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#21
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training bras
x-no-archive: yes
Kathy Cole wrote: What earthly business is it of hers? Good question. But it doesn't change the fact of her doing it. (She called me Valentine's day saying "her daughter" had a gift -- a training bra -- for mine. Her daughter already wears them, apparently. We turned her down.) The word busybody *has* come to mind. beeswing, who wishes this never happened |
#22
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#23
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Kathy Cole wrote:
It sounds to me like you handled it well, especially given the completely intrusive behavior from the other parent. I'd drop the topic, including not buying other non-bra styles of underwear, until a time when your daughter brings it up. I hope the other mother has the good sense to back off and mind her own damned business. Thanks. I'm pretty darn relieved. beeswing, who found it hard to be a good mom today |
#24
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training bras
beeswing wrote in message ... Followup...Kid hated the "crop bras." Hated the whole idea. Which is fine with me, and I told her as much. Told her she didn't really need them and wouldn't for at least a few years. They weren't expensive. I told her I'd put them upstairs in her underwear drawer and if she ever did want them they'd be there. She was fine with that and went back to watching Lilo and Stitch. And this is a Good Thing because Stitch totally rocks. I think this could have been really ugly had they been given to her by a classmate's mom in front of her classmate. Still would like it if people could weigh in on this issue. Were the choices I made OK? I was really clueless how to handle this, especially given the unwanted pressure. FWIW, I think your husband's response was spot on. If you absolutely feel the need to say something directly to this girl's mom, I think I'd go the 'It's a lovely thought, but I was planning on following a tradition that my Mom started -- that when it's time for shopping for a girl's first "intimate clothing", Mom took me shopping then treated me to special dinner out that night, just the two of us. It was really special and I'm looking foward to doing this with my daughter *when it's time* -- which it isn't yet. I'm sure you understand.' And if it's not true, it still could be if you choose to do this when it *is* time. Whether this is true or not, it conveys the message that shopping for a first bra is something one's mother does for one's child -- not a stranger based on *her* opinion that it's 'time' -- and that the parent(s) are the ones to make that determination, not a stranger. Maybe I'm old fashioned and sentimental, but to me, this sort of thing falls under the category of 'rite of passage' and is not something strangers get to make decisions about for *my* family. Leah |
#25
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training bras
Leah wrote:
FWIW, I think your husband's response was spot on. Frankly, he said to her what I said to him...but being shy, didn't have the guts to say directly. If you absolutely feel the need to say something directly to this girl's mom, Chicken that I am, I let my husband speak for me; he's brasher than I am. I have nothing to say to this woman. I wouldn't even recognize her if I ran into her. I think I'd go the 'It's a lovely thought, but I was planning on following a tradition that my Mom started -- that when it's time for shopping for a girl's first "intimate clothing", Mom took me shopping then treated me to special dinner out that night, just the two of us. It was really special and I'm looking foward to doing this with my daughter *when it's time* -- which it isn't yet. I'm sure you understand.' And if it's not true, it still could be if you choose to do this when it *is* time. Whether this is true or not, it conveys the message that shopping for a first bra is something one's mother does for one's child -- not a stranger based on *her* opinion that it's 'time' -- and that the parent(s) are the ones to make that determination, not a stranger. Maybe I'm old fashioned and sentimental, but to me, this sort of thing falls under the category of 'rite of passage' and is not something strangers get to make decisions about for *my* family. I agree with you there. Bra shopping, whenever the "real" event might be, is something I want to share with my daughter. I'm in a funny spot, though, because my mom died when I was 13. I don't remember back far enough to recall what the deal was with The First Bra, but my significant bra purchases were done without the aid of my mother, but instead with my gram -- and frankly, it was very awkward. I'm confused about how to handle these sorts of things. I don't have a clear memory to rely on, and while I'm old fashioned and sentimental myself, I really feel at sea with some of these things, without having a mom or the experience of a mom to draw upon. I very much appreciate having the "misc.kids.(moderated) community to lean on at times like these. I feel a little lost. Thanks so much for your comments. They basically echo the way I feel, myself. beeswing |
#26
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#27
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DD, age 11.5, started complaining that certain shirts bothered her
when she was in 4th grade. Because we live in a warm climate, undershirts in summer really weren't the best idea, so I got her a couple of the cotton 'sports' bras. Not 'training bras', more like exercise bras with t-backs. She wore those for a year or two, and then she did need a bit more support, and moved to an actual bra. She's small still, hasn't moved to a real cup size, but I can think of some adults she's bigger than, so she probably could use a real bra about now. I waited until she showed interest, but she wasn't, by any means, the first kid in her class. There was at least one girl I knew of in 3rd grade, and several in 4th grade that were before her. These were all girls who could be considered overweight. DD is *very* thin, so her need was actual breast tissue, and not just chubbiness. My feeling is, ask every once in a while, and if your daughter doesn't show any interest, then don't push it. And tell your friend to MYOB and stop pushing YOUR child to grow up. Marjorie |
#28
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#29
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#30
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Cheryl wrote:
Yeah. That's why mum went for offering me a camisole. Something between my skin and the white shirt that didn't look like a kiddie vest/singlet. Got it, now. That actually was what I was looking for but couldn't exactly find. (I think I'm having a bit of a language difficulty he I've never heard the terms "kiddie vest" or "singlet." I'm trying to translate them by context.) beeswing |
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