Sleeping with one's children

I was right; the "authorities" were wrong.

My wife and I have systematically and consistently slept with our
children since birth. Last year, my 11 year old daughter at the time
decided on her own, without any fretting or emotional crises, without
coercion, without resistance, that is was time for her to start
sleeping by herself. She does sleep-overs regularly. She
occassionally sleeps with us. She occassionally sleeps with her little
brother. There are no dependency problems WHATSOEVER. She tells me
that her first sleep-over was at 7 and she did have the usually
"missing her Mommy and Daddy." By age 8, she was sleeping-over without
any problems.

My 5 year old boy did a sleep-over without any crying for Mommy or
Daddy; without any problems WHATSOEVER. Even I was a little surprised
that a 5 year old would not cry for his parents when he slept over at a
non-family member's house.

Now, many authories have said that children who sleep with their
parents would not grow up properly, that they would have dependency
problems. Well, they were wrong. What a big surprise!

And anyway, I want my children to be significantly slower in developing
independence that the norm for American children. I want my daughter
at age 16 to say to herself when someone offers her a cigarette, a
joint, or sex, "What would Daddy and Mommy think of this." I don't
want her to have the attitude that she can make up her own mind about
these matters. Slow development often times makes for better
development. Taking one's sweet time to grow-up means a better and
more thoughtful grow-up. Making your 2 year old sleep down the hall
away from Mommy and Daddy when he/she is screaming for Mommy and Daddy
is incredibly stupid and cruel. That child **will** develop
independence earlier than a child who sleeps with his/her parents; but
will that independence be a good and wisdom imbued independence, or a
resentment filled and stupid independence?

It may be the case that my straight-A 12 year old daughter will not be
emotionally ready to go away to Harvard when she turns 18. But she
will grow morally and emotionally healthy, and she can always wait a
couple of years before she goes off to college.
My 12 year old says, "We'll see about that." (:-)