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#1
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Toddler Doesn't Like Dad!
My son is 26 months old. For the last month or so he's started to say
'I don't like Dad!' There are millions of other things he doesn't like as well but he is most insistent that he doesn't like dad. He wants him to leave the room, go out 'on a job' and generally have not a lot to do with him. This has been very upsetting for him as he used to be really close to him especially as he was not working for the first 18 months or so of his life so he was around just as much as me! Has anyone else had this experience and did it resolve?! |
#2
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Toddler Doesn't Like Dad!
"Julia" wrote in message ps.com... My son is 26 months old. For the last month or so he's started to say 'I don't like Dad!' There are millions of other things he doesn't like as well but he is most insistent that he doesn't like dad. He wants him to leave the room, go out 'on a job' and generally have not a lot to do with him. This has been very upsetting for him as he used to be really close to him especially as he was not working for the first 18 months or so of his life so he was around just as much as me! Has anyone else had this experience and did it resolve?! I've had this situation, and it has not resolved. At 18 months, DD would run out of the room crying when her daddy came home from work. Now at age 10, their relationship is still problematic. You can see that she loves him, and I'm sure he loves her too, but he (DH) always seems to assume the best of our son, and the worst of our daughter. He went through a period of time that whenever our son started misbehaving he'd tell him "You don't want to be like [DD]." So I don't think DH has ever really gotten over the rejection. BUT it was a different situation. DH was never able to calm or comfort DD even as a newborn. So they never really developed a close bond in the first place. I'm sure in your case that it's just a phase and will pass. Bizby |
#3
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Toddler Doesn't Like Dad!
"Julia" wrote:
My son is 26 months old. For the last month or so he's started to say 'I don't like Dad!' There are millions of other things he doesn't like as well but he is most insistent that he doesn't like dad. He wants him to leave the room, go out 'on a job' and generally have not a lot to do with him. This has been very upsetting for him as he used to be really close to him especially as he was not working for the first 18 months or so of his life so he was around just as much as me! Has anyone else had this experience and did it resolve?! I think this is probably an expression of jealousy that your dh isn't around as much as he was. - that dh goes 'out on a job' now and isn't there, and your ds is resentful. When I went away on a long trip, my dd#2 refused to have anything to do with me when I came home - she was only about a year old so she didn't have the words to express this, but she really gave me the cold shoulder. grandma Rosalie |
#4
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Toddler Doesn't Like Dad!
In article om,
"Julia" wrote: My son is 26 months old. For the last month or so he's started to say 'I don't like Dad!' There are millions of other things he doesn't like as well but he is most insistent that he doesn't like dad. He wants him to leave the room, go out 'on a job' and generally have not a lot to do with him. This has been very upsetting for him as he used to be really close to him especially as he was not working for the first 18 months or so of his life so he was around just as much as me! Has anyone else had this experience and did it resolve?! It isn't uncommon for toddlers to go through phases where they announce that they don't like one parent or the other. Depending upon how long it lasts, I wouldn't worry about it too much -- and I'd encourage Dad to respond with lots of love. Make sure DS knows that, no matter what he says or does, his Daddy loves HIM. Whenever DH was away from the kids for a couple of days or more (his business travel, or our trips to visit my parents when he couldn't come with us) one of our kids would refuse to have anything to do with him for a while when we were reunited. His Dad was just patient about it, and made himself available to DS without being pushy about it, and DS would come around in his own time. -- Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care |
#5
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Toddler Doesn't Like Dad!
"bizby40" wrote in message ... I've had this situation, and it has not resolved. At 18 months, DD would run out of the room crying when her daddy came home from work. Now at age 10, their relationship is still problematic. You can see that she loves him, and I'm sure he loves her too, but he (DH) always seems to assume the best of our son, and the worst of our daughter. He went through a period of time that whenever our son started misbehaving he'd tell him "You don't want to be like [DD]." So I don't think DH has ever really gotten over the rejection. Could it be that he took it personally when it started and began rejecting your DD or not treating her as well as he otherwise might? |
#6
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Toddler Doesn't Like Dad!
"toypup" wrote in message om... "bizby40" wrote in message ... I've had this situation, and it has not resolved. At 18 months, DD would run out of the room crying when her daddy came home from work. Now at age 10, their relationship is still problematic. You can see that she loves him, and I'm sure he loves her too, but he (DH) always seems to assume the best of our son, and the worst of our daughter. He went through a period of time that whenever our son started misbehaving he'd tell him "You don't want to be like [DD]." So I don't think DH has ever really gotten over the rejection. Could it be that he took it personally when it started and began rejecting your DD or not treating her as well as he otherwise might? It's too hard now to tease apart where it all went wrong. As I said, he was unable to comfort her even as an infant. I used to try to give gentle suggestions as to how he could hold her etc., but they never worked for him. And I also tried backing off and letting him find his own way and that didn't work either. So I know that dealing with her has been a frustration for him from day 1. And as she has grown into an extremely emotional child, he is even less prepared to deal with the waves of raw emotion that she puts out. It's sad for me to see that their relationship isn't all that it could be, but I don't know what to do about it. Bizby |
#7
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Toddler Doesn't Like Dad!
I think there is a good reason why your
toddler doesn't like Dad. Toddlers normally seek to increase their autonomy at this age. They want to decide and do things for themselves without help or hinderance from other people. And anyone who is too helpful, too protective, or too affectionate is likely to upset the todler. Even hugging and holding the toddler on one's knee may seem to the toddler as a restriction of his freedom. Perhaps in your case, Dad has not adjusted his behavior to the new developmental stage of your toddler. He continues to treat him the way he used to treat him before. And that's why your toddler doesn't like Dad anymore. Toddlers are very expressive in their body language. And if you pay attention, then you can tell whether the toddler likes something or not even before he starts shouting 'No!' and physically resisting the adult. I suggest that Dad try to pay more attention to you son's non-verbal language and yield to his wishes to decide and do things for himself before he expresses them verbally. Perhaps then your son will begin to like Dad again. Of course, there are limits to the kind of freedom toddlers should have. And the trick is to find a good balance, where the toddler is able to achieve his developmental stage of autonomy without endangering himself or making life very inconvenient for others. |
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