Solicit gifts from students

Is it normal etiquette for an elementary school teacher to solicit gifts
from their students? We got a letter from school today asking for a $4
donation for a Chimnea (small enclosed fireplace) for "their big deck on
their new house" for the teacher. Now this isn't so bad, because in this
case both my wife and I really like this teacher and what she has done for
our son this year. And I think someone else has passed out the solicitation
without her knowing.

But I can think of another case a few years ago when another of his teachers
got married and solicited the class (3rd graders) for a wedding gift! That
was really bad, or at least I think so. I can imagine some of the parents
unwilling or unable to fork over a few bucks and their poor kids going in to
school and feeling left out because they didn't give anything.

Am I off base here? Or is this not right?


Thanks for your opinions!
mdurg

mdurg wrote:
Is it normal etiquette for an elementary school teacher to solicit gifts
from their students? We got a letter from school today asking for a $4
donation for a Chimnea (small enclosed fireplace) for "their big deck on
their new house" for the teacher. Now this isn't so bad, because in this
case both my wife and I really like this teacher and what she has done for
our son this year. And I think someone else has passed out the solicitation
without her knowing.

But I can think of another case a few years ago when another of his teachers
got married and solicited the class (3rd graders) for a wedding gift! That
was really bad, or at least I think so. I can imagine some of the parents
unwilling or unable to fork over a few bucks and their poor kids going in to
school and feeling left out because they didn't give anything.

Am I off base here? Or is this not right?

It is always tacky to solicit for a gift. If I were
this teacher, and someone passed out such a solicitation
on my behalf, without my knowledge, I would be absolutely
mortified. Especially if there are children in the class
with families that are just scraping by. Sheesh. Some
people do not THINK.

Scott DD 10.9 and DS 8.4

I sounds like in both cases the teacher in question did not, in fact,
solicit their students for gifts. As you've said, someone else is
taking up the collection and that someone else is the one doing
the soliciting. Yes, this is a common practice. Normally, someone
from a parent group (e.g. PTA, room mothers, etc.) organizes
the teacher appreciation and event recognition gift giving.


On Tue, 8 Jun 2004 08:00:32 EDT, "mdurg"
wrotE:

Is it normal etiquette for an elementary school teacher to solicit gifts
from their students? We got a letter from school today asking for a $4
donation for a Chimnea (small enclosed fireplace) for "their big deck on
their new house" for the teacher. Now this isn't so bad, because in this
case both my wife and I really like this teacher and what she has done for
our son this year. And I think someone else has passed out the solicitation
without her knowing.

But I can think of another case a few years ago when another of his teachers
got married and solicited the class (3rd graders) for a wedding gift! That
was really bad, or at least I think so. I can imagine some of the parents
unwilling or unable to fork over a few bucks and their poor kids going in to
school and feeling left out because they didn't give anything.

Am I off base here? Or is this not right?


Thanks for your opinions!
mdurg

This is a pretty common practice where I am. However, I think there are
much more tactful ways for it to be handled. If a class gift is given to a
teacher, donations are optional and the gift is still given from the entire
class. A monetary amount should never be specified, but instead left up to
the individual families. The teacher and students are not involved, but
instead it is handled through the parents.

This can be a nice way to thank the teacher at the end of the year or at a
special occasion. In most states teachers are pathetically underpaid for
the long hours they put in for the sake of our children. A class gift can
also give busy parents an opportunity to have someone else handle a chore
they may not have the time or energy to handle.

All this being said, I am sure most teachers do not expect, or intend, for
families to give gifts or take up collections. They would probably
appreciate it much more if students were sent into class well rested, well
fed, well behaved, with homework completed and all emotionally ready to
learn the lessons the teachers have worked hard to prepare. A note of
appreciation would make their year more than any gift.

"mdurg" wrote in message
...
Is it normal etiquette for an elementary school teacher to solicit gifts
from their students? We got a letter from school today asking for a $4
donation for a Chimnea (small enclosed fireplace) for "their big deck on
their new house" for the teacher. Now this isn't so bad, because in this
case both my wife and I really like this teacher and what she has done for
our son this year. And I think someone else has passed out the
solicitation
without her knowing.

But I can think of another case a few years ago when another of his
teachers
got married and solicited the class (3rd graders) for a wedding gift! That
was really bad, or at least I think so. I can imagine some of the parents
unwilling or unable to fork over a few bucks and their poor kids going in
to
school and feeling left out because they didn't give anything.

Am I off base here? Or is this not right?


Thanks for your opinions!
mdurg

Hi -

Most schools prohibit teachers from asking for gifts for themselves.
Many schools have policies about how gifts may be solicited from class
members. The best way I've seen so far is to state the reason for the
solicitation, explain that the gift will be from the entire class,
regardless of actual individual contributions, and there should also be
a suggested amount, not too high.

In our school no teacher is allowed to accept a single gift from an
individual amounting to more than $25, nor more than $100 worth of gifts
from an individual (or family) over the school year. Group items, such
as certificates from an entire class, must be presented to the entire
gradel-level team rather than to just one individual teacher (due to
income inequities on the parts of parents in different
classrooms). Gifts made by the children are particularly encouraged.

--Beth Kevles

http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic
Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical
advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner.

NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the AOL one if you would
like me to reply.

"mdurg" wrote in message
...
Is it normal etiquette for an elementary school teacher to solicit gifts
from their students? We got a letter from school today asking for a $4
donation for a Chimnea (small enclosed fireplace) for "their big deck on
their new house" for the teacher. Now this isn't so bad, because in this
case both my wife and I really like this teacher and what she has done for
our son this year. And I think someone else has passed out the
solicitation
without her knowing.

But I can think of another case a few years ago when another of his
teachers
got married and solicited the class (3rd graders) for a wedding gift! That
was really bad, or at least I think so. I can imagine some of the parents
unwilling or unable to fork over a few bucks and their poor kids going in
to
school and feeling left out because they didn't give anything.

Am I off base here? Or is this not right?

I suspect it's the room parent sending out these notices. It is traditional
that student give the teachers small gifts at the end of the year or for
special occasions: new babies, weddings. Since these small gifts often
can pile up for the teacher (how many "best teacher" mugs can you
actually handle....) the room moms often send out a letter to give
parents a way of contributing to a bigger gift. I've never heard you had
to give to the group gift, or even give a gift at all, the room parent is
just
trying to make it easier for the parents who haven't spent the last
year talking to the teacher weekly, and might not know what the
teacher would enjoy.

Scott said:

mdurg wrote:
Is it normal etiquette for an elementary school teacher to solicit gifts
from their students? We got a letter from school today asking for a $4
donation for a Chimnea (small enclosed fireplace) for "their big deck on
their new house" for the teacher. Now this isn't so bad, because in this
case both my wife and I really like this teacher and what she has done for
our son this year. And I think someone else has passed out the solicitation
without her knowing.

But I can think of another case a few years ago when another of his teachers
got married and solicited the class (3rd graders) for a wedding gift! That
was really bad, or at least I think so. I can imagine some of the parents
unwilling or unable to fork over a few bucks and their poor kids going in to
school and feeling left out because they didn't give anything.

Am I off base here? Or is this not right?

It is always tacky to solicit for a gift. If I were
this teacher, and someone passed out such a solicitation
on my behalf, without my knowledge, I would be absolutely
mortified. Especially if there are children in the class
with families that are just scraping by. Sheesh. Some
people do not THINK.

I've seen this in every one of my kids' classes, and it's
always been done tactfully. The note goes home sealed in
an envelope addressed to the parents. It's very clear
that not everybody is expected to choose to contribute,
and that this is intended as a convenience for those who
want to give something to the teacher, but don't want to
have to try to find an original gift.

The note doesn't mention this fact, but most teachers
already seem to have enough knick-knacks identifying them
as the Best Teacher.

Another envelope is provided for the student to bring back
to school and place in a box. Nobody knows or cares what,
if anything, is in the sealed envelope when it is returned.

In article ,
"mdurg" wrote:

Is it normal etiquette for an elementary school teacher to solicit gifts
from their students? We got a letter from school today asking for a $4
donation for a Chimnea (small enclosed fireplace) for "their big deck on
their new house" for the teacher. Now this isn't so bad, because in this
case both my wife and I really like this teacher and what she has done for
our son this year. And I think someone else has passed out the solicitation
without her knowing.

But I can think of another case a few years ago when another of his teachers
got married and solicited the class (3rd graders) for a wedding gift! That
was really bad, or at least I think so. I can imagine some of the parents
unwilling or unable to fork over a few bucks and their poor kids going in to
school and feeling left out because they didn't give anything.

Am I off base here? Or is this not right?


Thanks for your opinions!
mdurg




Anyone soliciting gifts for themselves is out of line.

However, it's pretty common for a parent group to solicit $$ for a class
gift to the teacher; I don't much care for it when it comes with a
specific amount ("We expect $10 from each student") -- but it isn't that
uncommon.

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

In article ,
Scott wrote:

mdurg wrote:
Is it normal etiquette for an elementary school teacher to solicit gifts
from their students? We got a letter from school today asking for a $4
donation for a Chimnea (small enclosed fireplace) for "their big deck on
their new house" for the teacher. Now this isn't so bad, because in this
case both my wife and I really like this teacher and what she has done for
our son this year. And I think someone else has passed out the solicitation
without her knowing.

But I can think of another case a few years ago when another of his teachers
got married and solicited the class (3rd graders) for a wedding gift! That
was really bad, or at least I think so. I can imagine some of the parents
unwilling or unable to fork over a few bucks and their poor kids going in to
school and feeling left out because they didn't give anything.

Am I off base here? Or is this not right?

It is always tacky to solicit for a gift. If I were
this teacher, and someone passed out such a solicitation
on my behalf, without my knowledge, I would be absolutely
mortified. Especially if there are children in the class
with families that are just scraping by. Sheesh. Some
people do not THINK.

Scott DD 10.9 and DS 8.4


That's common, though -- and I'm not so sure it's totally inappropriate.

I recently received a group gift for a class I taught. I was both
surprised and touched (and delighted -- it was a gift certificate to a
book store -- these folks knew the way to my heart!). I couldn't say
for sure, but I'm guessing that one of the class participants decided it
was a good idea and asked others in the class for contributions. (There
were 5 teachers for two classes, and I think we all got the same thing.)

I'm not offended that they did that, any more than I've been offended
when someone has approached me and asked me for a contribution towards a
large gift for someone else. I'm only offended if it appears that NOT
contributing would be out of line, or if I'm told how much I have to
give -- but being given an opportunity to contribute to a large,
meaningful gift to someone whose work has delighted me is something I
appreciate.

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

"Cathy Kearns" wrote in message
. com...

I suspect it's the room parent sending out these notices. It is
traditional
that student give the teachers small gifts at the end of the year or
for
special occasions: new babies, weddings. Since these small gifts
often
can pile up for the teacher (how many "best teacher" mugs can you
actually handle....) the room moms often send out a letter to give
parents a way of contributing to a bigger gift. I've never heard you
had
to give to the group gift, or even give a gift at all, the room parent
is
just trying to make it easier for the parents who haven't spent
the last year talking to the teacher weekly, and might not know what
the
teacher would enjoy.

Along the same lines:

My daughter has has the same (wonderful) teacher for three years now,
but will now be moving on to a new teacher. Is it okay for either us or
our daughter to give a bouquet of flowers to the teacher on the last day
of school, or is that considered going overboard? Are flowers okay as a
"small gift"?

Thanks.

beeswing