OT - Separation Anxiety?

Hi all:

My son is just about eight months old. He's been waking a lot in the
night for the past week or so (every two or three hours at times).
Sometimes the paci will fix it, sometimes nothing but the boob.

However, just in the last three nights he seems to suddenly have
acquired major issues with being alone in his room for the night. I
feed him, my husband or I will read him a story, etc., but as soon as
we get up to leave, if he's awake he starts howling.

We've been trying to 'cry it out' (something I swore I'd never do), but
he just won't give it up. Last night he skipped the crying part and
went straight to screaming/sobbing/kicking as he was lying there on his
back in the crib. We let it go on for ten minutes before we went in to
try to soothe him(without picking him up), but he didn't calm down
much. Longest we went was about 20 minutes but there was no end in
sight.

Finally after an hour of this, I picked him up and instantly he was
quiet. His face was red, tears all over his face, nose running, and the
crib was actually wet from sweat where he was lying. After a few
minutes of rocking, I nursed him and he fell fast asleep. He woke again
every three hours after, and I'd feed him and he' go right to sleep
with no problem. At least I could get back to bed for a bit without him
screaming.

Any idea why this would start all of a sudden?

Thanks,

KD & G

You have my sympathies, ds went through a short period of doing this
after he was ill. Around 8 months. We did the controlled crying thing
but we didn't leave long intervals inbetween - it's more like the
Tracy Hogg Pick Up/Put Down method or Elizabeth Pantleys No -Cry Sleep
solution (which does usually involve a tiny bit of crying at least). We
went in after two minutes to start with, gave him a cuddle, put him
down and left. Then we left it for say 3 or 4 minutes and did the same.
The longest it took was a total of 15 minutes one night (that's 2 mins,
cuddle, 4 mins cuddle, 5 mins cuddle, 6 mins cuddle total of 15 mins
or so). The other 3 or 4 nights it took between 5 and 10 mins at the
most 9. Again, this is total mins, not leaving 10 mins at a time - we
couldn't hack that and I've not come across anyone it's worked great
for.. He really did want to go to sleep but just needed our
reassurance. Nursing didn't work any longer and he wouldn't be rocked
or cuddled to sleep. Now, at 16 months, on occasions when he isn't
quite able to drop off, like last night (over stimulation at Tescos I
think) we do the same thing. Last night I went in twice after 2 mins
and gave him a head stroke. This didn't work so the third time I gave
him a couple of mins cuddle, put him back and he went out like a light.

Good luck with whatever you try.

Jeni

Any idea why this would start all of a sudden?

8-9 mths is a fairly classic age to develop a separation anxiety, though it
seems more common for it to be a day time issue, I'm not sure how I'd deal
with the issue you are describing. Can you get a comfy chair in his bedroom
and just sit with him until he's asleep?

Cheers

Anne

KD wrote:

My son is just about eight months old.

He is right on schedule. Eight months is
the average time of when babies develop
separation anxiety. (Interestingly, when
you look at mammals in general, when they
become mobile seems to be when they are
the clingiest; this is likely a beneficial
evolutionary trait.)

You have to find a solution that works for
you. For me personally, I believe that
babies should not be left alone (babies
left to CIO on the savannah got eaten by
the hyena), so I co-sleep. But, your mileage
will vary.

-- Anita --

Irrational Number wrote:
KD wrote:

My son is just about eight months old.

He is right on schedule. Eight months is
the average time of when babies develop
separation anxiety. (Interestingly, when
you look at mammals in general, when they
become mobile seems to be when they are
the clingiest; this is likely a beneficial
evolutionary trait.)

You have to find a solution that works for
you. For me personally, I believe that
babies should not be left alone (babies
left to CIO on the savannah got eaten by
the hyena), so I co-sleep. But, your mileage
will vary.

-- Anita --

Thanks for all the replies. It does help to know I'm not alone.

Unfortunately, just being there in the room with him doesn't help. I
can stand next to the crib stroking his head, belly, holding his hands,
etc., but that's not good enough. He wants UP, and often screams until
he gets it. Last night he was up every two hours, and I caved in and
picked him up every time, nursing him when it had been a few hours
since the last time. I'm not sure if I'm creating a monster by doing
that, but we're really not doing well at the 'crying it out' thing.

This is starting to happen in the daytime now too. If I start to head
out of the living room and into the kitchen for a second, he starts
screaming. It was almost funny yesterday, I was letting him yell in the
living room while I made a few dinner preparations. He flopped his way
to the kitchen like a little seal (a fairly good distance for someone
who isn't quite crawling yet), crying all the way and came to a stop on
top of my feet.

Any ideas for THAT behavior? He really doesn't want me out of his
sight. Do we just wait for this to pass, or is there a method to this
madness?

KD & G

"KD" wrote in message
Unfortunately, just being there in the room with him doesn't help.

I know you said being in the same room doesn't help, but if you need to
start dinner, I used to put mine in their high chair and put some
interesting toys (even a little bowl of water to play in) and/or food to
pick up. I don't know if he would be satisfied with you in the room with
something like this to do or not. As for sleep, I don't have any useful
advice, sorry. Good luck, I hope you find something that works or that it is
a short-lived phase. I do know that the more you push away, the more
clingier they get.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

Thanks for all the replies. It does help to know I'm not alone.

Unfortunately, just being there in the room with him doesn't help. I
can stand next to the crib stroking his head, belly, holding his hands,
etc., but that's not good enough. He wants UP, and often screams until
he gets it. Last night he was up every two hours, and I caved in and
picked him up every time, nursing him when it had been a few hours
since the last time. I'm not sure if I'm creating a monster by doing
that, but we're really not doing well at the 'crying it out' thing.

Personnally I would say if picking him up each time is working then
keep doing it. For us the picking up and cuddling wasn't working so we
had no option but to do it the way we did - but as I say, it wasn't
really crying it out because we never let him fall asleep crying. As
everyone has said your lo has reached the classic separation anxiety
stage so I would imagine reassurance is what he needs. It is exhausting
I know but it is only a phase and they do grow out of it.

This is starting to happen in the daytime now too. If I start to head
out of the living room and into the kitchen for a second, he starts
screaming. It was almost funny yesterday, I was letting him yell in the
living room while I made a few dinner preparations. He flopped his way
to the kitchen like a little seal (a fairly good distance for someone
who isn't quite crawling yet), crying all the way and came to a stop on
top of my feet.

Any ideas for THAT behavior? He really doesn't want me out of his
sight. Do we just wait for this to pass, or is there a method to this
madness?

Ah, now that one we haven't really solved to this day - and DS is 16
months. Mostly he is fine but some days we do have to leave him sitting
at the gate to the kitchen wibbling (our kitchen isn't safe at present)
whilst we get his lunch packed. We can often distract him by getting
him to look for his cat/vampire cow or looking through the books we out
down by the gate. He loves books so that works for a while. When he was
younger he would play in his highchair with those toys with a sucker
that go round for long enough to sort lunch. Occasionally we give him
some fruit to distract him too.

Jeni

On 2006-11-22 20:15:08 +0800, "KD" said:
/snip

Any ideas for THAT behavior? He really doesn't want me out of his
sight. Do we just wait for this to pass, or is there a method to this
madness?
KD & G

For the nighttime stuff - he's only young. He is now accutely aware
that he is being left alone, and all his instincts are kicking in to
say that it's not right, and that he needs to be with his family, and
feel safe. He will grow out of it - it's not something I think you can
fix with different methods. In my experience nothing works but time
and mother's instinct.

For the daytime stuff, someone on here gave me some great advice -
smother him with attention. Pick him up ALL the time. Not just when
he's crying. Carry him around in a sling while you do what you have to
do. For the times you simply can't, he'll be grateful for the put-down
time. I found this really worked (when I did it).

Good luck! Just remember he's only little though. It seems all
consuming at the moment, but in a year's time or less, it will be a
distant memory

Jo (whose 18 month old slept from 7:30 to 5:30 STRAIGHT THROUGH!!!!!!!)

--
Woman, Wife, Mother, Midwife

Notchalk wrote:

Jo (whose 18 month old slept from 7:30 to 5:30 STRAIGHT THROUGH!!!!!!!)

Way to go Will!! Isn't it great when that happens

On 2006-11-23 16:37:37 +0800, "
said:


Notchalk wrote:

Jo (whose 18 month old slept from 7:30 to 5:30 STRAIGHT THROUGH!!!!!!!)

Way to go Will!! Isn't it great when that happens

yes, FINALLY!

and to top it all off, we had a 3 hour nap, too

Jo
--
Woman, Wife, Mother, Midwife