Will Daycare be beneficial for our 7 month old?

deja.blues wrote:
"Paul" wrote in message
...
Our 7 month old son is our first, and is an only child. We have a good
friend that lives with us who acts the part of the nanny while we both
work.
[snip]
Putting him in daycare now, when you have a committed caregiver, is a waste
of money. A reasonably bright child does not need daycare or preschool in
order to adjust to kindergarten. A good kindergarten teacher will know how
to deal with children from all sorts of backgrounds.

It also risks demotivating the committed caregiver as well, because it
implies you don't think they are doing a good job.

OTOH, if the caregiver suggested it originally, then it is probably a
good idea. If it would enable the caregiver to be committed to your
child the time she is with the baby, then a shorter but whole-hearted
one-to-one time is probably better then longer one-to-one care with a
slightly resentful caregiver.

--
Penny Gaines
UK mum to three

On Dec 8, 12:32 am, "deja.blues" wrote:
"Paul" wrote in message

...





Our 7 month old son is our first, and is an only child. We have a good
friend that lives with us who acts the part of the nanny while we both
work.

Starting January we are putting our child into daycare because we feel
it will be good for him to be with other kids, good to build up his
social skills, good to see what other kids do so he can develop better
than just being at home playing with our friend who is older (50) and
does her best.

I remember it was a system shock for me to be at home until i Was 6
years old and then thrust into kindergarten - i cried and everything.

I saw some of the kids there at the daycare facility today and they
seemed fine without their parents, they were playing and and all that.

The infant room has a teacher for 4 kids (required state ratio) who
can tend to their needs, lets them play with all kinds of toys, has a
mirror, sing songs, read books, and even go for walks weather
permitting.

Do you think it will be a positive benefit for our only child to go to
daycare as far as his development is concerned, being around other
babies/children, and getting him ready for preshcool & kindergarten?

I can't see how it would hurt... from what I hear now is a good time
for him to go too, since at 1 year old he might have a hearder
time....

That's the only reason we're putting him in Daycare (3 times a week
only for now) to help with his development and for the supposed
benefits of being around other children ..

Thanks

At seven months, he'll get few, if any, benefits from being around other
babies in a day care setting. He'll benefit more from one-on-one interaction
with a caring adult who provides affection, stimulation, toys, and
excursions.

I don't agree. It really depends on the kid. I would have agreed with
you before DD was born, but not now, having seen her interact with
other kids. DD went to an in-home daycare at 12 weeks. There were kids
of multiple ages present, including the sitter's school-age kids (not
there all day, obviously). Even beginning at 12 weeks DD got a ton of
stimulation from the other kids. I could see it in her expressions, it
was just so obvious she loved being with them. By 6-7 months she was
imitating them, learning from them, not to mention being given tons of
affection from the older kids.

DD is really really social, and it was clear from very early on that
she _needed_ that stimulation from other kids. She's always been a kid
magnet - she's now a little hesitant around other adults, but she is
happy as can be with strange kids.

Idon't think every kid needs it, it'll depend on their personality,
but I'm really glad we had DD in such an environment. Let me qualify
that though and state that multiple ages was key. I don't think she
would have gotten as much out of being in a room with same age kids
(although she loved the boy 2 months older than her). Having different
ages really had an effect, so much so that when we looked at new
daycares because the first one was closing, it was clear we needed an
in-home environment. The downside is I think some development lagged
due to the 5 yr olds doing everything for her so she didn't have to
stand or speak...

On Dec 7, 10:29 am, Paul wrote:
Our 7 month old son is our first, and is an only child. We have a good
friend that lives with us who acts the part of the nanny while we both
work.

Starting January we are putting our child into daycare because we feel
it will be good for him to be with other kids, good to build up his
social skills, good to see what other kids do so he can develop better
than just being at home playing with our friend who is older (50) and
does her best.

I remember it was a system shock for me to be at home until i Was 6
years old and then thrust into kindergarten - i cried and everything.

I saw some of the kids there at the daycare facility today and they
seemed fine without their parents, they were playing and and all that.

The infant room has a teacher for 4 kids (required state ratio) who
can tend to their needs, lets them play with all kinds of toys, has a
mirror, sing songs, read books, and even go for walks weather
permitting.

Do you think it will be a positive benefit for our only child to go to
daycare as far as his development is concerned, being around other
babies/children, and getting him ready for preshcool & kindergarten?

I can't see how it would hurt... from what I hear now is a good time
for him to go too, since at 1 year old he might have a hearder
time....

That's the only reason we're putting him in Daycare (3 times a week
only for now) to help with his development and for the supposed
benefits of being around other children ..

Thanks

After reading all these replies, apparently I have a very odd kid
indeed, as she was incredibly social from her earliest days - even in
NICU, once she was in better shape, she was interacting with her
caregivers. From her first exposure to other babies, she was
interacting with them - cooing at them, laughing, etc.

I do think she's better off in a daycare with mixed ages rather than
all babies, but she did get a lot from the baby 2 months older as
well. It was really neat to watch them playing together (from 3-9
months, when we moved to another provider).

Not that I'd think you have to do this - if you're happy with your
provider now, I'd just encourage playdates and such, and I really
don't like the big centers (we use an in-home provider). But I'm kind
of surprised to see so many people say babies aren't social at that
age. I didn't think mine was such an oddball ;-)

I'm not sure if this is related to her environment or just her
character, she's very into sharing, she plays really well with all
kids, she's happy to move onto another toy if one kid wants it...in
short, she doesn't have any of the 'only' child stuff (except when it
comes to wanting mommy). OTOH, my friend's daughter a few months
older, has been cared for by her grandmother in their home with no
other kids. My friend is quite concerned because his DD has a really
hard time playing with other kids, with sharing, etc. Now, that could
just be temperment on both sides, but he's quite anxious to get our
daughters together to play so his can learn some more 'how to get
along with other kids' skills.
FWIW - a good friend

On Dec 8, 9:04 pm, cjra wrote:
On Dec 7, 10:29 am, Paul wrote:

Our 7 month old son is our first, and is an only child. We have a good
friend that lives with us who acts the part of the nanny while we both
work.

Starting January we are putting our child into daycare because we feel
it will be good for him to be with other kids, good to build up his
social skills, good to see what other kids do so he can develop better
than just being at home playing with our friend who is older (50) and
does her best.

I remember it was a system shock for me to be at home until i Was 6
years old and then thrust into kindergarten - i cried and everything.

I saw some of the kids there at the daycare facility today and they
seemed fine without their parents, they were playing and and all that.

The infant room has a teacher for 4 kids (required state ratio) who
can tend to their needs, lets them play with all kinds of toys, has a
mirror, sing songs, read books, and even go for walks weather
permitting.

Do you think it will be a positive benefit for our only child to go to
daycare as far as his development is concerned, being around other
babies/children, and getting him ready for preshcool & kindergarten?

If you've got a stable situation with a beloved, committed and capable
caregiver, I'd be very reluctant to rock that boat now, unless the
caregiver needs/wants a break. Kids can benefit from the social
stimulation of others, but their primary need during the first year is
to bond strongly with caregivers, not peers.

Now, if your caregiver's bored, ready to bolt, or clueless, that's a
different story -- better care will be the reason to make the switch.

You don't really *need* to "get him ready for preschool" in this way
or at this time, by the way. Preschool teachers largely expect that
theirs will be, for many if not most kids, the first setting where
children learn regular interaction with peer groups -- and that's
generally not till age 2 or 3.
[snip]
After reading all these replies, apparently I have a very odd kid
indeed, as she was incredibly social from her earliest days - even in
NICU, once she was in better shape, she was interacting with her
caregivers. From her first exposure to other babies, she was
interacting with them - cooing at them, laughing, etc.

I do think she's better off in a daycare with mixed ages rather than
all babies, but she did get a lot from the baby 2 months older as
well. It was really neat to watch them playing together (from 3-9
months, when we moved to another provider).

Not that I'd think you have to do this - if you're happy with your
provider now, I'd just encourage playdates and such, and I really
don't like the big centers (we use an in-home provider). But I'm kind
of surprised to see so many people say babies aren't social at that
age. I didn't think mine was such an oddball ;-)

So much depends on what people mean by "social"!

Most kids don't start interactive play with other kids before age 3 or
so (individual kids vary, of course), which is what many people mean
by "playing with other kids" or "socialized". Younger kids do often
enjoy the company of other kids, and even have favorites among them,
but tend to engage in parallel play, doing the same thing side by
side, not actively engaging the other. That's social, too, but in a
different way -- "sharing" and "turn-taking" and "cooperation" are not
hallmarks of that phase!

Infants are definitely social in that they respond to first their
caregiver and then to others around them with their own expressions,
vocalizing and moving around -- and very soon, babies (even in
pictures or in the mirror) and other kids *fascinate* them. IMO,
though, large daily doses of that kind of stimulation aren't such a
need for infants that families need to seek out day care just to
provide it, even for only children. Especially if a family's lucky
enough to already have a stable situation with a beloved, capable
caregiver.

I'm not sure if this is related to her environment or just her
character, she's very into sharing, she plays really well with all
kids, she's happy to move onto another toy if one kid wants it...in
short, she doesn't have any of the 'only' child stuff (except when it
comes to wanting mommy). OTOH, my friend's daughter a few months
older, has been cared for by her grandmother in their home with no
other kids.

The Grandma scenario can work great, but all parties really need to
look at it carefully, not just assuming all will go well. They should
also re-evaluate it as the kid grows and needs change. Much depends
on Grandma, (or, in OP's case, their family friend) and why she's
doing it. Is it just to help out and save the young family money, or
does she genuinely like babies/young children? Is she comfortable
getting out with the kid (grocery shopping, walks, park/playground) or
too intimidated by traffic/car seat mechanism/health limitations? Is
she open to hearing about changes in thinking on child development,
or does she figure her way worked fine, so no need to make an effort
for playdates, etc? Does she have their permission/encouragement to
seek out other kids/caregivers and invite them in for playdates, or
does she figure the best proof of good care is a spotless house,
dinner in the oven, laundry done & put away?

And, of course, are parents using time after work, on weekends, etc,
to model social skills with and for the kid, and to put her in social
situations?

My friend is quite concerned because his DD has a really
hard time playing with other kids, with sharing, etc. Now, that could
just be temperment on both sides, but he's quite anxious to get our
daughters together to play so his can learn some more 'how to get
along with other kids' skills.

I don't recall how old your DD is, but if your friend's daughter is
under 3, that's not that unusual, no matter the daily caregiving
situation. Your friends might want to talk to more parents and
possibly explore other kinds of social situations (Mommy & Me type
classes, story time at the library, Sunday school if they have a
faith, play groups, etc.) to make sure his expectations are realistic,
particularly if his & your daughter do have different temperaments.
Exposure to your daughter's social skills is a good idea, but it will
be massively unfair to both kids to expect that his daughter will
"learn" these skills from yours.
Lori G.

I don't agree. It really depends on the kid. I would have agreed with
you before DD was born, but not now, having seen her interact with
other kids. DD went to an in-home daycare at 12 weeks. There were kids
of multiple ages present, including the sitter's school-age kids (not
there all day, obviously). Even beginning at 12 weeks DD got a ton of
stimulation from the other kids. I could see it in her expressions, it
was just so obvious she loved being with them. By 6-7 months she was
imitating them, learning from them, not to mention being given tons of
affection from the older kids.

Remember that's a daycare setting with mixed ages, there is a massive
difference between that and a room that has only babies in it. We've
used 3 different in-home daycares, the youngest age we've used them at
was 4 months and the oldest a bit past 3 and it seems to have worked
great at all ages. The UK rules usually only allow an in-home daycare to
have one child under age 1, so it's always been mixed aged and usually
included school age children after school. Both children seemed to find
the experience pleasurable and showed noticeable attachment to some of
the other children as well as the adults. On the other hand, when we
looked at day care centres there has always been a separate infant room
and they can really be quite depressing places. Even daycare centres
that mix older ages tend to have a separate infant room.

Mixed age daycare isn't the only way to provide this kind of stimulation
though, and if circumstances meant using a nanny was a better option for
other reasons, I'd definitely be looking for one that as well as
providing quality care at home, would also take them to a small number
of activities, such as story time at the library. An infants only room
in a daycare centre is probably about the worst place to find this kind
of stimulation.

Cheers
Anne

Not that I'd think you have to do this - if you're happy with your
provider now, I'd just encourage playdates and such, and I really
don't like the big centers (we use an in-home provider). But I'm kind
of surprised to see so many people say babies aren't social at that
age. I didn't think mine was such an oddball ;-)

I don't think you have an oddball at all, both of mine have demonstrated
considerable interaction with children a similar age to them from a
young age.

One thing I haven't managed to figure out is how much of the interaction
at that age was bonding, and how much was another child that was
regularly part of their lives just happened to have a personality that
worked well with theirs, both showed positive interactions that would
indicate friendship and bonding when the other child was present, but no
negative reactions when they weren't. I suspect it's more random then
bonding, both of mind went through long phases of a mirror being just as
satisfactory playmate as another child, but it not being the kind of
bonding they can form with an adult at that age, or of friendships
further down the line doesn't negate its positive affects.

Cheers
Anne

I agree with the other posters who have said that for a 7mo daycare
will not be beneficial. Unless the home environment for your child is
poor, I would extend that statement to older ages, too. A discussion
of problems with day care from National Review magazine by Maggie
Gallagher "Day Careless: Dangers of day care to children" is online at
http://article.nationalreview.com/?q...QyMGZiMzgyMGY=
..

On Dec 9, 4:37 pm, Anne Rogers wrote:
Not that I'd think you have to do this - if you're happy with your
provider now, I'd just encourage playdates and such, and I really
don't like the big centers (we use an in-home provider). But I'm kind
of surprised to see so many people say babies aren't social at that
age. I didn't think mine was such an oddball ;-)

I don't think you have an oddball at all, both of mine have demonstrated
considerable interaction with children a similar age to them from a
young age.

One thing I haven't managed to figure out is how much of the interaction
at that age was bonding, and how much was another child that was
regularly part of their lives just happened to have a personality that
worked well with theirs, both showed positive interactions that would
indicate friendship and bonding when the other child was present, but no
negative reactions when they weren't. I suspect it's more random then
bonding, both of mind went through long phases of a mirror being just as
satisfactory playmate as another child, but it not being the kind of
bonding they can form with an adult at that age, or of friendships
further down the line doesn't negate its positive affects.


DD liked the mirror too, but she definitely recognized certain kids.
Her expression was clear - and different - depending upon the kid. I'm
not sure I'd go so far as to call it friendship, but there was a
certain amount of recognition going on.

cjra wrote:

Not that I'd think you have to do this - if you're happy with your
provider now, I'd just encourage playdates and such, and I really
don't like the big centers (we use an in-home provider). But I'm kind
of surprised to see so many people say babies aren't social at that
age. I didn't think mine was such an oddball ;-)

I think babies are *very* social. I just don't think
that it is necessary for them to be around other children daily
to foster their social development.

I'm not sure if this is related to her environment or just her
character, she's very into sharing, she plays really well with all
kids, she's happy to move onto another toy if one kid wants it...in
short, she doesn't have any of the 'only' child stuff (except when it
comes to wanting mommy). OTOH, my friend's daughter a few months
older, has been cared for by her grandmother in their home with no
other kids. My friend is quite concerned because his DD has a really
hard time playing with other kids, with sharing, etc. Now, that could
just be temperment on both sides, but he's quite anxious to get our
daughters together to play so his can learn some more 'how to get
along with other kids' skills.

Honestly, I really think a lot of it is temperament.
When I look at the kids I know who were at home vs. in home daycare
vs. center daycare, I don't see much of any correlation between
type of care and sociability/sharing/etc. as infants. I do think
there comes a time when exposure to other kids *is* important
(whether in daycare or some other venue), but I just don't think
it's critical to social development to be around other children
at 7 months (though it is absolutely critically important for
there to be plenty of social interaction with *someone*).

Best wishes,
Ericka