My girlfriend's child

'Kate wrote in message ...
On Thu, 11 Dec 2003 19:48:32 -0000, "HanK"
Non custodial women are a rare thing and the term "Bitch" IMHO is usually
well applied.

Seeing as the father has been bringing up HIS kids whilst you catch them
every so often for a few hours, why would you have any buisness trying to
shape their lives??? do you have kids??? if so where are they??? if not
then
another reason to but out and stop trying to play a part time father role
with no qualifications.

HanK.

Oh HanK, it's cute how ignorant you are.

'Kate


I think we should pin the bunny ears on him for the full effect.

Christine

Teachers have an authortarian role.

Depends on the style of the teacher. I've always prefered authoritative
teachers to authoritarian teacher

I think we are arguing semantics. My point is that teachers have legitimate
authority that a boyfriend does not.

I'm talking about responsiblity and
power. The boyfriend has neither.

He has it all... the mother gave him the power. She wasn't using it. I
dislike that kind of "mother". She's the kind who invites abusive,
controlling men into the family

Well I agree that she's abdicated her responsiblity. But he still has no power
to change the situation. Other than leave.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

Ooo! Ouch! Guess I came to the right place for support : )

A couple of rebuttles (I don't have time for them all right now):

I'm amazed at how quickly you flamed Rudy for not having primary
custody (bitch I think was used) when you don't know the
circumstances. As quick as you are to jump to conclusions and judge
someone befopre you know the facts, I don't think that would matter.

My relationship with both children is very good. I realize that I
have a lot to offer them and I want to help them become good adults.
I can do that.

As my relationship with Rudy developed, I spoke with the Father about
my role with the boys. The last thing I wanted was to do something
that he was uncool with. He has no probelms with me bing involved in
the disciplining of his children.

My "discipline" involves sending the boys to their room if they need
it and then, after they have cooled off, going in and disussing their
behavior with them to help both the child and me identify why they are
currently doing what they are doing. This usually ends with the
childs realizing what a butt he's being, aplogising and giving me a
hug. I don't see that as being out of line.

Both boys look at me as another father figure and have an immense
amount of respect and trust for me.

Another thing I'm shocked about is how caught up on labels you guys
are. Let's look past that fact that I'm just the "boy friend" at this
time. For the sake of argument, let's say I'm now the step father.
The issue remains that the child has some behavioral issues that his
mother and I realize need to be curbed before. With the super size
"Femminist" sticker that some of you have on teh bumper of your car, I
would have thought you'd be all over that.

I'm not asking for criticism of my relationship nor of Rudy as a
mother, although you all seem to be very, very good at that. What I
am asking for is advice on how to deal with a child that has shown the
tendancy to DISRESPECT FELLOW HUMANS, especially women.

Thanks to those who had supportive things to say or at least didn't
jump to pour more gas on the fire.

Let's look past that fact that I'm just the "boy friend" at this
time. For the sake of argument, let's say I'm now the step father.

In the first place, you are not the stepfather. You are the boyfriend. Sorry
you don't like that label. But I think a lot of family problems are caused by
people pretending relationships are more than they are.

The issue remains that the child has some behavioral issues that his
mother and I realize need to be curbed before.

And you need to realize that you have no power or responsiblit to curb those
issues. That is the job of the father and mother and ONLY they can do that.
And you better figure that out before you marry and think you can fix or change
the situation.


I'm not asking for criticism of my relationship nor of Rudy as a
mother, although you all seem to be very, very good at that

You asked for feedback. Some of the feedback was that you are wrong in your
assement that the problem is all on the father's side. Of course you didn't
ask for that. It doesn't mean you don't need to hear it.

What I
am asking for is advice on how to deal with a child that has shown the
tendancy to DISRESPECT FELLOW HUMANS, especially women.

You got advice on that. You just didn't like it.

Thanks to those who had supportive things to say o

Sigh. You are welcome to stick around but you need to figure out that we don't
support by saying what you want to hear. I'm sure you have buddies for that.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

I think we should pin the bunny ears on him for the full effect.

Christine

I'd ask if Joelle lends out "the suit" but I won't want it to get all
funky.

Eww...no way can he wear my suit. Besides it's booked pretty solid for the
next few months ;-) Christmas Holidays and all...

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

"dxh" wrote in message
m...
Ooo! Ouch! Guess I came to the right place for support : )

A couple of rebuttles (I don't have time for them all right now):

I'm amazed at how quickly you flamed Rudy for not having primary
custody (bitch I think was used) when you don't know the
circumstances. As quick as you are to jump to conclusions and judge
someone befopre you know the facts, I don't think that would matter.

I think you should learn how to read. As I did neither


My relationship with both children is very good. I realize that I
have a lot to offer them and I want to help them become good adults.
I can do that.

Whoopdidoo.......you are an interloper in the situation, you are NOT the
kids parents. You should BUTT OUT


As my relationship with Rudy developed, I spoke with the Father about
my role with the boys.

Mistake number one.......it was none of your business to do that.

The last thing I wanted was to do something
that he was uncool with. He has no probelms with me bing involved in
the disciplining of his children.

See above.



My "discipline" involves sending the boys to their room if they need
it and then, after they have cooled off, going in and disussing their
behavior with them to help both the child and me identify why they are
currently doing what they are doing. This usually ends with the
childs realizing what a butt he's being, aplogising and giving me a
hug. I don't see that as being out of line.

Well it is pick time, that fact that you don't see it as a problem is just
another indication of the greater problem


Both boys look at me as another father figure and have an immense
amount of respect and trust for me.

In your mind.......their behavior suggests otherwise


Another thing I'm shocked about is how caught up on labels you guys
are. Let's look past that fact that I'm just the "boy friend" at this
time. For the sake of argument, let's say I'm now the step father.
The issue remains that the child has some behavioral issues that his
mother and I realize need to be curbed before. With the super size
"Femminist" sticker that some of you have on teh bumper of your car, I
would have thought you'd be all over that.

Strawman.......it is still the mothers place to parent the child.


I'm not asking for criticism of my relationship nor of Rudy as a
mother, although you all seem to be very, very good at that.

You post in a public forum, and you don't like what you hear? Poor
baby..........you need to GROW UP besides stoppping the interferrence with
the parents role.

What I
am asking for is advice on how to deal with a child that has shown the
tendancy to DISRESPECT FELLOW HUMANS, especially women.


You let the parents of the child take care of that.

Thanks to those who had supportive things to say or at least didn't
jump to pour more gas on the fire.

Want some cheese with that whine?

'Kate wrote in message ...
On Thu, 11 Dec 2003 22:18:13 GMT, lm
On Thu, 11 Dec 2003 14:12:33 -0800, "Paul Fritz"
wrote:



I agree if the kid wasn't already having problems because of the
mother's lack of involvement. He's clearly angry at his mother and
until the family changes, the kid will keep reacting the same way.

'Kate


There is probably a lot of jealousy brewing as well.

On Thu, 11 Dec 2003 20:52:41 -0600, 'Kate wrote:


It's both of the parents. The mother already gave you her authority -
see how quickly that happened? She probably did that in her
relationship with the father and feels quite free to call him the bad
guy. Hmmm... guess who made him that? Suggest family therapy before
the kid turns to others to parent him like the local gang or
drugs/drinking to make up for the pain of being abandoned by his mother.

'Kate

Kate, this is not the first time that your take on things has given me
a different perspective on something. The idea of the mother
abdicating responsibility never occurred to me, esp as that kind of
behavior can be repeated from one relationship to the next. I wonder
what the truth is for these boys, that the father is a misogynist or
that the mother has let them founder. Or both. Although it could be
neither. Often the newcomer to a situation will insist on seeing
problems where there aren't any, just to make his mark. I hope that's
the worst of it for those kids.

lm

"Paul Fritz"

Hmmmm got some issues havent you big boy.......Mommy ran off with a younger
man?

Reading comprehension apparently isn't one of 'hank's' strong points.

YAWN

Nor is he adept at playing a credible troll.

"HanK" wrote in message
...

"Paul Fritz"

Hmmmm got some issues havent you big boy.......Mommy ran off with a
younger
man?