Rude or am I expecting too much?

blue wrote:

We have wondered if we wasted our money on "big" birthdays and Christmases,
all those toys. We aren't considering not getting her anything but we think
we are going to cut way back and she probably won't even notice. ??? Is this
normal for a 2-3 year old? Others I have seen her age come over and are all
over her toys playing, she even goes to their homes with news toys and
doesn't play much. She loves to play with the kid, it's the *objects* and
material things she doesn't care much about.

It's *very* normal. Part of it is probably personality,
and part of it is a very normal response to over-abundance.

She is sort of the same way about books, she is not too interested or
attached. Now THIS disappoints me, though I don't show it. I was never in
daycare or preschool but I was reading before kindergarten (and writing
basic words), and LOVED to read in elementarty and junior high. How can I
get DD to sit still to be read to, and play??? Technically she will be 2 and
a half in early November. She is smart as a whip and loves people. Her
pediatrician says she has the vocabulary and sentence structure of the
average 4 year old. Her fine motor skills are a little above average as
well...her people skills seem to be better than mine, as she is not shy, and
doesn't seem to ne sensitive or prone to hurt feelings- lol.

How she feels about being read *to* is in no way a
guaranteed indicator of how she'll feel about reading by
herself once she's able to do it.

But because she is so smart, I want to get her into books, and I want the
experience of reading to her a lot-- instead of her sitting on my lap
babbling and trying to wriggle away and not paying the book a bit of
attention. She does LIKE books just seems not to want to sit still. But
wouldn't you know she loves to calm down before bed by watching those
droning Baby Einstein videos..she'll watch for an hour while dozing off.

The fastest way to turn her off books is to push
them too much when she's in a very normal developmental
stage where she's not too keen on sitting still to be read
to for longer periods of time.

So anyway I have subscribed her to Baby Bug and LadyBug magazines
(expensive!) which have not arrived yet but she does love to thumb through
things and talk about what she sees. Oh yes........she also doesn't play
with Playdough "right"- she opens it up, tears it off into tiny chunks and
leaves it to dry instead of trying to build or mush it. She won't color
either, with crayons. She prefers to scribble a big jumble with markers. Any
tips on harnessing her in? lol...she is obviously very bright...I am not an
experienced parent at all, she is my only, so what I want to know- is this
her personality? Or is it her age and it could change when she's 4 or 5? Or
is it fairly common? What is this??

It's very common. It is probably caused in some part
by her personality, but she could easily be very different a
couple years down the road. Relax.

I wonder if part of it is this: I was overjoyed to have her, and am giving
her MY dream childhood.

Yep.

I get her anything she shows interest in and don't
push my interests on her..I was a tomboy but I did love to role play with
baby dolls and feed and dress and "parent" them. She has no interest in baby
dolls, so after the first one she doesn't like, I don't buy her any of that.
She likes to brush Barbie dolls hairs and loves those so I am buying her
quite a collection of those for when she's old enough.

...by which time she won't enjoy them anymore.

I loved books, so I
buy a ton of good books. Since pregnancy I have had her the usual goodies-
Goodnight Moon, Sandra Boyton's silly ones, etc. I buy her Play Dough and
just all the stuff that I would be in heaven for. I am giving her my dream
childhood. But I make sure to respond to what she shows interest in.
Anything she likes, I'll get it for her...have I made her take it for
granted?

If not, you're well on your way. You might enjoy
reading a book called _How Much is Enough?_: http://tinyurl.com/f8dhz
What you're doing is understandable, but you may well find that
it causes more problems than it's worth in the long run.

Best wishes,
Ericka

"blue" wrote in
:


"enigma" wrote
it just gets really frustrating to buy him toys because he
*doesn't play*. he has several hundred Matchbox/Hot Wheel
cars that mostly are piled in a bin. he has dozens of the
1:64 scale John Deere tractors & accessories... but he
only gets angry that they don't really work. he has Legos,
& Magneatos & Tinkertoys & wooden blocks. the only way
he'll 'play' with any of those is if a grownup sits down &
builds him something... and then he might spend less than
5 minutes watching the process.
so, no, i don't think i'll be causing him hours of therapy
later. he doesn't *get* the concept of toys or play.
lee

My 2.5 year old is like this. She won't play with baby
dolls in any way, shape or form which is fine. She also has
and does as you describe above. She has MegaBlocks, Fisher
Price Little People sets (farm and dollhouse and amusement
park), Playskool Weebles, matchbox cars, Pop-Onz, other
blocks, and a kitchen set with tons of cool realistic play
foods. She basically won't play with much of it alone and
when she does it is very brief and she usually just
scatters it out then wanders off. She will play with it if
an adult sits down with her but like you said, she will
watch for about 5 minutes before she wanders off then. She
has a tricycle she won't ride...etc. She'd rather do
"gymnastics" on the floor, jump around, and dance to the
music on tv which is always on in the background. She is no
couch potato--she's extremely energetic.

none of that sounds terribly unusual for a 2.5 year old... my
son is 6. big difference
however, unless you have a music channel on the TV you might
consider shutting that off & using a CD player or radio for
background. i think TV shortens a child's attention span
unless it's really kept in moderation (less than an hour/day).
TV is *very* distracting with it's moving images.

We have wondered if we wasted our money on "big" birthdays
and Christmases, all those toys. We aren't considering not
getting her anything but we think we are going to cut way
back and she probably won't even notice. ??? Is this normal
for a 2-3 year old? Others I have seen her age come over
and are all over her toys playing, she even goes to their
homes with news toys and doesn't play much. She loves to
play with the kid, it's the *objects* and material things
she doesn't care much about.

um, yeah, it's very possible to overload the kid with too
many things. at her age though, it really isn't likely yet.
it's a good time to look carefully at how many toys she has &
what types of toys or activities she is really interested in.
although it's really hard, stop buying her everything you
wished you had as a child.

She is sort of the same way about books, she is not too
interested or attached. Now THIS disappoints me, though I
don't show it. I was never in daycare or preschool but I
was reading before kindergarten (and writing basic words),
and LOVED to read in elementarty and junior high. How can I
get DD to sit still to be read to, and play??? Technically
she will be 2 and a half in early November. She is smart as
a whip and loves people. Her pediatrician says she has the
vocabulary and sentence structure of the average 4 year
old. Her fine motor skills are a little above average as
well...her people skills seem to be better than mine, as
she is not shy, and doesn't seem to ne sensitive or prone
to hurt feelings- lol.

you *can't* get her to sit still at her age, but don't worry
about that. read to her anyway! it doesn't matter if she's
hopping around the room & doesn't seem to be paying attention.
what matters is that you read to her. make sure she also sees
the adults in her life reading for enjoyment.
since she is, most likely, a tactile learner, dance around
with her & sing nursery rhymes. show her how to do clapping
rhythms. those are good intros to the cadence of reading.

But because she is so smart, I want to get her into books,
and I want the experience of reading to her a lot-- instead
of her sitting on my lap babbling and trying to wriggle
away and not paying the book a bit of attention. She does
LIKE books just seems not to want to sit still. But
wouldn't you know she loves to calm down before bed by
watching those droning Baby Einstein videos..she'll watch
for an hour while dozing off.

let her "read" the book to you... but don't force her to sit
still on your lap if she doesn't want to. try to get her to
sit & read to you. let her tell you about the pictures.
or have her tell you a story while she's dancing around (or
while you're doing mommy stuff). if she's verbal, she might
enjoy that (my son was nonverbal until 3 & barely
understandable until 5 or so). my mom did that with me, & i
was reading before age 3 too.
BTW, the LeapFrog videos Letter Factory & Word Factory are
really fun ways to learn phonics & letter sounds. you might
consider those when she's a bit older. you *don't* want to
push learning!

So anyway I have subscribed her to Baby Bug and LadyBug
magazines (expensive!) which have not arrived yet but she
does love to thumb through things and talk about what she
sees.

great! Boo still loves Ladybug. they're great magazines for
kids. if she talks about the pictures, that's prereading.

Oh yes........she also doesn't play with Playdough
"right"- she opens it up, tears it off into tiny chunks and
leaves it to dry instead of trying to build or mush it. She
won't color either, with crayons. She prefers to scribble a
big jumble with markers. Any tips on harnessing her in?

time. that's normal for her age. let her scribble & mush.

lol...she is obviously very bright...I am not an
experienced parent at all, she is my only, so what I want
to know- is this her personality? Or is it her age and it
could change when she's 4 or 5? Or is it fairly common?
What is this??

she sounds like a happy, normal 2.5 year old. i'm sure by the
time she's 4, she won't be scribbling

I wonder if part of it is this: I was overjoyed to have
her, and am giving her MY dream childhood. I get her
anything she shows interest in and don't push my interests
on her..I was a tomboy but I did love to role play with
baby dolls and feed and dress and "parent" them. She has no
interest in baby dolls, so after the first one she doesn't
like, I don't buy her any of that. She likes to brush
Barbie dolls hairs and loves those so I am buying her quite
a collection of those for when she's old enough. I loved
books, so I buy a ton of good books. Since pregnancy I have
had her the usual goodies- Goodnight Moon, Sandra Boyton's
silly ones, etc. I buy her Play Dough and just all the
stuff that I would be in heaven for. I am giving her my
dream childhood. But I make sure to respond to what she
shows interest in. Anything she likes, I'll get it for
her...have I made her take it for granted?

like i said earlier, it's her childhood, not yours. yes,
overdoing the gifting can make her take too much for granted.
it is NOT a bad thing to not get everything you want & it's
really something you should stop and seriously consider now,
while she's very young. it is not pretty when a kid reaches 4
or 5 and *expects* mom to buy any little (or big) trinket that
she has a passing interest in. and it isn't a good feeling
when you buy a $200 toy & find the kid has lost interest
before you even get home...
i'm mom to an only & i'm friends with another mom with a
formerly very spoiled 6 year old daughter... she gave her
child *everything* & realized, when her daughter was 4 &
starting preschool, that she had developed an out-of-control
brat. it was hard for her to put on the brakes & say, 'ok, i
goofed'. it's been very hard on the little girl, who suddenly
wasn't the princess being waited on hand & foot... but now, 2
years later, i think she's really a lot happier having a lot
less.
lee

--
Question with boldness even the existence of god; because if
there be
one, he must more approve the homage of reason than that of
blindfolded
fear. - Thomas Jefferson

blue wrote:
"enigma" wrote
it just gets really frustrating to buy him toys because he
*doesn't play*. he has several hundred Matchbox/Hot Wheel cars
that mostly are piled in a bin. he has dozens of the 1:64
scale John Deere tractors & accessories... but he only gets
angry that they don't really work. he has Legos, & Magneatos &
Tinkertoys & wooden blocks. the only way he'll 'play' with any
of those is if a grownup sits down & builds him something...
and then he might spend less than 5 minutes watching the
process.
so, no, i don't think i'll be causing him hours of therapy
later. he doesn't *get* the concept of toys or play.
lee

My 2.5 year old is like this. She won't play with baby dolls in any way,
shape or form which is fine. She also has and does as you describe above.
She has MegaBlocks, Fisher Price Little People sets (farm and dollhouse and
amusement park), Playskool Weebles, matchbox cars, Pop-Onz, other blocks,
and a kitchen set with tons of cool realistic play foods. She basically
won't play with much of it alone and when she does it is very brief and she
usually just scatters it out then wanders off. She will play with it if an
adult sits down with her but like you said, she will watch for about 5
minutes before she wanders off then. She has a tricycle she won't
ride...etc. She'd rather do "gymnastics" on the floor, jump around, and
dance to the music on tv which is always on in the background. She is no
couch potato--she's extremely energetic.

One thing I wonder is how your toys are arranged -- whenever we've gone
to playgroups at homes with zillions of toys, DD2 is pretty psyched (we
don't have a whole lot of toys out at one time), then eventually
overwhelmed with the boxes, stacks, and bags of toys. It's all too
much, too present, too everywhere, and both DD's shut down. (Sort of
reminds me of Wal-Mart, versus a botique with 10 items available)

We have wondered if we wasted our money on "big" birthdays and Christmases,
all those toys. We aren't considering not getting her anything but we think
we are going to cut way back and she probably won't even notice. ??? Is this
normal for a 2-3 year old? Others I have seen her age come over and are all
over her toys playing, she even goes to their homes with news toys and
doesn't play much. She loves to play with the kid, it's the *objects* and
material things she doesn't care much about.

Does she engage in imaginative play with other things and/or other
people? DD1 could not care less about dolls, but give her a huge box,
some markers, and oodles of masking tape and she'd create, uh,
'something' at that age. Dolls never did it for her -- the stuffed
animals she had were arranged to be an audience for her 'shows' which
were sort of these monologues about the imaginary place and inhabitants
she'd created. DD2 is not of the same creative bent -- she's into the
dolls, but at 2 yo would 'work things through' with the little
people/random plastic figures, using the piano as a sound board for her
vingettes.

If she's happy -- and it sounds like she is, given that she likes to
just play with the kid (I'm guessing they play random little toddler
games, which is pretty neat given that at 2.5 there's still a lot of
parallel play going on), it sounds to me like all's well.

She is sort of the same way about books, she is not too interested or
attached. Now THIS disappoints me, though I don't show it. I was never in
daycare or preschool but I was reading before kindergarten (and writing
basic words), and LOVED to read in elementarty and junior high. How can I
get DD to sit still to be read to, and play??? Technically she will be 2 and
a half in early November. She is smart as a whip and loves people. Her
pediatrician says she has the vocabulary and sentence structure of the
average 4 year old. Her fine motor skills are a little above average as
well...her people skills seem to be better than mine, as she is not shy, and
doesn't seem to ne sensitive or prone to hurt feelings- lol.

My random suggestion -- mainly based on my hearing impairment -- is to
turn off the TV, and just have books around. Just 'there'. Not for
reading to her, but just 'there.' I have a hard time hearing with
background conversation (and even background music...ergh.), so our TV
is rarely on when the kids aren't having their weekly video (and are
awake). What would she do if she didn't have the 'Baby Einstein's to
watch? How would she entertain herself?

But because she is so smart, I want to get her into books, and I want the
experience of reading to her a lot-- instead of her sitting on my lap
babbling and trying to wriggle away and not paying the book a bit of
attention.

I think -- but may be pretty off-base here -- that what you want is
not what she want, and this necessitates some hard thinking about,
well, whether you're pushing something because it's your desire, not
hers. There are a lot of what you want phrases in your message, and a
lot about how what she does is not what you want -- yet at the same
time, you acknowledge that she's a pretty great kid.

So anyway I have subscribed her to Baby Bug and LadyBug magazines
(expensive!)
which have not arrived yet but she does love to thumb through
things and talk about what she sees. Oh yes........she also doesn't play
with Playdough "right"- she opens it up, tears it off into tiny chunks and
leaves it to dry instead of trying to build or mush it. She won't color
either, with crayons. She prefers to scribble a big jumble with markers. Any
tips on harnessing her in? lol...she is obviously very bright...I am not an
experienced parent at all, she is my only, so what I want to know- is this
her personality? Or is it her age and it could change when she's 4 or 5? Or
is it fairly common? What is this??

I don't think there is a 'right' way to play with Playdough....and
can't figure out what it is, in all honesty, that you want to
harness...she sounds great. Truly. If you can't dance around when
you're two years old, when can you? We subscribe to the same magazines
(and Spider, and Cricket -- well, okay, we've dropped BabyBug), and
they're just 'around' in the bathroom.

And seriously, it sounds like you have an abundance of stuff, and she's
not that interested in it (but is interested in moving around, and
dancing), yet it disturbs you that she's not, well, interested in the
things you feel she 'should' be interested in. I'd opt for boxing up
the things that don't interest her at present, and storing them for a
later point in time, and putting out just a few things (as well as just
random 'what will you make of it' stuff, like boxes, tape, scissors,
some random things she can rip up (magazines? scraps of cloth?). But
heck, now *I'm* pushing my approach on you....

A disclaimer is that I was raised in circumstances that really
reinforced the concept of 'Delayed Gratification' to a ridiculous
extreme, yet I wasn't aware of it at the time. As a result I'm kinda at
the other extreme of being resistant to buying 'things' and bringing
'stuff' into the house (excluding books and magazines -- but heck,
compare the cost of LadyBug to the cost of 'The Economist' or the HBR,
and you start to feel you've got a deal). Our house is far from
austere (with bulletin boards, and chalkboard paint in most rooms,
along with these random melted crayon blocks that are being stacked in
some sort of order not revealed to me) , yet we don't have a lot of
'stuff we bought milling about, so that may also be influencing my
response.

Caledonia

"enigma" wrote

you *can't* get her to sit still at her age, but don't worry
about that. read to her anyway! it doesn't matter if she's
hopping around the room & doesn't seem to be paying attention.
what matters is that you read to her. make sure she also sees
the adults in her life reading for enjoyment.
since she is, most likely, a tactile learner, dance around
with her & sing nursery rhymes. show her how to do clapping
rhythms. those are good intros to the cadence of reading.


Speaking of cadence reading, I forgot...she really does love almost every
book by Sandra Boynton I have read to her, and for the past 2 days she has
been sitting still and asking me to "read again!" the one called "But Not
The Hippopotamus"...heh heh. It took almost 2 and a half years for that
milestone, lol.

I have cleaned out her room a bit and put a portion of her toys in the
closet and she seems to focus better on what's left so maybe it really is
overabundance. Scary thing is, a lot of kids have *more* than she does.
jeez...but the ones who do still prefer the "newness" of toys they see at
our house or in doctors offices etc.

"blue" wrote in
:


"enigma" wrote

you *can't* get her to sit still at her age, but don't
worry about that. read to her anyway! it doesn't matter if
she's hopping around the room & doesn't seem to be paying
attention. what matters is that you read to her. make sure
she also sees the adults in her life reading for
enjoyment. since she is, most likely, a tactile learner,
dance around with her & sing nursery rhymes. show her how
to do clapping rhythms. those are good intros to the
cadence of reading.


Speaking of cadence reading, I forgot...she really does
love almost every book by Sandra Boynton I have read to
her, and for the past 2 days she has been sitting still and
asking me to "read again!" the one called "But Not The
Hippopotamus"...heh heh. It took almost 2 and a half years
for that milestone, lol.

Boo loved Pajama Time the best, & Blue Hat, Green Hat.
have you tried reading her some Dr.Suess? One Fish, Two Fish,
Red Fish, Blue Fish or Fox in Socks might appeal to her.

I have cleaned out her room a bit and put a portion of her
toys in the closet and she seems to focus better on what's
left so maybe it really is overabundance. Scary thing is, a
lot of kids have *more* than she does. jeez...but the ones
who do still prefer the "newness" of toys they see at our
house or in doctors offices etc.

it's new toy syndrome try dividing her toys into thirds or
quarters & rotating most of them every week or so. don't
rotate out any special favorites, of course.
i just did a purge of Boo's toys Thursday because he had a
birthday party today. all the scale model tractors got boxed
up, and all the cheapo toys got flung or donated. he hasn't
even noticed.
lee


--
Question with boldness even the existence of god; because if
there be
one, he must more approve the homage of reason than that of
blindfolded
fear. - Thomas Jefferson