more birthday ettiquete questions

toypup wrote:
"Jeanne" wrote in message
...
Well, if your family's weird then so am I and the rest of my family. I
think it's not only totally okay to have a "family" party with aunts,
uncles, cousins and grandparents without a dozen little friends running
around but much more preferable. Most of DD and DS' cousins are much older
and both grandmothers are elderly, so a noisy kids' place just wouldn't be
right for my family either.

I think it's totally okay, too, but I was answering the question why we
don't have the family at the children's venue.

Actually, the question was why not have the kids at the family venue?

I didn't realise having a kid's birthday at a kid's establishment was
mandatory. Certainly none of my nieces and nephews or friends' kids
seem scarred by playing in someone's backyard at a party.

I've been to all of ONE kid's bday where there was a clown and some
other events. Interesting, but a bit weird as it was for a 1 yr old and
this was a fairly low-income family. The food, however, was out of this
world (family was from Monterrey, Mexico and cooked all week).

Our friends who hired a dunk tank for their 3 yo's bday were just smart
- July in Texas.

toypup wrote:
"cjra" wrote in message
oups.com...

toypup wrote:
"Jeanne" wrote in message
...
Well, if your family's weird then so am I and the rest of my family. I
think it's not only totally okay to have a "family" party with aunts,
uncles, cousins and grandparents without a dozen little friends running
around but much more preferable. Most of DD and DS' cousins are much
older
and both grandmothers are elderly, so a noisy kids' place just wouldn't
be
right for my family either.

I think it's totally okay, too, but I was answering the question why we
don't have the family at the children's venue.

Actually, the question was why not have the kids at the family venue?

Okay, I'll have to go back and read where we got lost in the thread. We are
having the kids over at our house. What's the question?

The question was, why couldn't adults be invited to the same party the
kids' were invited to? I think you had said something about hosting
separate parties, but maybe that was someone else.

I can appreciate that some adults just don't like 'family style'
parties and would rather not be around kids. That's ok, and so perhaps
it makes sense to have a different sort of gathering in that situation.

"cjra" wrote in message
oups.com...

toypup wrote:
"Jeanne" wrote in message
...
Well, if your family's weird then so am I and the rest of my family. I
think it's not only totally okay to have a "family" party with aunts,
uncles, cousins and grandparents without a dozen little friends running
around but much more preferable. Most of DD and DS' cousins are much
older
and both grandmothers are elderly, so a noisy kids' place just wouldn't
be
right for my family either.

I think it's totally okay, too, but I was answering the question why we
don't have the family at the children's venue.

Actually, the question was why not have the kids at the family venue?

Well, I thought home was a family venue. We're having a Power Ranger come
over. It's our first true bash. Until now, all our parties have been
intimate family affairs, but with mostly adults last year, DS was a bit sad.
The adults were conversing amongst themselves and DS kept being told not to
interrupt. He was pretty neglected. Being that it was his party and no one
wanted to talk to him, I felt bad for him. The only kids invited there were
his cousins, who were infants and my friends' kids, who were late. This
year, I promised he could have friends over. With the kids over, I either
wanted no adults, so I could focus on entertaining the kids, or an
entertainer, so I could be a good hostess for the adults. I could very well
let the kids run wild, but I'd rather not. It's better for me if they are
more controlled.

"cjra" wrote in message
oups.com...

toypup wrote:
"cjra" wrote in message
oups.com...

toypup wrote:
"Jeanne" wrote in message
...
Well, if your family's weird then so am I and the rest of my family.
I
think it's not only totally okay to have a "family" party with
aunts,
uncles, cousins and grandparents without a dozen little friends
running
around but much more preferable. Most of DD and DS' cousins are much
older
and both grandmothers are elderly, so a noisy kids' place just
wouldn't
be
right for my family either.

I think it's totally okay, too, but I was answering the question why
we
don't have the family at the children's venue.

Actually, the question was why not have the kids at the family venue?

Okay, I'll have to go back and read where we got lost in the thread. We
are
having the kids over at our house. What's the question?

The question was, why couldn't adults be invited to the same party the
kids' were invited to? I think you had said something about hosting
separate parties, but maybe that was someone else.

That was one possibility we were floating around and the one we will go
with. I wanted to do a traditional kids' party, with games and such. The
adults would go neglected by me in that case, so I was asking MIL what to
do, so she suggested two parties, so I don't have to worry about the adults
at the kid-centered party. We will have everyone at one party and hire one
entertainer, so I won't have to worry about the kids or neglect the adults.

In article .com, cjra says...


toypup wrote:
"cjra" wrote in message
oups.com...

toypup wrote:
"Jeanne" wrote in message
...
Well, if your family's weird then so am I and the rest of my family. I
think it's not only totally okay to have a "family" party with aunts,
uncles, cousins and grandparents without a dozen little friends running
around but much more preferable. Most of DD and DS' cousins are much
older
and both grandmothers are elderly, so a noisy kids' place just wouldn't
be
right for my family either.

I think it's totally okay, too, but I was answering the question why we
don't have the family at the children's venue.

Actually, the question was why not have the kids at the family venue?

Okay, I'll have to go back and read where we got lost in the thread. We are
having the kids over at our house. What's the question?

The question was, why couldn't adults be invited to the same party the
kids' were invited to? I think you had said something about hosting
separate parties, but maybe that was someone else.

I can appreciate that some adults just don't like 'family style'
parties and would rather not be around kids. That's ok, and so perhaps
it makes sense to have a different sort of gathering in that situation.


Would seem a plan to me - maybe make sure to provide some quieter sitting areas
for the adults to converse.

Banty


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In article , toypup says...


"cjra" wrote in message
roups.com...

toypup wrote:
"Jeanne" wrote in message
...
Well, if your family's weird then so am I and the rest of my family. I
think it's not only totally okay to have a "family" party with aunts,
uncles, cousins and grandparents without a dozen little friends running
around but much more preferable. Most of DD and DS' cousins are much
older
and both grandmothers are elderly, so a noisy kids' place just wouldn't
be
right for my family either.

I think it's totally okay, too, but I was answering the question why we
don't have the family at the children's venue.

Actually, the question was why not have the kids at the family venue?

Well, I thought home was a family venue. We're having a Power Ranger come
over. It's our first true bash. Until now, all our parties have been
intimate family affairs, but with mostly adults last year, DS was a bit sad.
The adults were conversing amongst themselves and DS kept being told not to
interrupt. He was pretty neglected. Being that it was his party and no one
wanted to talk to him, I felt bad for him. The only kids invited there were
his cousins, who were infants and my friends' kids, who were late. This
year, I promised he could have friends over. With the kids over, I either
wanted no adults, so I could focus on entertaining the kids, or an
entertainer, so I could be a good hostess for the adults. I could very well
let the kids run wild, but I'd rather not. It's better for me if they are
more controlled.



These adults aren't there to celebrate the birthday, toypup. It's a hang-out
opportunity. If I were you, I'd also drop the adult thing, and have something
for your family on memorial day instead (or something like that). Rearrange the
family expectations a bit. Hitching it to your son's birthday wasn't working.

Banty


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In article , toypup says...


"cjra" wrote in message
roups.com...

toypup wrote:
"cjra" wrote in message
oups.com...

toypup wrote:
"Jeanne" wrote in message
...
Well, if your family's weird then so am I and the rest of my family.
I
think it's not only totally okay to have a "family" party with
aunts,
uncles, cousins and grandparents without a dozen little friends
running
around but much more preferable. Most of DD and DS' cousins are much
older
and both grandmothers are elderly, so a noisy kids' place just
wouldn't
be
right for my family either.

I think it's totally okay, too, but I was answering the question why
we
don't have the family at the children's venue.

Actually, the question was why not have the kids at the family venue?

Okay, I'll have to go back and read where we got lost in the thread. We
are
having the kids over at our house. What's the question?

The question was, why couldn't adults be invited to the same party the
kids' were invited to? I think you had said something about hosting
separate parties, but maybe that was someone else.

That was one possibility we were floating around and the one we will go
with. I wanted to do a traditional kids' party, with games and such. The
adults would go neglected by me in that case, so I was asking MIL what to
do, so she suggested two parties, so I don't have to worry about the adults
at the kid-centered party. We will have everyone at one party and hire one
entertainer, so I won't have to worry about the kids or neglect the adults.



If it were me, I'd move it to another day like Memorial Day. If all the major
holidays are 'taken', make up a different excuse. Earth Day, Cinco de Mayo, Tax
Day, May Day, anything. Split it off from your son's birthday. It ends up
being two gatherings, but at least they're not on top of each other.

I guess see how it works out this time..

Cheers,

Banty


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"Banty" wrote in message
...
These adults aren't there to celebrate the birthday, toypup. It's a
hang-out
opportunity. If I were you, I'd also drop the adult thing, and have
something
for your family on memorial day instead (or something like that).
Rearrange the
family expectations a bit. Hitching it to your son's birthday wasn't
working.

How my family feels is important to me, even if you don't think it should
be. They would feel slighted if I did not invite them for the party. We
already don't get along as well as I'd like and that would just further
alienate us. We do get along well at these parties, so I think we should
have them there. That it wasn't working is your opinion. It didn't work
last year, because there were no kids, but this year is different, since we
will have kids. If it doesn't work, we'll have to think of a different
option for next time.

"Banty" wrote in message
...
If it were me, I'd move it to another day like Memorial Day. If all the
major
holidays are 'taken', make up a different excuse. Earth Day, Cinco de
Mayo, Tax
Day, May Day, anything. Split it off from your son's birthday. It ends
up
being two gatherings, but at least they're not on top of each other.

They would know that tax day is not DS's birthday and will not get together
for that. If we have two gatherings around DS's birthday, which we won't
this year, that will be something I have agreed to deal with. Other people
might have a problem with it, but then I'm the one throwing the party, so I
don't think it should matter.

In article , toypup says...


"Banty" wrote in message
...
These adults aren't there to celebrate the birthday, toypup. It's a
hang-out
opportunity. If I were you, I'd also drop the adult thing, and have
something
for your family on memorial day instead (or something like that).
Rearrange the
family expectations a bit. Hitching it to your son's birthday wasn't
working.

How my family feels is important to me, even if you don't think it should
be. They would feel slighted if I did not invite them for the party. We
already don't get along as well as I'd like and that would just further
alienate us.

There may be a connection, though, between you doing what you think they want
and you and they not getting along.

Some people are funny in certain pertinent ways. If you pander too much, they
lose respect. Even if you think you can hide that you dont' feel completely
comforable with doing what they want, they pick up on it. So things spiral.

It really works out better to do things on your own terms more.

Just something to consider.

We do get along well at these parties, so I think we should
have them there. That it wasn't working is your opinion. It didn't work
last year, because there were no kids, but this year is different, since we
will have kids. If it doesn't work, we'll have to think of a different
option for next time.


Sure, try it. With enough distraction around for everyone, it might be good.

Banty


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