the Blaster worm and wrought havoc worldwide was too fat to get up off
his dead backside and do anything constructive. Since the evil state
won't allow public floggings and canings as a deterrent to such crimes,
I think he ought to be packed off to the toughest fat camp there is.
It will help him work on his "self-esteem" issues as well, the ugly
heathen blob.

Follow these basic principles are your children may be genuinely ready
for college a year or more early.


Jesus Loves EVEN You,
Wretched Sinners That You Are in God's Sight!

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Reverend Grandmother Super-Holiness
God's End-Times Spokesperson
God's One True Church of Holy Assurance