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#21
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How to break 4 year old from shyness?
IMAFriend wrote: I think maybe you misunderstood. Maybe a sing-along, with some hand movements in the classroom. Daughter will sit, listen, probably will not sing, or jump around, or do the hand movements. If so, will not have much enthusiasm. (Can't think of an example song right now, maybe the 5 frogs jumping off a log or something) If the teacher is talking to a parent, or another teacher, or another child, they cannot give 100% attention to my daughter. My daughter acts as tho she has nothing else to do other than to stand next to the teacher and wait for her attention. Would rather wait patiently for some words, or just to follow the teacher around and do nothing, rather than to go play on the slide, or sandbox, or the jumper, or whatever else is out there, by herself or other kids. DougB Among other things, it sound like she just has an introverted personality. She doesn't enjoy performance situations, and may enjoy observing more than participating. Does she show Separation Anxiety? If you go out for an evening and leave her with someone else, does she handle it well? I definitely like the idea of one-on-one playdates. Especially if you and your wife can do it so that you start providing that nearness, and back off slowly as she engages with other children. It's important for you both to enjoy the _other_ child as well. I know of parents that have a hard time with this. Greg Zywicki |
#22
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How to break 4 year old from shyness?
Here's another thing. Omega-3 essential fatty acids
may help. This essential nutrient is needed for proper brain function -- in fact the brain is largely made of it. In a book about essential fatty acids, (some book with Omega in the title, I forget) there was at least one, I think three, adults with agoraphobia who tended to be afraid to go outside their house, and with essential fatty acid therapy (flax oil, I think) they improved and became more normal. |
#23
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How to break 4 year old from shyness?
"Jen" ) writes:
"Rebecca Jo" wrote in message ... "Catherine Woodgold" wrote: Jen wrote: [snip] I was extremely shy all my life. It isn't till I was 35ish that I discovered I had social phobia. "Social phobia" is just a fancy word for "shy". That is not true. That is like saying depression is just a fancy word for sad. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/soc...595/DSECTION=2 I was just going to say the same thing. Social phobia is a phobia! It's a serious fear of social situations. It's not about being a loner or a bit nervous with strangers. I don't mean to imply this child has it. I just mean it's a good idea to be aware of it Jen "Phobia" is just the Greek word for "fear". |
#24
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How to break 4 year old from shyness?
"Catherine Woodgold" wrote in message ... "Jen" ) writes: "Rebecca Jo" wrote in message ... "Catherine Woodgold" wrote: Jen wrote: [snip] I was extremely shy all my life. It isn't till I was 35ish that I discovered I had social phobia. "Social phobia" is just a fancy word for "shy". That is not true. That is like saying depression is just a fancy word for sad. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/soc...595/DSECTION=2 I was just going to say the same thing. Social phobia is a phobia! It's a serious fear of social situations. It's not about being a loner or a bit nervous with strangers. I don't mean to imply this child has it. I just mean it's a good idea to be aware of it Jen "Phobia" is just the Greek word for "fear". Yeah. Like I said above. It's not about being a loner or a bit nervous with strangers. It's a fear!!! |
#25
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How to break 4 year old from shyness?
"Jen" wrote in message ... "Catherine Woodgold" wrote in message ... "Jen" ) writes: "Rebecca Jo" wrote in message ... "Catherine Woodgold" wrote: Jen wrote: [snip] I was extremely shy all my life. It isn't till I was 35ish that I discovered I had social phobia. "Social phobia" is just a fancy word for "shy". That is not true. That is like saying depression is just a fancy word for sad. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/soc...595/DSECTION=2 I was just going to say the same thing. Social phobia is a phobia! It's a serious fear of social situations. It's not about being a loner or a bit nervous with strangers. I don't mean to imply this child has it. I just mean it's a good idea to be aware of it Jen "Phobia" is just the Greek word for "fear". Yeah. Like I said above. It's not about being a loner or a bit nervous with strangers. It's a fear!!! A phobia is a persistent irrational fear of an object or a situation that's generally considered harmless. Social anxiety disorder (SAD), also referred to clinically as social phobia, is a psychiatric anxiety disorder involving overwhelming anxiety and excessive self-consciousness in everyday social situations. People experiencing social anxiety often have a persistent, intense, and chronic fear of being watched and judged by others and being embarrassed or humiliated by their own actions. Often the triggering social stimulus is a perceived or actual scrutiny by others. Their fear may be so severe that it significantly impairs their work, school, social life, and other activities. While many people experiencing social anxiety recognize that their fear of being around people may be excessive or unreasonable, they encounter considerable difficulty overcoming it. This differs from shyness, in that the person is functionally debilitated and avoids such anxiety provoking situations by all means. At the same time, a person with social anxiety may only feel the fear of the disorder during certain situations. For example, an actor or singer may feel fine on stage, but afraid of social situations in everyday life. In humans, shyness is a feeling of insecurity and awkwardness............. Jen |
#26
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How to break 4 year old from shyness?
IMAFriend wrote:
I have a daughter, almost 4 years old. We put her in daycare, partially to learn, but primarily to be more 'social'. She usually will sit just by the teacher, she does not play with other children. She usually either plays by herself, or sits and does nothing. [...] I tried putting her into a very social and interactive environment, that is daycare / preschool. At home there's interaction, and games. So, can anyone make any suggestions or reasons or comments? My first suggestion would be to figure out exactly what the problem is here. For starters, I don't think you can assume – as everyone seems to be doing – that the problem is that she's _afraid_ of interacting with other children. She may simply not be interested. I know it's the accepted social norm for people to want to spend time with other people, but some people are loners by nature. Is your child actually bothered by the presence of other children? Does she want to play with them and not know how? Or is she quite happy the way she is? Most of the suggestions that people have given seem to be based on the assumption that she herself is having a problem with the way things are that needs to be sorted out. If this is the case, then those suggestions would be helpful – but if she's actually quite happy just standing and watching, then I think most of these suggestions would have the potential of making things worse, by making her feel as though there's some sort of problem or that she's doing something wrong when she didn't initially feel this way. I was also a very solitary child by nature, and it wasn't so much shyness as disinterest in others. My mother was very concerned about this and spent a lot of time urging me to participate more, organising playdates for me, etc. Of course, none of this actually made me one whit more interested in socialising – would you become more interested in something you didn't like as a result of being pushed to take part in it? But it did mean that I learned to think of socialising as something I had a duty to do, and to believe that there was something wrong with me if I didn't want to spend time with people. This had some very long-term adverse effects on how I managed relationships (both platonic and romantic). I simply didn't understand that it was OK if I _didn't_ want to make friends with a particular person, or go to a particular social event, or continue with a particular boyfriend. I ended up with some pretty weird people because I had no idea how to distinguish between what was actually necessary to be polite and what was above and beyond the call of duty. If your daughter is happy with the way things are, then I would not recommend trying to push her into your image of what you think her social life ought to be like. I would recommend figuring out what social skills she _needs_ to know to handle herself with other people (individuals or groups), and also some skills for making friends when and if she actually does want to, and I would work on getting her to develop these while still giving her the message that it's perfectly OK if she isn't a social animal by nature. Being able to make conversation with people on at least some occasions is a social obligation; making friends isn't. If she doesn't want to do the latter, then I don't see that it's a good idea to act as though she should. All the best, Sarah -- http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com "That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell |
#27
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How to break 4 year old from shyness?
Sarah Vaughan ) writes:
If this is the case, then those suggestions would be helpful – but if she's actually quite happy just standing and watching, then I think most of these suggestions would have the potential of making things worse, by making her feel as though there's some sort of problem or that she's doing something wrong when she didn't initially feel this way. What? I don't remember seeing any suggestions that involved giving the girl the impression that there is something wrong with her. For example, I suggested inviting another child into the home regularly. I did not suggest telling this girl to play with that child. I think the parents should play with the guest. By the way: earlier in the thread, someone asked the OP whether he interacts with the other children at daycare. He said something like, Yes, he says things like (examples of talking about the daycare children in the third person, something like "look, Sally is playing with a ball" or something, that's not an exact quote.) I would like to point out that there is a big difference between talking to your own child about another child, and actually having a conversation with the other child. I suggest that the parents have conversations with other children in the presence of their daughter. |
#28
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How to break 4 year old from shyness?
In article , Catherine Woodgold says...
Sarah Vaughan ) writes: If this is the case, then those suggestions would be helpful – but if she's actually quite happy just standing and watching, then I think most of these suggestions would have the potential of making things worse, by making her feel as though there's some sort of problem or that she's doing something wrong when she didn't initially feel this way. What? I don't remember seeing any suggestions that involved giving the girl the impression that there is something wrong with her. For example, I suggested inviting another child into the home regularly. I did not suggest telling this girl to play with that child. I think the parents should play with the guest. What?? Playdates are for the parents to play with the visiting child, while their own child stays off and does something else?? What the heck is the point of that? It doesn't make sense from *anyone's* viewpoint. Not the child, not the parents, and especially not the visiting child and his/her parents. Kid ain't props. A lot of times, Catherine, your advice is either scattershot (this book, that book, this vitamin that vitamin) or just plain whacked. Banty |
#29
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How to break 4 year old from shyness?
"Banty" wrote in message ... In article , Catherine Woodgold says... Sarah Vaughan ) writes: If this is the case, then those suggestions would be helpful – but if she's actually quite happy just standing and watching, then I think most of these suggestions would have the potential of making things worse, by making her feel as though there's some sort of problem or that she's doing something wrong when she didn't initially feel this way. What? I don't remember seeing any suggestions that involved giving the girl the impression that there is something wrong with her. For example, I suggested inviting another child into the home regularly. I did not suggest telling this girl to play with that child. I think the parents should play with the guest. What?? Playdates are for the parents to play with the visiting child, while their own child stays off and does something else?? What the heck is the point of that? It doesn't make sense from *anyone's* viewpoint. Not the child, not the parents, and especially not the visiting child and his/her parents. Kid ain't props. But in *this* case, the point of the playdate would be to get the OP's child more used to other children. Trying to insist that the children play together might backfire, but if the mom is playing with the other child, her own child is more likely to join in. As a mom who has worked *very* hard on her child's social skills, I can tell you how valuable something like this can be. A lot of times, Catherine, your advice is either scattershot (this book, that book, this vitamin that vitamin) or just plain whacked. This just seems mean-spirited and unnecessary to me. Bizby |
#30
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How to break 4 year old from shyness?
"bizby40" ) writes:
But in *this* case, the point of the playdate would be to get the OP's child more used to other children. Trying to insist that the children play together might backfire, but if the mom is playing with the other child, her own child is more likely to join in. As a mom who has worked *very* hard on her child's social skills, I can tell you how valuable something like this can be. Yes, that's the idea. The parents can, for example, volunteer to babysit another child for money or as a favour to a parent who has something to do. They need not mention to their own girl that they have other reasons. After the child has been in the home many times, the shy girl may play comfortably with the child, as she does with her own parents. Then it may be a smaller step for her to get used to playing with other children, too (though it may still be a big step). |
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