more birthday ettiquete questions

On Tue, 4 Apr 2006 18:54:24 -0500, "Nikki" wrote:


"toto" wrote in message
.. .
On Tue, 04 Apr 2006 02:18:47 GMT, "toypup"
wrote:

I want to be fully involved in the party, doing the games. That is the
party *I* want to throw. Like I said above, DS wouldn't mind in the least
if I just let them run wild, but that's not what I want to do. If he has
friends there, I want to do the game after game bit. I went to a party
like
that once as a kid, and the mom was there for every bit, so if there were
adults there, they got no attention. Since I can't throw that kind of
party, I want to do the entertainer thing.

What exactly does ds want to do? After all, it's his birthday, not
yours and not the other adult's.

My son's first kid style b-day party (he was in preschool) was what Toypup
is describing. He totally wanted that, it totally worked, and my enjoyment
of the day was dampened by adults. My attention was scattered, dh didn't
participate at all like we had thought he would etc. I was very
disappointed. I didn't let Hunter know that of course and he had a great
time and a good party. I think I even posted to the newsgroups about my
disappointment so I could get some sympathy ;-) I think it is natural for a
mom to want to enjoy these first b-day parties and have some of herself
invested (at least that was true for me). That doesn't mean she isn't doing
what her son wants, just that she wants to be fully involved and not feel
like her attention is being pulled in to many directions so she herself can
enjoy the day as a milestone as well. At least that was true for me.

I think in that case, I would have separate parties. I can see wanting
to be involved. I also can see wanting to run some games. I guess I
do think that back to back games seems a little much. I know my kids
liked to have some free time to just play as well as games. Of
course, my kids birthdays were usually outside in our back yard unless
it rained (they have May birthdays and the weather was usually nice)

FWIW it isn't that the adults in my family are horrible people. There were
only a few of them there but in our case there was a big communication gap
so I wasn't expecting them but also, my MIL is over 70yo. She is a
wonderful woman but needs as much if not more help then the kids as she
really isn't able to ramble through a houseful of people to get drinks,
needs assistance with all the steps in my house etc. I wouldn't dream of
not including her in these sorts of celebrations even if it means putting
myself out. She's 74yo for pete's sake she deserves some extra attention
;-)

hehe. Well, I think that seating her near the action is a good idea
and perhaps having hubby help out with getting her food and drinks?


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

In article ,
enigma wrote:

"Nikki" wrote in
:

FWIW it isn't that the adults in my family are horrible
people. There were only a few of them there but in our
case there was a big communication gap so I wasn't
expecting them but also, my MIL is over 70yo. She is a
wonderful woman but needs as much if not more help then the
kids as she really isn't able to ramble through a houseful
of people to get drinks, needs assistance with all the
steps in my house etc. I wouldn't dream of not including
her in these sorts of celebrations even if it means putting
myself out. She's 74yo for pete's sake she deserves some
extra attention ;-)

hey now! my mom is 81 (dad's 80) & she comes to Boo's
birthday parties. true, she doesn't run around much, but she
enjoys meeting the other kids & thier parents. my parents
certainly don't expect me to be keeping them 'entertained' at
the same time i'm wrangling 8-10 4-6 year olds though
i never had parties for Boo until he started preschool, not
even family ones. we made a cake & had it after dinner, but
that was the extent.

lee

We dodn't have family "birthday parties" so much as "birthday dinners".
The Birthday Person gets to pick the menu, we have cake and ice cream
for desert (complete with candles and singing "Happy Birthday to You"),
and open any gifts after dessert.

If there were relatives living close by, they might get invited, but
weren't expected to bring gifts. (I have around 50 first cousins -- it
could get ridiculous pretty quickly.)

We never invited adult relatives to a kids' birthday party, but even
when there WAS a kids' birthday party, we still had a family birthday
dinner.

That approach worked in our family.
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

"Rosalie B." wrote in message
...
"bizby40" wrote:
"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article , bizby40
says...

"cjra" wrote in message
legroups.com...

toypup wrote:

I should also add, there's really not much to do. We almost
always have the
food catered. It's the talking to adults I need to do, something
I'd neglect with kids' party games back to back.

ouch. Back to back games? I'd think that'd be exhausting for
everyone! I'm a big fan of free play time mixed in, but I realise
that's not
a popular concept for kids these days.

This is toypup's party and she can do what she wants to. Stop
hounding her about it.

We're discussing it. That's not 'hounding'.

Banty

Cjra specifically is making all these little digs and jibes
(paraphrased) "Oh, I always expect to *help* at parties, I guess it's
a culture thing." "I'm a big fan of free play, but I realize that's
not popular these days." that are thinly veiled put downs.

But by all means, you can cjra can go on planning your dream party if
that's what you want to do. It sounds like toypup has hers all worked
out.

I agree about the put-downs - I haven't really read them.

I for one would feel upset if my parents insisted that I talk to them
and ignored my child during his birthday party. That's what I was
trying to figure out - how to resolve that so that her parents don't
feel slighted and so that her ds would have a nice birthday and so
that she doesn't feel pulled in three directions at once. And I think
probably Banty is trying to do the same.

But I think my problem is resolved. My parents don't want 100% attention.
They aren't going to get it. They just don't want to be totally ignored.


I am not sure that the plan to hire an entertainer for the children
will completely resolve the question.

Why not? They don't want to be completely ignored, which they will be if I
have back to back games they way I would if I threw an all activities party.
I don't want to have kids run wild parties. This is what I came up with
that resolves all my problems. Why do other people have problems with it?

"bizby40" wrote in message
news

"cjra" wrote in message
oups.com...

toypup wrote:


I should also add, there's really not much to do. We almost always have
the
food catered. It's the talking to adults I need to do, something I'd
neglect with kids' party games back to back.

ouch. Back to back games? I'd think that'd be exhausting for everyone!
I'm a big fan of free play time mixed in, but I realise that's not a
popular concept for kids these days.

This is toypup's party and she can do what she wants to. Stop hounding
her about it.

Thanks, Bizby.

"cjra" wrote in message
oups.com...
ouch. Back to back games? I'd think that'd be exhausting for everyone!
I'm a big fan of free play time mixed in, but I realise that's not a
popular concept for kids these days.


I am a fan of free play. One party does not make me a non-fan of free-play.
All our parties until now have been free-play. How does having one
controlled party make everyone here so upset?

"toto" wrote in message
...
On Tue, 04 Apr 2006 02:18:47 GMT, "toypup"
wrote:

I want to be fully involved in the party, doing the games. That is the
party *I* want to throw. Like I said above, DS wouldn't mind in the least
if I just let them run wild, but that's not what I want to do. If he has
friends there, I want to do the game after game bit. I went to a party
like
that once as a kid, and the mom was there for every bit, so if there were
adults there, they got no attention. Since I can't throw that kind of
party, I want to do the entertainer thing.

What exactly does ds want to do? After all, it's his birthday, not
yours and not the other adult's.

I told him about the Power Ranger and he is gungho. He would be just OTT
dreamland, since he is so into Power Rangers ATM. He is inviting all the
friends he wants and he is very excited about it. We can both have the
party we want.

"toto" wrote in message

, "Nikki" wrote:

That doesn't mean she isn't doing
what her son wants, just that she wants to be fully involved and not feel
like her attention is being pulled in to many directions so she herself
can
enjoy the day as a milestone as well. At least that was true for me.

I think in that case, I would have separate parties.

Well we do now. Actually I planned them as seperate that time to it just
didn't work out that way. The unexpectedness of it was a big part of it as
well as a couple other factors.

I guess I
do think that back to back games seems a little much. I know my kids
liked to have some free time to just play as well as games. Of
course, my kids birthdays were usually outside in our back yard unless
it rained

All ours have been in the yard as well. That first year there were lots of
games planned. I think we skipped one and there was some free play but the
games worked out really well. I can't remember last year for sure but I
don't think there were any games at all.

hehe. Well, I think that seating her near the action is a good idea
and perhaps having hubby help out with getting her food and drinks?

I know but the action moves around :-) Dh did help a lot. I've mostly
moved on from this and only have a few lingering resentments, lol ;-) I
only share the day/time of the family parties now so I am wiser :-)


--
Nikki, mama to
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
Thing One and Thing Two due 4/06

toypup wrote:
"cjra" wrote in message
oups.com...

Do the other adults not participate *at all*? None of them? The family
you're inviting, do they stay away from the kids completely and not
help? Is your DS's father present?


DH helps a bit, but he mostly is my gopher. My parents are my guests. I
don't think they think they should help out. They've never helped out
before.


Maybe you're underestimating your parents? I remember when my niece
(now 16) was about 5 years old and had a birthday party with friends
(the party was at my sister's home) and my parents were also invited
(family is always invited). My parents were older grandparents (my
father was over 70) we thought they would be confused by the concept of
a child's birthday party (forgetting that they threw them for us when we
were growing up...) We thought being from China and from a generation
where children cater to parents, they would be demanding. But they
didn't demand constant attention; they were fascinated by the children's
games. While it wasn't the usual party for them, they did enjoy the
"new" experience.

One of the things my sister did do was invite the other set of
grandparents (who are younger) and had *me* around to run as gopher. I'm
not saying to have both sets of grandparents there but maybe friends who
are close to both to your son and your parents, or sociable friends who
you know can entertain your parents for the times you need to be with
the children.


Games are a completely foreign concept to my parents. I highly doubt they'd
know what to do and I don't think they'd be the least bit interested. I
don't know how other guests would be. I've never done it before.

Again, you may be underestimating your parents (your dad?). I think
while they wouldn't participate but maybe they could help in a small
way. That may make them feel more connected to the children's party.

Good luck,
Jeanne

"toypup" wrote:

"Rosalie B." wrote in message
.. .
"bizby40" wrote:
"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article , bizby40
says...

"cjra" wrote in message
glegroups.com...

toypup wrote:

I should also add, there's really not much to do. We almost
always have the
food catered. It's the talking to adults I need to do, something
I'd neglect with kids' party games back to back.

ouch. Back to back games? I'd think that'd be exhausting for
everyone! I'm a big fan of free play time mixed in, but I realise
that's not
a popular concept for kids these days.

This is toypup's party and she can do what she wants to. Stop
hounding her about it.

We're discussing it. That's not 'hounding'.

Banty

Cjra specifically is making all these little digs and jibes
(paraphrased) "Oh, I always expect to *help* at parties, I guess it's
a culture thing." "I'm a big fan of free play, but I realize that's
not popular these days." that are thinly veiled put downs.

But by all means, you can cjra can go on planning your dream party if
that's what you want to do. It sounds like toypup has hers all worked
out.

I agree about the put-downs - I haven't really read them.

I for one would feel upset if my parents insisted that I talk to them
and ignored my child during his birthday party. That's what I was
trying to figure out - how to resolve that so that her parents don't
feel slighted and so that her ds would have a nice birthday and so
that she doesn't feel pulled in three directions at once. And I think
probably Banty is trying to do the same.

But I think my problem is resolved. My parents don't want 100% attention.
They aren't going to get it. They just don't want to be totally ignored.

I am not sure that the plan to hire an entertainer for the children
will completely resolve the question.

Why not? They don't want to be completely ignored, which they will be if I
have back to back games they way I would if I threw an all activities party.
I don't want to have kids run wild parties. This is what I came up with
that resolves all my problems. Why do other people have problems with it?

I meant for you, not for them. Although maybe I misread this quite
long thread - someone said that as the hostess they would expect to be
with their guests and having conversation with them or maybe it was
that their parents would expect that their child would concentrate on
having conversation with them to the exclusion of the grandson, as if
it were their party rather than the party of the bday child.


grandma Rosalie

toypup wrote:
"cjra" wrote in message
oups.com...

ouch. Back to back games? I'd think that'd be exhausting for everyone!
I'm a big fan of free play time mixed in, but I realise that's not a
popular concept for kids these days.



I am a fan of free play. One party does not make me a non-fan of free-play.
All our parties until now have been free-play. How does having one
controlled party make everyone here so upset?



I think cjra is misconstruing your message and thinks that having a
program precludes free-play and of course it doesn't. The parties here
tend to follow a format of 1. free play or small crafts while guests
arrive; 2. special birthday activity/program; 3. cake and ice cream; 4.
(optional) gift opening; 5. free play until parents arrive or guests leave.

There's always lots of time so kids can just play.

Jeanne