Feeling like a parental failure today :( (long)

Judging from my children's behavior today, I feel like I must be in dire need
of some serious parenting help. I don't know what to do. I'm hoping that
someone here can give me some advice.

I took Jordan & Madison with me to a Kelly's Kids show at a friend's house so I
could make sure I ordered the right size dresses for them. My friend took them
up to her daughter's playroom so they could play while I looked around. When
it was time to go I told them to clean up because we had to go visit their
cousin. They both threw tantrums. They were screaming and crying and wouldn't
clean up. We finally got the playroom cleaned up and went downstairs. I told
them to say "thank you" to my friend for letting them play in the playroom.
They refused to say it. I thanked her, and since I didn't want to cause
another scene or get into a power struggle I didn't push the issue. When we
were walking out I saw another friend of mine, whom Jordan & Madison also know.
She said hello to them and I told them to reply by telling her hi. They
pouted and refused to say it and Madison even told me "NO!" By this time I was
completely mortified. Of course there were about 5 other people there that I
also know, who were witnessing my kids' belligerence.

When we got to the car I told the girls that I was disappointed in their
behavior and that they should have thanked Miss Jamie for letting them play and
told Miss Cindy hello when she spoke to them. In the past I have told them
over and over that they need to say "hi" when someone says hello to them. etc.,
etc.

Afterwards we were having lunch with a friend of mine at Applebees. When we
got inside the girls saw they had balloons and they started yelling to the
hostess "I want a red balloon!" "I want a blue balloon!" I told them they
were being rude and that they needed to say "please" and ask nicely. Once
again I was completely mortified. I realize they're still young, but I don't
speak to people this way and they know they're not supposed to speak to people
like that either! I was completely shocked. I thought about telling them they
weren't going to get a balloon, but after I corrected them they did ask the
hostess again politely.

So we're sitting down in the restaurant and the girls are being sooooo loud.
My friend and I keep telling them to use their inside voices, but they
continued to be loud. Then they started fighting over the crayons and trying
to kick each other under the table! Jordan started grabbing all the crayons so
that Madison couldn't have any and at that point I took her to the restroom and
had a chat with her. She started screaming and crying as soon as I picked her
up from the table and we had to stay in the restroom for about 15 minutes until
she settled down and was ready to listen. I would have taken them & left the
restauraunt if my friend had not been with us. After that their behavior
improved somewhat.

Then tonight after I had bathed them and washed their hair Madison went into
the bathroom and brushed her teeth by herself, got water and toothpaste
everywhere, and ate I don't know how much toothpaste (according to her it was
"a lot"). There was blue toothpaste all in her hair, on her pajamas, the
mirror, sink, and counters. We've told her over and over that she needs a
grown-up to help her brush her teeth and that she's not supposed to eat the
toothpaste. I thought it was out of her reach, but apparently I was wrong.

So anyway, Dh reads the tube and says that it states we should call Poison
Control if it's been ingested. So I called them (Madison's name's already on
file with them) and they said to make her drink 6-8 oz. of milk and to check on
her every 15-30 minutes for the next 6 hours. The woman said Madison would
probably end up with a stomach ache and to call her back if she started
throwing up excessively. So far she's been fine (knock wood).

Does anyone have any suggestions for dealing with rude behavior in public? If
we had been at home I would have told them to do to time-out in their rooms
until they were ready to be nice, but I am obviously having trouble dealing
with this type of behavior in public. We go out to eat for lunch once or twice
per week, so eating in a restaurant is not a new experience for them and I
think it's important that they learn to behave in that setting. I don't expect
them to sit there silently and use impeccable table manners, but I do think
they should be able to act somewhat civilized. I always bring crayons or
something for them to do quietly while we are waiting for our food, but this
isn't helping. Any suggestions? I feel like a parental failure today.

Thank You,
Andrea
twin girls-Madison & Jordan
3/22/00