Repost--Helpful suggestions

In the absence of any regular advice --here is some that doesn't
support punishing parents who don't follow them to the letter.

-Special notes to new posters:I do not support the reform of
reasonable force statutes that lead to punitive measures for parents
who may use discipline within the current legal limits (this would
include but is not limited to physical restraint to protect a child
from harm of self or others).

-also do not post any personal information on this site. Often
participants in this n.g. will use/abuse the information.

48 Suggestions:

Positive Discipline:* 50 Principles & Alternatives to Punishment


Principle #1: Decode the message behind the misbehavior

Principle #2: Understand WHY the behavior is occurring

Principle #3: Help the child calm down by staying calm and speaking
calmly

Principle #4: Explain to the child how his/her behavior affects others

Principle #5: If possible, alter the precipitating factors that led to
the behavior

Principle #6: Discuss together a non-punitive consequence for the
behavior that is logical to the behavior

Principle #7: Carry out what you promised to carry out when you
promised to do so

Principle #8: Do not nag, lecture, threaten or use sarcasm

Principle #9: Praise efforts and reward success

Principle #10: If the behavior begins to occur again, give a reminder
of why the behavior is not appropriate- you will need to be consistent
over time

Principle #11: Unless the behavior involves harming self, others or
property, give three warnings "1,2,3..."

Principle #12: Immediately follow through with the consequence with a
brief restating of the infraction in a firm (but friendly) tone

Principle #13: Discuss with the child what occurred, why it wasn't
acceptable and how it can be prevented in the future.

Principle #14: Let the child voice his/her feelings freely without
judgment

Principle #15: Help the child to understand that he/she is a good,
acceptable person and that the behavior, not the child, is
unacceptable- accept young people unconditionally regardless of their
behavior

Principle #16: Remember what it was like to be at the child's age.
Refrain from tacking adult meanings and connotations onto childish
behavior

Principle #17: Read up on child and adolescent development and find
out if what you are expecting is developmentally appropriate- or if
the misbehavior is age-appropriate behavior

Principle #18: Understand each child's individual capabilities, needs
and circumstances and modify your expectations and approaches
accordingly

Principle #19: If the child has multiple negative behaviors, only
focus on modifying those that are most destructive to self, others and
property

Principle #20: Empower children with acceptable choices- don't just
tell them what they CAN'T do- give them acceptable alternatives

Principle #21: Use re-direction, distraction and selective ignoring
for minor infractions

Principle #22: Use of the toilet should be viewed as a necessary
right, not a privilege- promote health and healthy attitudes towards
the body by honoring this right- if children misuse the bathroom pass
in school, have them use the toilet in the nurse's office for one week
as a consequence

Principle #23: Decode the need the child is trying to meet by his/her
misbehavior and help them meet that need by acceptable means

Principle #24: If the child is out of control, guide them to a quiet
area to calm down before discussing the problem

Principle #25: If a child must be placed in a "time out", do not
impose a time limit- let the child come out when he/she is ready-
never leave a young child unsupervised- never close a child into a
frightening room- do not banish the child

Principle #26: If the child comes out of a "time out" prematurely,
state that it looks as if he/she is ready to behave appropriately and
give them that chance- avoid forcing them back in unless the behavior
starts up again

Principle #27: Children often misbehave when they lack attention- give
them the attention they need and deserve- including hugging, patting
the back, ruffling the hair, high fives, etc.

Principle #28: Rather than give "do not" messages, state what you
would like to see instead


Principle #29: If physical restraint is necessary to avoid an attack
against the self or others, do so progressively, in stages beginning
with a verbal warning, increased physical proximity, followed by a
hand on the shoulder and then a gentle hand on the arm, progressing
with as little restraint as possible to keep the child from harming
self or others

Principle #30: If the child shows lack of attention and restlessness,
evaluate whether the activities you provide are stimulating, exciting,
involving and appropriate to the learning style and intelligence needs
of the child

Principle #31: Discuss the importance of verbalizing feelings rather
than acting on impulses- model this!


Principle #32: Model the behaviors you want to see your children
emulate

Principle #33: Do not engage in conduct that you don't allow in your
children

Principle #34: If your child has consistent behavioral problems do
your best to alleviate the causes- enforce only necessary limits and
cut away unnecessary rules and inflexible ways of doing things

Principle #35: Teach and model positive, healthy guilt and remorse
that leads to restitution and responsibility- teach and model good
social skills

Principle #36: Never shame, belittle or humiliate your child- help
them build a positive self-image and a healthy self-esteem

Principle #37: Admit when you've made mistakes and apologize to your
child

Principle #38: Teach and model that violence is not acceptable,
including that it is never acceptable for adults to hit children

Principle #39: Be involved with the media your child is viewing and
discuss what they see and why it is positive or negative

Principle #40: The rule about gaining respect is to earn it- you earn
it from a child by giving it to them

Principle #41: Help a frequently errant child succeed by giving
him/her small steps towards a goal that ensures success- never give up
on a kid!

Principle #42: Do guide children and do not leave them to regulate
their own behavior- children feel unsafe when there are no limits at
all- spend more time with them

Principle #43: Tune in to, rather than ignore, physical and verbal
cues that something is bothering a child

Principle #44: Deescalate a problem before the child gets out of
control- be aware of the warning signs of escalating behavior

Principle #45: Treat boys with the same dignity and caring, gentle,
loving concern that you treat girls with- do not discipline boys for a
behavior that you allow girls to get away with- do not tolerate sexist
attitudes in girls that you wouldn't allow boys to get away with- do
not put gender restrictions on toys, emotions, hobbies and activities

Principle #46: Avoid power struggles and verbal fights with older
kids- negotiate democratically when possible

Principle #47: Honor a child's need for autonomy and power over some
aspects of his/her decisions- let them make decisions where
appropriate

Principle #48: Above all, treat all children with dignity and respect
by refraining from using negative, punitive and violent methods of
control- Use positive methods that promote critical thinking and show
love, caring, empathy, understanding and patience towards all children


--I'm interested in hearing from those of you who are not supportive
of the "cohort" agenda to punish parents through revoking the
reasonable force statutes on the books. Here in TX we are keeping an
eye on them when they try to harm families by extending the control of
laws to further limit family rights and by putting kids at greater
risk.--I am not interested in any contact with the"cohort" and have
boycotted any conversations with them for several years now. Their
agenda is all to obvious and very harmful to families.--The only point
we agree on is that spanking is not needed to discipline kids--beyond
that they beat the drum for their singular cause (spanking = child
abuse---no matter what and parents who use it should be punished).

They support full equal--political, social rights for kids and have
posted as much. Keep an eye on them in your community.

-Non-spanker by choice
Chris C.
TX

Hi, Chris C. As usual, good advice.

The essence of parenting is thought, empathy and right-mindedness.

One wonders if a burecracy can effectively manage children while *growing*
their business.

Chris sent in:

Subject: Repost--Helpful suggestions
From: (Chris C.)
Date: 6/25/2004 12:12 PM Eastern Daylight Time
Message-id:

In the absence of any regular advice --here is some that doesn't
support punishing parents who don't follow them to the letter.

-Special notes to new posters:I do not support the reform of
reasonable force statutes that lead to punitive measures for parents
who may use discipline within the current legal limits (this would
include but is not limited to physical restraint to protect a child
from harm of self or others).

-also do not post any personal information on this site. Often
participants in this n.g. will use/abuse the information.

48 Suggestions:

Positive Discipline:* 50 Principles & Alternatives to Punishment


Principle #1: Decode the message behind the misbehavior

Principle #2: Understand WHY the behavior is occurring

Principle #3: Help the child calm down by staying calm and speaking
calmly

Principle #4: Explain to the child how his/her behavior affects others

Principle #5: If possible, alter the precipitating factors that led to
the behavior

Principle #6: Discuss together a non-punitive consequence for the
behavior that is logical to the behavior

Principle #7: Carry out what you promised to carry out when you
promised to do so

Principle #8: Do not nag, lecture, threaten or use sarcasm

Principle #9: Praise efforts and reward success

Principle #10: If the behavior begins to occur again, give a reminder
of why the behavior is not appropriate- you will need to be consistent
over time

Principle #11: Unless the behavior involves harming self, others or
property, give three warnings "1,2,3..."

Principle #12: Immediately follow through with the consequence with a
brief restating of the infraction in a firm (but friendly) tone

Principle #13: Discuss with the child what occurred, why it wasn't
acceptable and how it can be prevented in the future.

Principle #14: Let the child voice his/her feelings freely without
judgment

Principle #15: Help the child to understand that he/she is a good,
acceptable person and that the behavior, not the child, is
unacceptable- accept young people unconditionally regardless of their
behavior

Principle #16: Remember what it was like to be at the child's age.
Refrain from tacking adult meanings and connotations onto childish
behavior

Principle #17: Read up on child and adolescent development and find
out if what you are expecting is developmentally appropriate- or if
the misbehavior is age-appropriate behavior

Principle #18: Understand each child's individual capabilities, needs
and circumstances and modify your expectations and approaches
accordingly

Principle #19: If the child has multiple negative behaviors, only
focus on modifying those that are most destructive to self, others and
property

Principle #20: Empower children with acceptable choices- don't just
tell them what they CAN'T do- give them acceptable alternatives

Principle #21: Use re-direction, distraction and selective ignoring
for minor infractions

Principle #22: Use of the toilet should be viewed as a necessary
right, not a privilege- promote health and healthy attitudes towards
the body by honoring this right- if children misuse the bathroom pass
in school, have them use the toilet in the nurse's office for one week
as a consequence

Principle #23: Decode the need the child is trying to meet by his/her
misbehavior and help them meet that need by acceptable means

Principle #24: If the child is out of control, guide them to a quiet
area to calm down before discussing the problem

Principle #25: If a child must be placed in a "time out", do not
impose a time limit- let the child come out when he/she is ready-
never leave a young child unsupervised- never close a child into a
frightening room- do not banish the child

Principle #26: If the child comes out of a "time out" prematurely,
state that it looks as if he/she is ready to behave appropriately and
give them that chance- avoid forcing them back in unless the behavior
starts up again

Principle #27: Children often misbehave when they lack attention- give
them the attention they need and deserve- including hugging, patting
the back, ruffling the hair, high fives, etc.

Principle #28: Rather than give "do not" messages, state what you
would like to see instead


Principle #29: If physical restraint is necessary to avoid an attack
against the self or others, do so progressively, in stages beginning
with a verbal warning, increased physical proximity, followed by a
hand on the shoulder and then a gentle hand on the arm, progressing
with as little restraint as possible to keep the child from harming
self or others

Principle #30: If the child shows lack of attention and restlessness,
evaluate whether the activities you provide are stimulating, exciting,
involving and appropriate to the learning style and intelligence needs
of the child

Principle #31: Discuss the importance of verbalizing feelings rather
than acting on impulses- model this!


Principle #32: Model the behaviors you want to see your children
emulate

Principle #33: Do not engage in conduct that you don't allow in your
children

Principle #34: If your child has consistent behavioral problems do
your best to alleviate the causes- enforce only necessary limits and
cut away unnecessary rules and inflexible ways of doing things

Principle #35: Teach and model positive, healthy guilt and remorse
that leads to restitution and responsibility- teach and model good
social skills

Principle #36: Never shame, belittle or humiliate your child- help
them build a positive self-image and a healthy self-esteem

Principle #37: Admit when you've made mistakes and apologize to your
child

Principle #38: Teach and model that violence is not acceptable,
including that it is never acceptable for adults to hit children

Principle #39: Be involved with the media your child is viewing and
discuss what they see and why it is positive or negative

Principle #40: The rule about gaining respect is to earn it- you earn
it from a child by giving it to them

Principle #41: Help a frequently errant child succeed by giving
him/her small steps towards a goal that ensures success- never give up
on a kid!

Principle #42: Do guide children and do not leave them to regulate
their own behavior- children feel unsafe when there are no limits at
all- spend more time with them

Principle #43: Tune in to, rather than ignore, physical and verbal
cues that something is bothering a child

Principle #44: Deescalate a problem before the child gets out of
control- be aware of the warning signs of escalating behavior

Principle #45: Treat boys with the same dignity and caring, gentle,
loving concern that you treat girls with- do not discipline boys for a
behavior that you allow girls to get away with- do not tolerate sexist
attitudes in girls that you wouldn't allow boys to get away with- do
not put gender restrictions on toys, emotions, hobbies and activities

Principle #46: Avoid power struggles and verbal fights with older
kids- negotiate democratically when possible

Principle #47: Honor a child's need for autonomy and power over some
aspects of his/her decisions- let them make decisions where
appropriate

Principle #48: Above all, treat all children with dignity and respect
by refraining from using negative, punitive and violent methods of
control- Use positive methods that promote critical thinking and show
love, caring, empathy, understanding and patience towards all children


--I'm interested in hearing from those of you who are not supportive
of the "cohort" agenda to punish parents through revoking the
reasonable force statutes on the books. Here in TX we are keeping an
eye on them when they try to harm families by extending the control of
laws to further limit family rights and by putting kids at greater
risk.--I am not interested in any contact with the"cohort" and have
boycotted any conversations with them for several years now. Their
agenda is all to obvious and very harmful to families.--The only point
we agree on is that spanking is not needed to discipline kids--beyond
that they beat the drum for their singular cause (spanking = child
abuse---no matter what and parents who use it should be punished).

They support full equal--political, social rights for kids and have
posted as much. Keep an eye on them in your community.

-Non-spanker by choice
Chris C.
TX

Hi, Chris C. As usual, good advice.

The essence of parenting is thought, empathy and right-mindedness.

One wonders if a burecracy can effectively manage children while *growing*
their business.

Chris sent in:

Subject: Repost--Helpful suggestions
From: (Chris C.)
Date: 6/25/2004 12:12 PM Eastern Daylight Time
Message-id:

In the absence of any regular advice --here is some that doesn't
support punishing parents who don't follow them to the letter.

-Special notes to new posters:I do not support the reform of
reasonable force statutes that lead to punitive measures for parents
who may use discipline within the current legal limits (this would
include but is not limited to physical restraint to protect a child
from harm of self or others).

-also do not post any personal information on this site. Often
participants in this n.g. will use/abuse the information.

48 Suggestions:

Positive Discipline:* 50 Principles & Alternatives to Punishment


Principle #1: Decode the message behind the misbehavior

Principle #2: Understand WHY the behavior is occurring

Principle #3: Help the child calm down by staying calm and speaking
calmly

Principle #4: Explain to the child how his/her behavior affects others

Principle #5: If possible, alter the precipitating factors that led to
the behavior

Principle #6: Discuss together a non-punitive consequence for the
behavior that is logical to the behavior

Principle #7: Carry out what you promised to carry out when you
promised to do so

Principle #8: Do not nag, lecture, threaten or use sarcasm

Principle #9: Praise efforts and reward success

Principle #10: If the behavior begins to occur again, give a reminder
of why the behavior is not appropriate- you will need to be consistent
over time

Principle #11: Unless the behavior involves harming self, others or
property, give three warnings "1,2,3..."

Principle #12: Immediately follow through with the consequence with a
brief restating of the infraction in a firm (but friendly) tone

Principle #13: Discuss with the child what occurred, why it wasn't
acceptable and how it can be prevented in the future.

Principle #14: Let the child voice his/her feelings freely without
judgment

Principle #15: Help the child to understand that he/she is a good,
acceptable person and that the behavior, not the child, is
unacceptable- accept young people unconditionally regardless of their
behavior

Principle #16: Remember what it was like to be at the child's age.
Refrain from tacking adult meanings and connotations onto childish
behavior

Principle #17: Read up on child and adolescent development and find
out if what you are expecting is developmentally appropriate- or if
the misbehavior is age-appropriate behavior

Principle #18: Understand each child's individual capabilities, needs
and circumstances and modify your expectations and approaches
accordingly

Principle #19: If the child has multiple negative behaviors, only
focus on modifying those that are most destructive to self, others and
property

Principle #20: Empower children with acceptable choices- don't just
tell them what they CAN'T do- give them acceptable alternatives

Principle #21: Use re-direction, distraction and selective ignoring
for minor infractions

Principle #22: Use of the toilet should be viewed as a necessary
right, not a privilege- promote health and healthy attitudes towards
the body by honoring this right- if children misuse the bathroom pass
in school, have them use the toilet in the nurse's office for one week
as a consequence

Principle #23: Decode the need the child is trying to meet by his/her
misbehavior and help them meet that need by acceptable means

Principle #24: If the child is out of control, guide them to a quiet
area to calm down before discussing the problem

Principle #25: If a child must be placed in a "time out", do not
impose a time limit- let the child come out when he/she is ready-
never leave a young child unsupervised- never close a child into a
frightening room- do not banish the child

Principle #26: If the child comes out of a "time out" prematurely,
state that it looks as if he/she is ready to behave appropriately and
give them that chance- avoid forcing them back in unless the behavior
starts up again

Principle #27: Children often misbehave when they lack attention- give
them the attention they need and deserve- including hugging, patting
the back, ruffling the hair, high fives, etc.

Principle #28: Rather than give "do not" messages, state what you
would like to see instead


Principle #29: If physical restraint is necessary to avoid an attack
against the self or others, do so progressively, in stages beginning
with a verbal warning, increased physical proximity, followed by a
hand on the shoulder and then a gentle hand on the arm, progressing
with as little restraint as possible to keep the child from harming
self or others

Principle #30: If the child shows lack of attention and restlessness,
evaluate whether the activities you provide are stimulating, exciting,
involving and appropriate to the learning style and intelligence needs
of the child

Principle #31: Discuss the importance of verbalizing feelings rather
than acting on impulses- model this!


Principle #32: Model the behaviors you want to see your children
emulate

Principle #33: Do not engage in conduct that you don't allow in your
children

Principle #34: If your child has consistent behavioral problems do
your best to alleviate the causes- enforce only necessary limits and
cut away unnecessary rules and inflexible ways of doing things

Principle #35: Teach and model positive, healthy guilt and remorse
that leads to restitution and responsibility- teach and model good
social skills

Principle #36: Never shame, belittle or humiliate your child- help
them build a positive self-image and a healthy self-esteem

Principle #37: Admit when you've made mistakes and apologize to your
child

Principle #38: Teach and model that violence is not acceptable,
including that it is never acceptable for adults to hit children

Principle #39: Be involved with the media your child is viewing and
discuss what they see and why it is positive or negative

Principle #40: The rule about gaining respect is to earn it- you earn
it from a child by giving it to them

Principle #41: Help a frequently errant child succeed by giving
him/her small steps towards a goal that ensures success- never give up
on a kid!

Principle #42: Do guide children and do not leave them to regulate
their own behavior- children feel unsafe when there are no limits at
all- spend more time with them

Principle #43: Tune in to, rather than ignore, physical and verbal
cues that something is bothering a child

Principle #44: Deescalate a problem before the child gets out of
control- be aware of the warning signs of escalating behavior

Principle #45: Treat boys with the same dignity and caring, gentle,
loving concern that you treat girls with- do not discipline boys for a
behavior that you allow girls to get away with- do not tolerate sexist
attitudes in girls that you wouldn't allow boys to get away with- do
not put gender restrictions on toys, emotions, hobbies and activities

Principle #46: Avoid power struggles and verbal fights with older
kids- negotiate democratically when possible

Principle #47: Honor a child's need for autonomy and power over some
aspects of his/her decisions- let them make decisions where
appropriate

Principle #48: Above all, treat all children with dignity and respect
by refraining from using negative, punitive and violent methods of
control- Use positive methods that promote critical thinking and show
love, caring, empathy, understanding and patience towards all children


--I'm interested in hearing from those of you who are not supportive
of the "cohort" agenda to punish parents through revoking the
reasonable force statutes on the books. Here in TX we are keeping an
eye on them when they try to harm families by extending the control of
laws to further limit family rights and by putting kids at greater
risk.--I am not interested in any contact with the"cohort" and have
boycotted any conversations with them for several years now. Their
agenda is all to obvious and very harmful to families.--The only point
we agree on is that spanking is not needed to discipline kids--beyond
that they beat the drum for their singular cause (spanking = child
abuse---no matter what and parents who use it should be punished).

They support full equal--political, social rights for kids and have
posted as much. Keep an eye on them in your community.

-Non-spanker by choice
Chris C.
TX

So true Fern. I was amazed at the data coming out of the foster care
system on the reported abuses within their programs. Not a confidence
builder I assure you. Keep posting!-Chris C.

TX


(Fern5827) wrote in message ...
Hi, Chris C. As usual, good advice.

The essence of parenting is thought, empathy and right-mindedness.

One wonders if a burecracy can effectively manage children while *growing*
their business.

Chris sent in:

Subject: Repost--Helpful suggestions
From: (Chris C.)
Date: 6/25/2004 12:12 PM Eastern Daylight Time
Message-id:

In the absence of any regular advice --here is some that doesn't
support punishing parents who don't follow them to the letter.

-Special notes to new posters:I do not support the reform of
reasonable force statutes that lead to punitive measures for parents
who may use discipline within the current legal limits (this would
include but is not limited to physical restraint to protect a child
from harm of self or others).

-also do not post any personal information on this site. Often
participants in this n.g. will use/abuse the information.

48 Suggestions:

Positive Discipline:* 50 Principles & Alternatives to Punishment


Principle #1: Decode the message behind the misbehavior

Principle #2: Understand WHY the behavior is occurring

Principle #3: Help the child calm down by staying calm and speaking
calmly

Principle #4: Explain to the child how his/her behavior affects others

Principle #5: If possible, alter the precipitating factors that led to
the behavior

Principle #6: Discuss together a non-punitive consequence for the
behavior that is logical to the behavior

Principle #7: Carry out what you promised to carry out when you
promised to do so

Principle #8: Do not nag, lecture, threaten or use sarcasm

Principle #9: Praise efforts and reward success

Principle #10: If the behavior begins to occur again, give a reminder
of why the behavior is not appropriate- you will need to be consistent
over time

Principle #11: Unless the behavior involves harming self, others or
property, give three warnings "1,2,3..."

Principle #12: Immediately follow through with the consequence with a
brief restating of the infraction in a firm (but friendly) tone

Principle #13: Discuss with the child what occurred, why it wasn't
acceptable and how it can be prevented in the future.

Principle #14: Let the child voice his/her feelings freely without
judgment

Principle #15: Help the child to understand that he/she is a good,
acceptable person and that the behavior, not the child, is
unacceptable- accept young people unconditionally regardless of their
behavior

Principle #16: Remember what it was like to be at the child's age.
Refrain from tacking adult meanings and connotations onto childish
behavior

Principle #17: Read up on child and adolescent development and find
out if what you are expecting is developmentally appropriate- or if
the misbehavior is age-appropriate behavior

Principle #18: Understand each child's individual capabilities, needs
and circumstances and modify your expectations and approaches
accordingly

Principle #19: If the child has multiple negative behaviors, only
focus on modifying those that are most destructive to self, others and
property

Principle #20: Empower children with acceptable choices- don't just
tell them what they CAN'T do- give them acceptable alternatives

Principle #21: Use re-direction, distraction and selective ignoring
for minor infractions

Principle #22: Use of the toilet should be viewed as a necessary
right, not a privilege- promote health and healthy attitudes towards
the body by honoring this right- if children misuse the bathroom pass
in school, have them use the toilet in the nurse's office for one week
as a consequence

Principle #23: Decode the need the child is trying to meet by his/her
misbehavior and help them meet that need by acceptable means

Principle #24: If the child is out of control, guide them to a quiet
area to calm down before discussing the problem

Principle #25: If a child must be placed in a "time out", do not
impose a time limit- let the child come out when he/she is ready-
never leave a young child unsupervised- never close a child into a
frightening room- do not banish the child

Principle #26: If the child comes out of a "time out" prematurely,
state that it looks as if he/she is ready to behave appropriately and
give them that chance- avoid forcing them back in unless the behavior
starts up again

Principle #27: Children often misbehave when they lack attention- give
them the attention they need and deserve- including hugging, patting
the back, ruffling the hair, high fives, etc.

Principle #28: Rather than give "do not" messages, state what you
would like to see instead


Principle #29: If physical restraint is necessary to avoid an attack
against the self or others, do so progressively, in stages beginning
with a verbal warning, increased physical proximity, followed by a
hand on the shoulder and then a gentle hand on the arm, progressing
with as little restraint as possible to keep the child from harming
self or others

Principle #30: If the child shows lack of attention and restlessness,
evaluate whether the activities you provide are stimulating, exciting,
involving and appropriate to the learning style and intelligence needs
of the child

Principle #31: Discuss the importance of verbalizing feelings rather
than acting on impulses- model this!


Principle #32: Model the behaviors you want to see your children
emulate

Principle #33: Do not engage in conduct that you don't allow in your
children

Principle #34: If your child has consistent behavioral problems do
your best to alleviate the causes- enforce only necessary limits and
cut away unnecessary rules and inflexible ways of doing things

Principle #35: Teach and model positive, healthy guilt and remorse
that leads to restitution and responsibility- teach and model good
social skills

Principle #36: Never shame, belittle or humiliate your child- help
them build a positive self-image and a healthy self-esteem

Principle #37: Admit when you've made mistakes and apologize to your
child

Principle #38: Teach and model that violence is not acceptable,
including that it is never acceptable for adults to hit children

Principle #39: Be involved with the media your child is viewing and
discuss what they see and why it is positive or negative

Principle #40: The rule about gaining respect is to earn it- you earn
it from a child by giving it to them

Principle #41: Help a frequently errant child succeed by giving
him/her small steps towards a goal that ensures success- never give up
on a kid!

Principle #42: Do guide children and do not leave them to regulate
their own behavior- children feel unsafe when there are no limits at
all- spend more time with them

Principle #43: Tune in to, rather than ignore, physical and verbal
cues that something is bothering a child

Principle #44: Deescalate a problem before the child gets out of
control- be aware of the warning signs of escalating behavior

Principle #45: Treat boys with the same dignity and caring, gentle,
loving concern that you treat girls with- do not discipline boys for a
behavior that you allow girls to get away with- do not tolerate sexist
attitudes in girls that you wouldn't allow boys to get away with- do
not put gender restrictions on toys, emotions, hobbies and activities

Principle #46: Avoid power struggles and verbal fights with older
kids- negotiate democratically when possible

Principle #47: Honor a child's need for autonomy and power over some
aspects of his/her decisions- let them make decisions where
appropriate

Principle #48: Above all, treat all children with dignity and respect
by refraining from using negative, punitive and violent methods of
control- Use positive methods that promote critical thinking and show
love, caring, empathy, understanding and patience towards all children


--I'm interested in hearing from those of you who are not supportive
of the "cohort" agenda to punish parents through revoking the
reasonable force statutes on the books. Here in TX we are keeping an
eye on them when they try to harm families by extending the control of
laws to further limit family rights and by putting kids at greater
risk.--I am not interested in any contact with the"cohort" and have
boycotted any conversations with them for several years now. Their
agenda is all to obvious and very harmful to families.--The only point
we agree on is that spanking is not needed to discipline kids--beyond
that they beat the drum for their singular cause (spanking = child
abuse---no matter what and parents who use it should be punished).

They support full equal--political, social rights for kids and have
posted as much. Keep an eye on them in your community.

-Non-spanker by choice
Chris C.
TX

So true Fern. I was amazed at the data coming out of the foster care
system on the reported abuses within their programs. Not a confidence
builder I assure you. Keep posting!-Chris C.

TX


(Fern5827) wrote in message ...
Hi, Chris C. As usual, good advice.

The essence of parenting is thought, empathy and right-mindedness.

One wonders if a burecracy can effectively manage children while *growing*
their business.

Chris sent in:

Subject: Repost--Helpful suggestions
From: (Chris C.)
Date: 6/25/2004 12:12 PM Eastern Daylight Time
Message-id:

In the absence of any regular advice --here is some that doesn't
support punishing parents who don't follow them to the letter.

-Special notes to new posters:I do not support the reform of
reasonable force statutes that lead to punitive measures for parents
who may use discipline within the current legal limits (this would
include but is not limited to physical restraint to protect a child
from harm of self or others).

-also do not post any personal information on this site. Often
participants in this n.g. will use/abuse the information.

48 Suggestions:

Positive Discipline:* 50 Principles & Alternatives to Punishment


Principle #1: Decode the message behind the misbehavior

Principle #2: Understand WHY the behavior is occurring

Principle #3: Help the child calm down by staying calm and speaking
calmly

Principle #4: Explain to the child how his/her behavior affects others

Principle #5: If possible, alter the precipitating factors that led to
the behavior

Principle #6: Discuss together a non-punitive consequence for the
behavior that is logical to the behavior

Principle #7: Carry out what you promised to carry out when you
promised to do so

Principle #8: Do not nag, lecture, threaten or use sarcasm

Principle #9: Praise efforts and reward success

Principle #10: If the behavior begins to occur again, give a reminder
of why the behavior is not appropriate- you will need to be consistent
over time

Principle #11: Unless the behavior involves harming self, others or
property, give three warnings "1,2,3..."

Principle #12: Immediately follow through with the consequence with a
brief restating of the infraction in a firm (but friendly) tone

Principle #13: Discuss with the child what occurred, why it wasn't
acceptable and how it can be prevented in the future.

Principle #14: Let the child voice his/her feelings freely without
judgment

Principle #15: Help the child to understand that he/she is a good,
acceptable person and that the behavior, not the child, is
unacceptable- accept young people unconditionally regardless of their
behavior

Principle #16: Remember what it was like to be at the child's age.
Refrain from tacking adult meanings and connotations onto childish
behavior

Principle #17: Read up on child and adolescent development and find
out if what you are expecting is developmentally appropriate- or if
the misbehavior is age-appropriate behavior

Principle #18: Understand each child's individual capabilities, needs
and circumstances and modify your expectations and approaches
accordingly

Principle #19: If the child has multiple negative behaviors, only
focus on modifying those that are most destructive to self, others and
property

Principle #20: Empower children with acceptable choices- don't just
tell them what they CAN'T do- give them acceptable alternatives

Principle #21: Use re-direction, distraction and selective ignoring
for minor infractions

Principle #22: Use of the toilet should be viewed as a necessary
right, not a privilege- promote health and healthy attitudes towards
the body by honoring this right- if children misuse the bathroom pass
in school, have them use the toilet in the nurse's office for one week
as a consequence

Principle #23: Decode the need the child is trying to meet by his/her
misbehavior and help them meet that need by acceptable means

Principle #24: If the child is out of control, guide them to a quiet
area to calm down before discussing the problem

Principle #25: If a child must be placed in a "time out", do not
impose a time limit- let the child come out when he/she is ready-
never leave a young child unsupervised- never close a child into a
frightening room- do not banish the child

Principle #26: If the child comes out of a "time out" prematurely,
state that it looks as if he/she is ready to behave appropriately and
give them that chance- avoid forcing them back in unless the behavior
starts up again

Principle #27: Children often misbehave when they lack attention- give
them the attention they need and deserve- including hugging, patting
the back, ruffling the hair, high fives, etc.

Principle #28: Rather than give "do not" messages, state what you
would like to see instead


Principle #29: If physical restraint is necessary to avoid an attack
against the self or others, do so progressively, in stages beginning
with a verbal warning, increased physical proximity, followed by a
hand on the shoulder and then a gentle hand on the arm, progressing
with as little restraint as possible to keep the child from harming
self or others

Principle #30: If the child shows lack of attention and restlessness,
evaluate whether the activities you provide are stimulating, exciting,
involving and appropriate to the learning style and intelligence needs
of the child

Principle #31: Discuss the importance of verbalizing feelings rather
than acting on impulses- model this!


Principle #32: Model the behaviors you want to see your children
emulate

Principle #33: Do not engage in conduct that you don't allow in your
children

Principle #34: If your child has consistent behavioral problems do
your best to alleviate the causes- enforce only necessary limits and
cut away unnecessary rules and inflexible ways of doing things

Principle #35: Teach and model positive, healthy guilt and remorse
that leads to restitution and responsibility- teach and model good
social skills

Principle #36: Never shame, belittle or humiliate your child- help
them build a positive self-image and a healthy self-esteem

Principle #37: Admit when you've made mistakes and apologize to your
child

Principle #38: Teach and model that violence is not acceptable,
including that it is never acceptable for adults to hit children

Principle #39: Be involved with the media your child is viewing and
discuss what they see and why it is positive or negative

Principle #40: The rule about gaining respect is to earn it- you earn
it from a child by giving it to them

Principle #41: Help a frequently errant child succeed by giving
him/her small steps towards a goal that ensures success- never give up
on a kid!

Principle #42: Do guide children and do not leave them to regulate
their own behavior- children feel unsafe when there are no limits at
all- spend more time with them

Principle #43: Tune in to, rather than ignore, physical and verbal
cues that something is bothering a child

Principle #44: Deescalate a problem before the child gets out of
control- be aware of the warning signs of escalating behavior

Principle #45: Treat boys with the same dignity and caring, gentle,
loving concern that you treat girls with- do not discipline boys for a
behavior that you allow girls to get away with- do not tolerate sexist
attitudes in girls that you wouldn't allow boys to get away with- do
not put gender restrictions on toys, emotions, hobbies and activities

Principle #46: Avoid power struggles and verbal fights with older
kids- negotiate democratically when possible

Principle #47: Honor a child's need for autonomy and power over some
aspects of his/her decisions- let them make decisions where
appropriate

Principle #48: Above all, treat all children with dignity and respect
by refraining from using negative, punitive and violent methods of
control- Use positive methods that promote critical thinking and show
love, caring, empathy, understanding and patience towards all children


--I'm interested in hearing from those of you who are not supportive
of the "cohort" agenda to punish parents through revoking the
reasonable force statutes on the books. Here in TX we are keeping an
eye on them when they try to harm families by extending the control of
laws to further limit family rights and by putting kids at greater
risk.--I am not interested in any contact with the"cohort" and have
boycotted any conversations with them for several years now. Their
agenda is all to obvious and very harmful to families.--The only point
we agree on is that spanking is not needed to discipline kids--beyond
that they beat the drum for their singular cause (spanking = child
abuse---no matter what and parents who use it should be punished).

They support full equal--political, social rights for kids and have
posted as much. Keep an eye on them in your community.

-Non-spanker by choice
Chris C.
TX

(Fern5827) wrote in message ...
Hi, Chris C. As usual, good advice.

R R R R ..... the rantings of a child abuse advocate? Really?

The essence of parenting is thought, empathy and right-mindedness.

One, two, three strikes yer out, at the ooooold, baaaaaal GAME!

You don't thint, nor have you ever shown empathy for children or
parents that do not wish to abuse their children, and as for
right-mindedness........R R R R R R R R R R R R R R R R .....wheeze
yah gotstahbekiddin'

One wonders if a burecracy can effectively manage children while *growing*
their business.

Uhhh...."manage children?"

How do you "manage" a child and raise them at the same time?

You "manage" your household, your business, your budget, your blood
pressue, but you do NOT manage a child. They aren't, despite your
views to the contrary, a "thing" to be managed.


Chris sent in:

Subject: Repost--Helpful suggestions
From: (Chris C.)
Date: 6/25/2004 12:12 PM Eastern Daylight Time
Message-id:

In the absence of any regular advice --here is some that doesn't
support punishing parents who don't follow them to the letter.

-Special notes to new posters:I do not support the reform of
reasonable force statutes that lead to punitive measures for parents
who may use discipline within the current legal limits (this would
include but is not limited to physical restraint to protect a child
from harm of self or others).

The current legal limits allow serious abuses from time to time. And
rarely speaks to the psychological damage.

You are encouraging others to risk injury to their children by using
force, pain, and humiliation without knowning where that elusive line
between "discipline" and harm might be.

Congrats...still on target I see.


-also do not post any personal information on this site. Often
participants in this n.g. will use/abuse the information.

Now that's true. And each time it's happened in MY case it's been one
of you morally deficients twits.

48 Suggestions:

Positive Discipline: 50 Principles & Alternatives to Punishment


Principle #1: Decode the message behind the misbehavior

Principle #2: Understand WHY the behavior is occurring

Principle #3: Help the child calm down by staying calm and speaking
calmly

Principle #4: Explain to the child how his/her behavior affects others

Principle #5: If possible, alter the precipitating factors that led to
the behavior

Principle #6: Discuss together a non-punitive consequence for the
behavior that is logical to the behavior

Principle #7: Carry out what you promised to carry out when you
promised to do so

Principle #8: Do not nag, lecture, threaten or use sarcasm

Principle #9: Praise efforts and reward success

Kids see through the in a sec as manipulative. ACKNOWLEDGE efforts,
and help the child seek out their internal self generated "rewards"
and sense of success.

DO NOT get them hook on the drug of OTHER GENERATED APPROVAL. They
turn into little noncomplaining exploited factory workers and or
praise hungry dupes of despots and go off to war to kill and be
killed, and tnink they are being brave and true to something or other.

Principle #10: If the behavior begins to occur again, give a reminder
of why the behavior is not appropriate- you will need to be consistent
over time

Principle #11: Unless the behavior involves harming self, others or
property, give three warnings "1,2,3..."

"Warnings?"


Principle #12: Immediately follow through with the consequence with a
brief restating of the infraction in a firm (but friendly) tone

Principle #13: Discuss with the child what occurred, why it wasn't
acceptable and how it can be prevented in the future.

Principle #14: Let the child voice his/her feelings freely without
judgment

Principle #15: Help the child to understand that he/she is a good,
acceptable person and that the behavior, not the child, is
unacceptable- accept young people unconditionally regardless of their
behavior

Principle #16: Remember what it was like to be at the child's age.
Refrain from tacking adult meanings and connotations onto childish
behavior

Principle #17: Read up on child and adolescent development and find
out if what you are expecting is developmentally appropriate- or if
the misbehavior is age-appropriate behavior

Principle #18: Understand each child's individual capabilities, needs
and circumstances and modify your expectations and approaches
accordingly

Principle #19: If the child has multiple negative behaviors, only
focus on modifying those that are most destructive to self, others and
property

Principle #20: Empower children with acceptable choices- don't just
tell them what they CAN'T do- give them acceptable alternatives

Principle #21: Use re-direction, distraction and selective ignoring
for minor infractions

Or check your power mongering control freak self at the desk when
leaving the hospital after the baby's delivery.

Principle #22: Use of the toilet should be viewed as a necessary
right, not a privilege- promote health and healthy attitudes towards
the body by honoring this right- if children misuse the bathroom pass
in school, have them use the toilet in the nurse's office for one week
as a consequence

Principle #23: Decode the need the child is trying to meet by his/her
misbehavior and help them meet that need by acceptable means

Principle #24: If the child is out of control, guide them to a quiet
area to calm down before discussing the problem

Still into the power and control neurotic twitching I see. It is rarly
a "problem" for the child. In fact if you drop the idea that the child
is creating a problem at all, you'll much more quickly let go of YOUR
**** and understand the need that is being expressed an MEET THAT
NEED.

In most kids it's about exploring and learning how live in human
society and their physical environment....different emphasis at
different developmental stages.

Principle #25: If a child must be placed in a "time out", do not
impose a time limit- let the child come out when he/she is ready-
never leave a young child unsupervised- never close a child into a
frightening room- do not banish the child

First of all a time out is an insult to human intelligence and the
drive for development. When children "misbehave" there are almost
invariably asking for a "time" IN with their coach, supporter, mentor,
and protector YOU.

And when you get in that old punishment mode you destroy that powerful
relationship and all it can give to prepare a child to be the
extraordinary person he or she IS, or at least was when they were born
and you could get your sick stupid ill informed idiot hooks into him
or her.

Principle #26: If the child comes out of a "time out" prematurely,
state that it looks as if he/she is ready to behave appropriately and
give them that chance- avoid forcing them back in unless the behavior
starts up again

Nonsense. This time out bull**** should NEVER happen. If the child is
stuck standby to be there to support them. Help them learn to come TO
you, not AWAY from you at such times, even their stuckness is of YOUR
stupid making.

Adults often do not understand each other's behaviors. Why should
parents be expected to understand all of a child's. Simply DON'T
ASSUME A DAMN THING, and be the coach nature created you to be.


Principle #27: Children often misbehave when they lack attention- give
them the attention they need and deserve- including hugging, patting
the back, ruffling the hair, high fives, etc.

Actually the more often misbehave when they are forced to live with a
manipulative, overbearing, power mad, stupid, control freak...their
parent, all too often.

Principle #28: Rather than give "do not" messages, state what you
would like to see instead

I can see it now. "I would like you to give up the important tasks you
are now involved with that are driven by nature and your developmental
imperative, and get right over here and ..........(fill in the blank)"

Guaran****inteed to screw up the kid.

Be HONEST. Say "I WANT YOU TO." Then deal as you would with an adult
who may or may NOT be interested in what the **** YOU want.


Principle #29: If physical restraint is necessary to avoid an attack
against the self or others, do so progressively, in stages beginning
with a verbal warning, increased physical proximity, followed by a
hand on the shoulder and then a gentle hand on the arm, progressing
with as little restraint as possible to keep the child from harming
self or others

Funny, the ONLY time I EVER saw one of my kids, or even heard of it,
"attack" another child was when THEY WERE ATTACKED first. My son was
nearly pushed, at about 5 years old, into a deep pond by this stupid
girl of about 10 that kept pushing him out on a log. He finally
smacked her in the nose. My oh MY her father was ****ed. I invited him
to take it out on me. Odd, never happened.

Principle #30: If the child shows lack of attention and restlessness,
evaluate whether the activities you provide are stimulating, exciting,
involving and appropriate to the learning style and intelligence needs
of the child

Well, I guess. Like THAT takes advice. But who are YOU providing
these? Why aren't you taking cues from the child? My kids had hardly a
toy in their entire childhoods. They had REAL TOOLS AND REAL OBJECTS
FROM THE WORLD AROUND THEM to learn how to be who they were turning
out to be.

Principle #31: Discuss the importance of verbalizing feelings rather
than acting on impulses- model this!

With those that still adhere to a "punishment" model I've seen this
"verbalizing" horrible abused, much to the pain and humiliation of the
child.


Most adults don't REALLY want to hear what a child thinks and
feels......not the real stuff. So the child has to learn to suppress
and put on a pretty little act for mommy and daddy dearest.

"I ****in' hate your GUTS!" Is a very appropriate thing for a child to
say from time to time when you assholes really **** up big time.

Kinda clears the air, it does.


Principle #32: Model the behaviors you want to see your children
emulate

Sure. If you see you just drove faster than the posted limit, flag
down a cop and ask for a ticket. Be yourself instead. Kids get it
pretty quick that life, and humans, aren't perfect.

Principle #33: Do not engage in conduct that you don't allow in your
children

No sex? No drink? No late nights partying? No divorce?

No creativity.....

Principle #34: If your child has consistent behavioral problems do
your best to alleviate the causes- enforce only necessary limits and
cut away unnecessary rules and inflexible ways of doing things

Up to number #33 that would pretty much wipe out the list.

Principle #35: Teach and model positive, healthy guilt and remorse
that leads to restitution and responsibility- teach and model good
social skills

One can do RIGHT without ever having to feel guilt or remorse...simply
because they KNOW what is expected, and they know what feels bad to
them, and they have had a chance to see a model of
impathy.........which does NOT seem to be on this list.

Principle #36: Never shame, belittle or humiliate your child- help
them build a positive self-image and a healthy self-esteem

Principle #37: Admit when you've made mistakes and apologize to your
child

Principle #38: Teach and model that violence is not acceptable,
including that it is never acceptable for adults to hit children

Principle #39: Be involved with the media your child is viewing and
discuss what they see and why it is positive or negative

Principle #40: The rule about gaining respect is to earn it- you earn
it from a child by giving it to them

Principle #41: Help a frequently errant child succeed by giving
him/her small steps towards a goal that ensures success- never give up
on a kid!

Principle #42: Do guide children and do not leave them to regulate
their own behavior- children feel unsafe when there are no limits at
all- spend more time with them

Principle #43: Tune in to, rather than ignore, physical and verbal
cues that something is bothering a child

Principle #44: Deescalate a problem before the child gets out of
control- be aware of the warning signs of escalating behavior

Principle #45: Treat boys with the same dignity and caring, gentle,
loving concern that you treat girls with- do not discipline boys for a
behavior that you allow girls to get away with- do not tolerate sexist
attitudes in girls that you wouldn't allow boys to get away with- do
not put gender restrictions on toys, emotions, hobbies and activities

Principle #46: Avoid power struggles and verbal fights with older
kids- negotiate democratically when possible

Principle #47: Honor a child's need for autonomy and power over some
aspects of his/her decisions- let them make decisions where
appropriate

Principle #48: Above all, treat all children with dignity and respect
by refraining from using negative, punitive and violent methods of
control- Use positive methods that promote critical thinking and show
love, caring, empathy, understanding and patience towards all children

But beat the hell out of them when they deserve it, right?


--I'm interested in hearing from those of you who are not supportive
of the "cohort" agenda to punish parents through revoking the
reasonable force statutes on the books.

There is no such group in this forum. There are those that wish to
limit the ability of parents to shame, humiliate, and hurt children.
Much as we support the laws that provide that for adult humans, and
animals.

Here in TX we are keeping an
eye on them when they try to harm families by extending the control of
laws to further limit family rights

....to whup their kids.


and by putting kids at greater
risk.

.......of growing up with their dignity intact, and a real sense of
shelf without having to be judged by adults and beaten as they try to
figure out the world and how it works.

--I am not interested in any contact with the"cohort" and have
boycotted any conversations with them for several years now.

Bull****. You've had exchanges or addressed their posts here as
recently as a couple of weeks back.

When you address the content of someone's post, even if you carefully
and like the weasel you are, address YOUR remarks to Something Else,
even A Plant, you ARE HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH THAT PERSON.

Yer nothing but a simpering, abuse advocate, trying to hide behind
other's words above, but still revealing you lack of character and
conscience. Not ethics, no morals, Chris C. Just a bag of wind.

Their
agenda is all to obvious

You betcha. No one against the use of pain and humiliation parenting
in this ng has been the least bit coy or shy about their agenda.

It's YOU assholes that dance around by calling hitting, "spanking,"
"swatting," "switching," etc.

and very harmful to families.

In their attempt to help parents get it that they risk too much by
chosing to hit children? That there IS not definable line between
abuse and CP?

That they wish parents to stop this nonsense and NOT wind up in jail
and or losing their children because they've gone to far just one too
many times?

It's YOU twits that encourage very serious risk taking, of both injury
to children, long term trauma physically and mentally, and the chance
of losing their children if they just happen to slip one day.

--The only point
we agree on is that spanking is not needed to discipline kids--beyond
that they beat the drum for their singular cause (spanking = child
abuse---no matter what and parents who use it should be punished).

You are lying as usual. Your advocacy for parents TO CHOOSE TO SPANK
and otherwise apply CP to children is evidenced by your long history
here. You do NOT believe that spanking is not needed or you would NOT
for a second defend the use of it by others.

Your deviousness is a sure sign of both thinking error, and deep
neurotic self protection from reality and the truth.

They support full equal--political, social rights for kids and have
posted as much. Keep an eye on them in your community.

Abso****in'lutely. Both. Children natural have, just as adults have,
those old inalienable rights we set in our constitution. And Yes, keep
your stupid eye on us.

We are WAAAAAY ahead of you in this battle to free children from
living in fear, and the sicknesses that go with that...including
having to pretend, until they come, as you do, to believe that it's
all okay.


-Non-spanker by choice

Liar. You don't have any children to spank.


Chris C.
TX

Just another child hating, family destroying twit, hanging out with
the Tomato in a basket.

By the way, anyone, including YOU, that wishes to, and google me for
my opinion of the use of LAW to stop the spanking.

Either you do it for moral reasons, and the love of your child, or you
should take a couple of good hard shots to the head from someone three
times your size and get the picture the hard way.

Yer sick, dummy and so are the parents that spank. Some get over it,
and THOSE are heroes, and some don't, and those are.........well, you
decide.

Oh yes, and I nearly forgot. You don't post directly to those that
challenge you for the simple reason you are a coward. No doubt spanked
as a child. It can do that to perfectly sane, ordinary, wonderful
human children. That and many other perverse things.

Kane

(Fern5827) wrote in message ...
Hi, Chris C. As usual, good advice.

R R R R ..... the rantings of a child abuse advocate? Really?

The essence of parenting is thought, empathy and right-mindedness.

One, two, three strikes yer out, at the ooooold, baaaaaal GAME!

You don't thint, nor have you ever shown empathy for children or
parents that do not wish to abuse their children, and as for
right-mindedness........R R R R R R R R R R R R R R R R .....wheeze
yah gotstahbekiddin'

One wonders if a burecracy can effectively manage children while *growing*
their business.

Uhhh...."manage children?"

How do you "manage" a child and raise them at the same time?

You "manage" your household, your business, your budget, your blood
pressue, but you do NOT manage a child. They aren't, despite your
views to the contrary, a "thing" to be managed.


Chris sent in:

Subject: Repost--Helpful suggestions
From: (Chris C.)
Date: 6/25/2004 12:12 PM Eastern Daylight Time
Message-id:

In the absence of any regular advice --here is some that doesn't
support punishing parents who don't follow them to the letter.

-Special notes to new posters:I do not support the reform of
reasonable force statutes that lead to punitive measures for parents
who may use discipline within the current legal limits (this would
include but is not limited to physical restraint to protect a child
from harm of self or others).

The current legal limits allow serious abuses from time to time. And
rarely speaks to the psychological damage.

You are encouraging others to risk injury to their children by using
force, pain, and humiliation without knowning where that elusive line
between "discipline" and harm might be.

Congrats...still on target I see.


-also do not post any personal information on this site. Often
participants in this n.g. will use/abuse the information.

Now that's true. And each time it's happened in MY case it's been one
of you morally deficients twits.

48 Suggestions:

Positive Discipline: 50 Principles & Alternatives to Punishment


Principle #1: Decode the message behind the misbehavior

Principle #2: Understand WHY the behavior is occurring

Principle #3: Help the child calm down by staying calm and speaking
calmly

Principle #4: Explain to the child how his/her behavior affects others

Principle #5: If possible, alter the precipitating factors that led to
the behavior

Principle #6: Discuss together a non-punitive consequence for the
behavior that is logical to the behavior

Principle #7: Carry out what you promised to carry out when you
promised to do so

Principle #8: Do not nag, lecture, threaten or use sarcasm

Principle #9: Praise efforts and reward success

Kids see through the in a sec as manipulative. ACKNOWLEDGE efforts,
and help the child seek out their internal self generated "rewards"
and sense of success.

DO NOT get them hook on the drug of OTHER GENERATED APPROVAL. They
turn into little noncomplaining exploited factory workers and or
praise hungry dupes of despots and go off to war to kill and be
killed, and tnink they are being brave and true to something or other.

Principle #10: If the behavior begins to occur again, give a reminder
of why the behavior is not appropriate- you will need to be consistent
over time

Principle #11: Unless the behavior involves harming self, others or
property, give three warnings "1,2,3..."

"Warnings?"


Principle #12: Immediately follow through with the consequence with a
brief restating of the infraction in a firm (but friendly) tone

Principle #13: Discuss with the child what occurred, why it wasn't
acceptable and how it can be prevented in the future.

Principle #14: Let the child voice his/her feelings freely without
judgment

Principle #15: Help the child to understand that he/she is a good,
acceptable person and that the behavior, not the child, is
unacceptable- accept young people unconditionally regardless of their
behavior

Principle #16: Remember what it was like to be at the child's age.
Refrain from tacking adult meanings and connotations onto childish
behavior

Principle #17: Read up on child and adolescent development and find
out if what you are expecting is developmentally appropriate- or if
the misbehavior is age-appropriate behavior

Principle #18: Understand each child's individual capabilities, needs
and circumstances and modify your expectations and approaches
accordingly

Principle #19: If the child has multiple negative behaviors, only
focus on modifying those that are most destructive to self, others and
property

Principle #20: Empower children with acceptable choices- don't just
tell them what they CAN'T do- give them acceptable alternatives

Principle #21: Use re-direction, distraction and selective ignoring
for minor infractions

Or check your power mongering control freak self at the desk when
leaving the hospital after the baby's delivery.

Principle #22: Use of the toilet should be viewed as a necessary
right, not a privilege- promote health and healthy attitudes towards
the body by honoring this right- if children misuse the bathroom pass
in school, have them use the toilet in the nurse's office for one week
as a consequence

Principle #23: Decode the need the child is trying to meet by his/her
misbehavior and help them meet that need by acceptable means

Principle #24: If the child is out of control, guide them to a quiet
area to calm down before discussing the problem

Still into the power and control neurotic twitching I see. It is rarly
a "problem" for the child. In fact if you drop the idea that the child
is creating a problem at all, you'll much more quickly let go of YOUR
**** and understand the need that is being expressed an MEET THAT
NEED.

In most kids it's about exploring and learning how live in human
society and their physical environment....different emphasis at
different developmental stages.

Principle #25: If a child must be placed in a "time out", do not
impose a time limit- let the child come out when he/she is ready-
never leave a young child unsupervised- never close a child into a
frightening room- do not banish the child

First of all a time out is an insult to human intelligence and the
drive for development. When children "misbehave" there are almost
invariably asking for a "time" IN with their coach, supporter, mentor,
and protector YOU.

And when you get in that old punishment mode you destroy that powerful
relationship and all it can give to prepare a child to be the
extraordinary person he or she IS, or at least was when they were born
and you could get your sick stupid ill informed idiot hooks into him
or her.

Principle #26: If the child comes out of a "time out" prematurely,
state that it looks as if he/she is ready to behave appropriately and
give them that chance- avoid forcing them back in unless the behavior
starts up again

Nonsense. This time out bull**** should NEVER happen. If the child is
stuck standby to be there to support them. Help them learn to come TO
you, not AWAY from you at such times, even their stuckness is of YOUR
stupid making.

Adults often do not understand each other's behaviors. Why should
parents be expected to understand all of a child's. Simply DON'T
ASSUME A DAMN THING, and be the coach nature created you to be.


Principle #27: Children often misbehave when they lack attention- give
them the attention they need and deserve- including hugging, patting
the back, ruffling the hair, high fives, etc.

Actually the more often misbehave when they are forced to live with a
manipulative, overbearing, power mad, stupid, control freak...their
parent, all too often.

Principle #28: Rather than give "do not" messages, state what you
would like to see instead

I can see it now. "I would like you to give up the important tasks you
are now involved with that are driven by nature and your developmental
imperative, and get right over here and ..........(fill in the blank)"

Guaran****inteed to screw up the kid.

Be HONEST. Say "I WANT YOU TO." Then deal as you would with an adult
who may or may NOT be interested in what the **** YOU want.


Principle #29: If physical restraint is necessary to avoid an attack
against the self or others, do so progressively, in stages beginning
with a verbal warning, increased physical proximity, followed by a
hand on the shoulder and then a gentle hand on the arm, progressing
with as little restraint as possible to keep the child from harming
self or others

Funny, the ONLY time I EVER saw one of my kids, or even heard of it,
"attack" another child was when THEY WERE ATTACKED first. My son was
nearly pushed, at about 5 years old, into a deep pond by this stupid
girl of about 10 that kept pushing him out on a log. He finally
smacked her in the nose. My oh MY her father was ****ed. I invited him
to take it out on me. Odd, never happened.

Principle #30: If the child shows lack of attention and restlessness,
evaluate whether the activities you provide are stimulating, exciting,
involving and appropriate to the learning style and intelligence needs
of the child

Well, I guess. Like THAT takes advice. But who are YOU providing
these? Why aren't you taking cues from the child? My kids had hardly a
toy in their entire childhoods. They had REAL TOOLS AND REAL OBJECTS
FROM THE WORLD AROUND THEM to learn how to be who they were turning
out to be.

Principle #31: Discuss the importance of verbalizing feelings rather
than acting on impulses- model this!

With those that still adhere to a "punishment" model I've seen this
"verbalizing" horrible abused, much to the pain and humiliation of the
child.


Most adults don't REALLY want to hear what a child thinks and
feels......not the real stuff. So the child has to learn to suppress
and put on a pretty little act for mommy and daddy dearest.

"I ****in' hate your GUTS!" Is a very appropriate thing for a child to
say from time to time when you assholes really **** up big time.

Kinda clears the air, it does.


Principle #32: Model the behaviors you want to see your children
emulate

Sure. If you see you just drove faster than the posted limit, flag
down a cop and ask for a ticket. Be yourself instead. Kids get it
pretty quick that life, and humans, aren't perfect.

Principle #33: Do not engage in conduct that you don't allow in your
children

No sex? No drink? No late nights partying? No divorce?

No creativity.....

Principle #34: If your child has consistent behavioral problems do
your best to alleviate the causes- enforce only necessary limits and
cut away unnecessary rules and inflexible ways of doing things

Up to number #33 that would pretty much wipe out the list.

Principle #35: Teach and model positive, healthy guilt and remorse
that leads to restitution and responsibility- teach and model good
social skills

One can do RIGHT without ever having to feel guilt or remorse...simply
because they KNOW what is expected, and they know what feels bad to
them, and they have had a chance to see a model of
impathy.........which does NOT seem to be on this list.

Principle #36: Never shame, belittle or humiliate your child- help
them build a positive self-image and a healthy self-esteem

Principle #37: Admit when you've made mistakes and apologize to your
child

Principle #38: Teach and model that violence is not acceptable,
including that it is never acceptable for adults to hit children

Principle #39: Be involved with the media your child is viewing and
discuss what they see and why it is positive or negative

Principle #40: The rule about gaining respect is to earn it- you earn
it from a child by giving it to them

Principle #41: Help a frequently errant child succeed by giving
him/her small steps towards a goal that ensures success- never give up
on a kid!

Principle #42: Do guide children and do not leave them to regulate
their own behavior- children feel unsafe when there are no limits at
all- spend more time with them

Principle #43: Tune in to, rather than ignore, physical and verbal
cues that something is bothering a child

Principle #44: Deescalate a problem before the child gets out of
control- be aware of the warning signs of escalating behavior

Principle #45: Treat boys with the same dignity and caring, gentle,
loving concern that you treat girls with- do not discipline boys for a
behavior that you allow girls to get away with- do not tolerate sexist
attitudes in girls that you wouldn't allow boys to get away with- do
not put gender restrictions on toys, emotions, hobbies and activities

Principle #46: Avoid power struggles and verbal fights with older
kids- negotiate democratically when possible

Principle #47: Honor a child's need for autonomy and power over some
aspects of his/her decisions- let them make decisions where
appropriate

Principle #48: Above all, treat all children with dignity and respect
by refraining from using negative, punitive and violent methods of
control- Use positive methods that promote critical thinking and show
love, caring, empathy, understanding and patience towards all children

But beat the hell out of them when they deserve it, right?


--I'm interested in hearing from those of you who are not supportive
of the "cohort" agenda to punish parents through revoking the
reasonable force statutes on the books.

There is no such group in this forum. There are those that wish to
limit the ability of parents to shame, humiliate, and hurt children.
Much as we support the laws that provide that for adult humans, and
animals.

Here in TX we are keeping an
eye on them when they try to harm families by extending the control of
laws to further limit family rights

....to whup their kids.


and by putting kids at greater
risk.

.......of growing up with their dignity intact, and a real sense of
shelf without having to be judged by adults and beaten as they try to
figure out the world and how it works.

--I am not interested in any contact with the"cohort" and have
boycotted any conversations with them for several years now.

Bull****. You've had exchanges or addressed their posts here as
recently as a couple of weeks back.

When you address the content of someone's post, even if you carefully
and like the weasel you are, address YOUR remarks to Something Else,
even A Plant, you ARE HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH THAT PERSON.

Yer nothing but a simpering, abuse advocate, trying to hide behind
other's words above, but still revealing you lack of character and
conscience. Not ethics, no morals, Chris C. Just a bag of wind.

Their
agenda is all to obvious

You betcha. No one against the use of pain and humiliation parenting
in this ng has been the least bit coy or shy about their agenda.

It's YOU assholes that dance around by calling hitting, "spanking,"
"swatting," "switching," etc.

and very harmful to families.

In their attempt to help parents get it that they risk too much by
chosing to hit children? That there IS not definable line between
abuse and CP?

That they wish parents to stop this nonsense and NOT wind up in jail
and or losing their children because they've gone to far just one too
many times?

It's YOU twits that encourage very serious risk taking, of both injury
to children, long term trauma physically and mentally, and the chance
of losing their children if they just happen to slip one day.

--The only point
we agree on is that spanking is not needed to discipline kids--beyond
that they beat the drum for their singular cause (spanking = child
abuse---no matter what and parents who use it should be punished).

You are lying as usual. Your advocacy for parents TO CHOOSE TO SPANK
and otherwise apply CP to children is evidenced by your long history
here. You do NOT believe that spanking is not needed or you would NOT
for a second defend the use of it by others.

Your deviousness is a sure sign of both thinking error, and deep
neurotic self protection from reality and the truth.

They support full equal--political, social rights for kids and have
posted as much. Keep an eye on them in your community.

Abso****in'lutely. Both. Children natural have, just as adults have,
those old inalienable rights we set in our constitution. And Yes, keep
your stupid eye on us.

We are WAAAAAY ahead of you in this battle to free children from
living in fear, and the sicknesses that go with that...including
having to pretend, until they come, as you do, to believe that it's
all okay.


-Non-spanker by choice

Liar. You don't have any children to spank.


Chris C.
TX

Just another child hating, family destroying twit, hanging out with
the Tomato in a basket.

By the way, anyone, including YOU, that wishes to, and google me for
my opinion of the use of LAW to stop the spanking.

Either you do it for moral reasons, and the love of your child, or you
should take a couple of good hard shots to the head from someone three
times your size and get the picture the hard way.

Yer sick, dummy and so are the parents that spank. Some get over it,
and THOSE are heroes, and some don't, and those are.........well, you
decide.

Oh yes, and I nearly forgot. You don't post directly to those that
challenge you for the simple reason you are a coward. No doubt spanked
as a child. It can do that to perfectly sane, ordinary, wonderful
human children. That and many other perverse things.

Kane