You're Not My Dad!

I was thinking of having DS take a safety course, but I'm pretty sure
they'll teach this phrase. I just don't think it is a very good
recommendation. When I'm in a panic, I lose my voice. It's hard to even
come up with a sound, much less an entire sentence. I propose that the
recommendation be "Help!" It's so simple. I wonder why that wasn't the
recommended phrase to begin with. If there was anything that would come
naturally for a child to scream, it would be that.

Now, I understand the reason for, "Your're not my dad!" A child who is
being dragged screaming out of a store may look like s/he's throwing a
tantrum. But "help!" would work much better. I've yet to see a tantruming
child yell "Help!" It would definitely get my attention and I would know
something is wrong.

Coupled with my observations, I've yet to hear a story of a child saving
him/herself by yelling, "He's not my dad!" I have, however, heard of
children saving themselves by yelling "Help!" In fact, one story that
stands out in my mind, the child was being hauled from the bathroom out of
the store when he yelled, "Help!" and a woman who was part of the rescue
said she knew he was being abducted, because a child doesn't normally yell
"Help!" when it's his own parent.

So, what do you all think?

"toypup" wrote in message
t...
I was thinking of having DS take a safety course, but I'm pretty sure
they'll teach this phrase. I just don't think it is a very good
recommendation. When I'm in a panic, I lose my voice. It's hard to even
come up with a sound, much less an entire sentence. I propose that the
recommendation be "Help!" It's so simple. I wonder why that wasn't the
recommended phrase to begin with. If there was anything that would come
naturally for a child to scream, it would be that.

Now, I understand the reason for, "Your're not my dad!" A child who is
being dragged screaming out of a store may look like s/he's throwing a
tantrum. But "help!" would work much better. I've yet to see a
tantruming child yell "Help!" It would definitely get my attention and I
would know something is wrong.

Coupled with my observations, I've yet to hear a story of a child saving
him/herself by yelling, "He's not my dad!" I have, however, heard of
children saving themselves by yelling "Help!" In fact, one story that
stands out in my mind, the child was being hauled from the bathroom out of
the store when he yelled, "Help!" and a woman who was part of the rescue
said she knew he was being abducted, because a child doesn't normally yell
"Help!" when it's his own parent.

So, what do you all think?
I have seen a tantuming child shout "help"on a couple of occasions, and in
both cases I knew (by sight) the family, and knew it was a tantrum not a
serious situation. My brother shouted it when my dad was taking him to the
barbers too. I have heard of a child who shouted "you're not my mum" at
their mum too!
I think that generally people are too easy (here) about just letting a child
go. I've several times come across a child who's walked quite a distance
either quietly crying or walking along shouting "mum" at intervals.
So I don't think there's an easy answer.
I think maybe shouting "help" for a start off would get attention, then
switching to "you're not my mum/dad" afterwards.
Debbie

toypup wrote:

So, what do you all think?

In terms of strategy alone (not in terms of what it would be easy to
teach to a child necessarily) the best bet would be to teach the child
to appeal to a *specific* person. Even in adults, a broad-based appeal
with a lot of ambiguity is likely to result in a low level of bystander
helping according to all the research - if people aren't sure what's
going on, and they're surrounded by other people who also aren't
helping, they're not likely to help no matter what exact words the
distress call includes. However, I bet it would up the odds if the
child was quick-witted enough to pick someone out of the environment
and say, "Lady in the blue dress, help me!" It would be even better if
the child could break away and actually run to another adult and enlist
their help directly. At that point, the phrase "That's not my dad!"
might be pretty helpful, but probably not before. I'm just not sure
that a terrified child would be able to do any of that.

As a society we tend to believe that parents ought to be left to handle
their own children within broad limits, and many people get quite
belligerent if their parenting is questioned, especially in a
high-emotion situation like a public tantrum. Any helpful stranger may
actually be putting him/herself in some danger by intervening, so
he/she will want to be pretty damn sure that there's geuninely a
problem and that he/she really is responsible for helping. Anything
that would make that more likely would be a good idea.

Beth

I've heard tantrumming kids yell out lots of stuff-my brother would cry
"CHILD ABUSE!" at times when my mother wanted him to do something he didn't
want to do until he actually got the attention of a police officer who,
after figuring out that he wasn't being abused, explained in no uncertain
terms what the consequences of claiming abuse, or filing a false police
report, could be. A relatively calm kid yelling "HELP"-or "YOU'RE NOT MY
DAD" would get my attention, but a kid in a tantrum? Well, I've seen too
many of those to not be aware that a child is perfectly capable of claiming
his parents are members of a terrorist cell if he thinks that will get him
what he wants at that point in time!

--
Donna DeVore Metler
Orff Music Specialist/Kindermusik
Mother to Angel Brian Anthony 1/1/2002, 22 weeks, severe PE/HELLP
And Allison Joy, 11/25/04 (35 weeks, PIH, Pre-term labor)

Donna Metler wrote:
I've heard tantrumming kids yell out lots of stuff-my brother would cry
"CHILD ABUSE!" at times when my mother wanted him to do something he didn't
want to do until he actually got the attention of a police officer who,
after figuring out that he wasn't being abused, explained in no uncertain
terms what the consequences of claiming abuse, or filing a false police
report, could be. A relatively calm kid yelling "HELP"-or "YOU'RE NOT MY
DAD" would get my attention, but a kid in a tantrum? Well, I've seen too
many of those to not be aware that a child is perfectly capable of claiming
his parents are members of a terrorist cell if he thinks that will get him
what he wants at that point in time!

Heh. Yes, a small child of my acquaintance who shall remain nameless
actually *called 911* to report child abuse when his mom, at the
culmination of a tough disciplinary situation, said something to him
like, "For the love of God, if you don't stop badgering me about it I'm
going to smack you." Luckily the responding officer understood that
this was not truly a child abuse situation. The point is, anything one
can teach a child to do in case of a true emergency, the child can then
choose to do when it might throw a monkey wrench into the activities of
benevolent adults who happen to be doing something that the child
doesn't like. It makes it really hard to know what to tell kids to do
if a true kidnapping presents itself.

To be honest, I don't worry about it that much myself, because the
likelihood that this situation will ever present itself - child carried
away by strangers in a public place - is very, very low. Stranger
kidnappings are pretty rare anyway, and then only a subset of them are
going to involve a stranger attempting to snatch a kid by force in a
public place. I am more careful to impress upon my son never to follow
an apparently friendly stranger to a *private* place, but in the end,
there are other safety concerns I worry about more.

Beth

"Donna Metler" wrote in message
. ..
I've heard tantrumming kids yell out lots of stuff-my brother would cry
"CHILD ABUSE!" at times when my mother wanted him to do something he
didn't
want to do until he actually got the attention of a police officer who,
after figuring out that he wasn't being abused, explained in no uncertain
terms what the consequences of claiming abuse, or filing a false police
report, could be. A relatively calm kid yelling "HELP"-or "YOU'RE NOT MY
DAD" would get my attention, but a kid in a tantrum? Well, I've seen too
many of those to not be aware that a child is perfectly capable of
claiming
his parents are members of a terrorist cell if he thinks that will get him
what he wants at that point in time!

But if a kid were being abducted, why would he be calm? Panicked, kicking
and screaming is more the vision I have, which would likely resemble a
tantrum.

wrote in message
ps.com...
To be honest, I don't worry about it that much myself, because the
likelihood that this situation will ever present itself - child carried
away by strangers in a public place - is very, very low. Stranger
kidnappings are pretty rare anyway, and then only a subset of them are
going to involve a stranger attempting to snatch a kid by force in a
public place. I am more careful to impress upon my son never to follow
an apparently friendly stranger to a *private* place, but in the end,
there are other safety concerns I worry about more.

Actually, DS is 5yo and I've never brought up any conversation regarding
abductions for the same reason.

toypup wrote:

But if a kid were being abducted, why would he be calm? Panicked, kicking
and screaming is more the vision I have, which would likely resemble a
tantrum.



Don't they usually have a good story to get the kid away, like
"Help me look for my puppy"? If someone's actually going to
abduct a child, the last thing they'd want to do is attract
attention to themselves.

"Laura Faussone" wrote in message
...
toypup wrote:

But if a kid were being abducted, why would he be calm? Panicked,
kicking and screaming is more the vision I have, which would likely
resemble a tantrum.

Don't they usually have a good story to get the kid away, like "Help me
look for my puppy"? If someone's actually going to abduct a child, the
last thing they'd want to do is attract attention to themselves.

In which case, the kid would normally not be yelling "help!" nor "He's not
my dad!" No, I do not believe it is common for the abductors to be so
brazen. I am just not thinking it's a great idea to teach "He's not my
dad!" which you hear so much about when people talk about what they teach
their kids regarding abduction.

FWIW, I try telling DS not to go with anyone for any reason without asking
me first (or another adult if I'm not there) no matter what, even if I know
that person. So far, it hasn't sunken in, since when I give him different
scenarios, he always gives me the wrong answer or he just gives me the
answer I'm looking for, but I know he doesn't get it. Basically, I think
he'd be duped into going. So far, he's tried leaving school with different
moms, just because he wants to carpool. The moms have to come find me and I
see him tagging along behind.

"toypup" wrote in message
et...

"snip
FWIW, I try telling DS not to go with anyone for any reason without asking
me first (or another adult if I'm not there) no matter what, even if I
know that person. So far, it hasn't sunken in, since when I give him
different
scenarios, he always gives me the wrong answer or he just gives me the
answer I'm looking for, but I know he doesn't get it. Basically, I think
he'd be duped into going. So far, he's tried leaving school with
different moms, just because he wants to carpool. The moms have to come
find me and I see him tagging along behind.
To be honest in this case I would concentrate on teaching him not to go with
anyone without telling you. Including people he knows. That he has to come
and tell you and the other person saying "I've told mum" or "I'll phone mum"
is not good enough.
Try some books with scenarios where the child is offered sweets/lift home/to
see the puppies.
#1 had a good one from the library, but I can't remember what it was called,
but it was about a girl who loved dogs and a man offered to take her to see
some puppies, and as she was going an older child stopped her and said she
had to tell mummy. The man says that he knows mummy and it will be fine, but
the older child stands firm. So the man says he'll phone mummy when they get
to his house, at which point the older child starts yelling for help, and
the man runs off. The girl is really disappointed not to see the puppies,
but they then explain to her that she mustn't go anywhere without telling
mummy.
Debbie