Update & How do you make it?

Thank you all for the supportive messages you sent me. Just to keep you
all updated, it seems Sina has heard my complaint & is trying her best
to work with me (I hope I don't jinx this )

She obviously still prefers sleeping in our bed, but at least during the
day I sometimes manage to sneak out of bed & she stays asleep During
week ends my husband tries to take over, where I am just a feeder so
I can finish my school obligations. To tell you the truth though, I miss
her during that time ) She also seems to cry more with him, since he
lacks boobs )

I should be thankful for such a healthy baby though. Even though I am
battling the cold right now, she just has a bit of a stuffy nose. At 9
weeks she also weighed 11 pounds and 15 ounces (which is real good.
Actually she actually gained 6 ounces in 4 days from Friday the 1st till
tuesday the 5th. ) ) She is also 23 inches tall

I guess, it will become easier with time. I am just a bit overwhelmed
because of my school work which is a little behind schedule.

Oh yeah, yesterday Sina was such a cutie pie. She was cooing and we
would reply back to her, so she talks back etc. This went on for about a
good 15 minutes. ) Today in the morning she did the same thing again.
How precious

Thanks again for your nice messages. And I will try to keep you guys
updated on how we are doing.

Mona

zolw wrote:
Hi all;

I have been away from the group for quite a while. Sina is 9 1/2 weeks
old already To check out her more up to date pics, go to

http://www.zieminski.com/photos/2004...ilm5/previews/
and
http://www.zieminski.com/photos/2004...ilm6/previews/

Anyway, how on earth do you other moms do it? First I was told that I
needed Zoloft to gain control of my life again, but apparently something
went wrong. My life has only one theme ... Sina! I barely have time to
sit & relax, let alone do anything else. She is a very demanding baby!
She needs to have me near her all the time (with near I mean she needs
constant physical contact with me).

I was scared of not being able to breast feed at the beginning (if any
of you remember that thread) ... well that is no longer a problem
Actually when I go to class (mondays for 3 hours) & my husband takes
care of her, she barely accepts the bottle. Also the pacifier (dummy)
has parted our life. She no longer wants comfort or food anywhere other
than my breasts, which is really kinda hard. (not just emotionally or
mentally, but sometimes even physically ... like in the car in her seat!
How am I supposed to comfort her with my breasts?????) Which brings me
to the car seat ... man oh man; she hates that seat so much. Every trip
anywhere ends up with tears that last for hours, until we either reach
the destination or sleep beats her crying.

Also it is becoming harder and harder to put her to sleep. She as always
been a very light sleeper & startles in her sleep very easily. Well, she
started off sleeping in a bassinet, then she moved into one of those
beds that you put into your own bed (which was real convenient). Now she
sleeps with us in the bed. I must admit that when she sleeps she sleeps
real well now that she sleeps in our bed. No startling, no waking up
crying, nothing! She sleeps like a log next to me. (neither me nor hubby
mind her sleeping with us, but we are slowly realizing what kind of a
monster we are creating ) Before, all it took was some breast
feeding, some rocking & she was in 7th heaven. Now around 8 30 pm she
breaks down & is inconsolable An hour later I am able to one way or
another trick her into sleeping (sometimes it takes up to 2 hours). Some
nights (like tonight) I manage to sneak out of bed & then I have some
time for myself, but most of the time she is such a light sleeper that
sneaking out is almost impossible. (this is actually the same at night
or during the day)

I understand that I may have spoilt her, but it just feels so right to
do stuff that seem to make her happy. It is hard enough on her that she
can't tell me what bothers her or what she wants. I suppose I am not the
strict kinda mom I expected myself to be but when she looks at me and
smiles I just melt, & when she looks at me & cries I feel so guilty that
I am not helping stop her crying. I am hopeless and apparently easily
manipulated!

So how do other moms do this? How are your kids? When should this get
better?

Mona

Oh yeah also if you plan to criticize my way of raising my daughter,
please make it constructive criticism .. like what needs change, how you
suggest to go about it etc. Please I do not need any putting down right
now, I need support or advises instead. Thanks in advance.

Mona, you are doing everything right. There is no magic right answer
to anything.

Motherhood is one subject area where you have to find your own way,
since your child is unique, and how she reacts and integrates into
your marriage and home, your values and beliefs... will also be unique
- so what works for someone else will not necessarily work for you. It
also takes a very long time to get used to the "new normal" that comes
with transitioning to being a parent, and equally hard - coming to
accept that your child comes from the factory with temperment built
in. You can hope to influence, but you can't change the basic
creature. So...if you have a kid who needs very little sleep, or is
very active, you can't wave a wand and make that child a kid who
sleeps 12 hours a night and likes to sit quietly. When I had my first
baby, I didn't really believe that. I thought I was doing something
wrong. Then I had a couple more kids and found out that it wasn't
always about what I was doing or not doing. Sometimes its just about
the personality and temperment of the kid.

One good thing about children is that it always "comes to pass". Kids
grow and change like lightening, so chances are if we come back and
talk to you in another couple of months something else entirely will
be driving you nuts.

You DO get more used to lack of sleep with time. However, I advise you
to sleep when you can. Go to bed early, sleep when baby sleeps, send
hubbie for a walk with baby on a sunny weekend afternoon and take a
NAP (as opposed to trying to get anything done...the dust bunnies will
keep, getting you rested is higher priority). We also got creative
about sleeping arrangements when our kids were little - it didn't
matter where we slept as long as whatever combination of people there
were in various beds were getting the most sleep possible.

Hang in there. You are doing great.

Mary G.

Mona said:

My life has only one theme ... Sina! I barely have time to
sit & relax, let alone do anything else. She is a very demanding baby!
She needs to have me near her all the time (with near I mean she needs
constant physical contact with me).

Some babies are like this. And you are right to put it the way that you do--it
is what she NEEDS. You cannot spoil her by giving her what she needs.


I was scared of not being able to breast feed at the beginning (if any
of you remember that thread) ... well that is no longer a problem

That's great news. Good for you!

Actually when I go to class (mondays for 3 hours) & my husband takes
care of her, she barely accepts the bottle. Also the pacifier (dummy)
has parted our life.

That's too bad only because it might help with the car seat problem. That was
the only place we used the pacifier for William, because he screamed in the car
just as you describe.

She no longer wants comfort or food anywhere other
than my breasts, which is really kinda hard. (not just emotionally or
mentally, but sometimes even physically ... like in the car in her seat!
How am I supposed to comfort her with my breasts?????) Which brings me
to the car seat ... man oh man; she hates that seat so much. Every trip
anywhere ends up with tears that last for hours, until we either reach
the destination or sleep beats her crying.

This she will outgrow eventually. Have you tried hanging a mirror or toys or a
picture on the seat back for her to look at?


Also it is becoming harder and harder to put her to sleep. She as always
been a very light sleeper & startles in her sleep very easily. Well, she
started off sleeping in a bassinet, then she moved into one of those
beds that you put into your own bed (which was real convenient). Now she
sleeps with us in the bed. I must admit that when she sleeps she sleeps
real well now that she sleeps in our bed. No startling, no waking up
crying, nothing! She sleeps like a log next to me. (neither me nor hubby
mind her sleeping with us, but we are slowly realizing what kind of a
monster we are creating )

No, really, it doesn't have to be bad. William was with us and it was very
easy to slowly transition him to his own room when we were all ready, by
nursing him to sleep on a mattress on the floor of his room.


Before, all it took was some breast
feeding, some rocking & she was in 7th heaven. Now around 8 30 pm she
breaks down & is inconsolable An hour later I am able to one way or
another trick her into sleeping (sometimes it takes up to 2 hours). Some
nights (like tonight) I manage to sneak out of bed & then I have some
time for myself, but most of the time she is such a light sleeper that
sneaking out is almost impossible. (this is actually the same at night
or during the day)

Again, this is likely to improve. I remember with William that at first he
would only nap for maybe a half hour and then I would have to come nurse him
down again, adnthen again, and then again! But eventually he slept longer and
longer stretches.


I understand that I may have spoilt her, but it just feels so right to
do stuff that seem to make her happy. It is hard enough on her that she
can't tell me what bothers her or what she wants.

You aren't spoiling her, and she IS telling you what she wants, and you are
correctly interpreting what she is saying and doing a GREAT job!

I suppose I am not the
strict kinda mom I expected myself to be but when she looks at me and
smiles I just melt, & when she looks at me & cries I feel so guilty that
I am not helping stop her crying. I am hopeless and apparently easily
manipulated!

I know you are teasing and realize that she isn't capable of manipulation--yet!
I don't espect many of us are exactly the kind of moms that we thought we
would be! You sound like a great mom to me. :-)


So how do other moms do this? How are your kids? When should this get
better?

Not sure about when, but for one thing you will gain confidence in the way you
do things as you see how well she is doing and how she is. And no child clings
to mommy for every second forever, especially not one whose needs are being so
well met while she is young. William went everywhere with me for the first
year of his life. Now at age 3.5, he couldn't care less if I go off; we even
left for the whol weekend last weekend and he had a great time with his
cousins. They grow SO FAST.


Leslie

Emily (2/4/91)
Jake (1/27/94)
Teddy (2/15/95)
William (3/5/01 -- VBA3C, 13 lbs. 5 oz.)
and Lorelei, expected 11/2/04

"Children come trailing clouds of glory from God, which is their home."
~ William Wordsworth