Bar Mitzvah Gift?

We're Christian and my son has been invited to a classmate's
Bar Mitzvah. We really don't know what's an appropriate gift.
He's not a close friend just a classmate. My son's excited and
really wants to do the appropriate thing. (He actually went out
bought a suit! :-)

/dan

"Dan Ganek" wrote in message
news:gpr4c.19532$YG.274956@attbi_s01...
We're Christian and my son has been invited to a classmate's
Bar Mitzvah. We really don't know what's an appropriate gift.
He's not a close friend just a classmate. My son's excited and
really wants to do the appropriate thing. (He actually went out
bought a suit! :-)

/dan


www.google.com.au

Type Bar Mitzvah gift

And then you will see 206 pages of choices.

I went to a bat mitzvah a few years back.
I had no idea what to get (and I wasn't on the internet at the time) And I
asked her mum and she said buy something that has nothing to do with
religion/Jesus etc as this is the safest gift to give so it wont offend
anyone. So I bought the girl a photo frame. (pewter kind)
I can remember a lot of the presents from the relatives were Jewish related
(and looked expensive) whilst the non Jewish guests tended to stick to keep
sakes of some kind. (eg photo frames, jewellery, figurines, or money etc)
I know the girl had quiet a few sugared almonds but I don't know if they
were given as gifts or meant something.

You could always ask the parents what you think should be given. Or you
could give something you would normally give a child for there birthday. I'm
sure turning up with a gift of some kind is better then nothing.

Nic

"Dan Ganek" wrote in message
news:gpr4c.19532$YG.274956@attbi_s01...
We're Christian and my son has been invited to a classmate's
Bar Mitzvah. We really don't know what's an appropriate gift.
He's not a close friend just a classmate. My son's excited and
really wants to do the appropriate thing. (He actually went out
bought a suit! :-)

/dan

If you're not familiar with Judaism, don't buy Judaica or things you assume
will be appropriate for a Jewish kid, because they might not be. You're
really getting a b'day present, so stick with the stuff you know the boy
likes. If you really don't know him well, the traditional gift is money,
given in combinations of $18, or chai (means life in Hebrew). So
traditionally, checks of $36 $54, $72... are the perfect gift, put in a nice
bar mitzvah card. You SHOULD be able to find these at your local Hallmark
store if not in the drug store in a Jewish neighborhood.

BTW, in case you don't know, there are some etiquette issues in attending a
bar mitzvah. Clothing is not casual, women should have their shoulders
covered and short skirts aren't a great idea. Pants for women are frowned
upon in most congregations. Men and boys should have a suit or a sport
jacket, slacks and a tie.

Smoking on synagogue property is not allowed because fire is not allowed on
Shabbat. No cameras, camcorders, cell phones or other electronic equipment
is allowed on Shabbat.

A kippot or head covering is usually required for all boys and men... it's
rarely optional, so prepare your son. They will be provided by either the
bar mitzvah family (you keep those) or the synagogue.

DO NOT EAT OR DRINK ANYTHING until the appropriate prayers are said after
the service at the Kiddush. There will be a prayer for the wine (grape juice
will be provided for kids, but the wine is essentially grape juice so don't
panic if they don't have juice) and then a prayer over the bread. Once those
are said, it's usually a free-for-all for the food. Don't be shocked if kids
push and shove. It's just the way it is. A cultural thing....

Finally, you DO NOT have to get to the service when it starts. In fact, if
you do, you might be in the synagogue for over 3 hours. Do make sure you get
there a bit before 10 am if the service starts at 9, so you'll be there for
the Torah reading. It is read in Hebrew, but there are books (called the
Chumash) where you can follow the Torah portion in English.

Most of the service is conducted out of a prayer book called a Siddur. There
are some transliterations, but the majority of the service will be conducted
in Hebrew unless it's a reform synagogue. You might lose your place. Also,
there is coreography (shuckling) involved, a lot of standing up, sitting
down, bending at the knees, bowing, standing on tippytoes, etc. Try to
identify a 'regular' shul goer (usually someone with a crocheted kippah, a
tallis bag on the chair, and who is praying loud and fast in Hebrew) and
follow what he does. You're not expected to pray or do the shuckling, but
it's fun to try and figure out what's going on.

If your son is easily bored, have him bring a book. In a lot of cases, the
kids all get together in the back row and tend disrupt the congregation.
This IS a religious service so if you're just going to drop off your son,
read him the riot act and try to find an adult to give him the evil eye if
things get out of hand.

Hope this helps,

Marjorie

Marjorie

"animzmirot" wrote in message
...
BTW, in case you don't know, there are some etiquette issues in attending
a
bar mitzvah.


I am not the OP, nor do I have any particular use for this information at
this point in time, but thank you for posting this...I find these sorts of
cultural things fascinating. I'll keep this info tucked in the back of my
mind in case I ever need it. :-)

tracey in CT

"Tracey" wrote in message
om...

"animzmirot" wrote in message
...
BTW, in case you don't know, there are some etiquette issues in
attending
a
bar mitzvah.


I am not the OP, nor do I have any particular use for this information at
this point in time, but thank you for posting this...I find these sorts of
cultural things fascinating. I'll keep this info tucked in the back of my
mind in case I ever need it. :-)

tracey in CT


Its like that isn't. You find the amazing things around that you didn't
know. And they do come in handy some day.

So Animzmirot are you Jewish ? Or you just know a lot of stuff ??

I guess there must be strong Jewish believer's and little Jewish believers.
I can remember some of this happening at the bat mitzvah I went to but some
of it never happened like the sitting in church and reading books. Then
again maybe that was done before we got there.

Nic

Nic wrote:
"Dan Ganek" wrote in message
news:gpr4c.19532$YG.274956@attbi_s01...

We're Christian and my son has been invited to a classmate's
Bar Mitzvah. We really don't know what's an appropriate gift.
He's not a close friend just a classmate. My son's excited and
really wants to do the appropriate thing. (He actually went out
bought a suit! :-)

/dan



www.google.com.au

Type Bar Mitzvah gift

And then you will see 206 pages of choices.

I went to a bat mitzvah a few years back.
I had no idea what to get (and I wasn't on the internet at the time) And I
asked her mum and she said buy something that has nothing to do with
religion/Jesus etc as this is the safest gift to give so it wont offend
anyone.

Yes. I would definitely not get a Jesus-related gift for a bar/bat
mitzvah. That would be really peculiar.

Clisby

In article ,
animzmirot wrote:

Finally, you DO NOT have to get to the service when it starts. In fact, if
you do, you might be in the synagogue for over 3 hours. Do make sure you get
there a bit before 10 am if the service starts at 9, so you'll be there for
the Torah reading. It is read in Hebrew, but there are books (called the
Chumash) where you can follow the Torah portion in English.

If the service is in a Reform congregation (which seems fairly likely
in this case) you absolutesly *do* have to get there when the service
starts, but the service will be closer to 2 than 3 hours.

--Robyn

If the service is in a Reform congregation (which seems fairly likely
in this case) you absolutesly *do* have to get there when the service
starts, but the service will be closer to 2 than 3 hours.

This really depends. Our congregation is a Reform one, but more traditional on
Shabbat morning. And yes, if you get there when the service starts you will be
one of a scant handful of people present and you WILL be there for around 3
hours. (Esp. if there is a Bar/Bat Mitzvah, since those services tend to be
extra long anyway ... though even that depends.)

The boy can ask his friend when is a good time to arrive for the service, if
there is any question.

(I anticipate putting a little cheat sheet with helpful information into all
our invites for non-Jewish guests. 9 1/2 months. Aarghh!!!!)


Naomi
CAPPA Certified Lactation Educator

(either remove spamblock or change address to to e-mail
reply.)

"Nic" nospam@nospam wrote in message
u...

"Tracey" wrote in message
om...

"animzmirot" wrote in message
...
BTW, in case you don't know, there are some etiquette issues in
attending
a
bar mitzvah.


I am not the OP, nor do I have any particular use for this information
at
this point in time, but thank you for posting this...I find these sorts
of
cultural things fascinating. I'll keep this info tucked in the back of
my
mind in case I ever need it. :-)

tracey in CT


Its like that isn't. You find the amazing things around that you didn't
know. And they do come in handy some day.

So Animzmirot are you Jewish ? Or you just know a lot of stuff ??

Well, both actually! :-) I'm Jewish and I know WAY too much stuff.

Marjorie

"Robyn Kozierok" wrote in message
...
In article ,
animzmirot wrote:

Finally, you DO NOT have to get to the service when it starts. In fact,
if
you do, you might be in the synagogue for over 3 hours. Do make sure you
get
there a bit before 10 am if the service starts at 9, so you'll be there
for
the Torah reading. It is read in Hebrew, but there are books (called the
Chumash) where you can follow the Torah portion in English.

If the service is in a Reform congregation (which seems fairly likely
in this case) you absolutesly *do* have to get there when the service
starts, but the service will be closer to 2 than 3 hours.

First, WHY does it seem likely? Do you think only Reform children invite
non-Jewish friends to their simchas? If you do, you're sorely mistaken. DS
is heavily ensconced in that year where all his friends are having their bar
mizvah, pretty much every weekend he's in one shul or another. Well over 3/4
of them have been in various conservative synagogues. He's been to all of
one Reform synagogue in the entire 1.5 years he's been doing this bar
mitzvah hell thing.

Second, although you might be more familiar with Reform congregations than I
am, in every one I'm familiar with, including the two where friends are the
Rabbi, nobody shows up when the service starts. Like with all other
affiliations in Judaism, people tend to wander in after Psukey Zimrot, a bit
before the Torah Service. I stand by my recommendation, but I agree that the
OP should ask the bar mitzvah family (I wouldn't ask the kid...he probably
doesn't have a clue) what time is optimal to show up. Or, even easier, call
the synagogue in question and ask the office help. You'll get an honest
answer and won't even appear to be uninformed!

Marjorie