Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's

Bryna wrote:

Just wanted to put my 2 cents in, and say that I completely agree with
what you're saying, Frisbee! And I'm a proud lactivist who does not
see breastfeeding as sexual at all -- but I've never been a teenage
boy. Of course the OP should breastfeed, and she doesn't need to go
hide out in a room alone to do it. However, unless her stepsons are
clear that they are comfortable with her partial nudity (and I'd be
awfully surprised if that were the case!) then she should nurse
discreetly without revealing more skin than she usually does at home.
Obviously she has a right to nurse however she wants -- but just
because we have the right to do something doesn't make it considerate
or kind to do so.

It seems that so many people assume that a woman at home always nurses
nekkid or semi-nekkid! Maybe true in the first days when you need to
get the hang of it, but I'd venture to say that most moms don't, even
though I see a few posters here who did.

Remember, many moms BF second, third and subsequent kids. It's just
downright impractical to strip down every two hours and then get
yourself dressed again when you're running around after toddlers!

Some teenage boys would be turned on by any skin
revealed, some would be grossed out -- either way, it doesn't seem a
nice thing to do and it's just not necessary. It isn't about pushing
the idea that breastfeeding isn't sexual -- the reality is that breasts
are associated with sex in this culture. It should be about
normalizing breastfeeding, and that isn't done by making teenage boys
feel uncomfortable in their own home.

What if they're totally squicked out by the very *idea* of
breastfeeding, and thus uncomfortable in their own home?

I think if you always nurse behind closed doors, you're not normalizing
breastfeeding, you're reinforcing the idea that this is something
sexual. It may even fuel some odd fantasies in their imaginations about
how it all takes place.

Worse, IMO, is that BF then functions as a dividing factor. Stepson is
confiding in you about bad results of a geometry test when baby cries
to be fed? "Oops -- gotta run -- we'll talk in 45 minutes -- or you can
call to me through the bedroom door." You've watching a rented movie as
a family when baby cries? "Can you guys put this on pause for an hour,
since we have to return it tomorrow and I really wanted to see it?"

When nursing's done in a matter-of-fact way -- and yes, with attempts
to be discreet, even if baby disengages occasionally -- then, as
several people have said, it gets to be old news (i.e., normalized)
real fast.

Lori G.
Milwaukee, WI

hedgehog42 wrote:
Bryna wrote:

Just wanted to put my 2 cents in, and say that I completely agree with
what you're saying, Frisbee! And I'm a proud lactivist who does not
see breastfeeding as sexual at all -- but I've never been a teenage
boy. Of course the OP should breastfeed, and she doesn't need to go
hide out in a room alone to do it. However, unless her stepsons are
clear that they are comfortable with her partial nudity (and I'd be
awfully surprised if that were the case!) then she should nurse
discreetly without revealing more skin than she usually does at home.
Obviously she has a right to nurse however she wants -- but just
because we have the right to do something doesn't make it considerate
or kind to do so.

It seems that so many people assume that a woman at home always nurses
nekkid or semi-nekkid!

Just a minor side point, why are people afraid to write *naked*?

It only takes my daughter about 10 minutes to breastfeed and I feel
that a teenage boy is old enough to understand and wait 10 minutes. I
think he will appreciate that more than seeing his step-mom breastfeed.
It is a little different than if is was your own mother. I know
because one day the door was open while I was feeding my daughter and
my step-son came to talk to me and he looked SO uncomfortable. If the
baby had a poopy diaper I would also interupt a conversation, movie,
dinner, etc. and change it.

What I don't think some women understand is that these are step-sons
we're talking about and they have a biological mother. And being a
step-mother, you're constantly under watch by the biological mother,
even if you get along with one another. And I just don't need a son
complaining to his mother that he is uncomfortable seeing me
breastfeed. She might not appreciate that.

And when I told my step-son "you don't want to know", he replied "no, I
don't". It was just one of those things he asked, but then realized it
made him uncomfortable and I could see that. I don't hide anything
from them, they've seen me wash parts of the pump. I just don't feel
it is my place as a step-mom to explain it to them. I also never
talked to them about sex because that's their parent's job. I just
don't want to step on anyone's toes.

So I guess maybe you should ask your sons how they will feel about it.
But as a step-mom, I understand how you might feel a little
uncomfortable.

"cjra" wrote in message
oups.com...

hedgehog42 wrote:
Bryna wrote:

Just wanted to put my 2 cents in, and say that I completely agree with
what you're saying, Frisbee! And I'm a proud lactivist who does not
see breastfeeding as sexual at all -- but I've never been a teenage
boy. Of course the OP should breastfeed, and she doesn't need to go
hide out in a room alone to do it. However, unless her stepsons are
clear that they are comfortable with her partial nudity (and I'd be
awfully surprised if that were the case!) then she should nurse
discreetly without revealing more skin than she usually does at home.
Obviously she has a right to nurse however she wants -- but just
because we have the right to do something doesn't make it considerate
or kind to do so.

It seems that so many people assume that a woman at home always nurses
nekkid or semi-nekkid!

Just a minor side point, why are people afraid to write *naked*?

Not my post, but I write as I speak, and I say nekkid. : )
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03
Addison Grace, 9/30/04

Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1, Password:
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Password

wrote in message
ps.com...
It only takes my daughter about 10 minutes to breastfeed and I feel
that a teenage boy is old enough to understand and wait 10 minutes. I
think he will appreciate that more than seeing his step-mom breastfeed.
It is a little different than if is was your own mother. I know
because one day the door was open while I was feeding my daughter and
my step-son came to talk to me and he looked SO uncomfortable. If the
baby had a poopy diaper I would also interupt a conversation, movie,
dinner, etc. and change it.

So if it only takes 10 minutes, the kid can't look away, go find something
to do in the other room for a few minutes, use the restroom, get himself a
snack, concentrate on what is on television instead, etc? Plus, after
having seen someone breastfeed more than once, it quickly looses it's "ooh,
gee, this is ackward" feeling, and does become pretty normal. Just like
having a normal conversation while changing a poopy diaper.

What I don't think some women understand is that these are step-sons
we're talking about and they have a biological mother. And being a
step-mother, you're constantly under watch by the biological mother,
even if you get along with one another. And I just don't need a son
complaining to his mother that he is uncomfortable seeing me
breastfeed. She might not appreciate that.

I think most everyone is pretty clear that it's a stepping issue. But
again, discomfort changes, and usually mellows out and becomes a non-event.
Kids adjust.

And when I told my step-son "you don't want to know", he replied "no, I
don't". It was just one of those things he asked, but then realized it
made him uncomfortable and I could see that. I don't hide anything
from them, they've seen me wash parts of the pump. I just don't feel
it is my place as a step-mom to explain it to them. I also never
talked to them about sex because that's their parent's job. I just
don't want to step on anyone's toes.

I understand not wanting to step on the mother's toes, but to me, it's your
place to explain it to them if they are living with you, see breastfeeding
occuring, and ask you questions about it. You can always answer their
questions and then tell them they should make sure to talk to their mom and
dad about it as well.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03
Addison Grace, 9/30/04

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cjra wrote:
hedgehog42 wrote:

Bryna wrote:

Just wanted to put my 2 cents in, and say that I completely agree with
what you're saying, Frisbee! And I'm a proud lactivist who does not
see breastfeeding as sexual at all -- but I've never been a teenage
boy. Of course the OP should breastfeed, and she doesn't need to go
hide out in a room alone to do it. However, unless her stepsons are
clear that they are comfortable with her partial nudity (and I'd be
awfully surprised if that were the case!) then she should nurse
discreetly without revealing more skin than she usually does at home.
Obviously she has a right to nurse however she wants -- but just
because we have the right to do something doesn't make it considerate
or kind to do so.

It seems that so many people assume that a woman at home always nurses
nekkid or semi-nekkid!


Just a minor side point, why are people afraid to write *naked*?


"Naked" means you aren't wearing clothes. "Nekkid" implies you aren't
wearing clothes and you're up to something.

Clisby

"Clisby" wrote in message
link.net...


cjra wrote:
hedgehog42 wrote:

Bryna wrote:

Just wanted to put my 2 cents in, and say that I completely agree with
what you're saying, Frisbee! And I'm a proud lactivist who does not
see breastfeeding as sexual at all -- but I've never been a teenage
boy. Of course the OP should breastfeed, and she doesn't need to go
hide out in a room alone to do it. However, unless her stepsons are
clear that they are comfortable with her partial nudity (and I'd be
awfully surprised if that were the case!) then she should nurse
discreetly without revealing more skin than she usually does at home.
Obviously she has a right to nurse however she wants -- but just
because we have the right to do something doesn't make it considerate
or kind to do so.

It seems that so many people assume that a woman at home always nurses
nekkid or semi-nekkid!


Just a minor side point, why are people afraid to write *naked*?


"Naked" means you aren't wearing clothes. "Nekkid" implies you aren't
wearing clothes and you're up to something.

Clisby

Oh, okay... maybe in your world. In my world, nekkid is just a silly way to
say naked.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03
Addison Grace, 9/30/04

Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1, Password:
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Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
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Jamie Clark wrote:
"Clisby" wrote in message
link.net...


cjra wrote:

hedgehog42 wrote:


Bryna wrote:


Just wanted to put my 2 cents in, and say that I completely agree with
what you're saying, Frisbee! And I'm a proud lactivist who does not
see breastfeeding as sexual at all -- but I've never been a teenage
boy. Of course the OP should breastfeed, and she doesn't need to go
hide out in a room alone to do it. However, unless her stepsons are
clear that they are comfortable with her partial nudity (and I'd be
awfully surprised if that were the case!) then she should nurse
discreetly without revealing more skin than she usually does at home.
Obviously she has a right to nurse however she wants -- but just
because we have the right to do something doesn't make it considerate
or kind to do so.

It seems that so many people assume that a woman at home always nurses
nekkid or semi-nekkid!


Just a minor side point, why are people afraid to write *naked*?


"Naked" means you aren't wearing clothes. "Nekkid" implies you aren't
wearing clothes and you're up to something.

Clisby


Oh, okay... maybe in your world. In my world, nekkid is just a silly way to
say naked.

Yeah, in my world, it isn't exactly a silly way to say naked. It's more
a sly way to say naked.

Clisby

In article om,
says...

It only takes my daughter about 10 minutes to breastfeed and I feel
that a teenage boy is old enough to understand and wait 10 minutes.

Goody.

It always took me at least half an hour each session with my son even after
things were well established. He never was much of a gulper.

I
think he will appreciate that more than seeing his step-mom breastfeed.
It is a little different than if is was your own mother. I know
because one day the door was open while I was feeding my daughter and
my step-son came to talk to me and he looked SO uncomfortable.

Maybe if you didn't hide away and thereby make such a big deal of it...

If the
baby had a poopy diaper I would also interupt a conversation, movie,
dinner, etc. and change it.

A poopy diaper *does* only take a few minutes.


What I don't think some women understand is that these are step-sons
we're talking about and they have a biological mother. And being a
step-mother, you're constantly under watch by the biological mother,
even if you get along with one another. And I just don't need a son
complaining to his mother that he is uncomfortable seeing me
breastfeed. She might not appreciate that.

That's the way to live as a step mother! Worry every minute what the ex thinks
:-/


And when I told my step-son "you don't want to know", he replied "no, I
don't".

I think he was telling you he had figured out your sledgehammer hint not to talk
about it!

It was just one of those things he asked, but then realized it
made him uncomfortable and I could see that. I don't hide anything
from them, they've seen me wash parts of the pump. I just don't feel
it is my place as a step-mom to explain it to them. I also never
talked to them about sex because that's their parent's job. I just
don't want to step on anyone's toes.

Oh good grief. So, explanation of let-down, for instance, is a sacred bio-om -
bio-son bonding moment you didn't want to upstage?


So I guess maybe you should ask your sons how they will feel about it.
But as a step-mom, I understand how you might feel a little
uncomfortable.


I think there's cause to take some simple measures to be discreet. Namely, not
stripping down (gee I never felt I had to do that..) and throwing a receiving
blanket over the shoulder. But you clearly have issues over who-thinks-what and
explaining bf being like the Big Sex Talk that goes way beyond what's practical
or warranted.

I recommend to the original poster to go to alt.support.step-parents for some
really good solid advice on step parenting.

Come to think of you, you should check that 'group out, too.

Banty

hedgehog42 wrote:

I think if you always nurse behind closed doors, you're not normalizing
breastfeeding, you're reinforcing the idea that this is something
sexual. It may even fuel some odd fantasies in their imaginations about
how it all takes place.

Having zero experience with teen boys, I almost always nursed behind
semi-closed doors in my bedroom -- I fell into 'nursing while reclined'
and found that by doing so, I could also read a Really Big Book.

Worse, IMO, is that BF then functions as a dividing factor. Stepson is
confiding in you about bad results of a geometry test when baby cries
to be fed? "Oops -- gotta run -- we'll talk in 45 minutes -- or you can
call to me through the bedroom door." You've watching a rented movie as
a family when baby cries? "Can you guys put this on pause for an hour,
since we have to return it tomorrow and I really wanted to see it?"

Hmm...after the first few weeks, I never had nursing sessions last 45
minutes -- and during the first few weeks, I really *wanted* a 45
minute break from everything.

When nursing's done in a matter-of-fact way -- and yes, with attempts
to be discreet, even if baby disengages occasionally -- then, as
several people have said, it gets to be old news (i.e., normalized)
real fast.

Ergh; perhaps for you, perhaps for the teenage boys, but perhaps not
for the OP herself.

Caledonia