kids watching other kids

bizby40 wrote:


The problem is that there is no real consensus, and in many places no
real laws that give people a guideline. There are also very wide
discrepancies in kids' maturity levels, and in their circumstances.
So there is no real guidance in this area for people. When I told a
friend that I'd decided my 10 year old could stay by herself for short
periods, she actually told me that I'd better not tell anyone because
if Social Services found out I'd be in trouble! It set me on a frenzy
of research before I was sure she was wrong.

I think in my state it's 12 before you can leave kids on their own.

The other problem is that there is a period of time when they'd be
just fine at home as long as everything goes okay, but you don't know
for sure how they'd react in a real emergency situation. You hope
they never happen, but...

It's not even emergencies that I worry about. It's all the little
things that go wrong or pile up in a mess because the kids just don't
pay any attention. Dumb stuff like water left running, lights left on,
glasses set down wet on hardwood tables or floors -- whatever it is
that that particular kid just can't seem to remember and I'm always
hounding them about. (It's hard to think of ones that truly matter, but
that aren't actually dangerous -- my point is that there are *so many*
things like this, not that any one particular thing would be so
terrible for them to do.) I'm sure the details are different in every
family. I'm also sure that there are people who think my kids act like
this because I haven't given them *enough* responsibilities and
independence, and probably in some respects that's true.

--Helen

"Jeff" wrote in
news

"enigma" wrote in message
. ..
"Stephanie" wrote in
news:lN47h.3413$%U.993@trndny07:

At what age would you leave kids alone in the house for a
trip to the store? More to the point, what is the
youngest age that this would be conceivable?

if you live in the US, you might want to check with your
state Division of Family Services to see what they say.
my mom left us briefly (no more than half an hour) when we
were 8 or so, but by then we'd been walking to the store &
back alone for at least 4 years...

So it's not ok to stay home alone, but it is ok to walk out
where there are strangers. Gee, that's logical.

It depends on the kid and where you are.

exactly. when i was 8 we lived in suburbia. i don't remember
being left alone before age 8, but it's actually highly likely
we were, since running across the street or next door for a
few minutes or something probably happened frequently. plus it
was the 50s and people weren't so terrified of evil child
nappers or whatever.
walking 3 blocks to the store at age 4 was in a smaller town,
but we did walk a mile to school alone at 5 in Rochester NY.
shrug

So kids are ready to be left alone for various times when
they are 5 or 6. Some not unitl they are teens.

yup, but DFS gets antsy if they find 5-6 year olds alone.

In some areas, even if there are not adults in the house,
the kids aren't alone. The kids can go to the neighbors.

yup.

lee
--
Question with boldness even the existence of god; because if
there be
one, he must more approve the homage of reason than that of
blindfolded
fear. - Thomas Jefferson

" wrote in message
oups.com...

bizby40 wrote:


The problem is that there is no real consensus, and in many places no
real laws that give people a guideline. There are also very wide
discrepancies in kids' maturity levels, and in their circumstances.
So there is no real guidance in this area for people. When I told a
friend that I'd decided my 10 year old could stay by herself for short
periods, she actually told me that I'd better not tell anyone because
if Social Services found out I'd be in trouble! It set me on a frenzy
of research before I was sure she was wrong.

I think in my state it's 12 before you can leave kids on their own.

The other problem is that there is a period of time when they'd be
just fine at home as long as everything goes okay, but you don't know
for sure how they'd react in a real emergency situation. You hope
they never happen, but...

It's not even emergencies that I worry about. It's all the little
things that go wrong or pile up in a mess because the kids just don't
pay any attention. Dumb stuff like water left running, lights left on,
glasses set down wet on hardwood tables or floors -- whatever it is
that that particular kid just can't seem to remember and I'm always
hounding them about. (It's hard to think of ones that truly matter, but
that aren't actually dangerous -- my point is that there are *so many*
things like this, not that any one particular thing would be so
terrible for them to do.) I'm sure the details are different in every
family. I'm also sure that there are people who think my kids act like
this because I haven't given them *enough* responsibilities and
independence, and probably in some respects that's true.

Yeah, but my point is, people let quite young kids hang around the parks or
streets or whatever. It seems to me a lot more dangerous things can happen
out in the open away from home, you don't even have to open the door for
strangers to be around. And they can still panic outside as well.

Jen

"Jen" wrote in message
...
Yeah, but my point is, people let quite young kids hang around the
parks or streets or whatever. It seems to me a lot more dangerous
things can happen out in the open away from home, you don't even
have to open the door for strangers to be around. And they can
still panic outside as well.

I think the key difference there is that while the parents may not be
right with their children, they are available to them. The child may
play outside in their yard, or down the street with their friends, but
at any point when they want/need their parent, all they have to do is
run home. When I was talking about leaving my kids at home alone, I
meant that I would not be there at all. I was not counting the times
I might be outside while they were inside but knew where I was. That
occurred much earlier.

And much like the original question, I'm sure the question of when to
allow the kids out of your sight outdoors varies widely based on all
the same things -- perceived safety of the neighborhood, the maturity
of the children, and the parents' tendency to worry.

Bizby

"bizby40" wrote in
:

And much like the original question, I'm sure the question
of when to allow the kids out of your sight outdoors varies
widely based on all the same things -- perceived safety of
the neighborhood, the maturity of the children, and the
parents' tendency to worry.

oh, i hope so... Boo's been playing out of my sight out in
the yard since he was 2. at 2 he didn't go very far away from
the house, and he was pretty clear on his boundries where he
could go... plus the goat wouldn't let him into the pasture so
i didn't have to worry about the pond.
of course, regulars know i'm not a worrier & i live in a
rural location. i'm more the type to encourage independance &
developing rational thought
lee


--
Question with boldness even the existence of god; because if
there be
one, he must more approve the homage of reason than that of
blindfolded
fear. - Thomas Jefferson

enigma wrote:

exactly. when i was 8 we lived in suburbia. i don't remember
being left alone before age 8, but it's actually highly likely
we were, since running across the street or next door for a
few minutes or something probably happened frequently. plus it
was the 50s and people weren't so terrified of evil child
nappers or whatever.
walking 3 blocks to the store at age 4 was in a smaller town,
but we did walk a mile to school alone at 5 in Rochester NY.
shrug

I also grew up in Rochester! My mom told us a while back that when I
was a baby and my eldest sister was in kindergarten, my sister would
leave school at noon, walk about 1/2 a mile in the other direction,
pick up my 3 year old sister from nursery school, and then the two of
them would walk home. (About 3/4 mile from the nursery school.) No
choice really -- Mom didn't have a car and the route to school involved
a pedestrian bridge accessed by a long flight of stairs -- not
practical with a babycarriage. But, as you said, in the early 1960's,
nobody thought much of it.

Naomi

bizby40 wrote:

The problem is that there is no real consensus, and in many places no
real laws that give people a guideline. There are also very wide
discrepancies in kids' maturity levels, and in their circumstances.
So there is no real guidance in this area for people. When I told a
friend that I'd decided my 10 year old could stay by herself for short
periods, she actually told me that I'd better not tell anyone because
if Social Services found out I'd be in trouble! It set me on a frenzy
of research before I was sure she was wrong.

I'm pretty sure that the laws tend to be quite vague, more or less on
purpose. I think in my state (North Carolina) it's considered
inappropriate to leave a child under eight home alone for any reason,
but older than that it's all considered a judgement call. It's not
inconceivable that a parent might be prosecuted for leaving a
ten-year-old home alone if for whatever reason Social Services thought
the situation warranted it, although it's probably quite unlikely. I
realize that they leave the rules vague so that someone can't point to
a rule saying 'ten is okay' if they leave a developmentally delayed
10-year-old home alone overnight, but the total lack of official rules
makes me a little nervous.

Beth

Stephanie wrote:
At what age would you leave kids alone in the house for a trip to the store?
More to the point, what is the youngest age that this would be conceivable?

I have a follow-up. My son (who's four) and I tend to wake up much
earlier than my husband does. There are times it'd be nice to be able
to run out quickly in the morning without taking him. How old would a
child have to be for the rest of you to be willing to leave a child
home with a sleeping parent?

Beth

wrote in message
oups.com...

Stephanie wrote:
At what age would you leave kids alone in the house for a trip to the
store?
More to the point, what is the youngest age that this would be
conceivable?

I have a follow-up. My son (who's four) and I tend to wake up much
earlier than my husband does. There are times it'd be nice to be able
to run out quickly in the morning without taking him. How old would a
child have to be for the rest of you to be willing to leave a child
home with a sleeping parent?


I can dose and be fully aware of everything going on. If the parent is a
light sleeper, and everything dangerous is out of reach, and they can't
unlock the doors to get out. It should be fine.

Jen

In article . com,
says...


bizby40 wrote:

The problem is that there is no real consensus, and in many places no
real laws that give people a guideline. There are also very wide
discrepancies in kids' maturity levels, and in their circumstances.
So there is no real guidance in this area for people. When I told a
friend that I'd decided my 10 year old could stay by herself for short
periods, she actually told me that I'd better not tell anyone because
if Social Services found out I'd be in trouble! It set me on a frenzy
of research before I was sure she was wrong.

I'm pretty sure that the laws tend to be quite vague, more or less on
purpose. I think in my state (North Carolina) it's considered
inappropriate to leave a child under eight home alone for any reason,
but older than that it's all considered a judgement call. It's not
inconceivable that a parent might be prosecuted for leaving a
ten-year-old home alone if for whatever reason Social Services thought
the situation warranted it, although it's probably quite unlikely. I
realize that they leave the rules vague so that someone can't point to
a rule saying 'ten is okay' if they leave a developmentally delayed
10-year-old home alone overnight, but the total lack of official rules
makes me a little nervous.


I discussed the NY state laws with my childcare provider (who really keeps up on
those things), and they're similar. Legally, the proof is in the pudding.
Between about 8 and 14, if there's a problem or accident that attracts
authorities' attention, then that's taken as an example of leaving a child too
young. If nothing along that line happens, then it's OK.

It's like those "..if can proceed safely.." traffic laws. No accident - safe
(or at least, unenforceable). If there's a crash, then, one didn't proceed
safely.

Banty