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#1
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Rude or am I expecting too much?
It was niece's birthday last week. I was at her grandma's (my mum) house
when my niece was picked up from school. She responded to my greeting of "hello" then proceeded to go through a few of the plastic bags that were lying on the floor in the living room. When they yielded nothing, she moved on into the kitchen and proceeded to do the same. When that yielded nothing yet again (her present was in Matt's nappy bag so not easily found) she came back to the living room and started to play on the floor while sneaking expectant looks at me. When she sat down in the living room, I got up, went to the nappy bag, took out the present, said "happy birthday" and handed over the present. My niece just took it. No "thank you", no "kiss my a$$", nothing. Just took it and unwrapped it. It was exactly what she had asked for for months on end (male Bratz doll, took me weeks to find one as they seem to have been off the market in Sydney for a while and finally I found one a couple of weeks ago) and had been talking of nothing for weeks but of her hope to get one of these. When she actually gets one, there's not even a grunt of appreciation, she just puts the box down without opening it and continues to play with whatever she had been holding beforehand. All this took about a minute so it's not like I was holding out on her or torturing her by not thrusting a present at her the moment she walked through the door. So I wasn't expecting this level of resentment when I actually gave her the present! Am I being unreasonable in thinking that a kid turning 7 years old would be expected to say "thank you"? I'm not asking for a great outpouring of emotion and exclamations of "you got me my heart's desire and I will love you forever for this" or for her to go dancing around the room pronouncing my greatness. I just kind of thought she'd say "thank you"... At what age do kids normally learn the social norm of thanking people for gifts? Engram +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+- Matthew 21 June 2005 DD EDD 06 Oct 2006 Check out our family at http://www.geocities.com/engram_au/ |
#2
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Rude or am I expecting too much?
"Engram" wrote in message ... Am I being unreasonable in thinking that a kid turning 7 years old would be expected to say "thank you"? I'm not asking for a great outpouring of emotion and exclamations of "you got me my heart's desire and I will love you forever for this" or for her to go dancing around the room pronouncing my greatness. I just kind of thought she'd say "thank you"... At what age do kids normally learn the social norm of thanking people for gifts? I don't know. DS is 5yo and he is naturally good at it. In fact, he can gush over a t-shirt, which I never would expect, but I think it's just the fact that it's a gift that he's excited about. |
#3
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Rude or am I expecting too much?
"Engram" wrote in message ... Am I being unreasonable in thinking that a kid turning 7 years old would be expected to say "thank you"? I'm not asking for a great outpouring of emotion and exclamations of "you got me my heart's desire and I will love you forever for this" or for her to go dancing around the room pronouncing my greatness. I just kind of thought she'd say "thank you"... At what age do kids normally learn the social norm of thanking people for gifts? I don't think her behavior was out of the norm for her age. Yes, she should have said thank you, and yes, many kids would have done so at her age. But many would still need prompting by an adult -- even if they'd been taught to say it from a young age. As for looking around hopefully for the present? Normal. And not reacting enthusiastically about the present she'd been begging for? *sigh* Also quite normal. ======speaking from experience. Her mom, or grandma, or whoever was caring for her should have reminded her to thank you. Failing that, as her aunt, you would have been within bounds to prompt her yourself. Bizby |
#4
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Rude or am I expecting too much?
"bizby40" wrote in message
... I don't think her behavior was out of the norm for her age. Yes, she should have said thank you, and yes, many kids would have done so at her age. But many would still need prompting by an adult -- even if they'd been taught to say it from a young age. As for looking around hopefully for the present? Normal. And not reacting enthusiastically about the present she'd been begging for? *sigh* Also quite normal. ======speaking from experience. I figured that looking around for the present was pretty normal and that thank you most likely slipped her mind. I guess it was the total dismissal of the present after actually looking for it and saying she wanted it for so long that kind of threw me. I suppose the real problem was my expectation that she would at least acknowledge it rather than just cast it aside. LOL Oh, well. I suppose my kids will do exactly the same thing to someone some time in the future! +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+- Matthew 21 June 2005 DD EDD 06 Oct 2006 Check out our family at http://www.geocities.com/engram_au/ |
#5
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Rude or am I expecting too much?
Engram wrote:
Am I being unreasonable in thinking that a kid turning 7 years old would be expected to say "thank you"? I'm not asking for a great outpouring of emotion and exclamations of "you got me my heart's desire and I will love you forever for this" or for her to go dancing around the room pronouncing my greatness. I just kind of thought she'd say "thank you"... At what age do kids normally learn the social norm of thanking people for gifts? Well, you already know the answer to that question. Of course it was rude. Seven year olds are sometimes uncivilized, so one makes some allowances, but at the very least a parent should have been on hand to prompt her for some more acceptable behavior. Best wishes, Ericka |
#6
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Rude or am I expecting too much?
"toypup" wrote in message
... I don't know. DS is 5yo and he is naturally good at it. In fact, he can gush over a t-shirt, which I never would expect, but I think it's just the fact that it's a gift that he's excited about. My sister used to be exactly the same - even as a little kid her face would light up and she'd gush "Oh, THANK you" when someone gave her something, no matter what it was. I guess some kids are just naturally effusive (and at 28 my sister still can be like that!) while others are more reserved. I suppose it'll come with time. And one day MY kid will fail to thank someone who will have exactly the same reaction as I did! +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+- Matthew 21 June 2005 DD EDD 06 Oct 2006 Check out our family at http://www.geocities.com/engram_au/ |
#7
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Rude or am I expecting too much?
Engram wrote: It was niece's birthday last week. I was at her grandma's (my mum) house when my niece was picked up from school. She responded to my greeting of "hello" then proceeded to go through a few of the plastic bags that were lying on the floor in the living room. When they yielded nothing, she moved on into the kitchen and proceeded to do the same. When that yielded nothing yet again (her present was in Matt's nappy bag so not easily found) she came back to the living room and started to play on the floor while sneaking expectant looks at me. When she sat down in the living room, I got up, went to the nappy bag, took out the present, said "happy birthday" and handed over the present. My niece just took it. No "thank you", no "kiss my a$$", nothing. Just took it and unwrapped it. It was exactly what she had asked for for months on end (male Bratz doll, took me weeks to find one as they seem to have been off the market in Sydney for a while and finally I found one a couple of weeks ago) and had been talking of nothing for weeks but of her hope to get one of these. When she actually gets one, there's not even a grunt of appreciation, she just puts the box down without opening it and continues to play with whatever she had been holding beforehand. All this took about a minute so it's not like I was holding out on her or torturing her by not thrusting a present at her the moment she walked through the door. So I wasn't expecting this level of resentment when I actually gave her the present! Am I being unreasonable in thinking that a kid turning 7 years old would be expected to say "thank you"? I'm not asking for a great outpouring of emotion and exclamations of "you got me my heart's desire and I will love you forever for this" or for her to go dancing around the room pronouncing my greatness. I just kind of thought she'd say "thank you"... At what age do kids normally learn the social norm of thanking people for gifts? Engram +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+- Matthew 21 June 2005 DD EDD 06 Oct 2006 Check out our family at http://www.geocities.com/engram_au/ I say both. She was being rude and you were expecting too much out of child from today's society. I don't know what the parents expectations are of said niece but I think that manners in general have gone out the window for kids today. For DD fourth birthday party I told her ahead of time that she was expected to politely say thank you after each gift. I didn't care if she absolutely hated it and never look at it again after we left but she would be polite at the time. When I told her she did a great job of thanking everyone she said but mommy I liked all of my gifts. I remind her of this but she still slips occasionally saying thank you. Usually it happens in very casual setting. DH and I both feel that too many kids today have terrible manners and we make a point of complimenting parents and/or children who we see being polite. |
#8
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Rude or am I expecting too much?
I guess some kids are just naturally effusive (and at 28 my sister still
can be like that!) while others are more reserved. I suppose it'll come with time. And one day MY kid will fail to thank someone who will have exactly the same reaction as I did! I had an Uncle by marrage that liked to give us gifts more then he liked to give his own kids things because we actualy liked what he gave us and showed gratitude even if we didnt.. lol To answer your orriginal question, I know some kids that act like that and it irritates me. I have no idea where these kids get the attitude but they are very dismissive of adults in general. The blank stare and going back to what they where doing is the part that annoys me. You could give bonnie a cardboard box and she would be excited :P Tori |
#9
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Rude or am I expecting too much?
In article ,
"Engram" wrote: Am I being unreasonable in thinking that a kid turning 7 years old would be expected to say "thank you"? I'm not asking for a great outpouring of emotion and exclamations of "you got me my heart's desire and I will love you forever for this" or for her to go dancing around the room pronouncing my greatness. I just kind of thought she'd say "thank you"... At what age do kids normally learn the social norm of thanking people for gifts? When their parents teach them. Don't think of your niece as rude: think of her parents as failing to bring her up properly! Give them an etiquette book for Christmas (now that's rude!!). At 5yo, DS1 can -- when prompted -- say 'please', 'thank you', 'may I have...', 'thank you for coming' and 'thank you for having me'. Sometimes I don't have to prompt him, either! I don't know when the prompting will stop, though. -- Chookie -- Sydney, Australia (Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply) "Parenthood is like the modern stone washing process for denim jeans. You may start out crisp, neat and tough, but you end up pale, limp and wrinkled." Kerry Cue |
#10
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Rude or am I expecting too much?
"bizby40" wrote in message ... "Engram" wrote in message ... Am I being unreasonable in thinking that a kid turning 7 years old would be expected to say "thank you"? I'm not asking for a great outpouring of emotion and exclamations of "you got me my heart's desire and I will love you forever for this" or for her to go dancing around the room pronouncing my greatness. I just kind of thought she'd say "thank you"... At what age do kids normally learn the social norm of thanking people for gifts? I don't think her behavior was out of the norm for her age. Yes, she should have said thank you, and yes, many kids would have done so at her age. But many would still need prompting by an adult -- even if they'd been taught to say it from a young age. As for looking around hopefully for the present? Normal. And not reacting enthusiastically about the present she'd been begging for? *sigh* Also quite normal. ======speaking from experience. Her mom, or grandma, or whoever was caring for her should have reminded her to thank you. Failing that, as her aunt, you would have been within bounds to prompt her yourself. I more concerned about her mom's and dad's behavior. Shouldn't they have said something like, "You've been wanting that for months. Auntie took a lot of time to find that for you. Did you thank her for it? How about a hug and kisss?" Even if Mom or Dad weren't in the room at the time, the continued reinforcment of the politeness lesson does get its point across. Bizby |
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