Choosing a new school - UK

Hi everyone, my name is Sally and I've been lurking here for a long while
now. I have a problem that I could use some of your no nonsense advice with.

I have two sons, 12 and 10, and I have to decide on a secondary school for
the younger one by the end of the week. the eldest goes to school about ten
miles away in another catchment area (we moved) and so we could have a place
at that school if we wished. However the youngest wants to go to a different
school from his brother and so he has decided that the local school is the
one for him. If he goes there it will cause all sorts of "logistical"
problems for me in terms of child care and transport (and buying more
flippin' uniform)- however if I make him go to his brothers' school he is
going to resent me and hate it from day one. Both schools have fairly good
reputations locally although I personally prefer the farther one.

So the question is - do I put my foot down or not?

Thanks

Sally

(reverse the digits in the "reply to" address to reply)

So the question is - do I put my foot down or not?

You are the parent - it is your job to make these decisions. Certainly you
take your son's opinion into consideration. But in my not so humble O, just
not wanting to go to the same school as his brother is a stupid reason for
making a decision. You have better reasons for the other decision.

You may want to discuss the reasons he doesn't want to to to the same school,
and see if there's a problem other than just brother stuff that needs to be
ironed out.

As far as him hating and resenting you forever, I doubt that will be the result
but if he does, he's a selfish ungrateful twit and I'd be more mortified that
my son was a twit than that he resented me for doing my job.

Joelle

"Joelle" wrote in message
...
So the question is - do I put my foot down or not?

You are the parent - it is your job to make these decisions. Certainly
you
take your son's opinion into consideration. But in my not so humble O,
just
not wanting to go to the same school as his brother is a stupid reason for
making a decision. You have better reasons for the other decision.

You may want to discuss the reasons he doesn't want to to to the same
school,
and see if there's a problem other than just brother stuff that needs to
be
ironed out.

As far as him hating and resenting you forever, I doubt that will be the
result
but if he does, he's a selfish ungrateful twit and I'd be more mortified
that
my son was a twit than that he resented me for doing my job.

Joelle

LOL, I love how you put things Joelle. No nonsense.

Christine

LOL - just what I expected from you Joelle - though if you read my post you
won't find the word forever in it anywhere and the hatred was expected to be
aimed at the school not myself . I had no idea how quickly one's words could
be twisted around - and even created for me!

It's called hyperbole. I got the idea from Jesus.

I think he is
even more relieved, he has been really bouncy this evening.


Yea it sounded like something that would work itself out. Take a break before
the next crisis :-)

Joelle

'Kate wrote in message ...
On Tue, 21 Oct 2003 23:49:49 +0100, "Sally"
Hi everyone, my name is Sally and I've been lurking here for a long while
now. I have a problem that I could use some of your no nonsense advice
with.

I have two sons, 12 and 10, and I have to decide on a secondary school
for
the younger one by the end of the week. the eldest goes to school about
ten
miles away in another catchment area (we moved) and so we could have a
place
at that school if we wished. However the youngest wants to go to a
different
school from his brother and so he has decided that the local school is
the
one for him. If he goes there it will cause all sorts of "logistical"
problems for me in terms of child care and transport (and buying more
flippin' uniform)- however if I make him go to his brothers' school he is
going to resent me and hate it from day one. Both schools have fairly
good
reputations locally although I personally prefer the farther one.

So the question is - do I put my foot down or not?

Thanks

Sally

(reverse the digits in the "reply to" address to reply)

Your children are exactly that - your children. They are not authors of
your life... or theirs for that matter. That kind of thing is up to the
parent.

You have three choices... you can have the children at different schools
which, as you explain, would be next to impossible.

The two remaining choices involve having the children at the same school
- the local one that your youngest prefers or the school your oldest is
attending. One child is not going to get his way.

You are living in a new area. Did you have to soften the blow for your
oldest when you moved? Is this where his friends are attending school?
In other words, is there a prior arrangement that must be considered?
Will he lose friends by changing schools or gain friends in the new
neighborhood while retaining old friendships? Does he make friends
easily?

I'm assuming that the local school is the easier commute. I'd try to
get them both in the local school but I don't know your children or
their ability to adapt. I also don't know why you feel the present
school is better than the local school - is it because you're more
familiar with it?

Beats me though... you're the mom and whatever you decide, there will
be repercussions.... it is, however, up to you to designate their
schools and not something that I would leave to the children to decide.

'Kate


Thanks for the reply Kate, as you have probably seen elsewhere this one has
resolved itself satisfactorily. This school is the one in the town where I
work so getting there and back is not an issue - also most of my family are
there so there are lots of places to go after school, going to the local one
would have meant coming home to an empty house on the bus. He thought that
was a great idea - loads of childrens TV and no-one to tell him to do his
homework;-)).

I think it is a better school partly because it always gets a fantastic
report from the inspectors but mostly because it is what I call a "proper"
comprehensive, i.e. it takes all the children in the are regardless of
ability, whereas the local school is in an area with grammar schools and
thus only takes children who have failed to get in to the grammar (that will
make no sense to most non UK residents I know). I can't help feeling that
expectations of the pupils must be lower in a school with a generally lower
level of achievement, even though some individuals will do very well.

It would have been hard to tell him to go to a school that he had decided
against partly because his older brother had a free choice of the two very
good schools in my home town. I felt he should have a choice as well.
Doubtless this is why he took this one right to the wire - exerting his
independence enough to make it felt without in the end upsetting the apple
cart. This can only get worse as they become teenagers g

Sally

"Joelle" wrote in message
...
LOL - just what I expected from you Joelle - though if you read my post
you
won't find the word forever in it anywhere and the hatred was expected to
be
aimed at the school not myself . I had no idea how quickly one's words
could
be twisted around - and even created for me!

It's called hyperbole. I got the idea from Jesus.

I think he is
even more relieved, he has been really bouncy this evening.


Yea it sounded like something that would work itself out. Take a break
before
the next crisis :-)

Joelle

Next Crisis? You mean there will be more??

Next Crisis? You mean there will be more??

Bigger kids. Bigger problems.

Joelle