more birthday ettiquete questions

"Jeanne" wrote in message
...
Well, if your family's weird then so am I and the rest of my family. I
think it's not only totally okay to have a "family" party with aunts,
uncles, cousins and grandparents without a dozen little friends running
around but much more preferable. Most of DD and DS' cousins are much older
and both grandmothers are elderly, so a noisy kids' place just wouldn't be
right for my family either.

I think it's totally okay, too, but I was answering the question why we
don't have the family at the children's venue.

"Banty" wrote in message
...
When did kid birthdays get to be an extended family bonding ritual? OK,
the
*first* birthday is a big deal (at least lately), but what happened to the
immediate family (meaning, the household) serving the cake and singing
'happy
birhday' after dinner? Even the kid birthday parties used to be something
more
or less special, not held every single year.

For my side of the family, my kids are the only grandkids. We are not
terribly close. It is the only time we all get together.


What should be a simple and sentimental little celebration has turned into
a
quasi-obligatory set of public entertainments, where the *whole class*
gets
invited, then all the extended family gets invited (hope the two sides get
along
- would it have to be *three* celebrations if they don't?). With hired
clowns
and magicians. It's escalated into silliness.

The whole class is not getting invited, hence my post. All extended family
is not invited. My brother and my mom and dad and DH's family is invited.
That's a rather small "all the extended family." We do usually have one
celebration for my side and one for DH's side, since his parents are not
usually in town for the birthday.


Immediate family and the kids' real friends (in which case the parents
should
already know the other parents, therefore already have their addresses).
Period.

Don't know why you're so upset. Even if we wanted all the extended family
up to great-aunts and the whole class, you wouldn't have to go, so why be
upset?

In article , Ericka Kammerer
says...

Banty wrote:

When did kid birthdays get to be an extended family bonding ritual? OK, the
*first* birthday is a big deal (at least lately), but what happened to the
immediate family (meaning, the household) serving the cake and singing 'happy
birhday' after dinner?

Well, I don't actually have any heartburn over using
a family birthday (kid or adult) as an excuse to get the troops
together and have a good time. It's just a problem if it's
too burdensome for the hosts but they feel they can't "let
everyone down" by not hosting another one this year.

Sure, I don't have any heartburn either over someone wanting to throw a party
for *any* excuse. Nothing inherently wrong with a big bash! But perhaps some
folks have gotten little spoiled about the possibility of a big bash - toypup
referred to having a family party because her family would be "dissapointed".
That's quite a different thing, and goes into the realm of what you described in
your last sentence.


What should be a simple and sentimental little celebration has turned into a
quasi-obligatory set of public entertainments, where the *whole class* gets
invited, then all the extended family gets invited (hope the two sides get along
- would it have to be *three* celebrations if they don't?). With hired clowns
and magicians. It's escalated into silliness.

Sure. Again, I've got no issue with those who want to
make a big deal of a birthday, but it is a problem if people
are feeling obligated to outdo themselves year after year (or
keep up with the Joneses). Sometimes we do a big to-do and
sometimes we don't, depending on what we feel like doing.
I think this year we'll do a big to-do for G.'s birthday
because it'll be a good excuse to do a big 4th of July BBQ
in our new back yard. Might even buy a grill ;-) Next year,
maybe no party at all, unless I'm feeling festive, ya know.
But then again, any excuse is good for a party in my book.
I'm already laying plans for a bit New Year's Eve to-do
(haven't done one since 1999/2000, so I'm getting the urge
again...).

Ah - I got to buy a grill, or at least figure out what dimensions I should plan
for, for the alcove in my new deck

Banty


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In article , Sue says...

"cjra" wrote in message Why would you have to
have a separate party for kids at a venue??? Can the classmate friends not
also come to the family party?

How about because the older relatives (grandpa, etc) don't really like all
the noise and little kids running around. If I am having a party at a
Ceaserland or something similar, the older relatives don't come. However, if
I am just having dinner with cake and ice cream and not inviting other kids,
then my dad comes. The older relatives are sensitive with noises and not
used to having kids around anymore. And it's less stressful to have the
parties separated.


Heck - when I was in my thirties and a parent of a young kid, I couldn't stand
the kid-party places.

Banty


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In article , toypup says...


"Banty" wrote in message
...
When did kid birthdays get to be an extended family bonding ritual? OK,
the
*first* birthday is a big deal (at least lately), but what happened to the
immediate family (meaning, the household) serving the cake and singing
'happy
birhday' after dinner? Even the kid birthday parties used to be something
more
or less special, not held every single year.

For my side of the family, my kids are the only grandkids. We are not
terribly close. It is the only time we all get together.

Then you're holding it because *you* want to hold it, and not because "they'll
be dissapointed". (or not - worth thinking about...)



What should be a simple and sentimental little celebration has turned into
a
quasi-obligatory set of public entertainments, where the *whole class*
gets
invited, then all the extended family gets invited (hope the two sides get
along
- would it have to be *three* celebrations if they don't?). With hired
clowns
and magicians. It's escalated into silliness.

The whole class is not getting invited, hence my post. All extended family
is not invited. My brother and my mom and dad and DH's family is invited.
That's a rather small "all the extended family." We do usually have one
celebration for my side and one for DH's side, since his parents are not
usually in town for the birthday.

OK, I know that - I wasn't specifically describing your party either - it was
more of a general rant. But still, you are inviting kids you hardly know or
don't know at all, right? Else you wouldn't have this invite problem. I'm just
advocating for considering birthday parties that are more relaxed and intimate.
Yes, I understand with little kids they're just now making their friends...



Immediate family and the kids' real friends (in which case the parents
should
already know the other parents, therefore already have their addresses).
Period.

Don't know why you're so upset. Even if we wanted all the extended family
up to great-aunts and the whole class, you wouldn't have to go, so why be
upset?



??

You're taking this much too heavily.

Banty


--
NewsGuy.Com 30Gb $9.95 Carry Forward and On Demand Bandwidth

Banty wrote:
In article , toypup says...


"Banty" wrote in message
...
LOL! Did she volunteeer to hold the family party?

No. I was wondering aloud what to do about my side of the family. They'd
be disappointed if we only had a kids party and I was wondering how to make
it a kids and family party. She suggested celebrating separately.



When did kid birthdays get to be an extended family bonding ritual? OK, the
*first* birthday is a big deal (at least lately), but what happened to the
immediate family (meaning, the household) serving the cake and singing 'happy
birhday' after dinner? Even the kid birthday parties used to be something more
or less special, not held every single year.

What should be a simple and sentimental little celebration has turned into a
quasi-obligatory set of public entertainments, where the *whole class* gets
invited, then all the extended family gets invited (hope the two sides get along
- would it have to be *three* celebrations if they don't?). With hired clowns
and magicians. It's escalated into silliness.


Some families actually *like* getting together and having a party.
Your's doesn't, that's cool. Others do. Not a difficult concept, really.

toypup wrote:
"cjra" wrote in message
oups.com...
Why would you have to have a separate party for kids at a venue??? Can
the classmate friends not also come to the family party?


My family's weird. They would rather not go to a kids oriented party at a
kids place. They have all been too long without kids or have never had
kids. I can't get my mom and dad to go to Disneyland with us and I've
offered to buy them season passes so they could hang out for an hour or two
one weekend a month maybe. They refuse, because they don't care for
Disneyland and they don't care to do it just to be around the kids.

Oh, I'd have no desire to go to a kids' oriented place myself! I guess
I was thinking why it was necessary for a kids' birthday to be
celebrated at a place such as that, as opposed to a party at home or
maybe a park. But that's 'cause no one I know does those sorts of
parties. Kids birthday parties have all been at someone's house or at a
park with a playground.

I can fully appreciate the adults having no desire to hang out at Chuck
E Cheese (or Disneyland).

toypup wrote:
"Jeanne" wrote in message
...
Well, if your family's weird then so am I and the rest of my family. I
think it's not only totally okay to have a "family" party with aunts,
uncles, cousins and grandparents without a dozen little friends running
around but much more preferable. Most of DD and DS' cousins are much older
and both grandmothers are elderly, so a noisy kids' place just wouldn't be
right for my family either.

I think it's totally okay, too, but I was answering the question why we
don't have the family at the children's venue.

Actually, the question was why not have the kids at the family venue?

I didn't realise having a kid's birthday at a kid's establishment was
mandatory.

"Banty" wrote in message
...
OK, I know that - I wasn't specifically describing your party either - it
was
more of a general rant. But still, you are inviting kids you hardly know
or
don't know at all, right? Else you wouldn't have this invite problem.
I'm just
advocating for considering birthday parties that are more relaxed and
intimate.
Yes, I understand with little kids they're just now making their
friends...

I don't know them, but DS does. It's his party. I want him to have friends
over that he knows.

"cjra" wrote in message
oups.com...

toypup wrote:
"Jeanne" wrote in message
...
Well, if your family's weird then so am I and the rest of my family. I
think it's not only totally okay to have a "family" party with aunts,
uncles, cousins and grandparents without a dozen little friends running
around but much more preferable. Most of DD and DS' cousins are much
older
and both grandmothers are elderly, so a noisy kids' place just wouldn't
be
right for my family either.

I think it's totally okay, too, but I was answering the question why we
don't have the family at the children's venue.

Actually, the question was why not have the kids at the family venue?

Okay, I'll have to go back and read where we got lost in the thread. We are
having the kids over at our house. What's the question?