Advice needed

On Feb 8, 3:26�am, wrote:
I will start by saying that I am a mom. *I had the misfortune of
dating an alcoholic. *This man went as far as blowing his own knee out
on purpose so that he could stay on my couch and help the relationship
along. *I was pretty naive and didn't realize what was really
happening. *When I got pregnant I though things would iron themselves
out when the baby was born. *They didn't. *So when the child was five
months old I went back to work full time and started saving money.
Things between the father and I deteriorated. *He drank constantly,
stole from his employers, couldn't hold down a job, and made my
environment an unstable place to be. *Right before my son turned a
year old I asked him to leave. *He wouldn't go. I offered him 3000
dollars. *He took it and left.
I had a string of hard times. *He payed no child support but continued
to see the child at my insistence. *I wanted to keep a relationship
going. *Then he started breaking into my apartment and stealing from
me. *I was not on state assistance as I do not believe in getting
welfare as long as my arms, legs, and brain are functioning, but I was
working as much as I could from home and outside the home (often
taking my child with me to cleaning jobs and whatever else I could
get. I still was having a hard time making ends meet. *An old friend
needed a roomate one state away. *I moved. *At that time I told my ex
that he was more than welcome to visit with his child. *He came once
about 6 months later for a day. *This was two years ago. *I have not
seen him since. *I did not even talk to him for about a year and a
half- I realized I had been the only one phoning him to keep a
relationship going. *I stopped phoning him and even though he had all
my contact info he did not phone once in over a year and a half. *I
only live 3 hours away by car. *I had expressed an ability to meet
halfway at one point.
I got married in August to a man I have been dating for over 2 years.
My child 4 calls this other man dad and refers to his bio dad as Pop.
We continue to show him the old pictures we have of this man.
My husband wants to adopt my child, or at the very least protect him
in the event that something tragic happens to me. *I recently called
my ex and asked if he would voluntarily sign away his rights if at the
same time we could pay his way to come visit once a month. *He said
no. *But also said he couldn't come see the child right now, maybe
sometime next month and that he wanted to call the next day at noon to
talk with his child.
I live in Ma. *Does anyone know what my rights are here? *I encouraged
this man to have a relationship with the child but he just didn't
try. *He uses drugs, pills, speed, meth, and drinks and I am afraid
that his long-term capability as a caregiver will be impaired as long
as he is using. *What are my husband's rights to adopt? What are my
exes rights if I should die or be hurt?
Please keep in mind that if my ex called right now and said he wanted
to come visit I would say "Sure, come on over," and I would arrange a
situation that would be safe for my child and comfortable for my ex
(although I am worried about abduction so I would arrange something
supervised by one of my close friends but not my husband.)
I have worked hard not to demonize my ex to our child. *I have let our
child know that the man has problems with drugs and alcohol, they make
him sick and sometimes he doesn't think straight when he is using
them. *I said this because I didn't want my child to think that my ex
had decided to reject the kid.
My child is vibrant, happy, well-cared for, and very attached to my
husband and I. *What are our rights?

You husband cannot adopt the child without giving up his parental
rights. You don't want the child to feel rejected by his father but
you want your present husband to adopt? Get real. And honest.