what age for sleepovers?

Nevermind wrote:

Thank you all very much. However, let me push a bit further. Most of
you said your kids had been allowed on sleepovers with people you
"know," "know well," or "know and like."

What do you mean by "know" here -- you see them when picking the kids
up, have a little chat, see them at the pool occasionally? Or do you
mean you're really friends with these people? My kids' friends'
parents fit the former, not the latter, bill, and for my DH, that
isn't enough. His feeling is that even perfectly nice-seeming,
friendly people able to sustain a good coversation at a soccer game
can be dangerous to our children if left alone with them. Of course
this is true, but unlikely, IMO, and I tend to trust my *instincts*,
as I believe that's all we ever have available to us about anyone. But
his worries have gotten under my skin. . .


For us it means we're friends, but not necessarily close friends with
the parents. When DD was younger and first met her friends and wanted
to set up a playdate, I or DH would go to the playdate and stay. During
the playdates, we would chat with the other parents and see how they
interacted with their child as well as our child. We would also talk to
each other at school events. Also, among DD's friends, many parents
stay at the children's birthday parties (remember, these kids are 6 and
younger), so we get to know each other that way as well. If the parents
clicked, we would also invite the family over to our house for dinner
and let the children play.

Granted your husband has a point that perfectly nice people can turn out
to be dangerous, but so can your own relatives (from what I read - no
experience).

Jeanne

"Robyn Kozierok" wrote in message
...
How did you handle that situation? I'd have a hard time telling a
parent that I didn't think her home was a suitable environment for my
child. I guess I'm lucky that my kids have not yet been invited for
sleepovers at homes where I would be uncomfortable allowing them to
stay over.


My husband had the honors since he was the one to run into that directly.
The issue was not that we had not been in the home but that we felt
supervision was lacking and there was an in-ground pool within feet of the
backdoor with no fence [etc.], *and* the parent chose to smoke cigarettes
often inside and we find that to be a serious health concern for DS.
Husband told the mother about the cigarette issue and she never invited DS
over again. Meanwhile, her DD continued to visit us often [nearly daily at
some points] until her girly interests diverged from DS' very boy-type
interests in the last six months or so. She remained warm to me and stated
more than once that she was comfortable with her DD visiting us.

I suspect that we were lucky and that that would not be the outcome in a
significant number of similar situations.

-Aula


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