Newbie to child support

My girlfriend is 5 months pregnant with my child. We've had a turbulent
relationship. Very early on when we thought she was pregnant, I told her
that I didn't want to be a parent. Of course, as my luck has it, she doesn't
care and is going forth with having the child. Obviously, at this point,
it's too late for an abortion and she's made it clear that she's not putting
the child up for adoption. She's also made it clear that she will seek child
support from me. This whole situation has created a big rift between us. She
knows that I don't want to make this life choice, but she just doesn't
care.I live in New York State. I realize now that I'm staring down 21 years
of paying child support. Can anyone give me any advice about the whole child
support thing, specifically in NYS? I'd appreciate any tips from
non-custodial fathers in similar situations. Thanks.

"GerrickPeters" wrote in message
news:eLtIf.3270$Fe.2059@trndny06...
My girlfriend is 5 months pregnant with my child. We've had a turbulent
relationship. Very early on when we thought she was pregnant, I told her
that I didn't want to be a parent. Of course, as my luck has it, she
doesn't
care and is going forth with having the child. Obviously, at this point,
it's too late for an abortion and she's made it clear that she's not
putting
the child up for adoption. She's also made it clear that she will seek
child
support from me. This whole situation has created a big rift between us.
She
knows that I don't want to make this life choice, but she just doesn't
care.I live in New York State. I realize now that I'm staring down 21
years
of paying child support. Can anyone give me any advice about the whole
child
support thing, specifically in NYS? I'd appreciate any tips from
non-custodial fathers in similar situations. Thanks.

You really only have two choices..

1. Run for the hills!!!
2. Buy stock in Vaseline, you're gonna need it when the courts screw you
for everything you own.

OK, in all seriousness.. Don't expect to get any sort of "fairness" or equal
treatment in "family" court. I've been through the wringer in the MA courts
(several times) and NY is no different. Expect to loose 30-70% of your take
home pay (or more should the court impute your income - a common tactic).
Don't expect to your STBX to be helpful, understanding, or accepting with
you as Daddy. She may use every trick in the book to take you to the lowest
levels of human existence you could ever think of - and she'll have the
courts do it for her.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is go into this with the full expectation
to get screwed like you've never seen before and be happy when it doesn't
hurt like you thought it would. But there's always the next time she gets a
wild hair across her a**..

Am I bitter? Yup, sure am. I went into my divorce thinking that if I told
the truth and stuck to the facts that I'd come out OK and all would be well.
Boy was I ever in for the shock of my life! Don't get caught with your
pants down. Get an attorney NOW! Or at least start to save up for one,
'cause they ain't cheap and they'll suck your wallet dry even faster then
your STBX will.

And start looking for cheap apartments.. second hand autos.. you might want
to think about getting yourself an RV.. or you can get used to sleeping on
your buddies couch and not having more then two nickels to rub together.

But, if you're lucky, you'll have the chance to raise your kid and stay a
part of their lives.

"GerrickPeters" wrote in message
news:eLtIf.3270$Fe.2059@trndny06...
My girlfriend is 5 months pregnant with my child. We've had a turbulent
relationship. Very early on when we thought she was pregnant, I told her
that I didn't want to be a parent. Of course, as my luck has it, she
doesn't care and is going forth with having the child. Obviously, at this
point, it's too late for an abortion and she's made it clear that she's
not putting the child up for adoption. She's also made it clear that she
will seek child support from me. This whole situation has created a big
rift between us. She knows that I don't want to make this life choice, but
she just doesn't care.I live in New York State. I realize now that I'm
staring down 21 years of paying child support. Can anyone give me any
advice about the whole child support thing, specifically in NYS? I'd
appreciate any tips from non-custodial fathers in similar situations.
Thanks.
====
The very very first thing (OK after the paternity test) is to file for
custody, and make sure your
girlfriend knows you intend to do that--and make sure you
have your life arranged to show that you are very capable of caring for the
child. Do not make
any more indications that you don't want the child. You can't stop it. BE
INVOLVED in every
detail so she knows you are serious about fathering and are perfectly
capable of getting custody.
You won't get custody, but you will likely get her off her high horse by
letting her know that she
doesn't own this child but is just as much YOUR child and you plan to use
every legal option to ensure
your rights are protected and the child has a continuing relationship with
you. File a petition immediately
and ask the court to require her to keep you informed of prenatal events and
advised of any complications, etc.
That will give her a reality check as well as keep you updated on the baby.
Seriously. Running and
hiding is not in your best interest or the child's.
====
====

"GerrickPeters" wrote in message
news:eLtIf.3270$Fe.2059@trndny06...
My girlfriend is 5 months pregnant with my child. We've had a turbulent
relationship. Very early on when we thought she was pregnant, I told her
that I didn't want to be a parent. Of course, as my luck has it, she
doesn't
care and is going forth with having the child. Obviously, at this point,
it's too late for an abortion and she's made it clear that she's not
putting
the child up for adoption. She's also made it clear that she will seek
child
support from me. This whole situation has created a big rift between us.
She
knows that I don't want to make this life choice, but she just doesn't
care.I live in New York State. I realize now that I'm staring down 21
years
of paying child support. Can anyone give me any advice about the whole
child
support thing, specifically in NYS? I'd appreciate any tips from
non-custodial fathers in similar situations. Thanks.

Stuff to do now - Tell her you will seek joint custody of the child. Let
her know you want 50/50 parenting time. Don't give her any money for
medical expenses. Let her know you want to be a regular, ongoing active
participant in the child's life. Make sure she understands she will be in
the position of cooperating directly with you for the next 21 years. Keep a
journal of how she responds to these issues.

Stuff to do after the baby is born - Do not sign any document suggesting you
are making a voluntary declaration of paternity. Make her initiate the
DNA testing process, but don't resist taking the test. Do not pay her any
money without absolute proof of your paternity and a court order setting the
amount.

Seriously, good advice but I am sure Mom will breast feed (every 2 hours)
making it impossible for Dad to have shared custody for at least a year and
by that time of course it wouldn't be in the best interest of the child to
change the custody arrangement. And yes I do know about breast pumps but
the milk won't express right, it irritates the nipples, whatever reason
needed to make it impossible.
On a lighter note, the best thing for you to do is have a change of heart,
tell her how much you love her, get married, and then drive the passenger
side of your suv right into one of those trucks carrying long steel pipe
extended out past the trailer by a good 10 foot. If you apply the brakes
just right, you won't even need to have your airbags replaced. Personally, I
could never find the right heighth tractor trailer.
"Gini" wrote in message
news:WLuIf.8457$C02.3797@trndny02...

"GerrickPeters" wrote in message
news:eLtIf.3270$Fe.2059@trndny06...
My girlfriend is 5 months pregnant with my child. We've had a turbulent
relationship. Very early on when we thought she was pregnant, I told her
that I didn't want to be a parent. Of course, as my luck has it, she
doesn't care and is going forth with having the child. Obviously, at this
point, it's too late for an abortion and she's made it clear that she's
not putting the child up for adoption. She's also made it clear that she
will seek child support from me. This whole situation has created a big
rift between us. She knows that I don't want to make this life choice,
but she just doesn't care.I live in New York State. I realize now that
I'm staring down 21 years of paying child support. Can anyone give me any
advice about the whole child support thing, specifically in NYS? I'd
appreciate any tips from non-custodial fathers in similar situations.
Thanks.
====
The very very first thing (OK after the paternity test) is to file for
custody, and make sure your
girlfriend knows you intend to do that--and make sure you
have your life arranged to show that you are very capable of caring for
the child. Do not make
any more indications that you don't want the child. You can't stop it. BE
INVOLVED in every
detail so she knows you are serious about fathering and are perfectly
capable of getting custody.
You won't get custody, but you will likely get her off her high horse by
letting her know that she
doesn't own this child but is just as much YOUR child and you plan to use
every legal option to ensure
your rights are protected and the child has a continuing relationship with
you. File a petition immediately
and ask the court to require her to keep you informed of prenatal events
and advised of any complications, etc.
That will give her a reality check as well as keep you updated on the
baby. Seriously. Running and
hiding is not in your best interest or the child's.
====
====

"GerrickPeters" wrote in

care.I live in New York State. I realize now that I'm staring down 21
years of paying child support.

I like the idea of making her realize that she is going to be stuck dealing
with you for the next 21 years! LOL

BTW, what is her present income? If you can show the court that you can take
better care of the child, you might be awarded custody. Does she have any
criminal history or drug abuse? Actually she sounds pretty imature and has
thought this whole thing through!

How many kids do you have? Did you have to pay alimony, too?

-GP

"Dusty" wrote in message
...
"GerrickPeters" wrote in message
news:eLtIf.3270$Fe.2059@trndny06...
My girlfriend is 5 months pregnant with my child. We've had a turbulent
relationship. Very early on when we thought she was pregnant, I told her
that I didn't want to be a parent. Of course, as my luck has it, she
doesn't
care and is going forth with having the child. Obviously, at this point,
it's too late for an abortion and she's made it clear that she's not
putting
the child up for adoption. She's also made it clear that she will seek
child
support from me. This whole situation has created a big rift between us.
She
knows that I don't want to make this life choice, but she just doesn't
care.I live in New York State. I realize now that I'm staring down 21
years
of paying child support. Can anyone give me any advice about the whole
child
support thing, specifically in NYS? I'd appreciate any tips from
non-custodial fathers in similar situations. Thanks.

You really only have two choices..

1. Run for the hills!!!
2. Buy stock in Vaseline, you're gonna need it when the courts screw you
for everything you own.

OK, in all seriousness.. Don't expect to get any sort of "fairness" or
equal
treatment in "family" court. I've been through the wringer in the MA
courts
(several times) and NY is no different. Expect to loose 30-70% of your
take
home pay (or more should the court impute your income - a common tactic).
Don't expect to your STBX to be helpful, understanding, or accepting with
you as Daddy. She may use every trick in the book to take you to the
lowest
levels of human existence you could ever think of - and she'll have the
courts do it for her.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is go into this with the full
expectation
to get screwed like you've never seen before and be happy when it doesn't
hurt like you thought it would. But there's always the next time she gets
a
wild hair across her a**..

Am I bitter? Yup, sure am. I went into my divorce thinking that if I
told
the truth and stuck to the facts that I'd come out OK and all would be
well.
Boy was I ever in for the shock of my life! Don't get caught with your
pants down. Get an attorney NOW! Or at least start to save up for one,
'cause they ain't cheap and they'll suck your wallet dry even faster then
your STBX will.

And start looking for cheap apartments.. second hand autos.. you might
want
to think about getting yourself an RV.. or you can get used to sleeping
on
your buddies couch and not having more then two nickels to rub together.

But, if you're lucky, you'll have the chance to raise your kid and stay a
part of their lives.

Gerrick,

Dude...you're f*#cked like me. Welecome to hell. Child support
technology is here. First off, you pay her (not the child even though
they call it CS) a minimum of 550/mo per child or 28% of your salary.
She doesn't have to prove that the money is going to the child. So she
has a second income from you. Second, if you don't pay her you'll see
the amount deducted from your check. If you "quit" your job you are
still liable for that amount every month. After a certain length of
time that you don't pay child support a warrant for your arrest will be
enforced. This is nation wide. So if you owe child support in
California and move to Florida they will still recognize the warrant
for your arrest. Once the warrant goes out you are now a "felon".
Yes, failure to pay child support now is a felony. Fourth, the ****
shows up in your credit report. I have 3 children and paying
2400.00/month. My situation is a little different than yours. I loved
and wanted to keep my family until my x found a better deal for
herself. A women to recieve child support is a lot better deal. If I
were you I would try to make it work out with her. It is much cheaper.
The other alternative is to leave the country.

2. Buy stock in Vaseline, you're gonna need it when the courts screw
you
for everything you own.

WHAT IS THE RATIONALE FOR BUYING STOCK IN VASELINE ?
I DONT GET IT
PLEASE HELP

Hey, did she cheat on you? Have you at least found a new girl?

-Gerrick

wrote in message
oups.com...
Gerrick,

Dude...you're f*#cked like me. Welecome to hell. Child support
technology is here. First off, you pay her (not the child even though
they call it CS) a minimum of 550/mo per child or 28% of your salary.
She doesn't have to prove that the money is going to the child. So she
has a second income from you. Second, if you don't pay her you'll see
the amount deducted from your check. If you "quit" your job you are
still liable for that amount every month. After a certain length of
time that you don't pay child support a warrant for your arrest will be
enforced. This is nation wide. So if you owe child support in
California and move to Florida they will still recognize the warrant
for your arrest. Once the warrant goes out you are now a "felon".
Yes, failure to pay child support now is a felony. Fourth, the ****
shows up in your credit report. I have 3 children and paying
2400.00/month. My situation is a little different than yours. I loved
and wanted to keep my family until my x found a better deal for
herself. A women to recieve child support is a lot better deal. If I
were you I would try to make it work out with her. It is much cheaper.
The other alternative is to leave the country.