OT (x-posted): how do you deal with a hitting, biting, hair pulling baby?

I hope this works, I have never posted through google before.

My daughter is almost 14 months old. For the past two months, but
getting worse and worse over the last month, she has started hitting
and biting me.

She hits me in the face when I am carrying her. She hits my mom in the
face. She does it mostly when she is obviously mad, but she can be
happily giving kisses and then slap you across the face. It's not that
it really hurts me physically, but it is really starting to hurt my
feelings. It's not like it's playful, she has a mad tantrum look on
her face and then BAM.

So let's say she hits me in the face, I strongly say "NO hitting" and
put her facing away from me and walk away. I come sit at the computer.
She follows me and stands at my chair crying to come up. If I let her
come up she will bite me or hit me again. She will just crawl over to
me and bite me on the knee, the thigh, the back of the leg, my shoulder
if she is in her sling. She will be happily nursing, unlatch,
contemplate and CHOMP.

I have a feeling a lot of this is a communication thing (possibly a
teething thing too.) She isn't saying any words yet. My attempts at
teaching her signs have failed miserably. This leaves me attempting to
read her mind. I have googled this and what I read says that things
like saying no and putting baby down or in an empty playpen should
work. Her ped said that too. That wasn't working so I tried just
ignoring the behaviour. It's very hard to ignore though. It wasn't
working anyway.

People at work say to bite her back, hit her back, pull her hair back
but I don't want to do that. I don't really even understand where she
learned it. She only watches Sesame Street or Baby Einstein. I am not
violent. My parents are not violent.

I have to admit this is starting to really get to me. I am a single
working mom, so I feel like I work so hard to take care of her and she
beats me up! I will work a 12 hour night shift and come home and take
care of her all day, so I am already exhausted and it's very hard to
keep my cool when she gets like this. I am starting to lose my
patience and I can't just give her to someone and say "I need a
minute."

I feel like I am making her out to be the spawn of satan. She really
is an amazing, wonderful, smart baby quick to give out hugs and kisses.
She just needs to learn that hitting and biting isn't right, and I
obviously don't know how to teach her that. Just wondering if anybody
else has been here and has any advice. Much thanks.

"thesevenveils" wrote in message
oups.com...
So let's say she hits me in the face, I strongly say "NO hitting" and
put her facing away from me and walk away. I come sit at the computer.
She follows me and stands at my chair crying to come up. If I let her
come up she will bite me or hit me again. She will just crawl over to
me and bite me on the knee, the thigh, the back of the leg, my shoulder
if she is in her sling. She will be happily nursing, unlatch,
contemplate and CHOMP.

I have to admit this is starting to really get to me. I am a single
working mom, so I feel like I work so hard to take care of her and she
beats me up! I will work a 12 hour night shift and come home and take
care of her all day, so I am already exhausted and it's very hard to
keep my cool when she gets like this. I am starting to lose my
patience and I can't just give her to someone and say "I need a
minute."

I feel like I am making her out to be the spawn of satan. She really
is an amazing, wonderful, smart baby quick to give out hugs and kisses.
She just needs to learn that hitting and biting isn't right, and I
obviously don't know how to teach her that. Just wondering if anybody
else has been here and has any advice. Much thanks.

When you put her in the corner, she needs to *stay* there for a solid minute
or two or whatever that guideline is. Don't pick her up when she toddles
over to the computer and turns on the waterworks-take her back to the corner
and sit her there.

The other thing-is she speaking at *all*? Words, pointing, whatever?

Jess

Well, I am not sure about the speaking thing. I think she talks more
than I give her credit for. If we see a dog she says "Puh" Grampy is
"Pah" So she is consistant in noises she make for certain things. She
says "mamamamamamamamama" but I really don't think she means me. Maybe
she does. Pointing, no. She has never been one for hand gestures,
which maybe is why trying to teach her to sign went so poorly.

On 29 Jan 2005 15:13:34 -0800, "thesevenveils"
wrote:


I feel like I am making her out to be the spawn of satan. She really
is an amazing, wonderful, smart baby quick to give out hugs and kisses.
She just needs to learn that hitting and biting isn't right, and I
obviously don't know how to teach her that. Just wondering if anybody
else has been here and has any advice. Much thanks.

hey I just wanted to say that it *will* get better. I posted a
similar post when my daughter was about the same age, and people said
"it will get better" and it has.

Like you, I hated it when people in RL suggested that I use violence
on *her* yeah, that will teach her not to hit, sheesh. I also felt so
humiliated like the worst mother in the world, every time she whacked
another child or pulled their hair. Oh the hair pulling was the
worst.

I think tincture of time is the cure for this- as long as nothing
happens to reinforce it. So when she hits or hurts, just gently but
firmly saying "no biting, biting hurts" and putting her down (I know,
sometimes you *can't* because it isn't safe... doing what you do
already there is good, IMO). When she hits "no hitting, hitting
hurts" and putting her down. She's too little to understand time outs
or "punishment" but I think putting a baby who hits you down is just a
consequence and she will get it, eventually.

Oh another thing that worked for us was to say "oh let me show you
gentle hands" and even gently hold her hand, restraining her until
she'd say "yes" to "can you show me your gentle hands?". So you
stroke her gently when she hits you and say "oh gentle! that's so
nice" and smile... eventually it sinks in. At just over 2 my girl is
so much better, it's like a different kid. But even today she started
roughing up a plant in the shopping centre, and that's what my SO did-
held her hand still til she was listening to him and then said "can
you take care of the plant? Pat it gently" and she spent the next
while grinning and tickling the leaves.

HANG IN THERE!!

Hope

--
Riley 1993 c/s
Tara 2002 HBAC
#3 Sept 2005!
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/crunchy_september_mamas

"thesevenveils" wrote in message
oups.com...
I hope this works, I have never posted through google before.

My daughter is almost 14 months old. For the past two months, but
getting worse and worse over the last month, she has started hitting
and biting me.

There are three components to modifying negative behavior.

1. Remove attention rewards from negative behavior. That's the part you're
doing--stopping her from doing the activity and setting her down. "If you
hit me, you can't be "up" with me.

2. Demonstrate the behavior you want. When a baby hits, I immediately show
them what I want them to do instead, saying, "Gentle! Be gentle with Mama
(or the cat or whatever)" When they're too young to "get it" this may even
work better than removing attention.

3. Reinforce positive behavior. Catch them being good. Say, "Thank you for
being gentle with mama!" when she gives you hugs and kisses or does whatever
"other" thing you've substituted for hitting.

And you need to be very consistent about how you handle this.

Jenrose

On 29 Jan 2005 16:23:19 -0800, "thesevenveils"
wrote:

Well, I am not sure about the speaking thing. I think she talks more
than I give her credit for. If we see a dog she says "Puh" Grampy is
"Pah" So she is consistant in noises she make for certain things. She
says "mamamamamamamamama" but I really don't think she means me. Maybe
she does. Pointing, no. She has never been one for hand gestures,
which maybe is why trying to teach her to sign went so poorly.


hey, I also wanted to say, don't give up on signing. My daughter
LOVEd signing but didn't really start using them until about the age
your girl is now. I started at 9 months or so, and she suddenly
started using heaps of signs, even in 'phrases' eg "dog, apple",
frowning when the dog took off with her apple. I know she was over
one year old when she suddenly 'got it'. Signing was our salvation
until she dropped most of them when she started thinking she could
talk (LOL) at about 2ish. HANG IN THERE!!


Hope

--
Riley 1993 c/s
Tara 2002 HBAC
#3 Sept 2005!

Very good advice. This approach worked for DS when he went through a
it's-fun-to-bite-mama's-shoulder phase. Definately demonstrate gentle
behavior, and be very obviously happy when she models you.

dragon

Great advice, Jenrose. This is "exactly" what my DD did with my dear
grand-son and it worked like a charm...C.

Hi everyone. I just want to thank every single person that responded
to me. It's only been a week but I swear I see an improvement already.
I feel so stupid that I never thought to praise her for being gentle
with me. When she starts to get slappy I say "gentle" and clap and
smile when she strokes my face instead (her stroking is a little clumsy
anyway, so it makes me laugh because it really is rough without her
meaning it to be...I think it's very cute.)

And maybe I will keep on with the signing Hope. It can't hurt. =)
Thanks again
Nichole and 14 month old Salome