UK -- An anonymous mum's plea

An anonymous mum's plea

By SAMANTHA WOSTEAR
September 01, 2007

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2007400837,00.html


THIS week the mother of murdered schoolboy Rhys Jones made it clear who
she blames for her son’s death.

Heartbroken Melanie Jones said: “I blame the parents most of all – there
are no boundaries any more, no respect."

In the same week, an anonymous mother at the end of her tether penned
this moving letter to The Sun in a desperate bid to get help for the
eldest of her five children.

She tells of how her 15-year-old boy suffers behavioural problems and
has turned to crime.

Yet despite admitting to a burglary in court, he was given golf lessons,
not punishment.

Now she reveals she has lost faith in schools, the police and welfare
groups, who bend over backward to support out-of-control yobs but won’t
back parents.

It is a stark warning for every parent – and politician – in today’s
ultra-violent Britain.

I’M writing this letter to you not because I’m an MP or a youth worker,
I’m not a doctor, a shrink or even a TV star.

I am a 36-year-old mum of five who, like hundreds of other parents
across the country, can see what is happening but can do nothing because
the Government is in denial.

Back in March I wrote a letter to Tony Blair telling him that I was
scared not only for my children but all our children.

What I got was a letter from the education department full of cr*p. They
are not living in the same world as the rest of us.

I’m writing this letter to tell The Sun what life is like for me on the
front line, living in the real world and how I and many others are at
the end of our tethers because the Government has tied our hands behind
our backs and given our children a stick to beat us with.

I’m writing to tell you about a legal system that is a joke.

I have four sons aged 15, 13, 11 and three — I also have a
three-year-old daughter.

I’m not on benefits. I work, as does my partner, to pay for all of our
children — so there’s one myth out the window.

Yes, my family broke down four years ago when I left a violent partner
who, if I didn’t give him £100 a week to feed his drug habit, would beat
my three kids.

I left him to give them a better life, a good life, without fear.

My eldest son developed behavioural problems and I approached social
services for help. They said they couldn’t, as did Parentline and the NSPCC.

Social services eventually got involved when he said he would stab us
all in our beds and then set the house on fire.

Every couple of months we all trotted off to a case conference where I
was told that he could smoke, drink, truant, take drugs and have sex
because it’s “his choice�.

The fact that all of them are against the law doesn’t matter as long as
my son is happy with the choices he makes — we all have to lump it. What
claptrap.

His behaviour got worse but because of his background everyone let him
get away with it.

I sat in dozens of meetings at school where they refused to expel him
but made allowances — and this gave my son the green light to run riot.

Growing pains ... time yobs showed parents some respect
Growing pains ... time yobs showed parents some respect

When he wiped faeces over the wall and threw it in his baby brother’s
paddling pool I was told that he was “expressing himself�.

He was convicted of burglary at 14. When I went to court he was given a
referral order which meant he had to go to a young offenders’ institute
for one hour a week.

I asked that they give him work with the public so that he could see how
his actions affect people — but instead they took him for golf lessons
and gave me a £100 fine.

If you don’t turn up they are supposed to refer you back to court, but
that is rubbish because they never do. A woman had her purse stolen, but
I got a fine and my son got golf lessons.

These youngsters are not made accountable. The next time they get
caught, they don’t give a toss because they know their parents will pick
up the tab.

Their behaviour is not just outside the house. We are assaulted, robbed
and our homes trashed on a daily basis and nothing is done.

If we take them to court we have to pay the fine — and that’s only if
you can get the police to arrest them in the first place.

If you don’t buy them what they want, if you tell them that they are not
allowed to go out, they go mad. If we, the parents, react or retaliate
we’re arrested.

My son was arrested again for anti-social behaviour. He got more golf
lessons, I got another fine.

When I sat in the court waiting room it was quite an eye-opener for me.
It was full of youngsters with bad attitudes.

I made my son put on a suit out of respect but there were kids in ripped
jeans and filthy trainers — they don’t bother because they know the
system and know they haven’t got a thing to worry about.

Respect and value for human life have been lost.

The Labour Government gave all the rights to the kids. They took over
the job of parents.

They gave them all the rights, then told us to respect them.

The problem is they forgot to tell the kids it’s a two-way street.

Now these kids are teenagers and running riot. The system turned my
troubled son into a yob and a hooligan.

When I was at school you were weird if you took drugs — now you are
weird if you don’t.

My son took a lighter to the back of his teacher’s hair. I told them to
call the police but they didn’t — it was covered up and he got away with it.

That’s why the cycle is allowed to continue. When will we stand up and
say enough is enough? I’m not a bad parent — my other children who are
no trouble prove that.

I know some parents don’t give a toss but a lot of us get the blame when
our hands are tied.

How do you tell a six-foot 15-year-old that he is not going out when
he goes for the door and tells you that if you touch him he will call
the police?

I have written to my local paper, to social services, to his school and
in desperation to Tony Blair when he was Prime Minister, but it does no
good.

The system needs changing now. I don’t understand why the Government
won’t wake up — our children are dying.

I was told that if we can hold on until he’s 16 then we can throw him
out and the council will get him a flat. This is the big solution!

Give parents their jobs back. Give the teachers their jobs back. The
kids are confused as well.

I tell him he can’t drink, smoke or take drugs and he is told in front
of me that it’s his choice.

The Government has cut our poor children’s childhood and made them into
adults — but they don’t have our knowledge and experience to go with it.

The Government should come and live our lives and see what the system
has done — our families are being destroyed.

The first time my son went to court he couldn’t eat or sleep — he was
sure he was going to prison.

I can’t help but think that if he’d had a couple of days in a young
offenders’ institute it would have shocked him back to reality.

But then I’m only a parent — what do I know?

# DID you write this? Call us in confidence on 084508 63000 or 63000 on
your mobile.

If you are a parent who has been let down by the system write to:
Speaking Out, Features, The Sun, 1 Virginia St, E98 1BD – or email
.