my mums cancer

Hi everybody

Kate, I hope the wedding went well, I've not been keeping
up to date, so excuse me.

I've been sorting out some old family photos, getting a
family tree together for the kids. My mom just phoned me
to say that shes going into hospital at the earliest the
surgeon can drag her into theatre, and that she's dying
of cancer and theres not a lot they can do for her now.

Other things seem to be bustling along now the children
are back at school.

The dream date wasnt a dream, very sweet natured guy but
still close enough to his ex wife for her to call him up
3 times every day. They sure lived in different places
but surely they never divorced at heart! Ah well, just as
long as everyone was happy who the hell cares.

I joined a dating agency, was contacted, got chatty and
recieved a nasty explicit e-mail whoops
I wasn't expecting that. I didn't warrant it. I'm still
feeling kinda shocked. On reflection he was honest, and
it would have been hell to become involved only to have
then realized what he was upto. Be warned.

On a side note I heard from an aquaintance that when
an old friend divorced, she discovered child porn on the
family pc. She was horrified, heartbroken, and still
doesn't know if her ex downloaded it deliberately to
cause her every anxiety known to a parent.

A's house has been full of lost souls again, this time
it was his best friend who had been thrown out by his
wife/girlfriend after 16 years and 2 children. He has
been having an affair with another friends wife (married
5 years also with 2 children) This might have been
forgiven except that the woman has already had 3 affairs
in 5 years of marriage and an abortion because of one of
them. I half expected her to turn up on A's doorstep
instead... Why some birds do **** in their own nests
is beyond me.
Why disrupt the emotional stability of 4 little ones?

A. has shown more interest in us, he seems to be more
affectionate of recent. He says that there was a study
done that men are more likely to father a child with
disabilities as he gets older.

_______________

I'm howling the house down here. Its so unlike me, the
children have been in to ask whats wrong, I've told them
grandma's poorly. I don't know what to tell them. I feel
so lonesome, the bluff won't work today of all days,
theres no other adult around. Not another relative to
contact and A's working.

just wanna sob and sob, isnt it typical, lifes heartbreaks
dam up, and just one thing brings down the whole wall,
its not just my mom, its like every other upset I've had
seems to be coming back along with it.

I want to stay with her the weekend, maybe take the
children. Shes really interested in the family tree stuff
and what I found cheered her up.

Grief

I'm so sorry that you're going through all of this, Miri - and there aren't
even any words to help make it better.

Have time with your mom, while you can - and take a tape recorder, let her
talk about anything and everything.... you, and the children will have those
stories to keep...

"miri" wrote in message
oups.com...
Hi everybody

Kate, I hope the wedding went well, I've not been keeping
up to date, so excuse me.

I've been sorting out some old family photos, getting a
family tree together for the kids. My mom just phoned me
to say that shes going into hospital at the earliest the
surgeon can drag her into theatre, and that she's dying
of cancer and theres not a lot they can do for her now.

Other things seem to be bustling along now the children
are back at school.

The dream date wasnt a dream, very sweet natured guy but
still close enough to his ex wife for her to call him up
3 times every day. They sure lived in different places
but surely they never divorced at heart! Ah well, just as
long as everyone was happy who the hell cares.

I joined a dating agency, was contacted, got chatty and
recieved a nasty explicit e-mail whoops
I wasn't expecting that. I didn't warrant it. I'm still
feeling kinda shocked. On reflection he was honest, and
it would have been hell to become involved only to have
then realized what he was upto. Be warned.

On a side note I heard from an aquaintance that when
an old friend divorced, she discovered child porn on the
family pc. She was horrified, heartbroken, and still
doesn't know if her ex downloaded it deliberately to
cause her every anxiety known to a parent.

A's house has been full of lost souls again, this time
it was his best friend who had been thrown out by his
wife/girlfriend after 16 years and 2 children. He has
been having an affair with another friends wife (married
5 years also with 2 children) This might have been
forgiven except that the woman has already had 3 affairs
in 5 years of marriage and an abortion because of one of
them. I half expected her to turn up on A's doorstep
instead... Why some birds do **** in their own nests
is beyond me.
Why disrupt the emotional stability of 4 little ones?

A. has shown more interest in us, he seems to be more
affectionate of recent. He says that there was a study
done that men are more likely to father a child with
disabilities as he gets older.

_______________

I'm howling the house down here. Its so unlike me, the
children have been in to ask whats wrong, I've told them
grandma's poorly. I don't know what to tell them. I feel
so lonesome, the bluff won't work today of all days,
theres no other adult around. Not another relative to
contact and A's working.

just wanna sob and sob, isnt it typical, lifes heartbreaks
dam up, and just one thing brings down the whole wall,
its not just my mom, its like every other upset I've had
seems to be coming back along with it.

I want to stay with her the weekend, maybe take the
children. Shes really interested in the family tree stuff
and what I found cheered her up.

Grief

Yikes!
You have a LOT on your plate right now, and I can only imagine how hard that
is.
Spend as much time with your mom as possible. In the end, you'll have those
good memories to hold on to.
You might even find days are slightly easier to live if you have that time
and also the good feelings.
Such a crappy situation ((hugs to you))

Thank you but I don't think I could tape her, its too upsetting,
we didnt get along and it wouldnt sound right - my experience
of her is mostly of the moaning, critical, self opiniated and the
downright agressivness of herself. We always knew she was
ill when she stopped feeling grumpy. She reads a lot and really
became excentric. Shes quite a good actress too, I think she
liked 40's & Bette Davies movies. We have a similar sense of
humour which always brought us together, maybe the only thing.
I mean she's been repeating "when I die I'll haunt you" for around
25 years.

I just want her to be happy when she does...you get the picture?

Maybe a short film would be better?

She is very frail, the surgeon warned her that she may not survive
surgery.....it just hit me so hard, she may not be there next
Wednesday, not there, empty, and there won't be any more
moaning - no more non stop chat, no more slamming the phone
on me when I say I have problems too. God, I'm going to miss
the ol' cow. There won't be any more interference in my private
life, no one to ask me how my diseases by proxy are, no one
to chat up my friends and neighbours an stir up trouble with.
When my sister in law asked her what she'd be wearing at
the wedding that she'd color coordinated the bridesmaids, mom
politely replied that she'd found something black at the local
charity auction.

Before I die it'll be nice to think of those people I loved and if
they're there waiting for me. If I've become an atheist by then
it'd be nice to know the people who I love are alive and thriving.
Mom is so Victorian in a way the same morbidity they seemed
to have had, but she wasnt religious, there wasnt a time and place
for it, her feelings of loss would become dramas, a real catharsis.
I don't want to be like that, I'd sooner cry all over a cassock and
get home in time for beef stew with dumplings an the soap opera.

'Kate wrote:
On 13 Sep 2006 12:36:13 -0700, "miri" the
following was posted in blue dry erase marker:

Hi everybody

Kate, I hope the wedding went well, I've not been keeping
up to date, so excuse me.

You're just in time. It's Friday. We're running ragged getting
everything ready.

I'm delighted! I bet you're the best mum in the world, I read
the posts here and writers are so good with their children,
its a real education and one thats priceless,

I've been sorting out some old family photos, getting a
family tree together for the kids. My mom just phoned me
to say that shes going into hospital at the earliest the
surgeon can drag her into theatre, and that she's dying
of cancer and theres not a lot they can do for her now.

I hope they find something for her or, if not, that she is pain free
throughout whatever trial she is facing. My mom died three years ago
from cancer. I know a little of that road.

Daddy died when I was 13, it was a short illness and he didnt
complain. I held his hand as he died. There wasnt anyone in
the house with me. He struggled a little and slipped away on
my arm, there wasnt a moment I thought he was dead, just
a suprise that he wasnt in his body somehow, weird, but it
was like a shell or husk there but not my dad.

Other things seem to be bustling along now the children
are back at school.

That's always a relief. A person can get so much done in six hours.

yup, and our kitties have fleas, so I've got to do that tomorrow.

The dream date wasnt a dream, very sweet natured guy but
still close enough to his ex wife for her to call him up
3 times every day. They sure lived in different places
but surely they never divorced at heart! Ah well, just as
long as everyone was happy who the hell cares.

It's a shame he's allowing that. Maybe he's the kind of person who's
helpful to a fault... not a bad kind of guy.

I can't really object, his kids were fabulous and A and I still
get along. I can't expect anyone to be 'one and only',
I mean, I'm not willing to give my children up or the friendship
I have because of romance.

I joined a dating agency, was contacted, got chatty and
recieved a nasty explicit e-mail whoops
I wasn't expecting that. I didn't warrant it. I'm still
feeling kinda shocked. On reflection he was honest, and
it would have been hell to become involved only to have
then realized what he was upto. Be warned.

ewwww
I'll second that

On a side note I heard from an aquaintance that when
an old friend divorced, she discovered child porn on the
family pc. She was horrified, heartbroken, and still
doesn't know if her ex downloaded it deliberately to
cause her every anxiety known to a parent.

I suppose she could have the time/day traced on it to see who could have
possibly done that. Or just confront him with knowing the time/date,
even if she doesn't, and see if he fesses up.

I've got to say I don't know the details, and I'm not going
to ask about, from what I recall shes a mature lady and
emotionally adult. I think she'll have done what should could.

A's house has been full of lost souls again, this time
it was his best friend who had been thrown out by his
wife/girlfriend after 16 years and 2 children. He has
been having an affair with another friends wife (married
5 years also with 2 children) This might have been
forgiven except that the woman has already had 3 affairs
in 5 years of marriage and an abortion because of one of
them. I half expected her to turn up on A's doorstep
instead... Why some birds do **** in their own nests
is beyond me.
Why disrupt the emotional stability of 4 little ones?

tsk tsk. Shame on them.

better than a soap I'm greatly pleased he wanted me out
of his social network now, and hes told me to pretend I don't
know anything about it! He would have made a fine politician!

A. has shown more interest in us, he seems to be more
affectionate of recent. He says that there was a study
done that men are more likely to father a child with
disabilities as he gets older.

Yep. Women too as we get older. It's good that he's interested in
finding out more.

_______________

I'm howling the house down here. Its so unlike me, the
children have been in to ask whats wrong, I've told them
grandma's poorly. I don't know what to tell them. I feel
so lonesome, the bluff won't work today of all days,
theres no other adult around. Not another relative to
contact and A's working.

It's ok to cry in front of the kids. You can tell them just what you did
and that she is not going to be able to live much longer because the
doctors can't fix her. It'll help them to prepare. Of course, they'll
also ask you lots of questions. There are hospital and hospice groups
that help children through this... kids only groups too.

just wanna sob and sob, isnt it typical, lifes heartbreaks
dam up, and just one thing brings down the whole wall,
its not just my mom, its like every other upset I've had
seems to be coming back along with it.

Overwhelmed... of course you are! Poor kid. A good cry is healthy. You
really should do it. Tell the kids you need a few minutes for a good cry
and that when you stop, in a little bit, you'll feel better and you'll
come back out... that you'll be ok. It's ok to cry. Great stress relief.
Good for them to know too and be ok with it. They need to learn it ends
for you too and things will be ok again.


I want to stay with her the weekend, maybe take the
children. Shes really interested in the family tree stuff
and what I found cheered her up.


That was such a lovely thought - the family tree.

'Kate

I think the big problem is that I'll get depressed and it may
affect my usual relationship with the kids, I'm going to have
to off load somehow, and I don't want the children in the
situation where I'm disturbing them unnecessarily. I know
we're going to cry, its natural, we grieve, but without another
family member for share and support I'm scared. My babysitter
is a wonderful woman, she's like extended family to the kids,
I know she'll look out for them if I need a break. We've all
known her since the little one was first born.

lov

Miri