I'm a horrible, horrible person and mother...

©kat© wrote in message
news%hnb.46405$zx2.24505@edtnps84...
Earlier today, I smashed my son's head... He has a huge bruise. By huge,
I
really do mean HUGE...


Last night, he was up til 3am ****ing around in his room and in the
hallway
and downstairs. Finally I got really ****ed off, yelled at him and
eventually, around 330am, he went to sleep... The other night, he snuck
up
in the middle of the night, came in my room and climbed on to the top of
my
closet shelf and let out the gerbils... I didn't think I'd find them
alive,
given the cat... He's killed one bird and about 4 fish in the past couple
days... I get blamed when he is mean to the cat and she scratches him.
Everyone is telling me that he's not mean to the cat and to get rid of
her... Really, she is just defending herself and does put up with a lot of
crap, and I don't really see a reason to get rid of a friendly, clean,
good
cat... I guess I just think that he needs to learn to be nice to others
and
animals... This cat has yet to leave a scratch on me, and it will take one
warning sign - not an actual act - of her attacking or scratching for no
reason before she's gone.
This afternoon, when he was supposed to be having a nap, I again found him
on the top shelf of my closet, and both gerbils gone. I lost it then
because not only is it a dangerous, fairly long fall with many hard
objects
in the way (the wall, computer desk, my hope chest, etc.) but I've been
telling him and explaining to him why he cannot go up there in the first
place. I grabbed him down and pretty much dragged him back to his room -
kicking and screaming. I then closed the bedroom door and he instantly
ran
to it and started kicking and hitting the door while screaming. I stood
there holding the door as he was screaming and kicking it and trying to
open
it, and then when he gave up trying to open the door, he just kicked it.
He knows there's no screaming like that in the house. I booked it up the
stairs, and opened the door harder than I figured I would because it often
sticks sometimes, and I ended up smashing the door right into him,
literally
sending him flying half way across the room... Almost instantly, he had a
HUGE purple bruise in the middle of his forehead, and I knew it was my
fault, unintentional or not, it was my doing... I went downstairs to calm
myself after I put him on his bed and grabbed ice then came back upstairs.
I felt like such a horrible piece of crap and horrible excuse for a human
being... I grabbed his covers off, and he was cowering under them,
obviously
away from me. He was sobbing and still crying and I picked him up and
started crying myself... I took him downstairs and wrapped him in a
blanket
and tried to put the ice on his forehead, and then, eventually, we both
fell
asleep on the couch cause I wasn't sure about putting him in his room to
sleep alone... Right now, I feel so ****ing horrible, and there's no way I
could take it back... I don't know what happened, but when I was putting
ice
on his forehead, it hit me hard that maybe I just am a bad mother...
I'm scared to go outside anywhere for fear that someone might see his huge
bruise and not care to hear what happened, and just call social
services...
How on earth do you explain that your child kills/is mean to animals and
you
smashed a door into him?? I feel worse right now than I have in as long
as
I can remember...
I called my mom to see what I could do to keep the swelling down and make
the bruise go away, but I wonder what she'll say or think when she gets
here, which should be right away... I have a meeting downtown, and the
baby
is going to my parents' place for a couple hours while I'm out... This
really sucks, and I really don't need to feel even worse about what I
did...



I think you have learnt a great lesson...... don't ever throw a door open.
It was an accident though so don't sweat it. If you find that you get really
angry a lot then think of ways to eliminate the stressors. That might mean
finding a home for the gerbils. If you are near me, I would love to house
them. I don't know about the issues with your son, never had to deal with
that. Sounds scary to me but as Paul said, his son went through that stage
too. If the gerbils are gone, there is one less thing for your son to
terrorize and to possibly harm himself with his climbing. The cat....
de-claw maybe? The say that screaming and yelling at a kid is NOT affective
though so re think how you coup. Nothing wrong with calling a hotline for
suggestions. Good luck.

"©kat©" wrote in message
news%hnb.46405$zx2.24505@edtnps84...
Earlier today,


I'd not worry about it too much, kids have accidents, get hurt, play hard,
bounce off walls and they still seem to make to to 80/90 years old. God
don't make no junk!

I might suggest not dealing with kids when overly angry. If anyone on earth
knows our buttons it's our kids, so when that upset, I find it best to go
cool off before dealing with anything.

And as much as this sucks to hear, if the kids really hurting the animal,get
rid of it till you guys work through this...

take care best wishes

"rolly" wrote in message
...

I'd not worry about it too much, kids have accidents, get hurt, play
hard,
bounce off walls and they still seem to make to to 80/90 years old. God
don't make no junk!

Ain't that the truth! My Dad always used to say, "Children tend to survive,
DESPITE the best efforts of their parents."

Accidents happen and there's just no avoiding them sometimes, especially
when things get hectic and crazy.

"Megan" wrote in message
news:GLjnb.199843$9l5.175691@pd7tw2no...
I think you might need to take some anger management classes...soon.

Maybe I do, maybe I don't. I lived through a MAJORLY colicky baby not that
long ago, and I learned fast what I do and do not need to do. I don't think
I remember a time that I actually yelled at him, aside from the odd, "stop
that!" or something similar, and I've never found myself yelling and
screaming like there's no tomorrow. Raising my voice, I've found, grabs his
attention often when I've needed it, and a sharp, "cut that out" has never
given be problems.

You
need to realize that your child comes first and it might be time to let
the
animals go to a better suited home.

Maybe that is why my birds are going to a new home with someone who enjoys
birds and can give them the attention they need? Perhaps not everything has
been handed down to me for my own personal amusement, and driving across the
city not only takes time, it takes gas as well.

A child needs to be taught how to act
towards others and animals, as a mom that is your job, i'm afraid you're
about to be fired.

Really? I think you should be fired as a human being. I guess I could
always look at getting a lion instead of a cat and a pair of emus instead of
budgies - at least the bigger of the animals could defend themselves by
ripping us all apart, rather than run.

I hope someone near you has the good sense in calling
Child and Family Services.

Good thing I talked to my mom first. But, again, she don't know her head
from her ass. She said that he had a good bump, but other than that, she
said he'd survive Also, my mom wouldn't know nothing when it comes to
anything. 20+ years raising her own children and over a quarter of a
century being a social worker in child protection. Believe me, I know my
mom would not hesitate an iota of a second to call social services if she
thought he was in any type of trouble or harm. Why don't you call and repor
t me, then? If you give me a couple hours, I'll look through all my school
notes and papers from last year's school and work and volunteer work, and
I'll get you a number to call.
Not once did child welfare cross my mind and all I had been feeling was
related to me, and my son, and nothing more.


"©kat©" wrote in message
news%hnb.46405$zx2.24505@edtnps84...
Earlier today, I smashed my son's head... He has a huge bruise. By
huge,
I
really do mean HUGE...


Last night, he was up til 3am ****ing around in his room and in the
hallway
and downstairs. Finally I got really ****ed off, yelled at him and
eventually, around 330am, he went to sleep... The other night, he
snuck
up
in the middle of the night, came in my room and climbed on to the top of
my
closet shelf and let out the gerbils... I didn't think I'd find them
alive,
given the cat... He's killed one bird and about 4 fish in the past
couple
days... I get blamed when he is mean to the cat and she scratches him.
Everyone is telling me that he's not mean to the cat and to get rid of
her... Really, she is just defending herself and does put up with a lot
of
crap, and I don't really see a reason to get rid of a friendly, clean,
good
cat... I guess I just think that he needs to learn to be nice to others
and
animals... This cat has yet to leave a scratch on me, and it will take
one
warning sign - not an actual act - of her attacking or scratching for no
reason before she's gone.
This afternoon, when he was supposed to be having a nap, I again found
him
on the top shelf of my closet, and both gerbils gone. I lost it then
because not only is it a dangerous, fairly long fall with many hard
objects
in the way (the wall, computer desk, my hope chest, etc.) but I've been
telling him and explaining to him why he cannot go up there in the first
place. I grabbed him down and pretty much dragged him back to his
room -
kicking and screaming. I then closed the bedroom door and he instantly
ran
to it and started kicking and hitting the door while screaming. I stood
there holding the door as he was screaming and kicking it and trying to
open
it, and then when he gave up trying to open the door, he just kicked
it.
He knows there's no screaming like that in the house. I booked it up the
stairs, and opened the door harder than I figured I would because it
often
sticks sometimes, and I ended up smashing the door right into him,
literally
sending him flying half way across the room... Almost instantly, he had
a
HUGE purple bruise in the middle of his forehead, and I knew it was my
fault, unintentional or not, it was my doing... I went downstairs to
calm
myself after I put him on his bed and grabbed ice then came back
upstairs.
I felt like such a horrible piece of crap and horrible excuse for a
human
being... I grabbed his covers off, and he was cowering under them,
obviously
away from me. He was sobbing and still crying and I picked him up and
started crying myself... I took him downstairs and wrapped him in a
blanket
and tried to put the ice on his forehead, and then, eventually, we both
fell
asleep on the couch cause I wasn't sure about putting him in his room to
sleep alone... Right now, I feel so ****ing horrible, and there's no way
I
could take it back... I don't know what happened, but when I was putting
ice
on his forehead, it hit me hard that maybe I just am a bad mother...
I'm scared to go outside anywhere for fear that someone might see his
huge
bruise and not care to hear what happened, and just call social
services...
How on earth do you explain that your child kills/is mean to animals and
you
smashed a door into him?? I feel worse right now than I have in as long
as
I can remember...
I called my mom to see what I could do to keep the swelling down and
make
the bruise go away, but I wonder what she'll say or think when she gets
here, which should be right away... I have a meeting downtown, and the
baby
is going to my parents' place for a couple hours while I'm out... This
really sucks, and I really don't need to feel even worse about what I
did...

"Betsy" wrote in message
om...

"©kat©" wrote in message
news%hnb.46405$zx2.24505@edtnps84...
Earlier today, I smashed my son's head... He has a huge bruise. By
huge,
I
really do mean HUGE...


Last night, he was up til 3am ****ing around in his room and in the
hallway
and downstairs. Finally I got really ****ed off, yelled at him and
eventually, around 330am, he went to sleep... The other night, he
snuck
up
in the middle of the night, came in my room and climbed on to the top of
my
closet shelf and let out the gerbils... I didn't think I'd find them
alive,
given the cat... He's killed one bird and about 4 fish in the past
couple
days... I get blamed when he is mean to the cat and she scratches him.
Everyone is telling me that he's not mean to the cat and to get rid of
her... Really, she is just defending herself and does put up with a lot
of
crap, and I don't really see a reason to get rid of a friendly, clean,
good
cat... I guess I just think that he needs to learn to be nice to others
and
animals... This cat has yet to leave a scratch on me, and it will take
one
warning sign - not an actual act - of her attacking or scratching for no
reason before she's gone.
This afternoon, when he was supposed to be having a nap, I again found
him
on the top shelf of my closet, and both gerbils gone. I lost it then
because not only is it a dangerous, fairly long fall with many hard
objects
in the way (the wall, computer desk, my hope chest, etc.) but I've been
telling him and explaining to him why he cannot go up there in the first
place. I grabbed him down and pretty much dragged him back to his
room -
kicking and screaming. I then closed the bedroom door and he instantly
ran
to it and started kicking and hitting the door while screaming. I stood
there holding the door as he was screaming and kicking it and trying to
open
it, and then when he gave up trying to open the door, he just kicked
it.
He knows there's no screaming like that in the house. I booked it up the
stairs, and opened the door harder than I figured I would because it
often
sticks sometimes, and I ended up smashing the door right into him,
literally
sending him flying half way across the room... Almost instantly, he had
a
HUGE purple bruise in the middle of his forehead, and I knew it was my
fault, unintentional or not, it was my doing... I went downstairs to
calm
myself after I put him on his bed and grabbed ice then came back
upstairs.
I felt like such a horrible piece of crap and horrible excuse for a
human
being... I grabbed his covers off, and he was cowering under them,
obviously
away from me. He was sobbing and still crying and I picked him up and
started crying myself... I took him downstairs and wrapped him in a
blanket
and tried to put the ice on his forehead, and then, eventually, we both
fell
asleep on the couch cause I wasn't sure about putting him in his room to
sleep alone... Right now, I feel so ****ing horrible, and there's no way
I
could take it back... I don't know what happened, but when I was putting
ice
on his forehead, it hit me hard that maybe I just am a bad mother...
I'm scared to go outside anywhere for fear that someone might see his
huge
bruise and not care to hear what happened, and just call social
services...
How on earth do you explain that your child kills/is mean to animals and
you
smashed a door into him?? I feel worse right now than I have in as long
as
I can remember...
I called my mom to see what I could do to keep the swelling down and
make
the bruise go away, but I wonder what she'll say or think when she gets
here, which should be right away... I have a meeting downtown, and the
baby
is going to my parents' place for a couple hours while I'm out... This
really sucks, and I really don't need to feel even worse about what I
did...




Kat,

You are a human being. Accidents happen. What happened with the door was
an accident. You did not intentionally go into that room in order to hurt
your son. I do think you need some sort of help, to figure out what's
going
on in your head. Having said that, I need to tell you, I do not think you
are a bad mother. Nor are you a failure. You are a human being who gets
tired, and angry, and frustrated. I have felt the same way. I have
yelled
or screamed at my son in the past instead of calming down first. Find
someone, a support group, or individual counselor, or good friend; someone
to talk to, to vent your frustrations. It does help. When bad things
start
piling up in life, the rest of the world seems bleak and meaningless.
This
is the time to say, "I can't do it all alone." You know what happened was
an accident. Your son is not seriously injured, nor will he be scarred
for
life. You will get through this, and come out stronger in the end. You
are
a very strong young woman, and I hold you in high regards for all you have
been through. We are always hardest on ourselves. Try not to do that to
yourself. You don't need any more beating up. You are cared about here,
and I will send good thoughts, and loving prayers your direction. Let us
know how things are going. Don't keep it bottled up.

Best wishes,
Betsy



It's just been a really crappy 2 weeks or so. Nothing really out of the
ordinary, just all the little things together. Wes had 5 days off from
work, and between him and the baby, it's harder. He ALWAYS has to put his
2¢ in, and when I try to talk to him, I feel like I'm in the middle of a
forest, talking to the trees and moss alone. He just doesn't seem to
listen, and there's very few people I can call or talk to who will actually
listen without getting bored, frustrated, angry, or doing the same towards
me. I did not open any door hoping he'd be standing there waiting for me to
knock him flat on his ass, nor did I get any enjoyment at all from it, but I
did enjoy sitting down with him, and having him actually sit down with me,
and fall asleep on the couch together. I would NOT even think about
smashing another door in his face to be able to have him sit with me again
and fall asleep on the couch like yesterday.
Lost my train of thought after a washroom break...

"CME" wrote in message
news:9Uonb.52494$zx2.20871@edtnps84...

"Betsy" wrote in message
om...

"©kat©" wrote in message
news%hnb.46405$zx2.24505@edtnps84...
Earlier today, I smashed my son's head... He has a huge bruise. By
huge,
I
really do mean HUGE...


Last night, he was up til 3am ****ing around in his room and in the
hallway
and downstairs. Finally I got really ****ed off, yelled at him and
eventually, around 330am, he went to sleep... The other night, he
snuck
up
in the middle of the night, came in my room and climbed on to the top
of
my
closet shelf and let out the gerbils... I didn't think I'd find them
alive,
given the cat... He's killed one bird and about 4 fish in the past
couple
days... I get blamed when he is mean to the cat and she scratches him.
Everyone is telling me that he's not mean to the cat and to get rid of
her... Really, she is just defending herself and does put up with a
lot
of
crap, and I don't really see a reason to get rid of a friendly, clean,
good
cat... I guess I just think that he needs to learn to be nice to
others
and
animals... This cat has yet to leave a scratch on me, and it will take
one
warning sign - not an actual act - of her attacking or scratching for
no
reason before she's gone.
This afternoon, when he was supposed to be having a nap, I again found
him
on the top shelf of my closet, and both gerbils gone. I lost it then
because not only is it a dangerous, fairly long fall with many hard
objects
in the way (the wall, computer desk, my hope chest, etc.) but I've
been
telling him and explaining to him why he cannot go up there in the
first
place. I grabbed him down and pretty much dragged him back to his
room -
kicking and screaming. I then closed the bedroom door and he
instantly
ran
to it and started kicking and hitting the door while screaming. I
stood
there holding the door as he was screaming and kicking it and trying
to
open
it, and then when he gave up trying to open the door, he just kicked
it.
He knows there's no screaming like that in the house. I booked it up
the
stairs, and opened the door harder than I figured I would because it
often
sticks sometimes, and I ended up smashing the door right into him,
literally
sending him flying half way across the room... Almost instantly, he
had
a
HUGE purple bruise in the middle of his forehead, and I knew it was my
fault, unintentional or not, it was my doing... I went downstairs to
calm
myself after I put him on his bed and grabbed ice then came back
upstairs.
I felt like such a horrible piece of crap and horrible excuse for a
human
being... I grabbed his covers off, and he was cowering under them,
obviously
away from me. He was sobbing and still crying and I picked him up and
started crying myself... I took him downstairs and wrapped him in a
blanket
and tried to put the ice on his forehead, and then, eventually, we
both
fell
asleep on the couch cause I wasn't sure about putting him in his room
to
sleep alone... Right now, I feel so ****ing horrible, and there's no
way
I
could take it back... I don't know what happened, but when I was
putting
ice
on his forehead, it hit me hard that maybe I just am a bad mother...
I'm scared to go outside anywhere for fear that someone might see his
huge
bruise and not care to hear what happened, and just call social
services...
How on earth do you explain that your child kills/is mean to animals
and
you
smashed a door into him?? I feel worse right now than I have in as
long
as
I can remember...
I called my mom to see what I could do to keep the swelling down and
make
the bruise go away, but I wonder what she'll say or think when she
gets
here, which should be right away... I have a meeting downtown, and the
baby
is going to my parents' place for a couple hours while I'm out... This
really sucks, and I really don't need to feel even worse about what I
did...




Kat,

You are a human being. Accidents happen. What happened with the door
was
an accident. You did not intentionally go into that room in order to
hurt
your son. I do think you need some sort of help, to figure out what's
going
on in your head. Having said that, I need to tell you, I do not think
you
are a bad mother. Nor are you a failure. You are a human being who
gets
tired, and angry, and frustrated. I have felt the same way. I have
yelled
or screamed at my son in the past instead of calming down first. Find
someone, a support group, or individual counselor, or good friend;
someone
to talk to, to vent your frustrations. It does help. When bad things
start
piling up in life, the rest of the world seems bleak and meaningless.
This
is the time to say, "I can't do it all alone." You know what happened
was
an accident. Your son is not seriously injured, nor will he be scarred
for
life. You will get through this, and come out stronger in the end. You
are
a very strong young woman, and I hold you in high regards for all you
have
been through. We are always hardest on ourselves. Try not to do that
to
yourself. You don't need any more beating up. You are cared about
here,
and I will send good thoughts, and loving prayers your direction. Let
us
know how things are going. Don't keep it bottled up.

Best wishes,
Betsy


Kat, I agree with everything Betsy says and then some. I have been where
you are, and it's not your fault. The fact that you even posted this, and
your concern about your son, and about what happened shows me that you are
not a bad mother. Is your son happy? Healthy? Well fed? In bed at a
decent hour? Gets hugs and kisses? Yesssss... So ffs, give yourself a
break girl.

Christine

He is happy and healthy, and he doesn't go to sleep with an empty tummy... I
have been having problems at both nap time and bed time, but the nap time I
haven't really been pushing too hard... Some days he'll nap, other days he
won't... No nap just means falling asleep half an hour earlier and sleeping
in half an hour later, which is not too much of a concern. What concerns me
most is not going to bed at night, and he often sneaks out of bed sometimes
3am. I suppose this isn't anything out of the ordinary because I remember
sneaking up at night to turn the tv on... He gets lots of hugs and kisses
all the time, and he even now says, "love you!" back when I put him to bed,
give him his Flintstone vitamin, glass of warm milk, suckie, blankie, hug
and kiss, tell him I hope he has a good sleep, goodnight and I love you,
then he started saying, 'love you' the other day.
I think I need to find a weekend that parents or auntie aren't too busy,
drop him off on a friday night or Saturday afternoon and just go for a full
day, but I don't want to feel like I'm asking too much from them... I also
don't know how I'd handle a full 24 hours without him because I've only done
that 2 times, I believe, and I called every half an hour... Their lives are
so busy with brother's football, soccer, hockey, you name it...

"©kat©" wrote in message news:o%hnb.46405$zx2.24505@edtnps84...

Last night, he was up til 3am xxxx around in his room and in the hallway
and downstairs. Finally I got really ****ed off, yelled at him and
eventually, around 330am, he went to sleep...


You know a tired mom is not a happy mom. Have you tried setting some
different bedtime hours? My son would stay up for hours and it was
exhausting! Perhaps increase his physical activity or dance with him
to burn off excess energy for you as well!



snip

Everyone is telling me that he's not mean to the cat and to get rid of
her... Really, she is just defending herself and does put up with a lot of
crap, and I don't really see a reason to get rid of a friendly, clean, good
cat... I guess I just think that he needs to learn to be nice to others and
animals...


Have you tried to find the cat a good home where your son can still
visit? Or maybe take your son to an animal shelter to "help" out with
the animals to give a sense of caring for animals.

snip I grabbed him down and pretty much dragged him back to his room
-
kicking and screaming. I then closed the bedroom door and he instantly ran
to it and started kicking and hitting the door while screaming. I stood
there holding the door as he was screaming and kicking it and trying to open
it, and then when he gave up trying to open the door, he just kicked it.
He knows there's no screaming like that in the house.


I would really consider redirecting my parenting style. It really
sounds like you are stressed and what you are doing (yelling) is not
working. Do you have family center or can you take some type of class?


snip
I felt like such a horrible piece of crap and horrible excuse for a human
being...


You are not a horrible piece of crap. You are a tired woman who sounds
like she needs a support system and some guidance.

snip
How on earth do you explain that your child kills/is mean to animals and you
smashed a door into him??


You don't explain. It is a simple answer. "He bumped into the door."

snip

You take care and good luck.
V

"CME" wrote in message
news:PXonb.52591$zx2.24436@edtnps84...

'Kate wrote in message
...
On Mon, 27 Oct 2003 23:37:56 GMT, "©kat©"
Earlier today, I smashed my son's head... He has a huge bruise. By
huge,
I
really do mean HUGE...


Last night, he was up til 3am ****ing around in his room and in the
hallway
and downstairs. Finally I got really ****ed off, yelled at him and
eventually, around 330am, he went to sleep... The other night, he
snuck
up
in the middle of the night, came in my room and climbed on to the top
of
my
closet shelf and let out the gerbils... I didn't think I'd find them
alive,
given the cat... He's killed one bird and about 4 fish in the past
couple
days... I get blamed when he is mean to the cat and she scratches him.
Everyone is telling me that he's not mean to the cat and to get rid of
her... Really, she is just defending herself and does put up with a lot
of
crap, and I don't really see a reason to get rid of a friendly, clean,
good
cat... I guess I just think that he needs to learn to be nice to others
and
animals... This cat has yet to leave a scratch on me, and it will take
one
warning sign - not an actual act - of her attacking or scratching for
no
reason before she's gone.
This afternoon, when he was supposed to be having a nap, I again found
him
on the top shelf of my closet, and both gerbils gone. I lost it then
because not only is it a dangerous, fairly long fall with many hard
objects
in the way (the wall, computer desk, my hope chest, etc.) but I've been
telling him and explaining to him why he cannot go up there in the
first
place. I grabbed him down and pretty much dragged him back to his
room -
kicking and screaming. I then closed the bedroom door and he instantly
ran
to it and started kicking and hitting the door while screaming. I
stood
there holding the door as he was screaming and kicking it and trying to
open
it, and then when he gave up trying to open the door, he just kicked
it.
He knows there's no screaming like that in the house. I booked it up
the
stairs, and opened the door harder than I figured I would because it
often
sticks sometimes, and I ended up smashing the door right into him,
literally
sending him flying half way across the room... Almost instantly, he had
a
HUGE purple bruise in the middle of his forehead, and I knew it was my
fault, unintentional or not, it was my doing... I went downstairs to
calm
myself after I put him on his bed and grabbed ice then came back
upstairs.
I felt like such a horrible piece of crap and horrible excuse for a
human
being... I grabbed his covers off, and he was cowering under them,
obviously
away from me. He was sobbing and still crying and I picked him up and
started crying myself... I took him downstairs and wrapped him in a
blanket
and tried to put the ice on his forehead, and then, eventually, we both
fell
asleep on the couch cause I wasn't sure about putting him in his room
to
sleep alone... Right now, I feel so ****ing horrible, and there's no
way
I
could take it back... I don't know what happened, but when I was
putting
ice
on his forehead, it hit me hard that maybe I just am a bad mother...
I'm scared to go outside anywhere for fear that someone might see his
huge
bruise and not care to hear what happened, and just call social
services...
How on earth do you explain that your child kills/is mean to animals
and
you
smashed a door into him?? I feel worse right now than I have in as
long
as
I can remember...
I called my mom to see what I could do to keep the swelling down and
make
the bruise go away, but I wonder what she'll say or think when she gets
here, which should be right away... I have a meeting downtown, and the
baby
is going to my parents' place for a couple hours while I'm out... This
really sucks, and I really don't need to feel even worse about what I
did...


It was an accident. You were angry, that's true. However, you were not
trying to hurt him. You were working to keep him from harming a living
thing. You were also overtired because of his behavior. That's probably
something to work on in the future - his sleep habits.

If anyone says anything, just tell them that you didn't expect him to be
behind the door when you opened it. That's the truth.

Kids, by the way, make lousy doorstops.

'Kate


LOL I remember a time that I did the same thing, my son got the door knob
right in the forehead... ohhh the tears. He had a purple circle for a
good
week... ahhh the memories. I think I even have a photo kicking around. lol

Kat, you beat yourself up far too much... I think you're doing a great
job.
If you need a coffee, you know where to find me.

Christine


Ha! Last time, lunch turned into a puke session - good thing it was a warm
day and not bad for being shirtless for a little while - and surely people
must have wondered what I had done to make my own child puke... LOL
I really think half a bottle of vodka sounds fantastic right about now!
HAHA

©kat© wrote in message ...

Earlier today, I smashed my son's head... He has a huge bruise. By huge, I
really do mean HUGE...

Great news!
If he had smashed his head and there was no bruise visible within a short
space of time there is a chance that the bruise could have gone inwards.

Last night, he was up til 3am ****ing around in his room and in the hallway
and downstairs. Finally I got really ****ed off, yelled at him and
eventually, around 330am, he went to sleep... The other night, he snuck
up
in the middle of the night, came in my room and climbed on to the top of my
closet shelf and let out the gerbils...

Perhaps you could keep the gerbils somewhere more accessible.

I didn't think I'd find them alive,
given the cat... He's killed one bird and about 4 fish in the past couple
days... I get blamed when he is mean to the cat and she scratches him.
Everyone is telling me that he's not mean to the cat and to get rid of
her... Really, she is just defending herself and does put up with a lot of
crap, and I don't really see a reason to get rid of a friendly, clean, good
cat... I guess I just think that he needs to learn to be nice to others and
animals... This cat has yet to leave a scratch on me, and it will take one
warning sign - not an actual act - of her attacking or scratching for no
reason before she's gone.

Two new kittens here now (curtousy of Dolores) and Freddie has had quite a
few scratches. I have to keep reminding him that they are not toys!

This afternoon, when he was supposed to be having a nap,

Ah! Why an afternoon nap if the little **** keeps you up till 3am?
Reverse it and keep him active and awake all day, get your timing right and
put him to bed at a reasonable time. I found that a bedtime sequence worked
really well. The permutations involved story, pajamas and wash and cleen
teeth. It doesn't matter which order you do them but as soon as you start on
any one then the sequence and takes over and your son will associate them
with bed time. The direct order "Bedtime!" is immediatly confrontational and
encourages automatic resistants.

I again found him
on the top shelf of my closet, and both gerbils gone. I lost it then
because not only is it a dangerous, fairly long fall with many hard objects
in the way (the wall, computer desk, my hope chest, etc.) but I've been
telling him and explaining to him why he cannot go up there in the first
place.

Then move the girbils, perhaps into a bigger cage as well and with a padlock
on it! Supervised girbil play until he is mature enough to either understand
or do as you say.

I grabbed him down and pretty much dragged him back to his room -
kicking and screaming. I then closed the bedroom door and he instantly ran
to it and started kicking and hitting the door while screaming. I stood
there holding the door as he was screaming and kicking it and trying to
open
it, and then when he gave up trying to open the door, he just kicked it.
He knows there's no screaming like that in the house. I booked it up the
stairs, and opened the door harder than I figured I would because it often
sticks sometimes, and I ended up smashing the door right into him,
literally
sending him flying half way across the room... Almost instantly, he had a
HUGE purple bruise in the middle of his forehead, and I knew it was my
fault, unintentional or not, it was my doing... I went downstairs to calm
myself after I put him on his bed and grabbed ice then came back upstairs.
I felt like such a horrible piece of crap and horrible excuse for a human
being... I grabbed his covers off, and he was cowering under them,
obviously
away from me. He was sobbing and still crying and I picked him up and
started crying myself... I took him downstairs and wrapped him in a
blanket
and tried to put the ice on his forehead,

Not sure if this is the right thing to do. Ice can inhibit the swelling,
sometimes its better out than in. My mother (a qualified nurse) always used
butter which worked well enough on my rough and tumble older boys when they
were young.

I'm scared to go outside anywhere for fear that someone might see his huge
bruise and not care to hear what happened, and just call social services...


Who cares? You have no need to, it was a genuine accident.
BUT
A lot of accidents are preventable. Consider the collective future of the
cat, the gerbils, where to house them, the problems of an over tired child
wandering the house at 3am, your own ability to control all these factors
and come up with a suitable alternative where anticipation and prevention
take priority.

Dennis

Dennis

"Paul Griffiths" wrote in message
...
Firstly, no you're not IMHO naturally.

The door thing was an accident, period. They happen, not a problem, end
of
discussion.

Your child's behaviour and your reaction to it are another matter.

How old is he? I ask because between the ages of about 8 to 12 I went
through a phase where it was "fun" to kill things, or arrange for them to
be
killed, too. Spiders, flies, ants, slugs, snails even a frog once. Not
something I'm happy about but it has made me even more caring of all life
now so not all bad I suppose. Dunno how natural this is but I suspect
it's
pretty common. Seemed to be a cross between finding out how things worked
and pushing the envelope in respect of what I could and couldn't do.

He's only going to be 3 at the end of January... I know kids - especially
little boys - love to do things like pull of spider legs or cut worms in
half... My brothers did it and I still remember.
With the bird thing, I don't believe he actually killed the bird. I know
for a fact that he, for one, would not be able to catch the bird, and even
if he did, he would definitely get bitten if he tried to grab it. What I
believe happened was he opened the bird cage door, let a bird fly out (for
whatever reason - cause he's done it once before) and closed the door behind
the bird maybe so I wouldn't know? I think then the cat got a hold of the
bird and killed or injured it. When it was lying somewhere on the floor
(dead or near dead) I assume he took the bird and put it in the aquarium,
for whatever reason, because the aquarium lid is plexiglass and not easily
removed by cats or birds.
The fish he did kill. No big deal, but only because I don't think he really
understands. He sees little things swimming around and will pull them out
of the water.

Then there's the top shelf of the closet thing. The way I see it is that
you were concerned for his safety. Sounds fair to me but don't expect him
to share your concern or even understand it. I know I wouldn't have at
one
point. I used to climb all over and seemed to spend an awful lot of time
on
one roof or another or jumping between them. I'm a little more sensible
these days, well I hope I am anyway.

As for losing it and shouting at him I don't see any problem with that
either as long as it doesn't happen all the time. I don't think it harms
them to realise there are some things that we feel very strongly about.
If
nothing else he knows where you draw that particular line in no uncertain
terms.

I don't usually yell at all. This morning, I found both gerbils in the cage
with the cage door open (last night he let them out for the second day and I
found one and then the cat found the other and I put it back) So maybe he
knows that he cannot climb up things like he had ben doing.

More important is how you behaved afterwards and I think you did fine.
Have
you talked to him since about how he feels about it all?

Talking to him about important stuff is somewhat silly. He's still just
about 3, and all I hear about is his (not so new anymore) Bob the Builder
bag, brand new Buzz Lightyear shoes and how he poked Grandpa in the eye a
month ago.

Hang in there, you're doing okay.


--
Paul Griffiths