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Torn
I'm just wondering what you think...
Jessica started at the childminder's today. She just went for about 3 hours, normally she'll be there for 5. I hated every minute of her being out of my care. I didn't want her to go. DH and I always said we'd never have a childminder, and I feel like I've sold out. The only reason she's gone is that DH started a new job this morning. He has to travel and be at work by 08.30. I don't leave work til just after 08.00. For this reason, he'll now take her at 07.00, and I'll be collecting her at midday. That means that as I'm at work overnight, I won't see her from 19.30 until midday for three days a week. I work weekends too, and already feel prety crappy that I miss her bedtime and breakfast 5 times a week. To now lose three mornings too is too much for me to cope with. The stupid thing is that I'm partly working to pay for the child minder, that really sucks. Everyone's telling me how great it is that I'll get time to myself. I'll get that when she's grown up. I don't want to miss her being small.I've barely seen her for the last month as I've been doing huge amounts of overtime where DH was out of work. In 4 months, I'll have a new baby, and my attention will be divided. I resent paying someone to have her three mornings a week, when that should be my time with her. I don't know what to do. I think I just want to quit my job. That way I won't need a childminder. DH is earning more now, so it wouldn't be too horrific. I don't want someone else bringing up my baby... |
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