Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's

Caledonia wrote:
hedgehog42 wrote:

I think if you always nurse behind closed doors, you're not normalizing
breastfeeding, you're reinforcing the idea that this is something
sexual. It may even fuel some odd fantasies in their imaginations about
how it all takes place.

Having zero experience with teen boys, I almost always nursed behind
semi-closed doors in my bedroom -- I fell into 'nursing while reclined'
and found that by doing so, I could also read a Really Big Book.

Heh. That's much more mundane than what most teen-age boys would
imagine, I'd wager.

Worse, IMO, is that BF then functions as a dividing factor. Stepson is
confiding in you about bad results of a geometry test when baby cries
to be fed? "Oops -- gotta run -- we'll talk in 45 minutes -- or you can
call to me through the bedroom door." You've watching a rented movie as
a family when baby cries? "Can you guys put this on pause for an hour,
since we have to return it tomorrow and I really wanted to see it?"

Hmm...after the first few weeks, I never had nursing sessions last 45
minutes -- and during the first few weeks, I really *wanted* a 45
minute break from everything.

It's definitely a YMMV thing. I had one kid who took 10 minutes just to
settle down and nurse, another prone to ear infections who liked the
comfort. Third went through some amazing growth spurts.

When nursing's done in a matter-of-fact way -- and yes, with attempts
to be discreet, even if baby disengages occasionally -- then, as
several people have said, it gets to be old news (i.e., normalized)
real fast.

Ergh; perhaps for you, perhaps for the teenage boys, but perhaps not
for the OP herself.

Um, I thought we were talking about the boys' comfort level. If the OP
is uncomfortable, that's one thing, and I'm all for saying she should
do what works for her (Public BF wasn't comfortable for me with my
first, and yes, I think most moms really enjoy having some private
sessions with just Baby)

But we should then recognize whose issue it is, and not claim to be
doing it out of concern for the boys' comfort level.

Lori G.
Milwaukee, WI

cjra wrote:
hedgehog42 wrote:
Bryna wrote:

Just wanted to put my 2 cents in, and say that I completely agree with
what you're saying, Frisbee! And I'm a proud lactivist who does not
see breastfeeding as sexual at all -- but I've never been a teenage
boy. Of course the OP should breastfeed, and she doesn't need to go
hide out in a room alone to do it. However, unless her stepsons are
clear that they are comfortable with her partial nudity (and I'd be
awfully surprised if that were the case!) then she should nurse
discreetly without revealing more skin than she usually does at home.
Obviously she has a right to nurse however she wants -- but just
because we have the right to do something doesn't make it considerate
or kind to do so.

It seems that so many people assume that a woman at home always nurses
nekkid or semi-nekkid!

Just a minor side point, why are people afraid to write *naked*?

I'm not, and I'm not sure why you'd assume I am, from this one post?
Heck, there's a song called "Naked" that's absolutely beautiful.

In this context, though -- that of an adolescent at the mercy of his
hormones and overactive imagination -- "nekkid" seemed more fitting
than "naked."imagination.

Lori G.
Milwaukee, WI

hedgehog42 wrote:
cjra wrote:
hedgehog42 wrote:

It seems that so many people assume that a woman at home always nurses
nekkid or semi-nekkid!

Just a minor side point, why are people afraid to write *naked*?

I'm not, and I'm not sure why you'd assume I am, from this one post?
Heck, there's a song called "Naked" that's absolutely beautiful.

I just used your post because it was the last one I saw that used that
spelling, which I see frequently. I just didn't get why that spelling
was so often used instead of the proper spelling.

Rosalie B. wrote:
"Jamie Clark" wrote:

Why wouldn't you let the kids into your room, or the baby's room
when you are feeding her? And why wouldn't you explain to them
about pumping? To answer an honest question with "You don't want
to know" is strange to me, because obviously they DO want to know,
or they wouldn't have asked.

I agree with that - they are old enough to be told what the mechanics
are.

By not
allowing them into the room if they want, or answering their
questions openly and honestly, you are doing both the boys and the
girls a disservice in terms of teaching them about breastfeeding.
You are missing out on a really good learning opportunity. If kids
don't learn about breastfeeding from their parents, then where do
they learn about it from? A book, when they are about to have a
baby, and their chances of successfully breastfeeding their child
will be severely diminished.

I don't agree. It isn't possible for each child to be enough older
to another child to observe breast feeding in the family. One of
them has to be the youngest. And in my case, although I am the
oldest, my sister is only 2 years younger, so I don't remember
anything about my mom bfing. Ditto with my mom who was only 2
years older than her brother. My mom successfully bf two children,
and my sister (the youngest) and I successfully bf her seven
grandchildren.

Successful breast feeding does NOT depend AT ALL on whether it has
been observed in the family. There are lots of other possibilities
between a book, and familial observation.


I didn't say that anyone who didn't see someone breastfeed would fail. But
certainly you can see hat seeing someone breastfeed on a regular basis would
HELP increase your chances of successfully breastfeeding later on in life?
Or if male, would help him be supportive of his future wife's efforts to
breastfeed.

--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03
Addison Grace, 9/30/04

Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1,
Password: Guest Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up
your own User ID and Password

-L. wrote:
Ericka Kammerer wrote:
The thought of a teenager literally not knowing how
breastfeeding or pumping works is shocking to me.

What's shocking to me is the fact that you (collective) can't get it
through your fat heads that some people A.) Don't care and B.) Don't
want to know.

-L.

Then go away and stop reading the thread.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03
Addison Grace, 9/30/04

Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1,
Password: Guest Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up
your own User ID and Password

wrote:
Wow, you're quick. I removed that post shortly after posting because I
decided not to get off topic - the whole wacky step-family thing,
instead of breastfeeding. Sorry.

I appreciate your advice. I know my family isn't the perfect situation
and we have been in therapy. And I do not communicate with her
anymore, but I was saying that I used to and have learned not to
because she is insane.

I just think some people need to realize that others may be
uncomfortable breastfeeding in front of certain people.

The entitlemoos in these newsgroups will never get it. I understand
completely and agree with everything you have posted.

I happen to be
uncomfortable doing it in front of my step-sons and their friends.
Especially since I am the "young step-mom" and only 10 years older than
my oldest step-son.

Well, you should do what your heart tells you.


But I do not feel like I hide it from them. We have had open
discussions. The middle boy asked if he could borrow my pump and see
if he could get milk from his breast. And they asked if I could sell
my milk over the internet to mom's who can't breastfeed. And they've
asked me what it tastes like. Silly, yes.

Sweet, really.

We're talking about a 14 &
15 year olds. But I have answered their questions and have had open
discussions, since they didn't really know anything.

I think you sort of have to let them be the guide. Answer questions
and be open and honest. No need to shove it down their throats and/or
"make a statement" about it - which I think you realize. If their
experience with you BF is positive they are much more likely to be
supportive of BF in the future (if they have wives of their own...)

-L.

Jamie Clark wrote:
-L. wrote:
Ericka Kammerer wrote:
The thought of a teenager literally not knowing how
breastfeeding or pumping works is shocking to me.

What's shocking to me is the fact that you (collective) can't get it
through your fat heads that some people A.) Don't care and B.) Don't
want to know.

-L.

Then go away and stop reading the thread.

Oh go **** yourself Jamie. You're such a self-righteous ****.

Damn, I've wanted to say that for years. hee!

-L.

cjra wrote:
-L. wrote:
Ericka Kammerer wrote:
The thought of a teenager literally not knowing how
breastfeeding or pumping works is shocking to me.

What's shocking to me is the fact that you (collective) can't get it
through your fat heads that some people A.) Don't care and B.) Don't
want to know.


Sure. Except this kid *asked* implying at least B, and by default if B
is there, A.

He did? I though she said he "didn't want to know". Or at least
agrred when she suggested he didn't want to know...

-L.

cjra wrote:
Sure. Except this kid *asked* implying at least B, and by default if B
is there, A.

Ok, I just saw it -"How do you get milk in the bottle?" Thanks.

-L.

Rosalie B. wrote:
"Jamie Clark" wrote:

wrote:
Wow - you and I should become friends! I have 4 step-kids as well. 3
boys (19, 15 & 14) and 1 girl (21, but lives on her own) and we have
full custody of them as well (their mom sees them once a month if
they're lucky!). I just had my first child 3 months ago and I am
breasfeeding.

We explained to them that I'd be breastfeeding and they were a little
weird about it, but now they are used to it. I feed my daughter in my
bedroom or hers. And if they need me, they knock on my door and I
just say "I'm feeding her" and they know they need to wait. If I
pump and store the milk in the refrigerator or freezer, they don't
say anything. But they have asked questions - some I answer and some,
like "how do you get the milk into the bottle", I just say "you don't
want to know" and smile. I think they like that I breastfeed because
formula is so expensive and I told them breastfeeding was free, so
there is more money for them

Good luck with everything. And I wouldn't consider not breastfeeding
- it is so good for the baby and you!

Why wouldn't you let the kids into your room, or the baby's room when you
are feeding her? And why wouldn't you explain to them about pumping? To
answer an honest question with "You don't want to know" is strange to me,
because obviously they DO want to know, or they wouldn't have asked.

I agree with that - they are old enough to be told what the mechanics
are.

By not
allowing them into the room if they want, or answering their questions
openly and honestly, you are doing both the boys and the girls a disservice
in terms of teaching them about breastfeeding. You are missing out on a
really good learning opportunity. If kids don't learn about breastfeeding
from their parents, then where do they learn about it from? A book, when
they are about to have a baby, and their chances of successfully
breastfeeding their child will be severely diminished.

I don't agree. It isn't possible for each child to be enough older to
another child to observe breast feeding in the family. One of them
has to be the youngest. And in my case, although I am the oldest, my
sister is only 2 years younger, so I don't remember anything about my
mom bfing. Ditto with my mom who was only 2 years older than her
brother. My mom successfully bf two children, and my sister (the
youngest) and I successfully bf her seven grandchildren.

Successful breast feeding does NOT depend AT ALL on whether it has
been observed in the family. There are lots of other possibilities
between a book, and familial observation.

In the strictest sense, you're right. But family attitudes about
breastfeeding *do* affect, historically, women's decisions on how to
feed their baby. Those who've grown up comfortable with the idea of
breastfeeding-- either by observing family members breastfeed or
hearing that they breastfed their kids -- are way more likely to decide
to breastfeed themselves, and then to have successful experiences.

You doubtless had your mom's support in your decision. And a mom who's
breastfed, even if it wasn't in your viewing, can offer advice and
reassurance that helps a new mom cope successfully with mastitis,
thrush or nursing strikes -- all of which have led some new moms to
give up. A mom who's "been there, done that" is less likely to
second-guess you can make enough milk for that baby, or whether you
should be feeding him every 2 hours, or if maybe just a little formula
will help him sleep through the night better.

Of course, even if you didn't grown up with that advantage, and just
decided that you wanted to breastfeed based on what you'd read, you're
certainly not doomed to fail, even in the face of roadblocks like those
above. Some women get advice and support from LLL, lactation
consultants or friends who've breastfed -- and some get great support
from husbands who've grown up seeing family members breastfeed and
recognize it as normal.

Lori G.
Milwaukee, WI