Back-to-work Dad concerned about quality time with newborn

I'm back to work and when I get home I don't get much time holding our
3 week old son while he's awake because after the DW and I eat dinner
together he usually gets another feed (sometimes during dinner where I
have to hand feed the DW, no lie! lol) and after the feed he sometimes
falls asleep... next thing you know it's 9PM and i haven't had the
quality time like I did when I was home with him the first 2 weeks and
I'm about to doze off myself in preparation for work and the nightly
diaper changes.

I know it's silly.. but I feel like I'm not getting quality time with
him. I feel like he's not going to recognize me or attach to me when
he gets older. Am I being silly or what? I've told this to the DW and
she says RELAX! he may recognize my voice but right now it's all about
eating and sleeping and getting "some" excercise (belly time or just
moving around on his back)

I think i'm being impatient right?

I just can't wait so I can start reading to him and playing with him
where he reacts to me and all that.

Right now though I guess all that's important is him eating and
sleeping and getting SOME play time/excercise.

So how long does this "newborn" stage last?

Paul

Snugglemonster wrote:
I'm back to work and when I get home I don't get much time holding our
3 week old son while he's awake because after the DW and I eat dinner
together he usually gets another feed (sometimes during dinner where I
have to hand feed the DW, no lie! lol) and after the feed he sometimes
falls asleep... next thing you know it's 9PM and i haven't had the
quality time like I did when I was home with him the first 2 weeks and
I'm about to doze off myself in preparation for work and the nightly
diaper changes.

I know it's silly.. but I feel like I'm not getting quality time with
him. I feel like he's not going to recognize me or attach to me when
he gets older. Am I being silly or what? I've told this to the DW and
she says RELAX! he may recognize my voice but right now it's all about
eating and sleeping and getting "some" excercise (belly time or just
moving around on his back)

I think i'm being impatient right?

A little, but don't forget those weekends. Your wife
needs the break at that point, and you need the time with your
baby. So, don't fret about what you can't change. You likely
don't have a choice about working, and skewing the baby's schedule
so he has more awake time in the evenings probably isn't a good
solution either. However, you have two whole days on the weekend
when you can really get in the game, and you should.
Realize that doing that can be a tad challenging at
times. Mom develops a system because she has to, and may then
be a bit wedded to it on the weekends as well. You need to
coordinate and respect how she does things, but you also need
to develop your way of doing things with your son. As he's
able to go a bit longer between feedings and gets a bit more
predictable about when he needs to eat (or gets a bit older and
can have the occasional bottle of expressed breastmilk), shoo
mom out of the house to spend time with a friend, shop in peace,
get a pedicure, or whatever else floats her boat. Moms, and
especially first timers, often have trouble doing that, but
in the long run she needs to be encouraged to take care of herself
and meet her own social needs.

I just can't wait so I can start reading to him and playing with him
where he reacts to me and all that.

Spend the time on the weekends. You'll notice that even
before he does some of these things, you'll get a reaction.
You'll get a reaction *now*. He knows your voice and can
distinguish you from everyone else. He reacts to you differently,
if you look closely. You *can* read or sing to him now. Really,
though, it doesn't matter so much exactly what you do with him
as long as you're doing *something* with him.

Right now though I guess all that's important is him eating and
sleeping and getting SOME play time/excercise.

So how long does this "newborn" stage last?

In another few weeks you'll probably see some changes.
He'll get into a bit more of a groove and sleep a bit less.
Babies go through stages fairly quickly, though. Believe me,
you'll get more time to interact with him in the evenings pretty
darned soon.

Best wishes,
Ericka

On Jun 5, 9:48 am, Snugglemonster wrote:
I'm back to work and when I get home I don't get much time holding our
3 week old son while he's awake because after the DW and I eat dinner
together he usually gets another feed (sometimes during dinner where I
have to hand feed the DW, no lie! lol) and after the feed he sometimes
falls asleep... next thing you know it's 9PM and i haven't had the
quality time like I did when I was home with him the first 2 weeks and
I'm about to doze off myself in preparation for work and the nightly
diaper changes.

I know it's silly.. but I feel like I'm not getting quality time with
him. I feel like he's not going to recognize me or attach to me when
he gets older. Am I being silly or what? I've told this to the DW and
she says RELAX! he may recognize my voice but right now it's all about
eating and sleeping and getting "some" excercise (belly time or just
moving around on his back)

I think i'm being impatient right?

I just can't wait so I can start reading to him and playing with him
where he reacts to me and all that.

Right now though I guess all that's important is him eating and
sleeping and getting SOME play time/excercise.

So how long does this "newborn" stage last?

Paul

How about bath time? My husband's found this a great time to bond with
our babies, he gets right in there in the big tub with them. They
relax in the warm water, splash a little, and the physical contact
benefits both of them. I also breastfeed so do all the feedings, so
the bath is something that has become my husband's field of expertise.
Bath time is purely dad's time, in the meantime I get to watch TV,
talk on the phone, or read in peace! Also don't discount those night-
time interactions, they are valuable too. I'm sure your son feels the
love that is so apparent here and as he gets older you will be able to
better see the evidence of his attachment to you, which really, is
already there.

Take care
Elle
DD 02/23/2005
DD 04/22/2007

Well I do spend time on the weekends, I take him for walks, and at
night too, and stop during the walk to look in the stroller and talk
to him and coo at him and all that.

We take him with us to places but it's hard to go anywhere for a long
period yet because he's usually eating every 2 hours, sometimes a 3-4
hour stretch here and there.

I guess I'm overthinking things again.

As far as baths - we gave him 2 so far, each a week apart... he
doesn't like them! We wait until he's fully fed and goes potty and all
that... but he ends up screaming when he wash him with the wash cloth.
But when we rinse him and let the water from the drenching rinse cloth
pour over him he's quite, i think he likes the warm water falling on
him.

The DW likes to joke saying he's dramatic! Because even when he's
nursing sometimes he pulls himself off and starts fussing! (even after
he's already been burped).

"Snugglemonster" wrote in message
oups.com...
Well I do spend time on the weekends, I take him for walks, and at
night too, and stop during the walk to look in the stroller and talk
to him and coo at him and all that.

Have you thought about a sling? You might find it easier to talk to him in
the sling. Certainly I found that when I had mine in the sling I got so used
to talking to them as I walked along. It's also a very close feeling having
them next to you.
We take him with us to places but it's hard to go anywhere for a long
period yet because he's usually eating every 2 hours, sometimes a 3-4
hour stretch here and there.

I guess I'm overthinking things again.

As far as baths - we gave him 2 so far, each a week apart... he
doesn't like them! We wait until he's fully fed and goes potty and all
that... but he ends up screaming when he wash him with the wash cloth.
But when we rinse him and let the water from the drenching rinse cloth
pour over him he's quite, i think he likes the warm water falling on
him.

Two suggestions here. #1 as a baby hated baths until we put the water
temperature up a bit. It needed to be warm (not hot) on my hand before she
enjoyed it. She also was better with a couple of toys in the bath even at a
very young age.
Other suggestion is to get in with him. It makes them feel more secure.

Debbie

Snugglemonster wrote:
Well I do spend time on the weekends, I take him for walks, and at
night too, and stop during the walk to look in the stroller and talk
to him and coo at him and all that.

We take him with us to places but it's hard to go anywhere for a long
period yet because he's usually eating every 2 hours, sometimes a 3-4
hour stretch here and there.

He's very portable at this stage if your wife is comfortable
feeding him wherever you are. If she's not, she can practice at
home until she feels like she can nurse without exposing too much.
Being willing to nurse wherever you are grants a *tremendous*
amount of freedom.

As far as baths - we gave him 2 so far, each a week apart... he
doesn't like them! We wait until he's fully fed and goes potty and all
that... but he ends up screaming when he wash him with the wash cloth.
But when we rinse him and let the water from the drenching rinse cloth
pour over him he's quite, i think he likes the warm water falling on
him.

Take him in the big bathtub with you, so he can
float around and you don't need to pour water over him.
Many babies love that (though not all).

Best wishes,
Ericka

On Jun 5, 9:56 am, Ericka Kammerer wrote:
Snugglemonster wrote:
Well I do spend time on the weekends, I take him for walks, and at
night too, and stop during the walk to look in the stroller and talk
to him and coo at him and all that.

We take him with us to places but it's hard to go anywhere for a long
period yet because he's usually eating every 2 hours, sometimes a 3-4
hour stretch here and there.

He's very portable at this stage if your wife is comfortable
feeding him wherever you are. If she's not, she can practice at
home until she feels like she can nurse without exposing too much.
Being willing to nurse wherever you are grants a *tremendous*
amount of freedom.


##### It is criminal that our culture exacerbates what I believe is
innate female modesty.

##### I was pleased to read that your wife immunizes (breastfeeds)
your son.

##### If your wife is not comfortable immunizing him in public,
hopefully she will get comfortable.

##### Maybe she might be persuaded to bring him to work a few times a
week.

##### Todd

##### PS Paul, thanks for indirectly calling my attention to the
federal female genital mutilation statute.

##### I replied at: http://groups.google.com/group/sci.m...00ae75abe9ddc1


As far as baths - we gave him 2 so far, each a week apart... he
doesn't like them! We wait until he's fully fed and goes potty and all
that... but he ends up screaming when he wash him with the wash cloth.
But when we rinse him and let the water from the drenching rinse cloth
pour over him he's quite, i think he likes the warm water falling on
him.

Take him in the big bathtub with you, so he can
float around and you don't need to pour water over him.
Many babies love that (though not all).

Best wishes,
Ericka

"Welches" wrote in message
...

"Snugglemonster" wrote in message
oups.com...
Well I do spend time on the weekends, I take him for walks, and at
night too, and stop during the walk to look in the stroller and talk
to him and coo at him and all that.

Have you thought about a sling? You might find it easier to talk to him in
the sling. Certainly I found that when I had mine in the sling I got so
used to talking to them as I walked along. It's also a very close feeling
having them next to you.

The sling idea is a good one. He'll really get used to your smell, and if
you talk to him as you walk, even more the sound of your voice.

We take him with us to places but it's hard to go anywhere for a long
period yet because he's usually eating every 2 hours, sometimes a 3-4
hour stretch here and there.

This will change. He's only a few weeks old, right? Trust me, every
week/month gets better and better.

I guess I'm overthinking things again.

Nah, not overthinking, just being impatient. It's sweet, and shows what a
good and excited father you are.

As far as baths - we gave him 2 so far, each a week apart... he
doesn't like them! We wait until he's fully fed and goes potty and all
that... but he ends up screaming when he wash him with the wash cloth.
But when we rinse him and let the water from the drenching rinse cloth
pour over him he's quite, i think he likes the warm water falling on
him.

Perhaps this is obvious, but don't wash him with the wash cloth. Just let
him soak and feel the water, and if necessary, use your hand to soap him up
and rinse him off. Also, are you using baby wash cloths, or adult ones? An
adult wash cloth can feel like a lead sandpaper blanket to a newborn,
whereas a baby wash cloth is thinner and softer and can feel very nice. I
would drape the wet washcloth over their chest or belly, or privates if I
was taking photos, and I think that also helps them get used to the feeling
of it.

It's really common for lots of babies to apparently not like the feeling of
the first few baths. Do it anyway. Part of it may be the water being too
hot or too cold, and part of it may be the room too cool. Sometimes the
fuss as you undress them, since it's chilly, or sometimes they fuss when you
take them out, if it's chilly. So all of those aspects may help make the
next bath a better experience. Or time and practice.

I agree that getting into the bathtub with baby is nice, although it can be
a little intimidating for novices. I found that I wanted my husband right
there with me in the bathroom, so he could take the baby when we were done,
to dry them off and put clothes back on them, allowing me to finish my bath
and take care of my own drying and dressing.
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Addison Grace -- 09/30/04

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"Snugglemonster" wrote in message
oups.com...
Well I do spend time on the weekends, I take him for walks, and at
night too, and stop during the walk to look in the stroller and talk
to him and coo at him and all that.

A few already mentioned it, but a sling or similar might be a handy thing to
have for you to use for walking. They offer comfort, security, closeness
that you just can't get in a stroller... He will smell you, hear you
breathe, your heart beat, your voice. You can stroll along as you normally
would and talk to him without having to stop. There's different ways to
sling or wrap a baby that he can see you still, yet also still be able to
doze off, as babies at this age do. Another benefit of a sling (or wrap or
carrier of whatever sort) is you don't have to bother with those generally
bulky strollers.
I've found that some men like them, some don't. Some find it's one perfect
way to get as close to the baby as Mom does while she nurses, sleeps,
carries the baby around. Some find they're a pain, and I've even heard some
say they feel like a woman with one!
N always said that the wrap is for sissies. I finally talked him into
trying it when DD1 was just little, and from that point on, I had to nearly
fight him to carry the baby around The one complaint he has is that my
wrap is too "girlie" and makes him feel gay (although I'm not sure how
material for a baby wrap could do that) but I have to keep reminding him
that the ones that used this wrap I have are girls. Girls like pretty
flowers LOL and to this day, he still has the odd comment about the flowers
and I remind him that DD2 gets called a he or boy far too often, even when
she's dressed ALL in pink or in an obvious girl outfit/dress. He agress and
shuts up right then about it.
You, OTOH, had a boy, right? You could easily find a nice navy or light
blue, green, black, whatever sling that doesn't make you feel like DH does.
He loves the wrap I have, although he still can't wrap DD2 up with him on
his own. I have to wrap him up and put her in, but it's fine. He prefers
the wrap over the stroller, as we have 2 babies still in strollers. He
likes to push the stroller as well, even though it's a sideXside stroller!

We take him with us to places but it's hard to go anywhere for a long
period yet because he's usually eating every 2 hours, sometimes a 3-4
hour stretch here and there.

Is he a breastfed baby? If he is, it should be even easier to go places
with him! You can nurse anywhere, any time. The above mentioned sling also
might come in handy for your DW to do some handy 'hands-free nursing'. That
seems to be an art that requires some practice to perfect, but it sure is
handy. It's also fantastic for the somewhat nervous or self-conscious woman
who is new to the whole nursing thing and isn't comfortable doing the
breastfeeding thing in public or out and about. That too seems to take some
time for Mom to get used to, unfortunately, even though it's the most
natural thing to do.
For me, even, I remember with DS, I'd NIP under a blanket. With DD1, I
would nurse in public but try and hide as much as humanly possible, even
turning around to face no one to latch her on. DD2, though, I simply pull
it out, latch her on and off I go. I find bottle fed babies tend to be
harder to take out if you need to mix bottles (for formula), warm bottles
(formula and EBM) and find a place to sit to hold the bottle. Nursing
requires no mixing, no warming, and you don't even really *need* to sit down
to do it.

I guess I'm overthinking things again.

As far as baths - we gave him 2 so far, each a week apart... he
doesn't like them! We wait until he's fully fed and goes potty and all
that... but he ends up screaming when he wash him with the wash cloth.
But when we rinse him and let the water from the drenching rinse cloth
pour over him he's quite, i think he likes the warm water falling on
him.

Hehe... DD2 is baby #4 for me, and I was still like that, actually. I think
by the time DD was a month old, she had only had 5, maybe 6 baths. She
absolutely HATED the bath. Bath time was like dramatic torture time for
her... Screaming and screaming like there was no tomorrow. DS loved bath
time, right from the start. He didn't get his first official bath at home
until he was about a week old because I was terrified to do it! He loved
it, though, once I gave him that bath.
With DD2, who hated the bath, she didn't have many baths at the start for a
few reasons. One of them was that DD1 has my same terribly sensitive skin.
If DD1 doesn't have a yeast infection, she has a bad diaper rash. If it's
not that, she has a rash on her face or arms or something. With DD1, ped
recommended limiting her baths when she was a newborn and now DD1 will often
have a shower with me instead of sitting in a bath. DD2 doesn't seem to
have this same issue ~yet~ she has yet to have a yeast infection OR a diaper
rash and she's 7 months now. Another reason DD2 had only a few baths was
because she just downright hated them.
If you were comfortable with it, hop in the bath with him. Hold him real
close to you and use your hand to wash him. Soap or shampoo on your hand
feels a lot more "personal" (for lack of a better word) than a face cloth or
sponge. Some babies seem to like it a lot better.
Oh, and now DD2 loves bath time. She kicks up a storm like a tsunami in the
bath and splashes everywhere, just having fun. Your DS will more than
likely grow out of the "I hate bath time!" phase, and IME, it seems the more
they have, the more they get used to it and the faster they stop hating the
whole event!

The DW likes to joke saying he's dramatic! Because even when he's
nursing sometimes he pulls himself off and starts fussing! (even after
he's already been burped).

That's definitely normal. He probably is dramatic - like his dad!! lol So
scared he's going to miss something if he just blinks. Don't worry about
anything. As long as you do spend some time with him walking, talking,
looking, singing, whatever, he's not going to "forget" you. Also, someone
suggested kicking Mom out. Do it. Even if it's kicking her out to go to
the store for half an hour. Get some time with him alone - just you and
him. It sure seems that it's a mother's instinct to run to the baby if he
makes a sound, even if she's in another room doing something else and baby's
with Dad. I think it's just a natural instinct for the mom. Separate DW
and DS for Daddy Time right after he's finished eating and will hold for an
hour or so. I didn't do this so much with DD2, and now we have some clingy
baby issues. She seems to not let me out of her sight. I normally take off
and sneak out of the house when N has the baby occupied or when she's
sleeping. IMO, it's quite a pain. N does get his Daddy Time with the kids
and me not around at all, and it sure does help for my own sanity, as well
as his own piece of mind (to hammer in the fact that the kids don't hate
him, they haven't forgotten him, they do still know him! lol)

Snugglemonster wrote:

I know it's silly.. but I feel like I'm not getting quality time with
him. I feel like he's not going to recognize me or attach to me when
he gets older.

Pillbug used to fall asleep around 6:30pm and
DH got home around 7pm. After we switched to
DH taking care of Pillbug at night at around
18mo, Pillbug became Daddy's boy and still is
(at almost 4).

Don't worry. There will be a lot of time for
you and baby to spend together. Early mornings,
weekends, and when baby starts to sleep a little
later (which will happen soon enough), you will
have evening time, too.

-- Anita --