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frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but needhelp!)



 
 
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  #111  
Old May 22nd 04, 01:29 AM
zolw
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Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but

yeah exactly my point. That's why I am not really sure that I should
change caregivers now. I am thinking, since most of you have reassured
me that there really isn't anything he is doing that should make me
unhappy (medically speaking), then should just complete this pregnancy
with him.

Of course, after delivery, I should start looking for another doctor
(since I would have time to check other doctors, before I get pregnat
again. The pla is about 3 years between pregnancies) who does meet my
expectations or needs.

Thanks

Naomi Pardue wrote:

I am sorry I can not help worrying. I may be comforted
if my dr would tell me that I have nothing to worry about, because ....
(medical facts or statistics). BUT him telling me ok (like he is just



taking in info & not even writing it down),



I agree that your doctor could be more personable and empathetic. However, the
best response to unneccesary worry in the patient is NOT to do unnecessary
tests (in this case, lots of u/s's.) The best response is for him to listen to
you and explain things. If he isn't doing those things, by all means switch
caregivers (as many have suggested.) But don't expected that a new caregiver
will be any more willing to do lots of unnecessary tests either.


Naomi
CAPPA Certified Lactation Educator

(either remove spamblock or change address to to e-mail
reply.)


  #112  
Old May 22nd 04, 01:37 AM
zolw
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Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, butneed help!)

Oh yeah, he sure is sensible, but it really would have been much better
f he would have explained it to me like you just did. He just kept
repeating that I should come 6 weeks after delivery. Then had to ask
him, well what is the routine, do you install it right after delivery or
after these 6 weeks have passed. That is when he decided to give me an
answer. I am not sure that it is right to have to drag words out of his
mouth. I am glad he knows what he is doing, but I do not always have
answers to gynocological questions & it is his job to explain them to me.

Welches wrote:

zolw wrote in message
news:kcfrc.1742$JC5.241045@attbi_s54...

I am not sure why everyone is still stuck on the ultra sound issue. I
have already explained that it seemed to me that most drs give 2
ultrasounds. Now that I know they don't I do not want another
ultrasound. I just want to be certain that my child is alright.

I just want to make sure that my sister's problems do not repeat. & I am
sure unless he is a fortune teller or has some magic abilities, external
examination is not accurate.

I also feel that so far into my pregnancy it will actually be
inconvenient for me to start shopping for another dr. Especially that
there is no guarante that the next dr I see won't be exactly the same
way. I will probably have to put up with what I believe to be not proper
care giving. I do not care if he is an OB or a midwife, there is ABC
treating other people. He can not always treat me like he is doing me a
favor. Actually he gets paid much more than his service deserves & he
should have the decency to treat his patients better. I am not asking
him to sit there & hug me or comfort me but he can smile every now &
then, he can listen to me when i have questions (instead he gives me
those patronising looks. I even caught myself sometimes apologizing for
having questions, which is real sad).

I thought about this whole issue & I do not believe that I have any
unrealistic needs or expectations. Maybe here in the US drs think that
they can treat patients like dummies, but where I come from drs are
obligated to treat you well & give you some emotional support, as
wellas, explain if you ask for explanations. It is not unrealistic.

I never said I wanted more tests, if they were unneccessary. I had to
tell you all the tests I had, so that you readers have a better image &
then you can just tell me if it's normal or not. BUT I need my dr to
tell me things. When I ask him about any plans (that are not within the
time between an appointment & the next) he does not feel the urgency to
answer them. He just says that when the time comes he will discuss it
with me. Yeah, I must admit that some questions were way too much into
the future, but there is nothing called too early.

For example, when i asked him about contraceptions after I have the baby
(I thought that if I put a loop ( no idea what these are called in the
US) then it would be done right after delivery).


Assuming you mean a coil, you may not want one put in. I don't think they
would put one in at delivery in case of infection. Certainly the thought of
anything being put up there at 6 weeks after I'd given birth with #1 was
painful!!!
I think he's probably being sensible to suggest you wait until after the
birth to discuss that.
Debbie

I hadn't even mentioned

to him what kind of contraception i had in mind & he just said that I
will come back 6 weeks after delivery & discuss it. Why couldn't we
discuss it then? Why can't I have ideas & options now, so that 6 weeks
after my delivery i would have a certainty of what I want? When i tried
to take it further, he just frowned (or maybe he just has a problem with
his facial impressions & gestures) at me & said that I am impatient.






  #113  
Old May 22nd 04, 01:44 AM
zolw
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Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, butneed help!)

I see your point, but how do i find another doctor that I would be more
satisfied with? I am not willing to go under the stress of jumping from
one doctor to the next, in the last weeks of my pregnancy.I have found
him through my insurance & he has been highly recommended to me by other
people ( nurses, general practitioner etc.). I thought well, if he is so
highly recommended then i can bare with him.

Another poster had mentioned that though i may put up with my doctor
now, it may become harder during labor. Of course this made me think
that maybe she is right.

At this point I am very confused & my husband refuses to make a decision
with me. He says that i am the one who's gonna be laboring, not him
(nice, but not useful).

I hope that I can talk to the doctor next appointment & maybe reach some
sort of a compromise (I have called his office & asked one of the nurses
what she thinks I should do. If i should change doctors or if & how to
approach the doctor, without making him resentful, which would only
complicate things. She said that my first option would be to talk to him
& that he usually is really ok with hearing a complaint. Then if I am
really unable to cope, then maybe I can just try out other doctors in
the same group. After that, I of course have the option of leaving the
group all together.). My only thing with changing the doctor, but
staying with the group is that in delivery, it will be whoever doctor is
on call. What are the chances that he ends up being my laboring doctor? )


Cathy Weeks wrote:




Look, please don't take this the wrong way, but....

You are very worried about your baby and yourself, and you don't like
your doctor because he's a real jerk, yet you are willing to trust him
with your life and that of your baby, because it's incovenient to go
shopping for another?

If you have doubts about this guy, find someone else, right away.
There have been women on this newsgroup who changed doctors right
before their baby was born. At least you have a couple of months to
go.

When you are giving birth is the LAST time you want to have doubts
about someone. That's the time when you want to surround yourself
with people you trust, because its very difficult to be rational when
you are in labor.

Good luck. I don't know about the others, but I'd love to hear back
from you that you've found another person (Midwife, OB, whatever) that
you're much more comfortable with.

Cathy Weeks
Mommy to Kivi Alexis 12/01


  #114  
Old May 22nd 04, 01:49 AM
zolw
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Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, butneedhelp!)

Seeing 2 doctors helps in comparing notes. Unfortunately (after my
sister lost one child for lack of detection of any problems sooner) she
has about 0% faith in doctors & decided to make sure that what a doctor
si saying is some what confirmed by the other. It may sound silly to
some, but losing a baby at the 9th month is really hard. I am sure that
she just wanted to make sure that this time the doctors knew what they
were doing.

JoFromOz wrote:

ooh, I just read something interesting - placental insufficiency is
protective against prostate cancer in the baby throughout life!

I will talk to the consultant OBs at work about this - I've honestly never
heard of P.I. being more likely in subsequent pregnancies. I have, however
heard of IUGR being more likely, most probably due to lifestyle factors.

I'm not working again 'till Monday, but I'll get back when I find out for
you.

However, I don't see how seeing two doctors can avoid problems if there is
P.I...

Jo (RM)

zolw wrote:

That's actually not true. My sister had 3 pregnancies (2 children,
since she lost one of them in the 9th month) & in all 3 cases she had
placenta insufficiency. Actually the doctors (she was seeing 2
doctors at te same time, to avoid having the same problem as with her
unborn child) all agreed that if a woman has placenta insufficiency
once, she is at much higher risk to have it every time.

JoFromOz wrote:


Placental insufficiency in one pregnancy has nothing to do with the
health of the placenta in subsequent pregnancies, let alone a
pregnancy in another woman. It is also not that uncommon for
inductions to fail when a woman isn't ready to go into labour.

I really think that your sister's placental problems have anything
to do with you. That placenta was formed when the fertilised egg
implanted into her uterus... The body doesn't make the same placenta
twice

Jo (RM)

Welches wrote:


zolw wrote in message
news:E2Qqc.7387$zw.4579@attbi_s01...


yes, my sister has a condition called placenta insufficiency.
Apparently her placenta ages quickly. At the same time, she does
not get contractions or go into labor, even after induction. I have
already told my doctor about that (the first few appointments I
tried to give him as much family history as possible. I have an
aunt who would miscarriage every single pregnancy at 6 months.
Never had a child. My mom menopaused at the age of 38. So, I
thought all that may be real important for him to know), he just
said ok. Didn't even jot it down or anything.

I probably should mention it to him once more.

I wonder whether he might think it's appropriate to check (via u/s)
the placenta in 8th month. (apparently they can do this) Remind him
about your sister, and ask him whether it would be a good idea.
Might be a good idea to see if your insurance would cover this.
Suspect the aunt's problems were unrelated, and genetically she's
probably considered far enough from you not to be concerned-and
you're past 6 months :-)
Maybe if you haven't insurance for it you might think it was worth
paying to check the placenta?
I don't know whether there is any genetic aspect in placenta
insufficiency-maybe that would be a good point to start-by asking
your doctor that.
Debbie





  #115  
Old May 22nd 04, 01:51 AM
zolw
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Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, butneedhelp!)

Placenta insufficiency was determined in her first pregnancy. She does
not go into labor & can not get contractions (even after induction). I
am not fully aware of what kind of testing was done to determine her
condition, but she had it in all 3 pregnancies.

Circe wrote:

JoFromOz wrote:

I will talk to the consultant OBs at work about this - I've
honestly never heard of P.I. being more likely in subsequent
pregnancies. I have, however heard of IUGR being more likely, most
probably due to lifestyle factors.

I'm not working again 'till Monday, but I'll get back when I find
out for you.

However, I don't see how seeing two doctors can avoid problems if
there is P.I...

zolw wrote:

That's actually not true. My sister had 3 pregnancies (2 children,
since she lost one of them in the 9th month) & in all 3 cases she
had placenta insufficiency. Actually the doctors (she was seeing 2
doctors at te same time, to avoid having the same problem as with
her unborn child) all agreed that if a woman has placenta
insufficiency once, she is at much higher risk to have it every
time.


And I can't help wondering *how* the placental insufficiency was diagnosed
in the subsequent pregnancy. It's fairly common for doctors to be edgy when
a pregnant woman has had a prior loss at or near term and to recommend early
induction to these patients to "prevent" another in utero death. I'm not
pooh-poohing the idea that placental insufficiency could be the result of a
genetic condition in the mother that runs in the family at all, as that
doesn't sound improbable to me. But I would rather suspect that the two
doctors treating Mona's sister would have been inclined to induce labor in
those subsequent well before any external signs of placental insufficiency
cropped up. Unless Mona's sister's placentas were determined to be calcified
or otherwise abnormal when her babies were born (which may well be the
case), then there's no way to be *certain* she would have experience actual
placental insufficiency in those pregnancies. It would not have been
peculiar, however, for her doctors to have been proactive in trying to
prevent a repeated loss and to claim that "repeated placental insufficiency"
was the reason they were doing it.
--
Be well, Barbara
Mom to Sin (Vernon, 2), Misery (Aurora, 4), and the Rising Son (Julian, 6)

Aurora (in the bathroom with her dad)--"It looks like an elephant, Daddy."
Me (later)--"You should feel flattered."

All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful.
Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its
other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a
fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman



  #116  
Old May 22nd 04, 01:53 AM
zolw
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Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, butneedhelp!)

No, he needs to tell me that eventhough there is nothing he can do, but
we will try to prevent the same history from repeating by certain steps
or testing or whatever else he plans. He is not there to just let me sit
back in the dark (I can do this pretty well on my own).

If there are really low chances that I would have the same condition,
then he should say that. Not just say OK.

pologirl wrote:

zolw wrote:

So, I thought all that may be real important for him
to know), he just said ok. Didn't even jot it down or anything.



He listened to your laundry list of your relatives pregnancy problems.
But there is nothing he can *do* about those problems. And he cannot
guarantee you that you won't have similar problems. What exactly do
you want from him? You may need to be really specific about what you
want.

For example, I had a great midwife who was very emotionally supportive.
She liked to give me hugs. Great, except I did not want to be hugged!
I wanted advice. Several times I mentioned to her a specific problem,
and each time she listened and said "that's normal". But I wanted to
know what I could do about the problem. Finally I realized we were
not communicating. Rather than find another care provider, I started
finally *asking* my questions, not hinting at them and expecting her
to read my mind and organize my thoughts for me. You need to do the
same. Even on this newsgroup, you don't state your specific concerns,
you only refer to them. But in this newsgroup many of us know or can
guess your specific concerns. Ovviously, your OB cannot or will not
do the same. Probably for good reason! Many pregant women don't want
to talk or even think about possible bad outcomes. How is your OB
supposed to know how open to be with you, if you are not really open
with him?

So, you ask your OB: "I fear developing placental insufficiency like
my aunt did. What are the early signs of placental insufficiency?
Do I have any of these signs? If there are no signs, could I have it
anyway?" Yadda yadda.

Pologirl


  #117  
Old May 22nd 04, 01:56 AM
zolw
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Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, butneed help!)

I am sure that my family history is playing with my mind more than it
should, but I can not help it. This is my first pregnancy & I really
have no clue what feels normal or what doesn't. I depend on my care
giver to clarify to me what is normal & what isn't.

At the same time, my care giver should try to calm my fears (especially
that most people who have had close family with problems in their
pregnancies would react similar to me) & maybe give me some statistic or
explaination to why I should not worry.

Sophie wrote:

"zolw" wrote in message
news:bL9rc.30055$gr.3028579@attbi_s52...

Oh yeah, I have mentioned my concerns & my family history to the docor,
but he brushed me off.

I also have a list of questions every appointment (written down, so i
don't forget anything), but he always gives me a quick "this is normal"
or "you're pregnant" answers. & if I try to push him to give me more
detailed answers, he usually seems upset that I want more details.



You're really hung up on your family's history. I'm not saying it's not
awful, or sad, but I'm just not sure how much it matters in regards to
*your* pregnancy.

My mom had a miscarriage. I never have. My sister took 2 + yrs to get
pregnant with her first. The longest it's taken me is 4 months (for 2
months of that I didn't know about charting or ovulation).

Their histories aren't mine.

I think the answers your Dr gives you (it's normal and you're pregnant) are
sufficent, jsut not long-winded.

Get a new Dr if he's so cold and aloof.

Sophie
#4 due July 7, 2004



  #118  
Old May 22nd 04, 02:11 AM
zolw
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Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, butneed

OK, explain to me the connection between a lump & an expanding uterus.
Any woman should be concerned when there is a lump (actually any person
should)

Donna wrote:

"zolw" wrote in message
news:jjfrc.32365$gr.3251928@attbi_s52...

OK, so one of the questions was about a lump I had developed on my
abdomen (where the ribs are). It would hurt. So, I show it to him, he
touches it & says oh that is normal nothing to worry about. I tell him,
well a lump is never normal. Why am I getting this lump? He says that's
your uterus. I say, well, why is there a lump? He says that's your
uterus expanding (& looks impatient with my question).



See, I'm a little confused as to why the above seems insufficient. Your
uterus is expanding, and that is the lump. What more information do you
want? I mean, there isn't much more that he can say about that.


I feel not that
much at ease, so I apologize for asking too much, but I want to
understand what is happening to me. He just looks at me (already got up
from his chair, like he wants to leave the room) & says it is normal,
your body is going through changes & your uterus is expanding.



What more did you want to know? There *isn't* much more.

It sounds to me that you have a personality conflict with this physician.
That's no one's fault - there is one OB in the group I see who irritates me,
so I never schedule appointments with him. Do you have the option of
transferring your care to someone else in the group (if it is a group)?

Donna



  #119  
Old May 22nd 04, 02:13 AM
Ericka Kammerer
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Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but

Welches wrote:

Maybe if you could say how the dr. would tell placenta
insufficiency from external monitoring etc. so she could see how he may be
checking for this?


I think it's been mentioned, but maybe it hasn't
been clear. The main indicator of placental insufficiency
is that the baby is too small. They generally detect this
with fundal height measurements and palpation. They are
looking not only for measurements that seem small in an
absolute sense, but also a worrisome trend in measurements.
These indicators trigger the need for further investigation,
typically by ultrasound. Most of the time, it turns out
not to be a problem, but sometimes they find IUGR and/or
placental insufficiency.

Best wishes,
Ericka

  #120  
Old May 22nd 04, 02:14 AM
zolw
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Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but



jitney wrote:


You wouldn't hesitate to dismiss a gardener, interior designer,
tutor,carpenter, or craftsman, or any other "expert" whose work you
were unsatisfied with, why should a doctor be any different?


You know, if someone posted my messages, I really would advise them to
change doctors, but you have no idea how hard I find it. I mean, at
least with this doctor, I know he has the reputation to protect, the
medical knowledge to intervene when/if things really get out of control.

I know it is silly, but if I had a guarantee that the next provider I
chose is gonna be any better, I would. The problem is, there is no
guarantee. Although i liked the idea of another poster that I should try
other doctors (while staying with him) & then when I find the right one,
I should just do the switch.

You don't
have the knowledge to evaluate his skills? So what? No matter what his
expertise, if he is not taking you and your concerns seriously, he is
not the doctor for you.
I will be praying for you and your baby. Take care, and let us know
what happens.-Jitney


 




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