I saw my first client last night!

"CME" wrote in message
news:uOzNd.15057$tU6.10339@edtnps91...

"'Kate" wrote in message
...
On Sat, 5 Feb 2005 09:01:16 -0500, "Tiffany"
wrote:


LOL.... don't be embarrassed. It was a good example to share to the
story.
He says he just want to see me more and more and that it seems I don't
want
to see him as much as he wants to see me. He is the type of person who
just
thinks he feels things more acutely then everyone else around him, in all
aspects. When he wants to talk, HE WANTS TO TALK. If he doesn't have
time,
then that is just fine but why don't I have time for him when HE NEEDS
it??!?!?!? He is an insomniac, I sleep as much as I can. Yes, he is
obsessive. He admits to that. I don't sense any control issues but do
wonder
if that is hiding in the background. We are holding off on sex, to be
honest
and though I didn't think we had to hold off this long, I am definitely
going to postpone it for a while longer until I see how these things play
out.

The first time he called countless times in the middle of the night,
messages getting more upsetting..... he was filled with sorrow, he was
sad.
(Issues related to his son being born with CP) Why wasn't I there for
him?!,
Stuff like that. I became sick to my stomach listening to these messages.
(Red flag?) Second and third time, he was upset because of the above
reasons
(feeling as though I don't make time for us) Sick feelings in the stomach
again. This last time was mild..... hoping he is learning to control this
urge to be obsessive. Why always the middle of the night though? He knows
I
sleep. I think he isn't thinking right..... sleep deprivation and all. I
suggested possible depression but "no-no, I am happier then most people,
I
just get sad sometimes."

Your opinions are eye-opening. I haven't really spoke with anyone about
this
yet.

T

I'm glad you're being careful. Those are all good questions.

I don't like that he makes you feel guilty. Years of that will wear
on your self esteem.

I hope that he'll talk to a doctor about the insomnia. Maybe that's
all it is but you won't know until he finds help for it. Sometimes
anxiety causes insomnia and sometimes insomnia causes anxiety.

Set limits (like not calling in the middle of the night). If he does
it again, tell him that you will take the phone off the hook at night.
If he is unable to respect your limits, then he's not ready for a
relationship.

'Kate

I'm appalled that the guy could be so insensitive to phone a single
working mother in the middle of the night. People know, you do not phone
me after midnight unless it's an emergency, meaning it seriously can't
wait until the morning. The gall of some people, sheesh.

Christine

Christine


Midnight? Heck, my friends wouldn't call after 9.

So wait a minute.... my friends respect me need for MANY hours of sleep
but....... (yeah, you know where this goes)

T

"CME" wrote in message

I'm appalled that the guy could be so insensitive to phone a single
working mother in the middle of the night. People know, you do not phone
me after midnight unless it's an emergency, meaning it seriously can't
wait until the morning. The gall of some people, sheesh.

Considering I have only dated working single mothers for the last few years,
I would not dream of phoning them after about 10pm unless by prior
arrangement. If they phoned me late at night I would no longer be dating
them.
I tell them they can phone me anytime in the morning from 06.30 but oddly
enough they never seem to have a need to call me then!

Dennis

"'Kate" wrote in message
...
And loved every minute of it. It was thrilling. Exciting. Engaging.
Felt right.. good. I wasn't nervous... I was into it! Whew! What a
relief. Now I have something to work toward. :-)

'Kate


Are you continuing to see clients now? How is it going?

T

"denanson" Dennis@Large .ie wrote in message
...

"CME" wrote in message

I'm appalled that the guy could be so insensitive to phone a single
working mother in the middle of the night. People know, you do not phone
me after midnight unless it's an emergency, meaning it seriously can't
wait until the morning. The gall of some people, sheesh.

Considering I have only dated working single mothers for the last few
years, I would not dream of phoning them after about 10pm unless by prior
arrangement. If they phoned me late at night I would no longer be dating
them.
I tell them they can phone me anytime in the morning from 06.30 but oddly
enough they never seem to have a need to call me then!

Dennis

Yeah I'm a nightowl, so before midnight I'm awake, if they called me before
8am though, WOW watch out, heck even my own kids tread lightly in the
morning. lol

Christine

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

"CME" wrote in message
news:rLzNd.15055$tU6.7078@edtnps91...

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

"Cele" wrote in message
...
On Sat, 5 Feb 2005 09:01:16 -0500, "Tiffany"
wrote:


"'Kate" wrote in message
om...
On Fri, 4 Feb 2005 14:53:10 -0500, "Tiffany"
wrote:


Keeping to my own crazy business.

hehe.. too late! You just spilled yer guts!


Actually this boyfriend and I..... well, he never seems to be happy
with
the
amount of time we get together and this issues comes up over and over
again
and I am finding it very frustrating. One night he called like 8
times,
left
messages and sent texts because he has issues with the fact he feels
I
don't
make an effort to spend time together. Now when he called a million
times,
I
was sound asleep and he knows I don't hear the phone ring. When I
think
the
issue is resolved, it comes up again. Grr. You men are all nuts.

So... this sounds like a discussion about communication and meaning.

Tellya a story about a long time ago when I was married. Don't
spread
this around, ok?

:-)

My LH was that kind of guy - once was never enough nor was 10 times
when it came to ahem sex. But... he would tell me afterward that it
"wasn't enough." What it sounded like to me was that *I* wasn't
enough. What he meant was that it was so good he didn't want to stop.
I didn't know that until I told him how inadequate I felt when I
couldn't satisfy him and he surprised to say the least.

Yeah, I know.. TMI. I hope my kids don't know who I am here.

Anyway... find out what it means when he calls a million times.. what
you're supposed to understand about that. Men have strange ways of
showing affection/desire/need sometimes. Maybe he doesn't expect
anything more but to tell you he thinks of you a billion times a day.

Or... he could be obsessively posessive & controlling.

Question him.

'Kate
still blushing


LOL.... don't be embarrassed. It was a good example to share to the
story.
He says he just want to see me more and more and that it seems I don't
want
to see him as much as he wants to see me. He is the type of person who
just
thinks he feels things more acutely then everyone else around him, in
all
aspects. When he wants to talk, HE WANTS TO TALK. If he doesn't have
time,
then that is just fine but why don't I have time for him when HE NEEDS
it??!?!?!? He is an insomniac, I sleep as much as I can. Yes, he is
obsessive. He admits to that. I don't sense any control issues but do
wonder
if that is hiding in the background. We are holding off on sex, to be
honest
and though I didn't think we had to hold off this long, I am definitely
going to postpone it for a while longer until I see how these things
play
out.

The first time he called countless times in the middle of the night,
messages getting more upsetting..... he was filled with sorrow, he was
sad.
(Issues related to his son being born with CP) Why wasn't I there for
him?!,
Stuff like that. I became sick to my stomach listening to these
messages.
(Red flag?) Second and third time, he was upset because of the above
reasons
(feeling as though I don't make time for us) Sick feelings in the
stomach
again. This last time was mild..... hoping he is learning to control
this
urge to be obsessive. Why always the middle of the night though? He
knows I
sleep. I think he isn't thinking right..... sleep deprivation and all.
I
suggested possible depression but "no-no, I am happier then most
people, I
just get sad sometimes."

Your opinions are eye-opening. I haven't really spoke with anyone about
this
yet.

Tiff, those *are* control issues. If he wanted your love and support,
and was prepared to provide the same to you, he'd respect your need
for sleep unless somebody had just *died*. His kid has had CP for
years - he doesn't need to call you up in the middle of the night,
multiple times. Doing that is likely an attempt to get you to 'prove'
yourself in some way...that is...it's an attempt to control you. Break
you out of your normal patterns (sleeping at night) to prove yourself.

So when I don't prove myself by answering the phone (and I truly don't
hear the phone ring when I am asleep) he should not want to be with
me?!?!? I did think that too about his kid. But I didn't want to say
that and sound insensitive. I already know I am an insensitive twit.


Unfortunately, people who are into that kind of thing tend to never
be satisfied. You do one bit of 'proving' and they raise the
bar...endlessly. They have holes that can't be filled by other people.

Funny you said that because I said that to him..... that no matter how
much time we get together, he won't be happy. OR he just wants what he
knows he can't have (all this time together).


Also, people don't learn to control their obsessiveness like they
learn to play piano or speak a language. If he's obsessive now, and
he's trying to court you, he's gonna get *more*, not less, obsessive,
once you have a more permanent relationship...if you do...

He sounds a little on the bipolar side to me, but what do I know?

Cele

You know a bit more about bipolar then me. I thought of it so tell me,
are there different degrees of bipolar because I know some bipolar folks
and you just know they are, no questions asked. I knew if before they
told me. If he is, it isn't obvious to me. I can share more if it would
be helpful. I know to mention it to him, he would be in denial.

T

I might be jumping to conclusions but my instincts are screaming and so
should yours. If you're willing to let him treat you like this, then
have at er, but frankly he's too controlling for my tastes.

Christine


So have my instincts so I thought I would get some opinions. Thanks. I
just worry that I throw in the towel to easily, if that makes any sense.

T

I worry about that too, but I've learned to be true to myself. It hasn't
failed me yet... then again I'm still single. DRAT.

Christine

On Wed, 09 Feb 2005 00:23:59 GMT, "CME"
wrote:

[snip]

So have my instincts so I thought I would get some opinions. Thanks. I
just worry that I throw in the towel to easily, if that makes any sense.

T

I worry about that too, but I've learned to be true to myself. It hasn't
failed me yet... then again I'm still single. DRAT.

I didn't date at all for 12 1/2 years. Not interested, not looking,
perfectly happy to be single forever. Not a worry in the world WRT
'finding a man'.

But then, 12 1/2 years in, when the right one came along, it was easy.
So far, anyway. My brain just screamed, "Pay attention. This is
important. Time to care about a man - specifically, *this* man."

So personally, I think if you don't feel right about it, it's probably
not right. I didn't even bother to try, I guess because my brain
sifted 'em out of the running before they ever got close, or else,
because the time wasn't right for me, and so my brain kept the door
shut. One thing I've learned, is to trust my instincts. And as for
throwing the towel in too early, I'm thinking, far, far better to
throw it in early than to marry the guy and throw it in way too late,
for both of you.

For whatever any of that's worth.

Cele