OT sort of - resuming relations after baby

I know this is going to sound just awful, but my daughter is 11 months old
now, and my husband and I have only had sex about 6 times since she was
born... I feel really horrible, but at first I was so exhausted I couldn't
care less, and now, I've been bleeding and cramping since August when I got
my mirena put in. My doc says it can take up to 6 months for that to stop,
or I can just have it taken out and go with another form of bc. I really
like not having to think about bc, and I've made it this far, hoping things
will get better soon. Something else doesn't seem to be quite right
either - I just don't want it. Like there is zero "urge".

I'm beginning to feel defective. What is wrong with me? I feel like a
horrible wife. My husband is very supportive, but I know he misses the
intimacy. I'm not sure what to do. "Just do it"?

determined skrev:
I know this is going to sound just awful, but my daughter is 11 months old
now, and my husband and I have only had sex about 6 times since she was
born... I feel really horrible, but at first I was so exhausted I couldn't
care less, and now, I've been bleeding and cramping since August when I got
my mirena put in. My doc says it can take up to 6 months for that to stop,
or I can just have it taken out and go with another form of bc. I really
like not having to think about bc, and I've made it this far, hoping things
will get better soon. Something else doesn't seem to be quite right
either - I just don't want it. Like there is zero "urge".

I'm beginning to feel defective. What is wrong with me? I feel like a
horrible wife. My husband is very supportive, but I know he misses the
intimacy. I'm not sure what to do. "Just do it"?


At least: You're not alone!!!

I had NO sex the first year.

Tine, Denmark

"Workingmom" wrote in message
...
determined skrev:
I know this is going to sound just awful, but my daughter is 11 months
old now, and my husband and I have only had sex about 6 times since she
was born... I feel really horrible, but at first I was so exhausted I
couldn't care less, and now, I've been bleeding and cramping since August
when I got my mirena put in. My doc says it can take up to 6 months for
that to stop, or I can just have it taken out and go with another form of
bc. I really like not having to think about bc, and I've made it this
far, hoping things will get better soon. Something else doesn't seem to
be quite right either - I just don't want it. Like there is zero "urge".

I'm beginning to feel defective. What is wrong with me? I feel like a
horrible wife. My husband is very supportive, but I know he misses the
intimacy. I'm not sure what to do. "Just do it"?
At least: You're not alone!!!

I had NO sex the first year.

Tine, Denmark

Oh Gosh! It does make me feel better to know at least someone out there has
felt the same way... Did it get better? How?

my daughter is 17 mths and I still have no sex drive, I mentioned it to my
OB and he said he'd be surprised if I did have a sex drive with two small
children and the pain issues I have, so I'd guess it's normal. I definitely
had more sex drive at the same point after number 1, but I guess 2nd kids
are different ball games!

Stick with the mirena, I spotted for 2-3 mths and no problems since.

Anne

determined wrote:

I know this is going to sound just awful, but my daughter is 11 months old
now, and my husband and I have only had sex about 6 times since she was
born...

I've got you beat. We've done the deed
probably 3x in the past 17 months. ;(
I have absolutely no sex drive at all,
and no desire to really change it...

-- Anita --

"Irrational Number" wrote in message
ink.net...
determined wrote:

I know this is going to sound just awful, but my daughter is 11 months
old now, and my husband and I have only had sex about 6 times since she
was born...

I've got you beat. We've done the deed
probably 3x in the past 17 months. ;(
I have absolutely no sex drive at all,
and no desire to really change it...

-- Anita --


Oh, I have to laugh! I mean, all this time I really thought there was
something terribly wrong with me, and no one can relate to me that I've
talked to. Poor husbands! Is there a pill we can take or something?

I will say that my husband has been a real saint through all of this, and is
just happy on those moments where we get to cuddle for awhile or hold hands
quietly on the couch. Those have become our "intimate moments".

My only real drive to "change it" comes from guilt more than anything.

determined skrev:
"Irrational Number" wrote in message
ink.net...
determined wrote:

I know this is going to sound just awful, but my daughter is 11 months
old now, and my husband and I have only had sex about 6 times since she
was born...
I've got you beat. We've done the deed
probably 3x in the past 17 months. ;(
I have absolutely no sex drive at all,
and no desire to really change it...

-- Anita --


Oh, I have to laugh! I mean, all this time I really thought there was
something terribly wrong with me, and no one can relate to me that I've
talked to. Poor husbands! Is there a pill we can take or something?

I will say that my husband has been a real saint through all of this, and is
just happy on those moments where we get to cuddle for awhile or hold hands
quietly on the couch. Those have become our "intimate moments".

My only real drive to "change it" comes from guilt more than anything.



I think it's our body's way to 'protect' us against a new pregnancy
before we are ready for it.

On top of motherhood I had the fact that we had been TTC for 2,5 years.
Doing it on schedule and not for fun can ruin any libido you might have.

It was a relief beyond imagination to have #2 by means of insemination.

Tine Denmark

"determined" wrote in message
. ..
I know this is going to sound just awful, but my daughter is 11 months old
now, and my husband and I have only had sex about 6 times since she was
born... I feel really horrible, but at first I was so exhausted I couldn't
care less, and now, I've been bleeding and cramping since August when I got
my mirena put in. My doc says it can take up to 6 months for that to stop,
or I can just have it taken out and go with another form of bc. I really
like not having to think about bc, and I've made it this far, hoping things
will get better soon. Something else doesn't seem to be quite right
either - I just don't want it. Like there is zero "urge".

I'm beginning to feel defective. What is wrong with me? I feel like a
horrible wife. My husband is very supportive, but I know he misses the
intimacy. I'm not sure what to do. "Just do it"?


Well, that's 2 times more than me in 12 months. Same here, almost 0 sex
drive. I do think my drive is begining to return, but with no3 still feeding
2-4 times a night, my first thought when going to bed is sleep. I think it
helps to think about sex, but again, with 3 kids to organize, it falls down
the priority list. My head is full of thoughts of what needs done next to
organise stuff (do kids have enough school stuff for the week, is the
swimming stuff clean, is the brownie uniform clean, do I have stuff for
packed lunches, is the ballet kit clean).

I guess, it's down the bottom of the list of "things I should get around to
sometime", next to paint the bathroom, paint the kitchen, get something for
the floor in the kitchen, clean the carpet in the playroom, put the curtains
up in the bedroom, get a new bedroom carpet ... bla bla bla bla ........

On 2006-11-14 14:52:15 +0800, Irrational Number said:

determined wrote:

I know this is going to sound just awful, but my daughter is 11 months
old now, and my husband and I have only had sex about 6 times since she
was born...

I've got you beat. We've done the deed
probably 3x in the past 17 months. ;(
I have absolutely no sex drive at all,
and no desire to really change it...

-- Anita --

Same here :/

Jo
--
Woman, Wife, Mother, Midwife

"determined" wrote in message
. ..
I know this is going to sound just awful, but my daughter is 11 months old
now, and my husband and I have only had sex about 6 times since she was
born... I feel really horrible, but at first I was so exhausted I
couldn't
care less, and now, I've been bleeding and cramping since August when I
got
my mirena put in. My doc says it can take up to 6 months for that to
stop,
or I can just have it taken out and go with another form of bc. I really
like not having to think about bc, and I've made it this far, hoping
things
will get better soon. Something else doesn't seem to be quite right
either - I just don't want it. Like there is zero "urge".

I'm beginning to feel defective. What is wrong with me? I feel like a
horrible wife. My husband is very supportive, but I know he misses the
intimacy. I'm not sure what to do. "Just do it"?

I'm bemused that in a breastfeeding newsgroup, noone seems to be aware that
the very hormones that sustains breastfeeding also puts a huge damper on
female sexual response. Breastfeeding lowers levels of estradiol (the
hormone responsible for keeping the urogenital tract lubricated and supple)
and raises the prolactin hormone, which suppresses sexual desire and lowers
testosterone - the hormone in both genders that stokes desire. If you are
breastfeeding for a year or more, not having sex can become a way of life.
Not to mention that after having a baby hanging off of you all day (and
night) the last thing you want is a full-grown man doing the same thing.