Etiquette Question - wedding invites

Greetings folks:

Just wanting to get some opinions from out there. We've been invited to
a wedding, which it will cost a fair bit for us to go to; car rental,
gas, clothing for me, wedding gift, etc.

Anyhow, we just learned that our five month old isn't welcome at the
reception, not even for just the dinner portion. The baby is
exclusively breastfed, not like I could just leave him with someone.
Even if he weren't, everyone I know in the area will be at the wedding,
there's no one to leave him with.

Question is, is this the norm for weddings? When I got married this
didn't even cross my mind, and I confess it didn't even occur to me
that DS wouldn't be welcome when we got the invite. I always thought
that weddings were a family celebration, and families do include
children. I can't see us spending all this cash to go, when the most
important member of my family isn't welcome.

What do you all think?

KD & G

Just wanting to get some opinions from out there. We've been invited to
a wedding, which it will cost a fair bit for us to go to; car rental,
gas, clothing for me, wedding gift, etc.

Anyhow, we just learned that our five month old isn't welcome at the
reception, not even for just the dinner portion. The baby is
exclusively breastfed, not like I could just leave him with someone.
Even if he weren't, everyone I know in the area will be at the wedding,
there's no one to leave him with.

Question is, is this the norm for weddings? When I got married this
didn't even cross my mind, and I confess it didn't even occur to me
that DS wouldn't be welcome when we got the invite. I always thought
that weddings were a family celebration, and families do include
children. I can't see us spending all this cash to go, when the most
important member of my family isn't welcome.

What do you all think?

KD & G


I don't know about etiquette lol but I would not go if my breastfed baby
were not welcome. You will be gone for quite a while with the wedding and
reception and if he won't take bottles, then it would be a disaster anyway.

--
**
Sharon
**

depends on the couple in the end, my parents hadn't had any children at
their wedding and didn't want any to be at ours, when I explained I had
friends who had children who I would be inviting, we came to the decision
that we would not put the child's name on the invite and then let them make
there own decisions, in the end both came to the reception and it was
absolutely fine, but both had asked us beforehand, it would be off to take a
child without letting people know.

On the other hand, since then, when we've been invited to weddings we've
been really touched that our children's names have been on the invites.

My only suggestion is to talk to the couple, explain that you would not be
able to come if you couldn't bring the baby and that you would not let the
baby be noisy and disturb anything (sometimes one bad experience of a baby
or child disturbing procedings can make people think all parents are like
that), if they still don't want you there, then are these people really your
friends? if they can't listen and understand that a breastfed baby has to be
with it's mum....


.....another nice thing we've experienced when travelling to further afield
wedding is that the couple has requested that we don't buy them a gift, that
was very helpful as the most recent wedding we went to involved a flight, a
hotel stay and a hire car!

Anne

Anne Rogers wrote:

if they still don't want you there, then are these people really your
friends?

It's not them that the friends don't want there, it's the baby. I don't
think feeling that way has to be mutually exclusive with being friends.
Some people just aren't baby people. That doesn't mean they can't be
friends with people who are.


All the best,

Sarah
--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

"That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell

"Sarah Vaughan" wrote in message
...
Anne Rogers wrote:

if they still don't want you there, then are these people really your
friends?

It's not them that the friends don't want there, it's the baby. I don't
think feeling that way has to be mutually exclusive with being friends.
Some people just aren't baby people. That doesn't mean they can't be
friends with people who are.

hmm, if my friends aren't able to tolerate babies then they aren't my
friends, because how would I have been able to substain the friendship over
the last 3+ years? I suppose in the first year after the birth it would have
been a possiblilty to have some friends that did't like babies, but with 2
children, whilst I'd like to think I can have a conversation that isn't
about babies, it just isn't substainable to still be friends after this
length of time. (As it happens, I cannot think of any friends I have "lost"
since having children).

And there is a difference between understanding and not, if they say "I
understand, but for this day I'd rather you all didn't come" that is rather
difference to "I can't see why you can't just find a sitter...."

Anne

Anne Rogers wrote:
"Sarah Vaughan" wrote in message
...
Anne Rogers wrote:

if they still don't want you there, then are these people really your
friends?

It's not them that the friends don't want there, it's the baby. I don't
think feeling that way has to be mutually exclusive with being friends.
Some people just aren't baby people. That doesn't mean they can't be
friends with people who are.

hmm, if my friends aren't able to tolerate babies then they aren't my
friends, because how would I have been able to substain the friendship over
the last 3+ years? I suppose in the first year after the birth it would have
been a possiblilty to have some friends that did't like babies, but with 2
children, whilst I'd like to think I can have a conversation that isn't
about babies, it just isn't substainable to still be friends after this
length of time. (As it happens, I cannot think of any friends I have "lost"
since having children).

Lots of our friends don't have babies and don't really like them but it
hasn't got in the way of anything so far. Or at least not that I'm
aware. They are all pretty accomodating of all our needs, just not up
for a bit of babysitting. Actually for me the saddest thing is close
family who don't like children. I do feel William will be missing out
as a child, but I think it will improve when this family can
communicate on a more adult level. But then I was never one for babies
either and look what happened. Both dp and I said we never wanted
kids when we met 9 years ago and it took 6 years for us to change our
mind and we don't regret a thing.

Jeni

"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
hmm, if my friends aren't able to tolerate babies then they aren't my
friends, because how would I have been able to substain the friendship
over
the last 3+ years?

Wow, that's kind of narrow-minded. I am able to maintain relationships with
people who don't have or want kids. I love my kids, but I am definitely able
to have a life outside of them.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

"Sue" wrote in message
news:b9adnfyqvMHkpCPZnZ2dnUVZ_vadnZ2d@wideopenwest .com...
"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
hmm, if my friends aren't able to tolerate babies then they aren't my
friends, because how would I have been able to substain the friendship
over
the last 3+ years?

Wow, that's kind of narrow-minded. I am able to maintain relationships
with
people who don't have or want kids. I love my kids, but I am definitely
able
to have a life outside of them.

I suppose it depends on what you do with your time, I don't know what would
have happened if a close friends had not liked children, because I haven't
had to cross that bridge. But as a SAHM I haven't had chance to meet anyone
who doesn't have children! If I worked, then I could definitely imagine
having friends who weren't into children, as I presume my husband does, but
myself I have limited opportunities to meet people, other than those who
also have children.

Anne

Anne Rogers wrote:

hmm, if my friends aren't able to tolerate babies then they aren't my
friends, because how would I have been able to substain the friendship over
the last 3+ years?

I dunno... Before I had children, I had
friends who had children, but I certainly
did not want to hear them screech at a
wedding. For me, one has no bearing on
the other. I certainly have friends who
do not have children and I try not to
inflict my children on them.

-- Anita --

Anne Rogers wrote:
"Sarah Vaughan" wrote in message
...

Anne Rogers wrote:


if they still don't want you there, then are these people really your
friends?

It's not them that the friends don't want there, it's the baby. I don't
think feeling that way has to be mutually exclusive with being friends.
Some people just aren't baby people. That doesn't mean they can't be
friends with people who are.


hmm, if my friends aren't able to tolerate babies then they aren't my
friends, because how would I have been able to substain the friendship over
the last 3+ years? I suppose in the first year after the birth it would have
been a possiblilty to have some friends that did't like babies, but with 2
children, whilst I'd like to think I can have a conversation that isn't
about babies, it just isn't substainable to still be friends after this
length of time. (As it happens, I cannot think of any friends I have "lost"
since having children).

And there is a difference between understanding and not, if they say "I
understand, but for this day I'd rather you all didn't come" that is rather
difference to "I can't see why you can't just find a sitter...."

Anne


I am with you on this one Anne. I am mother, wife, woman, family member.
My family comes first. I don't see my children as an infliction or
disease. If they are too young to attend an event, then as a family we
do not go. I tend to only meet people who have families as well, but
have run into others who do not and they understand that we are a family
unit.

These are not sacrifices, but facing that life is now different and
there are different things that families can do together.

The top three schools of thought toward parenting are family centered,
where the family is the entity, parent centered, where the parents put
themselves first and the children are an afterthought, and child
centered, where the children come first.

Not saying one is better than the other, but one style might be better
for one parent and family than another.

We tend to do the family centered parenting where we focus all of our
activities and our lifestyle to what fits all members of our family so
that no one has to feel slighted. I did the parent rules the house with
my older children and saw in many ways it just wasn't working for our
family.

I am not missing out on anything in life. I wouldn't attend the wedding,
even if the baby was invited, just for the fact I think it is
overwhelming for the little one.

Jo