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#11
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How old should children be before being left alone?
Banty wrote in :
Age 7 - probably not. Perhaps that poster's parents are the type who can't imagine anything happening. Of course, there are also parents who seem to think disaster's around every corner. It's a matter of balance and common sense IMO - things may happen, most probably not, but at what age can the child deal with emergencies. Heh - I remember being left in the house alone at age eight for awhile while she took my brother to the doctor and she took my little 2 year old sister with her. I liked the solitude. My mother had started laundry. The washer load became unbalanced, and before I paid attention to what the banging sound was, the washer had "walked" out from the rocking far enough to break the hoses. Then I ran to neighbors for help, but the house flooded and my Mom yelled at me for not turing off the main water line. I looked her "main water what???" :-) If you could guarentee there would be no emergancies you could leave quite young kids alone. Like someone said, what is "being left alone". Is it alright for me to leave the 9yo in the house, while I hang out the washing in the garden? I don't think that would be a problem. Is it alright for me and dh to take our cups of coffee to the end of the garden, and leave the kids inside, or do we insist that they come outside too? And if both of those are OK, why shouldn't I post a letter at the post office: it takes less time then hanging out the washing, and is closer then the end of the garden? FWIW, I wouldn't drive anywhere and leave the kids unsupervised, but walking seems to be different. -- Penny Gaines |
#12
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How old should children be before being left alone?
In article ,
"Donna Metler" wrote: "Seth Thomas" wrote in message ... wrote: How old should children be before being left alone? The following was recently suggested as a guideline by a pediatrician, and I must say I'm totally dumbfounded. The pediatrician recommends age TEN as the age when apron strings are loosened. I was given free reign to wander the neighborhood by age four and was often off hiking in the woods alone by age seven. Has the world changed that much, or are kids just more stupid today? How early in life were you given some degree of autonomy? Recently parents have been eager to ask me how old their children should be before they can be left at home alone, without a babysitter. I feel at home but not alone with this common question so let me provide some information on the topic. First of all, no children under age ten should ever be left alone, even for a few minutes. Beyond that there is no hard and fast rule. It basically comes down to a combination of the children's level of maturity, their ability to make decisions, the parents' comfort level, and the community or environment in which the family lives. If your children are over age ten but still apprehensive about being left alone, don't leave them alone-it's as simple as that. If your children are over age ten and want to try being left alone, here are a few hints that will make things go well: Set the house rules ahead of time, and make sure your children understand them and can repeat them back to you. The rules are up to you, but they usually include things like "No guests when an adult is not home," "Never answer the door for a stranger," and "Never tell someone on the phone that you are alone". Make sure your children know how to respond in the event of an emergency by talking them through different situations and hearing how they would respond. Post all key phone numbers and any special instructions in a visible place, such as the fridge. If your children do need to be alone after school while you are still at work, ask them to call you (or a neighbor, if you are unavailable) as soon as they get home, just to let you know they're okay. Also, instruct them to never enter the house if they come home from school and find the door open or unlocked. With these hints in place, try running your children through a practice session. Start by leaving them alone for only fifteen or twenty minutes. Then, increase their time alone gradually. Hopefully tips like this will be the key that unlocks your peace of mind it comes to leaving your children home alone without adult supervision. Awwwk. Kids differ from child to child. 13 is a good age for trust and responsibility. Here, the law is age 12-there is still a limit as to how long a young teen can be left alone, or in supervision of other children. And it really depends on the child. I have known 7 yr olds I would trust much farther than some 15 yr olds! So at 12, some children might be very ready, and some might not be ready at all. we used 10 for ours although not for extended periods -- but we also had a foster daughter at one point who we simply would not leave along well into her teens because we knew she was unreliable --- this really is to some extent a judgment call based on the child looking back, I think 12 is probably a better rule of thumb. our son was reliable at 10 but sometimes his judgment was a bit flawed. we did have very strict rules e.g. he liked to cook, but was not allowed to use blenders or similar devices at that age alone -- he could mix brownies by hand or whatever but not use any power tools, or blenders or boil things on top of the stove. what is heartbreaking is the situation like the recent mother whose sitter didn't come, and who left kids alone while she went to work -- a fire in the apartment building killed them [I think it was a 9 year old watching a 4 year old] Sure it was negligent -- but she faced losing her job if she failed to get to work and welfare reform means that there isn't welfare to fall back on if she did lose her job -- and then she might lose her kids to foster care for losing her apartment/job --- it is a choice that is a loser for her any way you look. of course most mothers pushed into this choice don't have a tragedy --- but now apparently the plan is to lock this hapless women up for a few years for a situation with no way out |
#13
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How old should children be before being left alone?
: Like someone said, what is "being left alone". Is it alright for me to
: leave the 9yo in the house, while I hang out the washing in the garden? : I don't think that would be a problem. Is it alright for me and dh to : take our cups of coffee to the end of the garden, and leave the kids inside, : or do we insist that they come outside too? And if both of those are OK, : why shouldn't I post a letter at the post office: it takes less time then : hanging out the washing, and is closer then the end of the garden? : : FWIW, I wouldn't drive anywhere and leave the kids unsupervised, but walking : seems to be different. I think you just have to use your judgement and be reasonable. If your child is fairly responsible, I don't see anything wrong with running over to the post office, or something like that, as long as you feel your child is responsible enough to not get into trouble while you're gone. OTOH I have some 15- and 16-year-olds in my classes that I wouldn't leave alone for one minute. -- ColoradoSkiBum |
#14
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How old should children be before being left alone?
"Vicki" wrote in message ... "toypup" wrote in message news0wmb.26268$HS4.94978@attbi_s01... "Banty" wrote in message ... Heh - I remember being left in the house alone at age eight for awhile while she took my brother to the doctor and she took my little 2 year old sister with her. I liked the solitude. My mother had started laundry. The washer load became unbalanced, and before I paid attention to what the banging sound was, the washer had "walked" out from the rocking far enough to break the hoses. *Then* I ran to neighbors for help, but the house flooded and my Mom yelled at me for not turing off the main water line. I looked her "main water what???" :-) This would be my reasoning for not leaving a child that young alone. Though some are mature enough to not cause mischief, they lack the life experience to handle some unexpected disasters. Had you been older, you might have known where the main water line was, from life experience. But the house would have flooded even if she hadn't been left home. She probably reduced the amount of flooding caused, by running to the neighbor. It sounds like leaving her home helped save the house, it didn't cause the flood. No, but there would have been a lot less damage, which is why the mom was angry. She was not angry that the hose broke, just that quicker action was not taken by the child in charge. |
#15
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How old should children be before being left alone?
In article PaBmb.13799$ao4.31150@attbi_s51,
"toypup" wrote: "Vicki" wrote in message ... "toypup" wrote in message news0wmb.26268$HS4.94978@attbi_s01... "Banty" wrote in message ... Heh - I remember being left in the house alone at age eight for awhile while she took my brother to the doctor and she took my little 2 year old sister with her. I liked the solitude. My mother had started laundry. The washer load became unbalanced, and before I paid attention to what the banging sound was, the washer had "walked" out from the rocking far enough to break the hoses. *Then* I ran to neighbors for help, but the house flooded and my Mom yelled at me for not turing off the main water line. I looked her "main water what???" :-) This would be my reasoning for not leaving a child that young alone. Though some are mature enough to not cause mischief, they lack the life experience to handle some unexpected disasters. Had you been older, you might have known where the main water line was, from life experience. But the house would have flooded even if she hadn't been left home. She probably reduced the amount of flooding caused, by running to the neighbor. It sounds like leaving her home helped save the house, it didn't cause the flood. No, but there would have been a lot less damage, which is why the mom was angry. She was not angry that the hose broke, just that quicker action was not taken by the child in charge. I think you misread that. If the daughter had NOT been left at home at all, there would have been much more damage. The hose would have broken when no one was there. So, while she might have acted faster, the fact that she was there to act at all saved the house from even worse damage. meh -- Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care |
#16
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How old should children be before being left alone?
In article PaBmb.13799$ao4.31150@attbi_s51, toypup says...
"Vicki" wrote in message ... "toypup" wrote in message news0wmb.26268$HS4.94978@attbi_s01... "Banty" wrote in message ... Heh - I remember being left in the house alone at age eight for awhile while she took my brother to the doctor and she took my little 2 year old sister with her. I liked the solitude. My mother had started laundry. The washer load became unbalanced, and before I paid attention to what the banging sound was, the washer had "walked" out from the rocking far enough to break the hoses. *Then* I ran to neighbors for help, but the house flooded and my Mom yelled at me for not turing off the main water line. I looked her "main water what???" :-) This would be my reasoning for not leaving a child that young alone. Though some are mature enough to not cause mischief, they lack the life experience to handle some unexpected disasters. Had you been older, you might have known where the main water line was, from life experience. Right. I was probably too young. But the house would have flooded even if she hadn't been left home. She probably reduced the amount of flooding caused, by running to the neighbor. It sounds like leaving her home helped save the house, it didn't cause the flood. No, but there would have been a lot less damage, which is why the mom was angry. She was not angry that the hose broke, just that quicker action was not taken by the child in charge. Well, if I had been taken on the errand and not left home, the house would have flooded worse. My mother would have started the laundry, then taken everyone out of the house. But even if I were older, I don't think I would have known where the main water cutoff was (I'd wager many adults don't know that for their own homes - maybe one adult, but not all adults in each house.) But I do think I would have had the sense to investigate the banging going on in the laundry room :-) I was too absorbed in some book or hobby (I forget exactly). I could have just as easily not responded to a smoke smell. Banty |
#17
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How old should children be before being left alone?
"dragonlady" wrote in message ... I think you misread that. If the daughter had NOT been left at home at all, there would have been much more damage. The hose would have broken when no one was there. So, while she might have acted faster, the fact that she was there to act at all saved the house from even worse damage. What I think is, she was lucky it was just a broken hose. If it had been some other emergency, quicker action might have made a more profound difference. |
#18
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How old should children be before being left alone?
In article , Penny Gaines says...
Banty wrote in : Age 7 - probably not. Perhaps that poster's parents are the type who can't imagine anything happening. Of course, there are also parents who seem to think disaster's around every corner. It's a matter of balance and common sense IMO - things may happen, most probably not, but at what age can the child deal with emergencies. Heh - I remember being left in the house alone at age eight for awhile while she took my brother to the doctor and she took my little 2 year old sister with her. I liked the solitude. My mother had started laundry. The washer load became unbalanced, and before I paid attention to what the banging sound was, the washer had "walked" out from the rocking far enough to break the hoses. Then I ran to neighbors for help, but the house flooded and my Mom yelled at me for not turing off the main water line. I looked her "main water what???" :-) If you could guarentee there would be no emergancies you could leave quite young kids alone. Like someone said, what is "being left alone". Is it alright for me to leave the 9yo in the house, while I hang out the washing in the garden? I don't think that would be a problem. Is it alright for me and dh to take our cups of coffee to the end of the garden, and leave the kids inside, or do we insist that they come outside too? And if both of those are OK, why shouldn't I post a letter at the post office: it takes less time then hanging out the washing, and is closer then the end of the garden? It's not just a matter of how long they're left alone, but also how available you are in case they need you. So if you're in the far side of the garden for 30 minutes, they can find you, but leaving them to get milk at the store for 20 minutes may be more of a risk. They can't get your help if they need it. Banty |
#19
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How old should children be before being left alone?
"dragonlady" wrote in message ... I think you misread that. If the daughter had NOT been left at home at all, there would have been much more damage. The hose would have broken when no one was there. So, while she might have acted faster, the fact that she was there to act at all saved the house from even worse damage In theory, I have been told, you should not leave the house while any appliance is running (dishwasher, washer, etc.). Something could always go bust or go on fire or whatever. In hindsight, what the kid (was it Banty? I have already forgotten!) should obviously have done is turn the washer off. But I know washers that are going BANGBANGBANG are pretty scary. Come to think of it, *I* don't know where the water shut-off valve is in my house. I have known, but I can't remember at the moment. Must ask. --Helen |
#20
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How old should children be before being left alone?
In article ,
dragonlady wrote: In article PaBmb.13799$ao4.31150@attbi_s51, "toypup" wrote: "Vicki" wrote in message ... "toypup" wrote in message news0wmb.26268$HS4.94978@attbi_s01... "Banty" wrote in message ... Heh - I remember being left in the house alone at age eight for awhile while she took my brother to the doctor and she took my little 2 year old sister with her. I liked the solitude. My mother had started laundry. The washer load became unbalanced, and before I paid attention to what the banging sound was, the washer had "walked" out from the rocking far enough to break the hoses. *Then* I ran to neighbors for help, but the house flooded and my Mom yelled at me for not turing off the main water line. I looked her "main water what???" :-) This would be my reasoning for not leaving a child that young alone. Though some are mature enough to not cause mischief, they lack the life experience to handle some unexpected disasters. Had you been older, you might have known where the main water line was, from life experience. But the house would have flooded even if she hadn't been left home. She probably reduced the amount of flooding caused, by running to the neighbor. It sounds like leaving her home helped save the house, it didn't cause the flood. No, but there would have been a lot less damage, which is why the mom was angry. She was not angry that the hose broke, just that quicker action was not taken by the child in charge. I think you misread that. If the daughter had NOT been left at home at all, there would have been much more damage. The hose would have broken when no one was there. So, while she might have acted faster, the fact that she was there to act at all saved the house from even worse damage. meh only a fool leaves an appliance like a washer or dryer on when they leave the house -- this is a fairly common event i.e. broken connection flooding --and having it run for literally hours when one is gone could do tens of thousands of dollars of damage depending on the location of the washer -- dryers are among the more common causes of house fires and should never be left running when people are not home |
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