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frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but needhelp!)



 
 
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  #121  
Old May 22nd 04, 02:16 AM
Ericka Kammerer
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Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but

zolw wrote:

yeah exactly my point. That's why I am not really sure that I should
change caregivers now. I am thinking, since most of you have reassured
me that there really isn't anything he is doing that should make me
unhappy (medically speaking), then should just complete this pregnancy
with him.


What worries me about your situation is that
unnecessary worry and stress during labor can lead to
complications. How you feel about the support you're
getting (or not getting) can really make a difference
in how your labor goes. It's not like there's this
big difference between the physical experience of labor
and the emotional experience. Your emotional experience
will have significant and direct effects on how your
labor goes. If you are not willing to change care
providers, at least consider hiring a doula so that
you get some decent support.

Best wishes,
Ericka

  #122  
Old May 22nd 04, 02:19 AM
zolw
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Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, butneed

Oh yeah, there were questions when "it's normal" or "you're pregnant"
did the trick for me. But when i ask him things that require
explanation, such as a lump on my abdomen, he can't tell me that's
normal. A lump is never normal. A lump needs explanation. & when I ask
him why as a response to the "it's normal" answer, he seems annoyed by
my why. I guess he is GOD & I gotta just say ok.

Hillary Israeli wrote:

In GQ9rc.74$ny.92981@attbi_s53,
zolw wrote:

*Ok, but I do have a list of questions every time & I do ask them. He
*just never gives me any significant answers. I don't think "this is
*normal" or "you're pregnant" are appropriate answers for anyone.

I understand you're feeling blown off so obviously he's doing something
wrong, even if only failing to notice you aren't happy (which he should,
because as your caregiver he should be watching for mood problems!) But
I'm still unclear on what he's doing wrong. I guess it depends on what
your questions are. If you say "I have heartburn, is something wrong with
me?" and he says "that's normal, you're pregnant," and doesn't say "well,
you can take Mylanta if you want" then ok, he's leaving out important
information. But if you say "I'm really clumsy now, I'm constantly
tripping over me feet, is there anything I can do?" and he says "that's
normal, you're pregnant," well, what else is he really supposed to say?

I was personally always relieved to get the answer of "it's normal," even
when I'd hoped there could be something to be done and there turned out
not to be.

--
hillary israeli vmd http://www.hillary.net
"uber vaccae in quattuor partes divisum est."
not-so-newly minted veterinarian-at-large


  #123  
Old May 22nd 04, 02:32 AM
Ericka Kammerer
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Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but

zolw wrote:

You know, if someone posted my messages, I really would advise them to
change doctors, but you have no idea how hard I find it. I mean, at
least with this doctor, I know he has the reputation to protect, the
medical knowledge to intervene when/if things really get out of control.


I *totally* understand feeling it is really hard
to change providers. I would absolutely hate it myself.
It would be really, really hard for me to do. However,
having been through childbirth three times, with hindsight,
I would do whatever it took to give me a better chance
at having a caregiver I was better in synch with. Believe
me, virtually anyone you go to will be medically as good
as this guy. Most doctors out there are medically
competent.

Best wishes,
Ericka

  #124  
Old May 22nd 04, 04:14 AM
Jamie Clark
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Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but

"zolw" wrote in message
news:K9xrc.92886$iF6.8115259@attbi_s02...
yeah exactly my point. That's why I am not really sure that I should
change caregivers now. I am thinking, since most of you have reassured
me that there really isn't anything he is doing that should make me
unhappy (medically speaking), then should just complete this pregnancy
with him.

Of course, after delivery, I should start looking for another doctor
(since I would have time to check other doctors, before I get pregnat
again. The pla is about 3 years between pregnancies) who does meet my
expectations or needs.

Thanks


But see, Zolw, I think there are at least 2 distinct issues going on -- the
medical care and knowledge of this doctor, does it meet the standards of
care, is he knowledgable, etc, and the bedside manner. You've already
agreed that additional u/s or testing aren't needed (wanted, of course, but
not standard of care), and you've understood that what he does at each
appointment is pretty typical. But what you've been very clear on, is that
he and you don't really have "chemistry" for lack of a better word. It's
not really a match. You need slightly more information, in a non
condescending or patrinizing way. And there is nothing wrong with that.

What I've heard the majority of people saying to you, besides the standard
of care issue, is that if it's not a match personality wise, you should find
a new doc ASAP. It's not too late. You may well find another doctor who is
just as good, medically speaking, but it willing to make you feel more at
ease, and explain things better. And that can make all the difference in
the world -- even if it's just for 4-6 weeks!

As someone else mentioned, you can call around, make a few appointments,
meet some people, all before transferring your medical care. Maybe you do
the legwork, and realise that your guys is a peach, and you are just
hormonal. : ) In that case, you can stay with your guy, and know that it's
your choice. But, maybe the next OB you interview is really caring and
supportive and meshes better with you. In that case, you can transfer you
care over to the new person, and have a much better remainder of your
pregnancy, and statistically a much better birthing experience.

I also second the recommendation to use a woman OB. Good luck!
--

Jamie & Taylor
Earth Angel, 1/3/03

Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1,
Password: Guest
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

Check out our Adoption Page at http://home.earthlink.net/~jamielee6



  #125  
Old May 22nd 04, 04:19 AM
Jamie Clark
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Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but

"zolw" wrote in message
news:0Qxrc.804$hi6.119012@attbi_s53...


jitney wrote:


You wouldn't hesitate to dismiss a gardener, interior designer,
tutor,carpenter, or craftsman, or any other "expert" whose work you
were unsatisfied with, why should a doctor be any different?


You know, if someone posted my messages, I really would advise them to
change doctors, but you have no idea how hard I find it. I mean, at
least with this doctor, I know he has the reputation to protect, the
medical knowledge to intervene when/if things really get out of control.

I know it is silly, but if I had a guarantee that the next provider I
chose is gonna be any better, I would. The problem is, there is no
guarantee. Although i liked the idea of another poster that I should try
other doctors (while staying with him) & then when I find the right one,
I should just do the switch.



That's right, Zolw. You don't just pick a new OB out of the phone book,
transfer your care, and then figure out if he or she is good and a match.
You go meet the staff, check out the office, and interview the doctor. Tell
the new potential doc your story -- how you are feeling about your current
OB, about your pregnancy, your fears, your history, your family's history.
How this OB reacts to your story will tell you a lot about if there is a
match or not. If they seem nice and receptive and try to alleviate your
fears with facts and compassion, then you can switch over your medical
records and be done with it. If they act much the same way that your
current doc does, then you're not out anything. It's not like you are
cheating on your doctor, or that they'll find out that you were interviewing
other doctors. And even if he did, it's a free country, and it's your, and
your baby's medical care.
--

Jamie & Taylor
Earth Angel, 1/3/03

Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1,
Password: Guest
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

Check out our Adoption Page at http://home.earthlink.net/~jamielee6


  #126  
Old May 22nd 04, 08:32 AM
zolw
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Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but

It is funny you should mention this, but in a weird way, both me & my
husband feel that it's like cheating on our current doctor. It sucks
to feel this way.

Jamie Clark wrote:

"zolw" wrote in message
news:0Qxrc.804$hi6.119012@attbi_s53...


jitney wrote:



You wouldn't hesitate to dismiss a gardener, interior designer,
tutor,carpenter, or craftsman, or any other "expert" whose work you
were unsatisfied with, why should a doctor be any different?


You know, if someone posted my messages, I really would advise them to
change doctors, but you have no idea how hard I find it. I mean, at
least with this doctor, I know he has the reputation to protect, the
medical knowledge to intervene when/if things really get out of control.

I know it is silly, but if I had a guarantee that the next provider I
chose is gonna be any better, I would. The problem is, there is no
guarantee. Although i liked the idea of another poster that I should try
other doctors (while staying with him) & then when I find the right one,
I should just do the switch.




That's right, Zolw. You don't just pick a new OB out of the phone book,
transfer your care, and then figure out if he or she is good and a match.
You go meet the staff, check out the office, and interview the doctor. Tell
the new potential doc your story -- how you are feeling about your current
OB, about your pregnancy, your fears, your history, your family's history.
How this OB reacts to your story will tell you a lot about if there is a
match or not. If they seem nice and receptive and try to alleviate your
fears with facts and compassion, then you can switch over your medical
records and be done with it. If they act much the same way that your
current doc does, then you're not out anything. It's not like you are
cheating on your doctor, or that they'll find out that you were interviewing
other doctors. And even if he did, it's a free country, and it's your, and
your baby's medical care.


  #127  
Old May 22nd 04, 12:33 PM
Donna Metler
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Posts: n/a
Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but


"zolw" wrote in message
news:0Qxrc.804$hi6.119012@attbi_s53...


jitney wrote:


You wouldn't hesitate to dismiss a gardener, interior designer,
tutor,carpenter, or craftsman, or any other "expert" whose work you
were unsatisfied with, why should a doctor be any different?


You know, if someone posted my messages, I really would advise them to
change doctors, but you have no idea how hard I find it. I mean, at
least with this doctor, I know he has the reputation to protect, the
medical knowledge to intervene when/if things really get out of control.

I know it is silly, but if I had a guarantee that the next provider I
chose is gonna be any better, I would. The problem is, there is no
guarantee. Although i liked the idea of another poster that I should try
other doctors (while staying with him) & then when I find the right one,
I should just do the switch.

Given that, what about hiring a Doula or birth coach? Someone who has some
additional professional expertise and might be able to provide the emotional
support the doctor seems to be weak on, and who has a lot of experience and
knowledge?

You don't
have the knowledge to evaluate his skills? So what? No matter what his
expertise, if he is not taking you and your concerns seriously, he is
not the doctor for you.
I will be praying for you and your baby. Take care, and let us know
what happens.-Jitney




  #128  
Old May 22nd 04, 12:39 PM
Donna Metler
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Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, butneedhelp!)


"zolw" wrote in message
news:Xsxrc.36585$gr.3662589@attbi_s52...
Seeing 2 doctors helps in comparing notes. Unfortunately (after my
sister lost one child for lack of detection of any problems sooner) she
has about 0% faith in doctors & decided to make sure that what a doctor
si saying is some what confirmed by the other. It may sound silly to
some, but losing a baby at the 9th month is really hard. I am sure that
she just wanted to make sure that this time the doctors knew what they
were doing.

This is recommended by at least some of the high-risk pregnancy books, and
in most cases, you end up with at least two doctors anyway-a regular OB and
the specialist. In the practice I'm working with, I have a regular doctor, a
nurse-midwife, and the specialist, which means I have a lot of people to
bounce questions off of.

Part of the problem seems to be a lack of consistency in what is believed
about these conditions. I've seen three different specialists in the last
three years related to Pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome, and no two give me
the same chances of developing it again. As my husband says, it's a binary
distribution. Either it comes, or it doesn't. When there's nothing which has
appeared to have caused it in the first place, you just don't know.


JoFromOz wrote:

ooh, I just read something interesting - placental insufficiency is
protective against prostate cancer in the baby throughout life!

I will talk to the consultant OBs at work about this - I've honestly

never
heard of P.I. being more likely in subsequent pregnancies. I have,

however
heard of IUGR being more likely, most probably due to lifestyle factors.

I'm not working again 'till Monday, but I'll get back when I find out

for
you.

However, I don't see how seeing two doctors can avoid problems if there

is
P.I...

Jo (RM)

zolw wrote:

That's actually not true. My sister had 3 pregnancies (2 children,
since she lost one of them in the 9th month) & in all 3 cases she had
placenta insufficiency. Actually the doctors (she was seeing 2
doctors at te same time, to avoid having the same problem as with her
unborn child) all agreed that if a woman has placenta insufficiency
once, she is at much higher risk to have it every time.

JoFromOz wrote:


Placental insufficiency in one pregnancy has nothing to do with the
health of the placenta in subsequent pregnancies, let alone a
pregnancy in another woman. It is also not that uncommon for
inductions to fail when a woman isn't ready to go into labour.

I really think that your sister's placental problems have anything
to do with you. That placenta was formed when the fertilised egg
implanted into her uterus... The body doesn't make the same placenta
twice

Jo (RM)

Welches wrote:


zolw wrote in message
news:E2Qqc.7387$zw.4579@attbi_s01...


yes, my sister has a condition called placenta insufficiency.
Apparently her placenta ages quickly. At the same time, she does
not get contractions or go into labor, even after induction. I have
already told my doctor about that (the first few appointments I
tried to give him as much family history as possible. I have an
aunt who would miscarriage every single pregnancy at 6 months.
Never had a child. My mom menopaused at the age of 38. So, I
thought all that may be real important for him to know), he just
said ok. Didn't even jot it down or anything.

I probably should mention it to him once more.

I wonder whether he might think it's appropriate to check (via u/s)
the placenta in 8th month. (apparently they can do this) Remind him
about your sister, and ask him whether it would be a good idea.
Might be a good idea to see if your insurance would cover this.
Suspect the aunt's problems were unrelated, and genetically she's
probably considered far enough from you not to be concerned-and
you're past 6 months :-)
Maybe if you haven't insurance for it you might think it was worth
paying to check the placenta?
I don't know whether there is any genetic aspect in placenta
insufficiency-maybe that would be a good point to start-by asking
your doctor that.
Debbie







  #129  
Old May 22nd 04, 12:48 PM
Donna Metler
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Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, butneedhelp!)


"zolw" wrote in message
news:Ewxrc.36614$gr.3664680@attbi_s52...
No, he needs to tell me that eventhough there is nothing he can do, but
we will try to prevent the same history from repeating by certain steps
or testing or whatever else he plans. He is not there to just let me sit
back in the dark (I can do this pretty well on my own).

If there are really low chances that I would have the same condition,
then he should say that. Not just say OK.

This is what a high-risk ob or a perinatal specialist does. My regular OB
didn't set down the plan for avoiding recurrent HELLP. Rather, he sent me to
the perinatologist, who set up the plan, and then turned the regular care
back over to the OB and the monitoring to the midwife. And we did all of
this before even trying to concieve again. A year and a half later, when I
called my OBs office, they were able to implement the plan immediately. They
were also able to do quite a lot of tests to rule things out, including some
genetic conditions which run in the family which we were concerned about
being expressed in the baby.

But, now that the pregnancy has started, it's like the whole team is along
for the ride, just watching and waiting to see if anything happens or not.
There's not really any difference between my OB appointments this time vs my
first pregnancy, except that there's a lot more of them. (I've already had
more OB appointments with the first 8 weeks of pregnancy than I had in the
first 20 weeks last time).




pologirl wrote:

zolw wrote:

So, I thought all that may be real important for him
to know), he just said ok. Didn't even jot it down or anything.



He listened to your laundry list of your relatives pregnancy problems.
But there is nothing he can *do* about those problems. And he cannot
guarantee you that you won't have similar problems. What exactly do
you want from him? You may need to be really specific about what you
want.

For example, I had a great midwife who was very emotionally supportive.
She liked to give me hugs. Great, except I did not want to be hugged!
I wanted advice. Several times I mentioned to her a specific problem,
and each time she listened and said "that's normal". But I wanted to
know what I could do about the problem. Finally I realized we were
not communicating. Rather than find another care provider, I started
finally *asking* my questions, not hinting at them and expecting her
to read my mind and organize my thoughts for me. You need to do the
same. Even on this newsgroup, you don't state your specific concerns,
you only refer to them. But in this newsgroup many of us know or can
guess your specific concerns. Ovviously, your OB cannot or will not
do the same. Probably for good reason! Many pregant women don't want
to talk or even think about possible bad outcomes. How is your OB
supposed to know how open to be with you, if you are not really open
with him?

So, you ask your OB: "I fear developing placental insufficiency like
my aunt did. What are the early signs of placental insufficiency?
Do I have any of these signs? If there are no signs, could I have it
anyway?" Yadda yadda.

Pologirl




  #130  
Old May 22nd 04, 01:28 PM
Donna
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Default frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but need


"zolw" wrote in message
news:RMxrc.93309$xw3.5311643@attbi_s04...
OK, explain to me the connection between a lump & an expanding uterus.
Any woman should be concerned when there is a lump (actually any person
should)


Mona, I didn't examine you. Your physician did. He said that what you
describe as a lump, is, in fact, your uterus expanding. That's a
reasonable explanation. If you have so little faith in your physician, for
god's sake go find another one.

Donna


 




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