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Rude or am I expecting too much?



 
 
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  #1  
Old September 13th 06, 12:50 AM posted to misc.kids
Engram
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Posts: 173
Default Rude or am I expecting too much?

It was niece's birthday last week. I was at her grandma's (my mum) house
when my niece was picked up from school. She responded to my greeting of
"hello" then proceeded to go through a few of the plastic bags that were
lying on the floor in the living room. When they yielded nothing, she moved
on into the kitchen and proceeded to do the same. When that yielded nothing
yet again (her present was in Matt's nappy bag so not easily found) she came
back to the living room and started to play on the floor while sneaking
expectant looks at me.

When she sat down in the living room, I got up, went to the nappy bag, took
out the present, said "happy birthday" and handed over the present. My niece
just took it. No "thank you", no "kiss my a$$", nothing. Just took it and
unwrapped it. It was exactly what she had asked for for months on end (male
Bratz doll, took me weeks to find one as they seem to have been off the
market in Sydney for a while and finally I found one a couple of weeks ago)
and had been talking of nothing for weeks but of her hope to get one of
these. When she actually gets one, there's not even a grunt of appreciation,
she just puts the box down without opening it and continues to play with
whatever she had been holding beforehand.

All this took about a minute so it's not like I was holding out on her or
torturing her by not thrusting a present at her the moment she walked
through the door. So I wasn't expecting this level of resentment when I
actually gave her the present!

Am I being unreasonable in thinking that a kid turning 7 years old would be
expected to say "thank you"? I'm not asking for a great outpouring of
emotion and exclamations of "you got me my heart's desire and I will love
you forever for this" or for her to go dancing around the room pronouncing
my greatness. I just kind of thought she'd say "thank you"... At what age do
kids normally learn the social norm of thanking people for gifts?

Engram

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Matthew 21 June 2005
DD EDD 06 Oct 2006

Check out our family at
http://www.geocities.com/engram_au/


  #2  
Old September 13th 06, 01:03 AM posted to misc.kids
toypup
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Posts: 1,227
Default Rude or am I expecting too much?


"Engram" wrote in message
...

Am I being unreasonable in thinking that a kid turning 7 years old would
be expected to say "thank you"? I'm not asking for a great outpouring of
emotion and exclamations of "you got me my heart's desire and I will love
you forever for this" or for her to go dancing around the room pronouncing
my greatness. I just kind of thought she'd say "thank you"... At what age
do kids normally learn the social norm of thanking people for gifts?


I don't know. DS is 5yo and he is naturally good at it. In fact, he can
gush over a t-shirt, which I never would expect, but I think it's just the
fact that it's a gift that he's excited about.


  #3  
Old September 13th 06, 02:41 AM posted to misc.kids
bizby40
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Posts: 404
Default Rude or am I expecting too much?


"Engram" wrote in message
...
Am I being unreasonable in thinking that a kid turning 7 years old
would be expected to say "thank you"? I'm not asking for a great
outpouring of emotion and exclamations of "you got me my heart's
desire and I will love you forever for this" or for her to go
dancing around the room pronouncing my greatness. I just kind of
thought she'd say "thank you"... At what age do kids normally learn
the social norm of thanking people for gifts?


I don't think her behavior was out of the norm for her age. Yes, she
should have said thank you, and yes, many kids would have done so at
her age. But many would still need prompting by an adult -- even if
they'd been taught to say it from a young age. As for looking around
hopefully for the present? Normal. And not reacting enthusiastically
about the present she'd been begging for? *sigh* Also quite normal.
======speaking from experience.

Her mom, or grandma, or whoever was caring for her should have
reminded her to thank you. Failing that, as her aunt, you would have
been within bounds to prompt her yourself.

Bizby


  #4  
Old September 13th 06, 03:35 AM posted to misc.kids
Engram
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Posts: 173
Default Rude or am I expecting too much?

"bizby40" wrote in message
...
I don't think her behavior was out of the norm for her age. Yes, she
should have said thank you, and yes, many kids would have done so at her
age. But many would still need prompting by an adult -- even if they'd
been taught to say it from a young age. As for looking around hopefully
for the present? Normal. And not reacting enthusiastically about the
present she'd been begging for? *sigh* Also quite normal. ======speaking
from experience.


I figured that looking around for the present was pretty normal and that
thank you most likely slipped her mind. I guess it was the total dismissal
of the present after actually looking for it and saying she wanted it for so
long that kind of threw me. I suppose the real problem was my expectation
that she would at least acknowledge it rather than just cast it aside. LOL

Oh, well. I suppose my kids will do exactly the same thing to someone some
time in the future!

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
Matthew 21 June 2005
DD EDD 06 Oct 2006

Check out our family at
http://www.geocities.com/engram_au/


  #5  
Old September 13th 06, 03:38 AM posted to misc.kids
Ericka Kammerer
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Posts: 2,293
Default Rude or am I expecting too much?

Engram wrote:

Am I being unreasonable in thinking that a kid turning 7 years old would be
expected to say "thank you"? I'm not asking for a great outpouring of
emotion and exclamations of "you got me my heart's desire and I will love
you forever for this" or for her to go dancing around the room pronouncing
my greatness. I just kind of thought she'd say "thank you"... At what age do
kids normally learn the social norm of thanking people for gifts?


Well, you already know the answer to that question.
Of course it was rude. Seven year olds are sometimes
uncivilized, so one makes some allowances, but at the very
least a parent should have been on hand to prompt her for
some more acceptable behavior.

Best wishes,
Ericka
  #6  
Old September 13th 06, 03:40 AM posted to misc.kids
Engram
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 173
Default Rude or am I expecting too much?

"toypup" wrote in message
...
I don't know. DS is 5yo and he is naturally good at it. In fact, he can
gush over a t-shirt, which I never would expect, but I think it's just the
fact that it's a gift that he's excited about.



My sister used to be exactly the same - even as a little kid her face would
light up and she'd gush "Oh, THANK you" when someone gave her something, no
matter what it was.

I guess some kids are just naturally effusive (and at 28 my sister still can
be like that!) while others are more reserved. I suppose it'll come with
time. And one day MY kid will fail to thank someone who will have exactly
the same reaction as I did!

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
Matthew 21 June 2005
DD EDD 06 Oct 2006

Check out our family at
http://www.geocities.com/engram_au/


  #7  
Old September 13th 06, 03:50 AM posted to misc.kids
Rose Garten
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 28
Default Rude or am I expecting too much?



Engram wrote:
It was niece's birthday last week. I was at her grandma's (my mum) house
when my niece was picked up from school. She responded to my greeting of
"hello" then proceeded to go through a few of the plastic bags that were
lying on the floor in the living room. When they yielded nothing, she moved
on into the kitchen and proceeded to do the same. When that yielded nothing
yet again (her present was in Matt's nappy bag so not easily found) she came
back to the living room and started to play on the floor while sneaking
expectant looks at me.

When she sat down in the living room, I got up, went to the nappy bag, took
out the present, said "happy birthday" and handed over the present. My niece
just took it. No "thank you", no "kiss my a$$", nothing. Just took it and
unwrapped it. It was exactly what she had asked for for months on end (male
Bratz doll, took me weeks to find one as they seem to have been off the
market in Sydney for a while and finally I found one a couple of weeks ago)
and had been talking of nothing for weeks but of her hope to get one of
these. When she actually gets one, there's not even a grunt of appreciation,
she just puts the box down without opening it and continues to play with
whatever she had been holding beforehand.

All this took about a minute so it's not like I was holding out on her or
torturing her by not thrusting a present at her the moment she walked
through the door. So I wasn't expecting this level of resentment when I
actually gave her the present!

Am I being unreasonable in thinking that a kid turning 7 years old would be
expected to say "thank you"? I'm not asking for a great outpouring of
emotion and exclamations of "you got me my heart's desire and I will love
you forever for this" or for her to go dancing around the room pronouncing
my greatness. I just kind of thought she'd say "thank you"... At what age do
kids normally learn the social norm of thanking people for gifts?

Engram

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
Matthew 21 June 2005
DD EDD 06 Oct 2006

Check out our family at
http://www.geocities.com/engram_au/



I say both. She was being rude and you were expecting too much out of
child from today's society. I don't know what the parents expectations
are of said niece but I think that manners in general have gone out the
window for kids today. For DD fourth birthday party I told her ahead of
time that she was expected to politely say thank you after each gift. I
didn't care if she absolutely hated it and never look at it again after
we left but she would be polite at the time. When I told her she did a
great job of thanking everyone she said but mommy I liked all of my
gifts. I remind her of this but she still slips occasionally saying
thank you. Usually it happens in very casual setting. DH and I both
feel that too many kids today have terrible manners and we make a point
of complimenting parents and/or children who we see being polite.

  #8  
Old September 13th 06, 06:10 AM posted to misc.kids
Tori M
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Posts: 296
Default Rude or am I expecting too much?

I guess some kids are just naturally effusive (and at 28 my sister still
can be like that!) while others are more reserved. I suppose it'll come
with time. And one day MY kid will fail to thank someone who will have
exactly the same reaction as I did!


I had an Uncle by marrage that liked to give us gifts more then he liked to
give his own kids things because we actualy liked what he gave us and showed
gratitude even if we didnt.. lol

To answer your orriginal question, I know some kids that act like that and
it irritates me. I have no idea where these kids get the attitude but they
are very dismissive of adults in general. The blank stare and going back to
what they where doing is the part that annoys me.

You could give bonnie a cardboard box and she would be excited :P

Tori


  #9  
Old September 13th 06, 09:24 AM posted to misc.kids
Chookie
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 1,085
Default Rude or am I expecting too much?

In article ,
"Engram" wrote:

Am I being unreasonable in thinking that a kid turning 7 years old would be
expected to say "thank you"? I'm not asking for a great outpouring of
emotion and exclamations of "you got me my heart's desire and I will love
you forever for this" or for her to go dancing around the room pronouncing
my greatness. I just kind of thought she'd say "thank you"... At what age do
kids normally learn the social norm of thanking people for gifts?


When their parents teach them. Don't think of your niece as rude: think of
her parents as failing to bring her up properly! Give them an etiquette book
for Christmas (now that's rude!!).

At 5yo, DS1 can -- when prompted -- say 'please', 'thank you', 'may I
have...', 'thank you for coming' and 'thank you for having me'. Sometimes I
don't have to prompt him, either! I don't know when the prompting will stop,
though.

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"Parenthood is like the modern stone washing process for denim jeans. You may
start out crisp, neat and tough, but you end up pale, limp and wrinkled."
Kerry Cue
  #10  
Old September 13th 06, 12:04 PM posted to misc.kids
Jeff
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 780
Default Rude or am I expecting too much?


"bizby40" wrote in message
...

"Engram" wrote in message
...
Am I being unreasonable in thinking that a kid turning 7 years old would
be expected to say "thank you"? I'm not asking for a great outpouring of
emotion and exclamations of "you got me my heart's desire and I will love
you forever for this" or for her to go dancing around the room
pronouncing my greatness. I just kind of thought she'd say "thank you"...
At what age do kids normally learn the social norm of thanking people for
gifts?


I don't think her behavior was out of the norm for her age. Yes, she
should have said thank you, and yes, many kids would have done so at her
age. But many would still need prompting by an adult -- even if they'd
been taught to say it from a young age. As for looking around hopefully
for the present? Normal. And not reacting enthusiastically about the
present she'd been begging for? *sigh* Also quite normal. ======speaking
from experience.

Her mom, or grandma, or whoever was caring for her should have reminded
her to thank you. Failing that, as her aunt, you would have been within
bounds to prompt her yourself.


I more concerned about her mom's and dad's behavior. Shouldn't they have
said something like, "You've been wanting that for months. Auntie took a lot
of time to find that for you. Did you thank her for it? How about a hug and
kisss?" Even if Mom or Dad weren't in the room at the time, the continued
reinforcment of the politeness lesson does get its point across.

Bizby



 




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