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Using Ferber method in everyday life
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#12
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Using Ferber method in everyday life
wrote:
I am a new SAH mom and need advice. I finally have a baby after many years of miscarriage. This baby is the love of my life. In the eyes of my mom and friends, I have 'spoiled' the baby because I never let him cry. He just seems like a very happy, calm baby 24/7. Due to a family crisis - I can no longer lavish my baby with as much time and attention as he is accustomed. He is almost 5 months old and on some occassions, as soon as I put him down, and he sees me walk away (still within his vision at all times) he crys. If I don't pick him up, the cry turns into the an ear-piercing, red-faced, scream that wont stop until I hold him. I can be right in front of him touching him and he won't stop crying. It's so loud and distressing I wonder what my neighbors must be thinking! Mind you, he does play by himself with his toys and can entertain himself for quite some time, but other times he shifts into 'high-needs mode'. I have a baby carrier, but I it isn't always practical, especially if I'm cooking. This is normal 5 month old behavior. I'm not as extreme as the other posters. For example, I would a let a five month old cry (briefly) while I went to the bathroom or threw a load of laundry in the washer or whatever. Then I would pick up the child as soon as I returned and said "See Mommy's back" Babies love peek a boo at this age and I think it helps them get used to the idea that people leave and come back. If you are at home, I often would throw together a casserole or crock pot meal or do the cutting up of things while my children had their afternnon nap- then cooking dinner during the "arsenic" hour was much easier- just put the casserole in the oven. They also enjoyed being in the high chair while I was cooking- they couldn't get hurt and were out of the way, but enjoyed being near me. Marion Baumgarten |
#13
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Using Ferber method in everyday life
"iphigenia" wrote in message ... wrote: Due to a family crisis - I can no longer lavish my baby with as much time and attention as he is accustomed. I'm not sure what you mean by this, and of course you're under no obligation to share the details. But is this family crisis making it impossible for you to hold the child? Clearly you're physically in his presence, from what you've said. I'm not sure why you can't just put him in a sling or front carrier. That's why my response to the OP was brief and general. It was hard to come up with a specific solution when it wasn't clear why the parent could no longer "lavish" the child, despite being present. P. Tierney |
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Using Ferber method in everyday life
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#15
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Using Ferber method in everyday life
Marion Baumgarten wrote:
This is normal 5 month old behavior. I'm not as extreme as the other posters. For example, I would a let a five month old cry (briefly) while I went to the bathroom or threw a load of laundry in the washer or whatever. Then I would pick up the child as soon as I returned and said "See Mommy's back" Babies love peek a boo at this age and I think it helps them get used to the idea that people leave and come back. Oh, I think this is perfectly fine too--even desirable. I don't think one should manufacture errands, but there's no reason that a 5mo can't handle the brief separations entailed by normal daily activity and every reason why he should learn to do so. But there's a world of difference between *that* and insisting that a crying baby be ignored so that he won't get spoiled. Best wishes, ERicka |
#16
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Using Ferber method in everyday life
Nikki wrote:
I had a backpack carrier with my second and now I am a true blue believer in backpacks. If I ever have another I'm getting the best one money can buy :-) ...at which point #3 will refuse to have anything to do with it ;-) Best wishes, Ericka |
#17
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Using Ferber method in everyday life
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#18
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Using Ferber method in everyday life
My DD was a very high needs infant, who is now a very independant little toddler. She is way less clingy and needy than other kids her own age. I never let her cry it out. If she need me, needed to be held, or nursed etc... I was there. I made good use out of slings, and baby carriers, and my arms are in great shape. The only time I let her get upset/frustrated was when she was learning a new task, and I would intervene when she got past the point of frustration and into being upset. DD sat at 4 1/2 months, was crawling by 5 1/2, first words at 8 months and walking at 10 months, so even though I still catered to her needs she still developed her capabilities a little on the earlier side (I know that every child develops on a different rate, but for the people who believe that you can't contiuously hold a baby because it will delay them from walking, crawling etc...) -- Michelle P Ava Marie July 14, 2002 wrote in message ... I am a new SAH mom and need advice. I finally have a baby after many years of miscarriage. This baby is the love of my life. In the eyes of my mom and friends, I have 'spoiled' the baby because I never let him cry. He just seems like a very happy, calm baby 24/7. Due to a family crisis - I can no longer lavish my baby with as much time and attention as he is accustomed. He is almost 5 months old and on some occassions, as soon as I put him down, and he sees me walk away (still within his vision at all times) he crys. If I don't pick him up, the cry turns into the an ear-piercing, red-faced, scream that wont stop until I hold him. I can be right in front of him touching him and he won't stop crying. It's so loud and distressing I wonder what my neighbors must be thinking! Mind you, he does play by himself with his toys and can entertain himself for quite some time, but other times he shifts into 'high-needs mode'. I have a baby carrier, but I it isn't always practical, especially if I'm cooking. My friend suggested the Ferber method, but altering it to fit a daytime situation. Yeah, that lasted about 5 minutes. Because I am not used to seeing/hearing my baby scream-I broke down after a few minutes and picked him up. How can I not? As I held him against me, I had to hear him take those quivering intakes of air that babies do when they've been crying really hard. It broke my heart to hear him do that for 20 minutes. He's never done that before. If I continue to pick my baby up, and not teach him how to 'cry it out' & comfort himself during the day - am I setting myself up later for a lot of problems, IE: clingy child with social problems? If I somehow find it in my heart to let him cry for longer duratons, can that make him distrust me? I'm really confused. Nightime there is no problem as baby sleeps just fine in his crib. I'd like to hear any suggestions. Wimpy Mom |
#19
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Using Ferber method in everyday life
On Wed, 22 Oct 2003 20:05:35 -0400, "Sue"
wrote: Putting a bowl or cup of water on his high chair and let him make a mess, while you cook dinner. What would happen in my case is the bowl would just be dumped out immediately. Tupperware bowls and lids, measuring cups, spoons are all good things to keep him occupied. Bethany loves being given these things but she gets bored of them quickly and I have to find new things to keep giving her. MIL gave her a new toy, it has a tunnel with little balls that pop out of the tunnel (air blows them out), well it's hard to explain but it actually holds her attention! I also used a walker (under supervision, never had a problem) even a play pen for short amounts of time, GASP!! ;o) with some favorite toys to play with. Good luck and I hope your family situation improves. Your baby is too young to Ferberize and I am not certain would help under these conditions. Marie |
#20
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Using Ferber method in everyday life
"Joshua Levy" wrote in message om... So the solution is to get her to expect different things, which you can do little by little. For example, you could put your baby down and if she cries, come back to her in a minute or two, and then hold her. The next day come back after two or three minutes. The third day come back after five minutes, etc. (This is sort of the opposite of what you have tried so far.) Or you could pick up the crying baby after a minute, but then put her down again. If she crys again, then pick her up and hold her. The next day pick her up and put her down twice before holding on to her, and so on. I've never read Ferber, but isn't that pretty much the Ferber method for sleep (leave them a little longer each day)? |
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