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The (suro)Birth Story



 
 
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  #1  
Old April 14th 04, 05:45 AM
Kerry J. Renaissance-McAdams
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default The (suro)Birth Story

We scheduled a C-section for Apr. 9th, and we spent all week working
up to it. Definitely "we" -- my husband and me, as well as my IPs and
their other children. Had to get all the ducks in a row: finding
someone to watch our DS that particular day, and someone to help out
my DH over the weekend with our DS. Had to make sure the IPs were
safely in town the night before, and that they knew how to find the
hospital, and when to be there.

We got up before the crack of dawn, since we had to be at the hospital
by 6am. So we left at 5am, and arrived a bit early. The IPs showed
up around 6:30am, which was fine; they didn't have to be there for
every single hospital moment, but they did have to be there for the
delivery.

The hospital was not prepared to handle a surrogacy birth, so some
things turned out awkward and some things were more time-consuming
than they needed to be, but under the circumstances I thought the
hospital staff handled themselves pretty well and were quite
considerate.

Anyway, we had to double-check with the doctor, but we were able to
have both IPs in the OR/delivery room. The father got the full view
of the proceedings, the mother stayed up near my head. They came in
after the spinal was applied (which didn't seem much harder or easier
than my epidural in my DS' birth).

It was definitely... weird, being fully awake and aware during the
C-section. No pain, but I felt the doctors' activities as they opened
me up. They sort of "popped" the baby out, with the application of a
fair amount of pressure around my breast areas. I am glad the sheet
blocked my view of the operation; I'm told by the father that at one
point I fountained up, first with clear fluid from the amniotic sac,
then with blood. I didn't mind hearing it after the fact, but seeing
it would not have helped at the time.

The baby cried almost immediately upon birth into the world, a couple
of times -- I think there may have been a brief 2-3 second pause
before she did so, while they cleared her passages, but 'twas almost
immediate. I was able to see her fresh and brand-new, prior to
clean-up, still bloody and wrinkly. 'Twas wonderful. The mother
wiped away at least one tear that I saw; the father's hands were
shaking as he got to hold his new daughter for the first time. I was
able to see her up close for a minute or two, before the new parents
and baby went off to the nursery for further clean-up and the doctors
cleaned and closed me up.

I wasn't sure what to expect, with a scheduled C-section, but I
definitely had a post-birth rush of adrenaline and joy, increased by
seeing the love and happiness of the new parents I'd helped out. I do
think not having labored any length beforehand made me more aware of
the incision pain afterward (not helped by being stitch-and-stapled,
too. Thankfully they took the staples out today).

Annicka Ceceil was considerably smaller than expected, at 6 lbs, 11oz.
Clearly not premature or undeveloped -- depending on how you
calculated, her EDD was either the 13th (LMP, doctor's calculation) or
18th (going by ovulation/impregnation date), so while she was a bit
early she was definitely full-term. The IPs' previous children had
all been bigger, as was my DS. She _felt_ bigger inside, certainly.
Holding her was holding a babydoll -- and indeed, some of those seem
heavier than she was. She is a fuzzyhead, with blond-looking
peach-fuzz. She came out very red, but was settling into milder tones
by the time she went home. Her eyes look dark blue right now, and may
well stay that way, but baby eyes are hard to predict.

She was a small baby who had a lot of packaging, appparently. My
first day/night post-birth I had much red bleeding and passed some
huge clots. In the middle of the night, after a really big clot
passed, my bleeding level became more normal.

Happily, I was able to spend much of the first day with her, and have
her overnight with me, and even breastfeed her some. (I wanted to get
her some colostrum.) I'd spent the last 9-10 months with her inside
me; it was important to me that I meet her, and talk to her, now that
she was on the outside. She's a lovely baby girl, who seemed
remarkably aware of things for a newborn, quiet but capable and
willing to make her needs known if necessary.

Despite the expectations of many, there was no urge to keep her. In
all honesty, I'd had 2nd thoughts about giving her to her parents in
the last 2-3 weeks. But I'd also had 3rd and 4th ones, and had worked
through much of that issue prior to giving birth. I haved loved her,
and do still, but she was never meant to be my child. She was
conceived for them, and would not have otherwise been born. She
belongs with them, and when it came for discharge I was happy to send
her off with her new family.

I took about 2-3 rolls of pictures of her, both by herself and with
her new family members. My DH had the chance to hold her as well. My
IPs were most sweet; they brought me flowers and chocolate in the
hospital, and even brought new toy trucks from my DS before going off
to the hospital.

Thus far we're still maintaining contact, and I think the relationship
will hold. I don't need to be a close part of their family, nor of
their new daughter's, but I want to continue being a friend and I do
want periodic updates. It's an intimate thing, carrying someone
else's child, and it wouldn't feel right to bring a child into the
world and just send it off without further thought.

My doctor has been most kind and considerate, asking after my
emotional and physical well-being. He's a little concerned about
post-partum depression occurring, I think, and I am watching out for
that. Talking with other experienced surrogates, I gather a certain
amount of post-partum letdown is not uncommon -- you spend a lot of
time and energy first working towards pregnancy, then the birth, then
when it's all over, you're going "and now what do I do?" I do have a
busy two-year old to occupy me, however, which helps.

It's not likely that my DH and I will have further children of our
own, though I intend to spent the next few months to a year giving
serious thought to it, deciding one way or the other. So I may very
well do another surrogacy instead -- I have this desire to make my
reproductive years benefit someone. It depends on finding another set
of wonderful IPs.

Hmmm.... Can't think of much else to add. My staples are out today,
so my incision feels a bit better. I see the doctor again in three
weeks. He says I'll be able to bathe in another week, which I'm
looking foward to.
  #2  
Old April 14th 04, 08:51 AM
melbgal1
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Posts: n/a
Default The (suro)Birth Story

Kerry J. Renaissance-McAdams says...

Despite the expectations of many, there was no urge to keep her. In
all honesty, I'd had 2nd thoughts about giving her to her parents in
the last 2-3 weeks. But I'd also had 3rd and 4th ones, and had worked
through much of that issue prior to giving birth. I haved loved her,
and do still, but she was never meant to be my child. She was
conceived for them, and would not have otherwise been born. She
belongs with them, and when it came for discharge I was happy to send
her off with her new family.


I still applaud you for your selflessness ( although I know you batt it
way . It's a remarkable thing you've done.

You've probably said, i've probably missed it - but the genetic makeup
of the child ? Were you implanted with a fertilised egg, or ??
Feel free to ignore my possibly intrusive question, BTW


--
Baby, I can't wait to meet you !
EDD: 10-Apr-2004
  #3  
Old April 14th 04, 03:05 PM
Kerry J. Renaissance-McAdams
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default The (suro)Birth Story

On Wed, 14 Apr 2004 17:51:05 +1000, melbgal1
wrote:

I still applaud you for your selflessness ( although I know you batt it
way . It's a remarkable thing you've done.


Thanks.

You've probably said, i've probably missed it - but the genetic makeup
of the child ? Were you implanted with a fertilised egg, or ??
Feel free to ignore my possibly intrusive question, BTW


This was a traditional surrogacy: father's sperm, my egg, through
artificial insemination.
  #4  
Old April 14th 04, 04:02 PM
DeliciousTruffles
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default The (suro)Birth Story

melbgal1 wrote:
Kerry J. Renaissance-McAdams says...


Despite the expectations of many, there was no urge to keep her. In
all honesty, I'd had 2nd thoughts about giving her to her parents in
the last 2-3 weeks. But I'd also had 3rd and 4th ones, and had worked
through much of that issue prior to giving birth. I haved loved her,
and do still, but she was never meant to be my child. She was
conceived for them, and would not have otherwise been born. She
belongs with them, and when it came for discharge I was happy to send
her off with her new family.



I still applaud you for your selflessness ( although I know you batt it
way . It's a remarkable thing you've done.


Ditto. :-)

--
Brigitte aa #2145
http://ca.geocities.com/bironmonger/
Please excuse the quality. It is under construction and I am still
learning. :-)

"Readers are plentiful; thinkers are rare."
~ Harriet Martineau

  #5  
Old April 14th 04, 04:04 PM
Nancy P
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Posts: n/a
Default The (suro)Birth Story


"Kerry J. Renaissance-McAdams" wrote in
message ...
It's not likely that my DH and I will have further children of our

own, though I intend to spent the next few months to a year giving
serious thought to it, deciding one way or the other. So I may very
well do another surrogacy instead -- I have this desire to make my
reproductive years benefit someone. It depends on finding another set
of wonderful IPs.


What an incredible gift you've given that family. Not to gush on and on,
but its just such an amazing thing...

Nancy


  #6  
Old April 14th 04, 04:19 PM
Em
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Posts: n/a
Default The (suro)Birth Story

"Kerry J. Renaissance-McAdams"
wrote in message
Thus far we're still maintaining contact, and I think the relationship
will hold. I don't need to be a close part of their family, nor of
their new daughter's, but I want to continue being a friend and I do
want periodic updates. It's an intimate thing, carrying someone
else's child, and it wouldn't feel right to bring a child into the
world and just send it off without further thought.


Thanks for sharing your birth story. I think this was such a neat thing
that you did and I'm really amazed that you are considering doing it
again. How special. I think it is great that you've been breastfeeding
her a little as well--good colostrum!

My doctor has been most kind and considerate, asking after my
emotional and physical well-being. He's a little concerned about
post-partum depression occurring, I think, and I am watching out for
that. Talking with other experienced surrogates, I gather a certain
amount of post-partum letdown is not uncommon -- you spend a lot of
time and energy first working towards pregnancy, then the birth, then
when it's all over, you're going "and now what do I do?" I do have a
busy two-year old to occupy me, however, which helps.


Sounds like a good doctor.

Hmmm.... Can't think of much else to add. My staples are out today,
so my incision feels a bit better. I see the doctor again in three
weeks. He says I'll be able to bathe in another week, which I'm
looking foward to.


Glad you're on your way to normal again!

--
Em
mama to L-baby, 6.5 months old


  #7  
Old April 14th 04, 04:54 PM
Cheryl S.
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default The (suro)Birth Story

"Kerry J. Renaissance-McAdams"
wrote in message ...
The baby cried almost immediately upon birth into the world, a couple
of times -- I think there may have been a brief 2-3 second pause
before she did so, while they cleared her passages, but 'twas almost
immediate. I was able to see her fresh and brand-new, prior to
clean-up, still bloody and wrinkly. 'Twas wonderful. The mother
wiped away at least one tear that I saw; the father's hands were
shaking as he got to hold his new daughter for the first time. I was
able to see her up close for a minute or two, before the new parents
and baby went off to the nursery for further clean-up and the doctors
cleaned and closed me up.


Kerry, this is one of the most beautiful birth stories I've ever read
here (and I've read a lot of them over 5 years!) You are an
extraordinarily generous and compassionate person. Congratulations to
all of you.
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 3, and Jaden, 7 months


  #8  
Old April 14th 04, 05:11 PM
Bóliath
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default The (suro)Birth Story

x-no archive yes

Kerry J. Renaissance-McAdams wrote:

Despite the expectations of many, there was no urge to keep her. In
all honesty, I'd had 2nd thoughts about giving her to her parents in
the last 2-3 weeks. But I'd also had 3rd and 4th ones, and had worked
through much of that issue prior to giving birth. I haved loved her,
and do still, but she was never meant to be my child. She was
conceived for them, and would not have otherwise been born. She
belongs with them, and when it came for discharge I was happy to send
her off with her new family.


Kerry, I'm new to the group and this is my first contact with you, I am
in awe of your selflessness, your generosity is amazing, you have given
a gift to these parents and the world, thank you.

  #9  
Old April 14th 04, 07:17 PM
Ilse Witch
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default The (suro)Birth Story

On Tue, 13 Apr 2004 21:45:07 -0700, Kerry J. Renaissance-McAdams wrote:

-- I have this desire to make my reproductive years benefit someone.


I think it is great that you can do such a thing for others! I often
thought I'd be able to do it myself, until I got pregnant with DS and knew
that I'd probably be incapable of letting go. It may be totally different
if you know in advance, but still, I rather save myself the grief. There
are days I feel this is very selfish...

I'm not sure whether to congratulate you or not, but I'll do anyway. So
congrats to you and the IP's on having a wonderful daughter!

--
-- I
mommy to DS (21m)
mommy to two tiny angels (28 Oct 2003 & 17 Feb 2004)
guardian of DH (33)




  #10  
Old April 14th 04, 11:17 PM
Larissa
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default The (suro)Birth Story

Kerry J. Renaissance-McAdams wrote:
We scheduled a C-section for Apr. 9th, and we spent all week working
up to it. Definitely "we" -- my husband and me, as well as my IPs and
their other children. Had to get all the ducks in a row: finding
someone to watch our DS that particular day, and someone to help out
my DH over the weekend with our DS. Had to make sure the IPs were
safely in town the night before, and that they knew how to find the
hospital, and when to be there.

We got up before the crack of dawn, since we had to be at the hospital
by 6am. So we left at 5am, and arrived a bit early. The IPs showed
up around 6:30am, which was fine; they didn't have to be there for
every single hospital moment, but they did have to be there for the
delivery.

The hospital was not prepared to handle a surrogacy birth, so some
things turned out awkward and some things were more time-consuming
than they needed to be, but under the circumstances I thought the
hospital staff handled themselves pretty well and were quite
considerate.

Anyway, we had to double-check with the doctor, but we were able to
have both IPs in the OR/delivery room. The father got the full view
of the proceedings, the mother stayed up near my head. They came in
after the spinal was applied (which didn't seem much harder or easier
than my epidural in my DS' birth).

It was definitely... weird, being fully awake and aware during the
C-section. No pain, but I felt the doctors' activities as they opened
me up. They sort of "popped" the baby out, with the application of a
fair amount of pressure around my breast areas. I am glad the sheet
blocked my view of the operation; I'm told by the father that at one
point I fountained up, first with clear fluid from the amniotic sac,
then with blood. I didn't mind hearing it after the fact, but seeing
it would not have helped at the time.

The baby cried almost immediately upon birth into the world, a couple
of times -- I think there may have been a brief 2-3 second pause
before she did so, while they cleared her passages, but 'twas almost
immediate. I was able to see her fresh and brand-new, prior to
clean-up, still bloody and wrinkly. 'Twas wonderful. The mother
wiped away at least one tear that I saw; the father's hands were
shaking as he got to hold his new daughter for the first time. I was
able to see her up close for a minute or two, before the new parents
and baby went off to the nursery for further clean-up and the doctors
cleaned and closed me up.

I wasn't sure what to expect, with a scheduled C-section, but I
definitely had a post-birth rush of adrenaline and joy, increased by
seeing the love and happiness of the new parents I'd helped out. I do
think not having labored any length beforehand made me more aware of
the incision pain afterward (not helped by being stitch-and-stapled,
too. Thankfully they took the staples out today).

Annicka Ceceil was considerably smaller than expected, at 6 lbs, 11oz.
Clearly not premature or undeveloped -- depending on how you
calculated, her EDD was either the 13th (LMP, doctor's calculation) or
18th (going by ovulation/impregnation date), so while she was a bit
early she was definitely full-term. The IPs' previous children had
all been bigger, as was my DS. She _felt_ bigger inside, certainly.
Holding her was holding a babydoll -- and indeed, some of those seem
heavier than she was. She is a fuzzyhead, with blond-looking
peach-fuzz. She came out very red, but was settling into milder tones
by the time she went home. Her eyes look dark blue right now, and may
well stay that way, but baby eyes are hard to predict.

She was a small baby who had a lot of packaging, appparently. My
first day/night post-birth I had much red bleeding and passed some
huge clots. In the middle of the night, after a really big clot
passed, my bleeding level became more normal.

Happily, I was able to spend much of the first day with her, and have
her overnight with me, and even breastfeed her some. (I wanted to get
her some colostrum.) I'd spent the last 9-10 months with her inside
me; it was important to me that I meet her, and talk to her, now that
she was on the outside. She's a lovely baby girl, who seemed
remarkably aware of things for a newborn, quiet but capable and
willing to make her needs known if necessary.

Despite the expectations of many, there was no urge to keep her. In
all honesty, I'd had 2nd thoughts about giving her to her parents in
the last 2-3 weeks. But I'd also had 3rd and 4th ones, and had worked
through much of that issue prior to giving birth. I haved loved her,
and do still, but she was never meant to be my child. She was
conceived for them, and would not have otherwise been born. She
belongs with them, and when it came for discharge I was happy to send
her off with her new family.

I took about 2-3 rolls of pictures of her, both by herself and with
her new family members. My DH had the chance to hold her as well. My
IPs were most sweet; they brought me flowers and chocolate in the
hospital, and even brought new toy trucks from my DS before going off
to the hospital.

Thus far we're still maintaining contact, and I think the relationship
will hold. I don't need to be a close part of their family, nor of
their new daughter's, but I want to continue being a friend and I do
want periodic updates. It's an intimate thing, carrying someone
else's child, and it wouldn't feel right to bring a child into the
world and just send it off without further thought.

My doctor has been most kind and considerate, asking after my
emotional and physical well-being. He's a little concerned about
post-partum depression occurring, I think, and I am watching out for
that. Talking with other experienced surrogates, I gather a certain
amount of post-partum letdown is not uncommon -- you spend a lot of
time and energy first working towards pregnancy, then the birth, then
when it's all over, you're going "and now what do I do?" I do have a
busy two-year old to occupy me, however, which helps.

It's not likely that my DH and I will have further children of our
own, though I intend to spent the next few months to a year giving
serious thought to it, deciding one way or the other. So I may very
well do another surrogacy instead -- I have this desire to make my
reproductive years benefit someone. It depends on finding another set
of wonderful IPs.

Hmmm.... Can't think of much else to add. My staples are out today,
so my incision feels a bit better. I see the doctor again in three
weeks. He says I'll be able to bathe in another week, which I'm
looking foward to.


Thanks for sharing your story. You and your family must be very special
to be able to deal with a surrogatre pregnancy. The IP (intending
Parents?) are very lucky.

Larissa

 




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