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#21
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frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, butneed
zolw wrote:
Hi; So, I am due July 31st. My doctor is irritating the hell out of me. I started seeing him even before I got pregnant & I must admit that I had 100% faith in his medical abilities. He is not too friendly, but he knows what he's doing. Then when I got pregnant, we didn't feel the need to shop for a doctor, since we knew how much we believed in his medical knowledge. Now we are seriously having doubts. I did the blood work, then around 16-17 weeks I had the AFP test (came negative), then around 20 weeks I went for y ultrasound (at a prenatal place & everything was fine with our little girl). Then we had an appointment with my dr the next day, we let him know that we're having a girl. Because I wasn't sure the report would arrive to him so soon, I had taken an initial copy of the report to show him. A month later was our next appointment, he acted like we hadn't met after we had the ultrasound. He asked me if we already know the gender of the baby (I was annoyed, but tried to convince myself that I am not the only atient he has & that it might have sliped his mind. Realy all it would have taken is to write it down on a piece of paper in my file) Anyways, every single visit, we go there he puts that thing on my belly & we listen to the heartbeat. That is all he does. Then he asks me if I have any questions and off I go. Sorry, but this is not enough for me, I want more interaction and more attention (especially that this is my first child. Everything freaks me out and I am clueless most of the time). Anyway, I had my glucose test and it also came back negative. I realize that so far, I don't seem to be a high risk patient (my sister wasn't a high risk patient, until she lost a child in her 9th month, so that is already freaking me out). Last visit, he told me that now I will start to visit him every 2 weeks. I asked him when my next ultrasound is gonna be (I thought one should have another ultrasound in the 3rd trimester), he said that therewasn't gonna be another one. I tried to transform my disappointment and my frustration into a joke, so I asked if it was ok to just do it for fun. He gave me a 3/4 smile (I actually never had a full smile from him) and said that it is useless, cause the baby's head is gonna tae up all the pics I get. Now I am left to wonder is this all normal? I mean, the baby's heartbeat is fine and all, but doesn't he need to check if maybe baby is too small or too large? Am I just being sensitive about all that? What kind of tests did other people have during their 3rd trimester? Does he measure your fundal height? Take your blood pressure? Check your urine? I would expect those things. A third trimester u/s is absolutely not necessary and has not been shown to improve outcomes. Frankly, there really isn't much that needs doing. Doing too much often backfires and get you into unnecessary interventions, which carry risks of their own. Best wishes, Ericka |
#22
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frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but need help!)
Welches wrote:
I probably will regret wanting her out, when she is here I always say babies are much easier to take care of on the inside that outside--infinitely portable, automatically fed, no diapers to change, no crying to soothe. But I never regretted having them once they were here, although there were a few times when I wished I could stuff them back in for a couple of hours g! And I say "better out than in" grin Heh, well, on the whole, I'd say I prefer out, especially now that the oldest is 52" tall and weighs about 75 lbs. (Imagine having *that* on the inside!) But it will make me calmer. & maybe give my body a break. Maybe yes, maybe no. Immediately postpartum, you're even more likely to be a hormonal mess and you'll probably have a good deal of uninterrupted sleep to get through. Plus, if you've got a good imagination for all the things that could go wrong when she's with you 24/7 and you always feel her, I expect your imagination will work just as well for all the things that could happen when she's *not* with you all the time. This phase *does* pass, but the first few weeks (up to 6) can definitely be "baby boot camp" and you may not feel a strong sense of regaining control and proportion for a little while after the birth. The reason I tell you this isn't to scare you or dissuade you from wanted to have your baby, but merely to give you some perspective so you don't feel like there's something wrong with you if you *don't* feel much calmer right away. But you can check baby's breathing-even wake them up (I've done it) once they're out. Yes, but I found in the first few days of having my first, I was checking him almost obsessively and freaking out when it didn't look like his chest was moving. He also went into hospital for a sepsis work up at 9do due to a brief fever, and let me tell ya, there's nothing like having your newborn taken for spinal tap to freak out a first-time, still-hormonal mother! Everything did turn out fine and I did eventually calm down, but it didn't happen overnight. That's all I was trying to convey! -- Be well, Barbara Mom to Sin (Vernon, 2), Misery (Aurora, 4), and the Rising Son (Julian, 6) Aurora (in the bathroom with her dad)--"It looks like an elephant, Daddy." Me (later)--"You should feel flattered." All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful. Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman |
#23
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frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but
zolw wrote:
Gosh this is nerve wrecking. I think I am having some sort of a nervous break down (of course with exaggeration). I have become the most paranoid woman possible. I am so scared anything happens to my baby & I am a total fruit cake. I cry for no particular reason. Maybe that's why I am having all these problems with my doctor. Or it could be that his manner just isn't a good match for you. You might need someone who is more hands on, more touchy-feely. It's fine to recognize that you need that emotional support. Just don't equate additional medical testing with emotional support. The kind of anxiety you are feeling cannot be alleviated by more testing. It's a bottomless pit. Additional and unnecessary testing is likely to *raise* your level of anxiety, not lessen it. I am just so tired of this. I used to be so in control of myself & now I am always out of my control. I just want my little girl out there. I want to be able to see her & make sure she is fine. You know, she's in there & I have no idea if she is alright. Assuming you are not dealing with something like depression or an anxiety disorder of some sort, take steps to get control. Meditate. Breathe. Learn to tune in to your own intuition. Your baby is experiencing your anxiety. All the neurotransmitters that signal your emotions flood your baby as well as yourself. She can also see and hear and feel at this point, so she can learn to associate your feelings (that she is experiencing in a very visceral way) with the things she hears. Make a conscious effort to spend time each day focusing inward. Imagine bathing your baby in love and peace and contentment. Tune in and "listen" to your baby and your own intuition. Talk to your baby, or sing to her, or read to her. If you take just fifteen minutes a few times a day to do this, you will find that you start to relax more and more. This is a wonderful gift you can give your baby. She will *feel* it. Best wishes, Ericka |
#24
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frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but
zolw wrote:
I do have a lsit of questions everytime I go to see him. Most of them he just tells me "that's normal". Maybe I am just a demanding woman (& my hsuband must be too, cause he feels the same way), but I can read up on things and discuss stuff in newsgroup, I want him to explain what is going on. When I push it, he seems ****ed off at me. It sounds more and more like he is just a bad match for you. You really might consider changing caregivers (or at least hiring a doula), even at this late date. If he's not providing enough support now, how will you feel during labor when everything is so heightened? It doesn't sound to me like there's anything *wrong* with what he's doing. Many women would be just fine with someone who gave brief answers to their specific questions. It's just not working for you, which isn't good or bad, it's just how it is. Best wishes, Ericka |
#25
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frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but
zolw wrote:
Ok, you have all convinced me that I am just a fruit cake Maybe my expectations are way too high. I just can't get over my sister's loss. I know I am not the same person & most probably will not be like her, but it frightens me. Of course it does--it would for anyone. There just isn't much that could be done about it. I think the best thing you can do is try to keep it in perspective. Late term unexplained losses like that are blessedly rare. Your odds of getting in a car accident on the way to your prenatal appointments is probably higher than the risk of losing your baby this late. It's not that it doesn't happen. I'm just saying that you probably take risks that big or bigger every day without letting them paralyze you. And believe me, if you feel this way pregnant, I hate to tell you that parenting is even worse. Once they're out, there's *so* much that could happen to them! And every year they gain more independence and spend more of their lives outside of your control. It's frightening if you dwell on it, but learning to deal with it is so very important to the mental health of your family and your child's development. I'm not saying it's easy--goodness knows there are times I lay awake at night with visions of all the bad things that could happen running through my head. I just have to firmly tune them out and get on with the business of living. Best wishes, Ericka |
#26
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frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but need help!)
On Wed, 19 May 2004 19:23:24 GMT, zolw wrote:
I do have a lsit of questions everytime I go to see him. Most of them he just tells me "that's normal". Maybe I am just a demanding woman (& my hsuband must be too, cause he feels the same way), but I can read up on things and discuss stuff in newsgroup, I want him to explain what is going on. When I push it, he seems ****ed off at me. I wanted to share with him how I feel about the attention I am not getting & I wanted him to understand that I do trust him medically (not 100% anymore, but he doesn't need to know that), but every time I am about to open my mouth, I get emotional & feel that if I talk I will cry or something of the sort. My hsuband is not much help, cause he won't talk. He just sits there & lets me do all the talking. Just tell me that I am paranoid (if you think I am) Maybe that will set me straight. No, I don't think you're paranoid :-) But, if you aren't getting your emotional needs met by this doctor, you could consider switching to a midwife, or another doctor that is recommended to you. I also stayed with my GP, but had to see the other 3 doctors in the practice, on a rotating basis. I certainly had my favorite, and he wasn't my GP! Nan |
#27
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frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, butneedhelp!)
yes, my sister has a condition called placenta insufficiency. Apparently
her placenta ages quickly. At the same time, she does not get contractions or go into labor, even after induction. I have already told my doctor about that (the first few appointments I tried to give him as much family history as possible. I have an aunt who would miscarriage every single pregnancy at 6 months. Never had a child. My mom menopaused at the age of 38. So, I thought all that may be real important for him to know), he just said ok. Didn't even jot it down or anything. I probably should mention it to him once more. Welches wrote: zolw wrote in message news:B6Pqc.78557$536.12951811@attbi_s03... Ok, you have all convinced me that I am just a fruit cake Maybe my expectations are way too high. I just can't get over my sister's loss. I know I am not the same person & most probably will not be like her, but it frightens me. Not a fruit cake :-). It's going to cause you some worries after your sister, but to be fair the chance of that happening to you is low. (It's probably pretty low of it happening to her again) Have you mentioned that to him? Maybe if you want to reassure yourself then getting your own doppler to hear the heart beat? I'm sure you can find a medical supplier to sell one. If you're anything like me (a worrier) then you'd have another ultrasound then a week later be wishing for another to check all was still okay, and then a week later... If you can feel them moving then they're okay. Do you know why your sister had the loss? If you think she can cope talking about it, maybe she will be able to tell you, if you don't know. Debbie |
#28
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frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but need help!)
Mona,
I think you have unrealistic expectations. You are pregnant, not sick. You are a healthy woman, pretty much carrying a healthy child. You've done the AFP, the level II u/s, your doctor can see by the size of your belly that your child is most likely right on target, size wise. The normal pregnant woman doesn't have another u/s after the 20 week one. Your appointments are typical -- they weigh you, take your pee, listen to the heartbeat, ask if you have any questions or issues, and send you home. That's what happens at most prenatal appointments. They are monitoring your pregnancy, not managing it. Now, I'm sure your doctor knows his stuff, but I've also had doctors not read or peruse my chart before I come in to see them, and it makes me crazy. Take two minutes and glance at my chart before you come into the room. That's all I ask. I've left doctors for that reason, to find someone with a better beside manner. I don't think it's reasonable, especially during pregnancy, when you are in on a monthly basis. Doi! -- Jamie & Taylor Earth Angel, 1/3/03 Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1, Password: Guest Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and Password Check out our Adoption Page at http://home.earthlink.net/~jamielee6 "zolw" wrote in message news:taOqc.80166$iF6.6803303@attbi_s02... Hi; So, I am due July 31st. My doctor is irritating the hell out of me. I started seeing him even before I got pregnant & I must admit that I had 100% faith in his medical abilities. He is not too friendly, but he knows what he's doing. Then when I got pregnant, we didn't feel the need to shop for a doctor, since we knew how much we believed in his medical knowledge. Now we are seriously having doubts. I did the blood work, then around 16-17 weeks I had the AFP test (came negative), then around 20 weeks I went for y ultrasound (at a prenatal place & everything was fine with our little girl). Then we had an appointment with my dr the next day, we let him know that we're having a girl. Because I wasn't sure the report would arrive to him so soon, I had taken an initial copy of the report to show him. A month later was our next appointment, he acted like we hadn't met after we had the ultrasound. He asked me if we already know the gender of the baby (I was annoyed, but tried to convince myself that I am not the only atient he has & that it might have sliped his mind. Realy all it would have taken is to write it down on a piece of paper in my file) Anyways, every single visit, we go there he puts that thing on my belly & we listen to the heartbeat. That is all he does. Then he asks me if I have any questions and off I go. Sorry, but this is not enough for me, I want more interaction and more attention (especially that this is my first child. Everything freaks me out and I am clueless most of the time). Anyway, I had my glucose test and it also came back negative. I realize that so far, I don't seem to be a high risk patient (my sister wasn't a high risk patient, until she lost a child in her 9th month, so that is already freaking me out). Last visit, he told me that now I will start to visit him every 2 weeks. I asked him when my next ultrasound is gonna be (I thought one should have another ultrasound in the 3rd trimester), he said that therewasn't gonna be another one. I tried to transform my disappointment and my frustration into a joke, so I asked if it was ok to just do it for fun. He gave me a 3/4 smile (I actually never had a full smile from him) and said that it is useless, cause the baby's head is gonna tae up all the pics I get. Now I am left to wonder is this all normal? I mean, the baby's heartbeat is fine and all, but doesn't he need to check if maybe baby is too small or too large? Am I just being sensitive about all that? What kind of tests did other people have during their 3rd trimester? Sorry for the long message, but this is not even enough to satisfy my frustration. Mona due 07-31-04 |
#29
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frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but need help!)
"Jamie Clark" wrote in message ink.net... Mona, I think you have unrealistic expectations. You are pregnant, not sick. You are a healthy woman, pretty much carrying a healthy child. You've done the AFP, the level II u/s, your doctor can see by the size of your belly that your child is most likely right on target, size wise. The normal pregnant woman doesn't have another u/s after the 20 week one. Your appointments are typical -- they weigh you, take your pee, listen to the heartbeat, ask if you have any questions or issues, and send you home. That's what happens at most prenatal appointments. They are monitoring your pregnancy, not managing it. Now, I'm sure your doctor knows his stuff, but I've also had doctors not read or peruse my chart before I come in to see them, and it makes me crazy. Take two minutes and glance at my chart before you come into the room. That's all I ask. I've left doctors for that reason, to find someone with a better beside manner. I don't think it's reasonable, especially during pregnancy, when you are in on a monthly basis. Doi! -- Jamie & Taylor Earth Angel, 1/3/03 Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1, Password: Guest Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and Password Check out our Adoption Page at http://home.earthlink.net/~jamielee6 "zolw" wrote in message news:taOqc.80166$iF6.6803303@attbi_s02... Hi; So, I am due July 31st. My doctor is irritating the hell out of me. I started seeing him even before I got pregnant & I must admit that I had 100% faith in his medical abilities. He is not too friendly, but he knows what he's doing. Then when I got pregnant, we didn't feel the need to shop for a doctor, since we knew how much we believed in his medical knowledge. Now we are seriously having doubts. I did the blood work, then around 16-17 weeks I had the AFP test (came negative), then around 20 weeks I went for y ultrasound (at a prenatal place & everything was fine with our little girl). Then we had an appointment with my dr the next day, we let him know that we're having a girl. Because I wasn't sure the report would arrive to him so soon, I had taken an initial copy of the report to show him. A month later was our next appointment, he acted like we hadn't met after we had the ultrasound. He asked me if we already know the gender of the baby (I was annoyed, but tried to convince myself that I am not the only atient he has & that it might have sliped his mind. Realy all it would have taken is to write it down on a piece of paper in my file) Anyways, every single visit, we go there he puts that thing on my belly & we listen to the heartbeat. That is all he does. Then he asks me if I have any questions and off I go. Sorry, but this is not enough for me, I want more interaction and more attention (especially that this is my first child. Everything freaks me out and I am clueless most of the time). Anyway, I had my glucose test and it also came back negative. I realize that so far, I don't seem to be a high risk patient (my sister wasn't a high risk patient, until she lost a child in her 9th month, so that is already freaking me out). Last visit, he told me that now I will start to visit him every 2 weeks. I asked him when my next ultrasound is gonna be (I thought one should have another ultrasound in the 3rd trimester), he said that therewasn't gonna be another one. I tried to transform my disappointment and my frustration into a joke, so I asked if it was ok to just do it for fun. He gave me a 3/4 smile (I actually never had a full smile from him) and said that it is useless, cause the baby's head is gonna tae up all the pics I get. Now I am left to wonder is this all normal? I mean, the baby's heartbeat is fine and all, but doesn't he need to check if maybe baby is too small or too large? Am I just being sensitive about all that? What kind of tests did other people have during their 3rd trimester? Sorry for the long message, but this is not even enough to satisfy my frustration. Mona due 07-31-04 I don't know if he'd do it, but you might want to try to get a referral to a high risk OB. While you're not high risk, you do have concerns and worries, and in my experience, the docs which specialize in high risk are much more willing to address those. Several pregnancy after a loss books refer to any pregnancy after a loss, especially one with no predictability, as "High concern"-and point out that those require extra management just like a high-risk pregnancy does, not for the mother and baby's physical health, but because of the mother's emotional health. With your sister having experienced a very late loss, you're experiencing the same concerns and fears. And having someone to address those, even only once, may be worth the money. You may be able to call a high-risk center and pay out of pocket for an ultrasound and consultation-but it may be quite expensive. |
#30
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frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, butneed help!)
My appointments with the midwives are pretty quick and easy. quick urine test blood pressure fundal height heart beat position of baby My appointments were like this except I had an ultrasound at 22 weeks and none thereafter. The position of the baby wasn't checked regularly until I was around 32 weeks. |
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