another breastfeeding thing :)

"Ilse Witch" wrote in message
news
In another 20 years or so, our methods will be outdated and old-fashioned,
and people will wonder how we could ever have healthy children. It's
always been like that. People do what they think is best with the
knowledge they have at the time. So excuses like "I did that and you are
just fine" are simply not valid, since our knowledge has changed.

My parents were shocked that I wasn't starting solids at six weeks. "YOU
were on solids at six weeks, and you are fine!" was what I heard from each
of them, at least once. I said almost verbatim what Ilsa says above:
"Mom, recommendations change over time, and all I can do is follow what I
think are the best recommendations *now*. In thirty years, when Sarah has
her daughter, she'll want to do things differently, too. So right now I'm
doing insert whatever was upsetting to the parents - nursing, no solids,
vitamin supplements, etc...

I actually have a lot of sympathy for my parents. They used the knowledge
they had to give us the very best start they possibly could (just like I am
doing for Sarah). They were probably a little upset that I wasn't doing
things their way. And in thirty years, when things are different for my
daughter, I'll have to remember how I felt, too. I think the important
thing to remember is not to imply that your parents did things "wrong" or
"worse" than you will. They did the best they could, with the knowledge
available to them. Just like we are.

Donna

"HollyLewis" wrote in message
...
I wonder when this became the recommendation in the US. When I was
breastfeding DS, who is now 2 1/2, his pediatrician wasn't concerned
about this. I was aware it was a concern, but mostly among inner-city
residents, which I am not(cities having more smog, and hence less
sunlight). Perhaps the recommendation is more geared to the northern
part of the US? I live in the southern part of the US (read lots of
sun). Of all the pediatricians (6 or 7)I interviewed prior to the
birth of my DS, none suggested than vitamin D supplements were
standard.


The Vitamin-D-for-all-breastfed-babies recommendation was adopted *very*
recently -- like, a few months ago, IIRC.

No, I know it was at least before 12/02. It was in the documentation that
my OB gave me before my daughter was born. How long before 12/02, I have
no idea, but my ob did say it was "new".

Donna

"Ilse Witch" wrote
No, that's perfectly normal! You get the dirty diapers, the sleepless
nights, the throwing up all over you, so you should also get the first
solid foods, the first smiles, the first kisses and the first steps. It's
a package deal


Good to know it's normal and not Momzilla. I am really looking forward to
it all so much, and this baby will be loved to pieces, that is for sure.
That's the good thing...no matter who's annoying (to me), everyone around
this baby will love her to pieces. People keep telling me I will relax after
she is born and see that it won't be so bad as I imagine, worrying about
what others are going to do. I hope so.

Oh, about Momzilla-ness, I also have other worries that are totally
crazy,,,it's just because I want to experience my baby, the grandparents had
their chances, but the way they are acting really seems like they want to
relive their own new mommy with new baby days all over.

One other thing I am worried about is my mom taking my daughter to get her
ears pierced, when that is something *I* want to do, when my daughter is old
enough to want it done. I am NOT a believer in piercing a baby's ears when
they are an infant. I am not a control freak but I want to share the moments
with my own daughter and I am afraid my mom is going to give me problems in
this area. It's silly to worry about it now (but in the past some of my
silly worries come true!)....so it seems petty, but I can't help it. The
grandmothers, especially my mom since this is her first grandchild) are
getting way overexcited it seems to me...my mom is planning to set her house
up with a crib and baby supplies such as crib sheets and other furniture.
She calls me a control freak when I tell her I don't see any reason in that
since we live 30-45 minutes away. She has bottles and and bibs and all these
supplies. I saw baby food in her cabinet last time I was there, she said she
likes the way it looks in her cabinets! But she also said it was for her
DOG.

So, I'm just reacting to this....and feeling like Momzilla more every day.

Yes.. yes.. yes! I agree totally. I want to be the one who first does
things. I wanted to be the one who made dd#1's first birthday cake and had
to say so. I agree.
One thing I regret is dd#1's crawling. She moved around, but I didn't see
it. She'd just suddenly be there at the stairgate when I was cooking or
would have moved to the other side of the room while I was throwing her
nappy out etc.

There's a big difference between first *experiences* -- in which I include the
first solid feedings, as well as things like the first encounter with a dog,
first time feeling snow, first time going down a playground slide -- and
*developmental* firsts -- which is the stuff like smiling, rolling over,
crawling, walking.

The latter you sometimes miss, despite being the most devoted parent in the
world, because you can't plan when it's going to happen. My son walked in
front of an evening babysitter a full week before DH and I ever saw him do it!

But the former are things you can plan for. And as a parent it it your right
to plan them for times when *you* can and will be there. We all have a little
bit different list of which firsts we want to witness, but the first solid
foods is a pretty universal one. It's definitely not "Momzilla" like to object
to grandparents, or anyone else, usurping your place as the feeder of the first
solids -- nor as the giver of the first bath, or the provider of the first
finger paints, or any other similar role -- unless you've specifically invited
them to do so.

Holly
Mom to Camden, 3yo
EDD #2 6/8/04

Welches wrote:
One thing I regret is dd#1's crawling. She moved around, but I didn't see
it. She'd just suddenly be there at the stairgate when I was cooking or
would have moved to the other side of the room while I was throwing her
nappy out etc. She'd done this for about a week when we went to my IL. The
first evening she moved over when we could all see her to knock over a tower
my fil built. I have been told over and over again how fil "got" her to
crawl as though it was his achievement. I wish when they'd asked if she
crawled I had said a simple "yes" rather than explaining what she was doing.
It's as though they're trying to take possession of her crawling, and, yes,
they still tell people how they did this.
I do find with mil, that I have to "side" with dd#1 sometimes, although I
like to present a united line for dd not to cross. If I disagree with mil my
loyalties are to give dd#1 a fair deal, not back up ridiculous demands by
her.
Debbie

Lots of my relatives (parents, stepparents, grandma, brothers) like
to believe that the first time they see DS do something, they "taught"
him it. I've just decided to classify that under "smile and nod".
They don't see him all the time, so they can't really know whether
what's new to them is new or not, and it makes them feel special...

--
Emily
mom to Toby 5/1/02
Scheherazade, stillborn at 20 weeks, 3/2/04

So, I'm just reacting to this....and feeling like Momzilla more every day.

That sounds pretty intense, Jill. I think you're reacting
appropriately. You might want to sit your mom down and have
a talk, starting with something postive, like "DD is really
lucky that she'll have her grandma so close, and I'm really
looking forward to seeing what a close relationship you develop."
and then moving on to asserting yourself as the mother, and
saying that there are certain things where "just once" *can*
hurt (e.g., introducing food of any kind before it's time --
there are several worries here, including allergies), and lay
out some guidelines: Only feed DD what I say she can be fed
(which may be nothing or only bottles of expressed breastmilk,
at first), no TV, ... You might want to end with something
like how you appreciated the way you were brought up and the
good job your mother did and continues to do as your mother,
but now you're a mom too, and you need to find your own way,
learning from both your mother and the current research, etc
of today.

--
Emily
mom to Toby 5/1/02
Scheherazade, stillborn at 20 weeks, 3/2/04

"Leanne" wrote in message
...

I wonder what the rationale is for excluding vitamins from the
recommended
intake during the first six months, given the risk of rickets and iron
deficiency? In the US the current recommendation is to supplement with
vitamin d when exclusively breastfeeding ( I don't know if there is a
recommendation to supplement the iron, but I don't believe there is). I
wonder why the difference between the two standards?


I guess it has alot to do with the different climates that the two
countries
have??? I'm not exactly sure

Australia's climate in winter will have quite a bit of sunshine (even
though
it does get very cold as well) and as for summer, its often extreme heat.



I recently read the daily sunlight exposure suggestions for Australia. I
know in Brisbane, it is 5 minutes a day and I think Victorians and
Tasmanians had 10-15 minutes exposure. I would think Alice Springs would
not be for more than 5 minutes (as I think that was the rating for Darwin
and Cairns as well as Brisbane). The article did suggest that the exposure
occur before 10 am or after 3 pm. Now if only I could remember what the
article was as I haven't saved it amongst my myriad of papers..... sorry.
Amanda

--
DD 15th August 2002
1 tiny angel Nov 2003
EDD 19th August 2004

"Jill" wrote in message news:
... The problem will be dealing with inlaws and family ... I am afraid someone
will do something to undermine my decision for my baby, behind my back,
and it makes me afraid to leave her unsupervised with even the grandmothers
(or especially the grandmothers!)
I can't tell if I am just worrying too much, I just have this feeling that if someone
gets it in their head that the baby needs a ...

Jill, I have read a ton of posts from you in this thread, and in a lot
of other threads too, and I really want to ask you to stop worrying
about what anyone, even your mother or your in-laws, thinks of your
parenting methods. You and your husband are the parents, you two make
the decisions. Period. And tough noogies if your mother doesn't like
it.

Lots and lots and lots of people on this list (with mothers and
in-laws MUCH saner than yours!) have refused to leave their babies
alone with anyone until those children were well into their toddler
years. Lots of parents don't leave their babies with other people.
Some do it because their baby won't take a bottle, some do it because
they don't WANT their baby to take a bottle, some do it because they
adore their babies and don't want to be away from them, and some do it
because they simply don't trust anyone else to take care of their
child yet. (And there are other reasons too, of course.)

You wonder if you are worrying too much? From everything I've read
from you about your mother and your in-laws, no. You are absolutely
right to think those nutcases will do something stupid and selfish
that could harm your child. So please stop worrying about being some
sort of "mom-zilla". I think you should let your daughter make that
judgement, not your in-laws! ;-)

--
-- Vicki
Married DH May 21, 1995. Ima shel DS, born 11/16/99; DD, born at
home 5/19/02, and "the Final Frontier", "due" September 4, 2004.
The penalty that good men (sic) pay for not being interested in
politics is
to be governed by men worse than themselves. -Plato, philosopher
(427-347 BCE)

"Donna" wrote
I think the important
thing to remember is not to imply that your parents did things "wrong" or
"worse" than you will. They did the best they could, with the knowledge
available to them. Just like we are.


My mom truly gets on my nerves with things though, and I will be angry if
she doesn't follow my wishes, which you are right, are based on the current
medical way of thinking. For example my mom says she put us to sleep on our
stomachs AND covered us to our necks in blankets and we were just
fine...maybe, but if I tell her that the current way of thinking is that
it's best (to prevent SIDS) to put the baby on her back and NOT to cover her
much with a blanket, and she goes against this, I WILL flip. It's not that I
think I am know it all but I DO want the grandmothers to follow current
safety thinking. Also, my mom says lead paint doesn't really hurt
babies/kids and doesn't think about things like mini-blinds being a
safety/hanging hazard etc. She told me recently that she KNOWS lead paint
isn't a problem because our nurseries were painted with it. (!!) I asked her
how she knows......I have bad allergies and migraines. (of course I was also
bottle fed so who knows). There are quite a few things we don't see eye to
eye on. With MIL I don't know because we don't get around to arguing , but
she's the one I think more likely to say that the baby won't be getting
enough to eat with just breast milk, or maybe to put the baby down with
blankets and overheat the room to about 92 degrees F, or to put the baby on
its stomach. I wish I could relax! But I feel pretty strongly about certain
things like the baby not getting oveheated or being put down with loose
blankets or blankets near her face etc.

It will change again probably...I remember when it WAS thought ok to put the
baby on its stomach. etc. The way I see it and what I feel most strongly
about, is that *I* am the *one* responsible for being my baby's best
advocate and safekeeper. I don't feel like I know more than experienced
mothers from the previous generation. But I know what I think is right for
now.