Newbie to child support

Hey man, your best chance is to marry her if you can. Give up and be a
father, it is better to be a father than a debtor! Fatherhood is
alright, I know a lot of guys that love it and never thought they
would.

Also, check and see if your state recognizes contract marriages, this
is a marriage with tougher terms for divorce, she will think it is
because you are so committed, but you are actually covering your ass.

Oh, I can tell you that if I ever decided to marry her, I'd get a prenup in
advance. My trust in women has all run out. I can't marry her, though. She's
self righteous and lazy. I have really expensive health insurance. For
family, it would be around $550 per month. I only make about $2200 per
month. She's been in and out of work ever since I met. She never really
holds down jobs and now that she's preggo, forget it. I know that if I
married her and\or let her live with me, her ass would be out of work as
soon as the kid is born, if not earlier. She'd stay out of work, too. It
would be like pulling teeth trying to get her back to work. Then, I'd be
supporting 3 people instead of 2 and I probably wouldn't be able to even do
that because of the medical insurance cost. I don't know. A part of me
thinks that living with her is a big mistake. I have no ill will towards the
poor child, but I think I might go nuts with her, knowing how she pushed me
into this and in effect, dragged an innocent child into this mess-my child!.
I also think because of how pushy she is, that making any kind of progress
with her in regards to parenting and living together would be impossible.
I'd be totally whipped and miserable.

I wish people knew how the US child support law creates such an unfair and
ultimately hostile environment for people in our situation. If men could
make the same choices that women are able to make after an accidental
conception, women would have to think like adults. If a man had the same
rights of a woman and could relinquish his parental rights and
responsibilities after conception, women would be left to either raise the
child themselves, place it up for adoption or abort it. Instead, women
aren't forced to think like adults. They can make a decision that greatly
effects someone else's life just to get money and without any detriment to
themselves. Women are treated like children in this country. Women are not
equal to men under the law. Until men have the same right to plan their
families as women do, ladies, stop bitching about lower pay. You deserve
lower pay because you can ultimately force a dude to pay for you. I'm not
going to take you seriously, until that lame, unfair, "safety net" or as I
like to call it, male-noose is removed from your disposal.

Ladies, if you can't support and care for the kid yourself, here's an f'ing
thought, maybe you shouldn't keep the child. I'm not endorsing abortion,
even though I support it, but give the kid to a couple that can care for it
properly. Also, chicks, stop getting religious at times that are just
convenient for you. Don't throw your pseudo religious, moral garbage at us
after an accident takes place. We see through that noise. Where was your
religion when you were having unprotected sex outside of marriage? If you
keep the kid and you can't care for him\her, you're being as, if not more,
irresponsible than the accidental conception itself. Stupid people always
make a bad situation worse.

wrote in message
oups.com...
Hey man, your best chance is to marry her if you can. Give up and be a
father, it is better to be a father than a debtor! Fatherhood is
alright, I know a lot of guys that love it and never thought they
would.

Also, check and see if your state recognizes contract marriages, this
is a marriage with tougher terms for divorce, she will think it is
because you are so committed, but you are actually covering your ass.

"GerrickPeters" wrote
.................................................. .......
Until men have the same right to plan their
families as women do, ladies, stop bitching about lower pay. You deserve
lower pay because you can ultimately force a dude to pay for you. I'm not
going to take you seriously, until that lame, unfair, "safety net" or as I
like to call it, male-noose is removed from your disposal.
===
OK, I take back the advise I gave you.
===

Gini wrote:
"GerrickPeters" wrote
.................................................. ......
Until men have the same right to plan their
families as women do, ladies, stop bitching about lower pay. You deserve
lower pay because you can ultimately force a dude to pay for you. I'm not
going to take you seriously, until that lame, unfair, "safety net" or as I
like to call it, male-noose is removed from your disposal.
===
OK, I take back the advise I gave you.
===

I thought maybe women should stop bitching about lower pay when they
continue to take jobs that do not pay well. You cannot just average
women and mens salaries and say "well holy ****, women make XX% of what
men do, SEXISM, BOO HOO HOO." Their are reasons for pay disparity,
choices have consequences.

wrote

Gini wrote:
"GerrickPeters" wrote
.................................................. ......
Until men have the same right to plan their
families as women do, ladies, stop bitching about lower pay. You
deserve
lower pay because you can ultimately force a dude to pay for you. I'm
not
going to take you seriously, until that lame, unfair, "safety net" or
as I
like to call it, male-noose is removed from your disposal.
===
OK, I take back the advise I gave you.
===

I thought maybe women should stop bitching about lower pay when they
continue to take jobs that do not pay well. You cannot just average
women and mens salaries and say "well holy ****, women make XX% of what
men do, SEXISM, BOO HOO HOO." Their are reasons for pay disparity,
choices have consequences.
===
Women should be paid equally for equal work. I also believe men should be
treated equally in family court. That's not my gripe with the OP. He's
clueless
that most of the women here support father's rights and do in fact have a
greater voice
than dads because the powers that be listen to women more than they do men.
He needs
to become aware of the dynamics of a newsgroup (and the roles of gender in
father's rights issues)
before making a total fool of himself as he did with the above post. Since
he has stated that he isn't going to take
me seriously, I regret taking the time to respond to his original post.
===

All I'm saying is,before women expect to be treated equal, men should be
treated equal too, in all areas of the law. It seems like this area of the
law has been left conveniently out of the equation and it's ludicrous.
Inequality does not beget equality. It's not that I'm not going to take
women seriously, I'm just not going to take a pseudo feminist seriously.
Here's the general sentiment summed up: You want equality? Then, I get it,
too.

I'm just ****ed off that because of the lame law I have to go through this
garbage and it is, garbage. It's tantamount to an f'ing arranged marriage.
We live in a supposedly free country in the 21st f'ing century! Come on! I
feel like I'm taking crazy pills. Wars were waged over nonsense like this.
The law has to change, but I doubt it will. I'm just forced to do something
like a little kid and yet I'm expected to be "adult" about this. Complete
bull****.

"Gini" wrote in message
news:r95Kf.8658$qa2.1859@trndny07...

wrote

Gini wrote:
"GerrickPeters" wrote
.................................................. ......
Until men have the same right to plan their
families as women do, ladies, stop bitching about lower pay. You
deserve
lower pay because you can ultimately force a dude to pay for you. I'm
not
going to take you seriously, until that lame, unfair, "safety net" or
as I
like to call it, male-noose is removed from your disposal.
===
OK, I take back the advise I gave you.
===

I thought maybe women should stop bitching about lower pay when they
continue to take jobs that do not pay well. You cannot just average
women and mens salaries and say "well holy ****, women make XX% of what
men do, SEXISM, BOO HOO HOO." Their are reasons for pay disparity,
choices have consequences.
===
Women should be paid equally for equal work. I also believe men should be
treated equally in family court. That's not my gripe with the OP. He's
clueless
that most of the women here support father's rights and do in fact have a
greater voice
than dads because the powers that be listen to women more than they do
men. He needs
to become aware of the dynamics of a newsgroup (and the roles of gender in
father's rights issues)
before making a total fool of himself as he did with the above post. Since
he has stated that he isn't going to take
me seriously, I regret taking the time to respond to his original post.
===

"GerrickPeters" wrote in message
news:tw5Kf.3230$Em2.1170@trndny05...
All I'm saying is,before women expect to be treated equal, men should be
treated equal too, in all areas of the law. It seems like this area of the
law has been left conveniently out of the equation and it's ludicrous.
Inequality does not beget equality. It's not that I'm not going to take
women seriously, I'm just not going to take a pseudo feminist seriously.
Here's the general sentiment summed up: You want equality? Then, I get it,
too.
===
Still not sure who "you" is/are but you're preaching to the choir here and
if you'd hung around
and read the group for a while, you'd know that. But, don't blame all women
for your plight. Indeed, the current state
of affairs for dads has its roots in NOW but NOW hardly represents all
women. In fact, NOW is a fringe group
not supported by the majority of women so you might want keep that work/pay
rant for other groups. This
group is, and historically has been, a father's rights group, not a
custodial parents group or a "NOW" group. You
are wasting too much time with that diatribe. The fight fathers now have is
with the legislatures and courts.
Get over the anti-women crap and down to the issue of your CS/ custody
dilemma. Have you even read
the advise you were given? Was any of it supportive of women's rights? How
are you going to deal with your immediate problem?
===

"GerrickPeters" wrote in message
news:TY%Jf.2336$Em2.1248@trndny05...
Oh, I can tell you that if I ever decided to marry her, I'd get a prenup
in advance. My trust in women has all run out. I can't marry her, though.
She's self righteous and lazy. I have really expensive health insurance.
For family, it would be around $550 per month. I only make about $2200 per
month.

You do realize that, if you are ordered to pay child support, you may be
ordered to pay health insurance for the child, too? I don't know where you
are but I can tell you that both in the state we live in and in the state
where my husband's child resides, health insurance is not a part of the
child support payment, but in addition to the child support payment.

She's been in and out of work ever since I met. She never really
holds down jobs and now that she's preggo, forget it. I know that if I
married her and\or let her live with me, her ass would be out of work as
soon as the kid is born, if not earlier. She'd stay out of work, too. It
would be like pulling teeth trying to get her back to work. Then, I'd be
supporting 3 people instead of 2 and I probably wouldn't be able to even
do that because of the medical insurance cost. I don't know. A part of me
thinks that living with her is a big mistake. I have no ill will towards
the poor child, but I think I might go nuts with her, knowing how she
pushed me into this and in effect, dragged an innocent child into this
mess-my child!.

Yes--your child. As much as you hate this whole mess, you need to remember
that the child is even more innocent than you are, and needs his/her father.
I absolutely understand your anger at the system. But you need to think
about your child, too.

I also think because of how pushy she is, that making any kind of progress
with her in regards to parenting and living together would be impossible.
I'd be totally whipped and miserable.

You don't have to live together, but you can try to get either full or part
custody. If she refuses to work, perhaps the child would be better off with
you.


I wish people knew how the US child support law creates such an unfair and
ultimately hostile environment for people in our situation. If men could
make the same choices that women are able to make after an accidental
conception, women would have to think like adults. If a man had the same
rights of a woman and could relinquish his parental rights and
responsibilities after conception, women would be left to either raise the
child themselves, place it up for adoption or abort it. Instead, women
aren't forced to think like adults. They can make a decision that greatly
effects someone else's life just to get money and without any detriment to
themselves. Women are treated like children in this country. Women are not
equal to men under the law. Until men have the same right to plan their
families as women do, ladies, stop bitching about lower pay. You deserve
lower pay because you can ultimately force a dude to pay for you. I'm not
going to take you seriously, until that lame, unfair, "safety net" or as I
like to call it, male-noose is removed from your disposal.

Do you feel that way about women who have never used tha "safety net"?
About women who have shouldered the entire burden of raising their children
after their husbands have abandoned them? About women who are the bread
winners of the family because their men refuse to work? Are all women
condemned in your eyes because some milk the system to get for themselves
what they in no way deserve? Is just being a woman enough to condemn a
person in your eyes?

Believe me, I know about the health insurance issue. As stated, I've already
consulted an attnorney, so I know exactly what I'm responsible for. What I
meant about the insurance was that, if I bit the bullet and married her, I
wouldn't be able to afford the family coverage. My company offers three
types of coverage, individual, 2 person or family. I would barely be able to
afford the 2 person insurance. My attorney told me that in NYS, both parents
are forced to insure the child unless the parents sign a court approved
agreement that only one will. I'm hoping she'll agree to that with me
because her current health insurance is much cheaper than mine would be.

The other insane thing I found out about NYS law is that the father for some
reason is 100% responsible for the health costs incurred as a result of the
birthing. It's called costs of "care and confinement". That's 100%
responsible for both the baby and the mother's care. Excuse me, but WTF!?
100%!? Is the mother not an adult? I can kinda see maybe 50%, but 100%? Who
came up with this nonsense? Luckily, she has health insurance and I'm hoping
that she keeps it until the baby is born.

I don't believe all women abuse the system. I think the system shouldn't
even allow that to happen, though. I don't agree with dads who abandon
families that they've already previously agreed to create. My dad did. I
think this situation is entirely different, though. I never agreed to have a
family with my girlfriend. I wanted to spare the kid from this situation.
Unfortunately, I was too careless to wrap it up one time. Having kids is not
the kind of decision that should be made at orgasm, nor does it have to be.

I'm completely incapable of being a father emotionally, financially or
otherwise. There's no way for me to get full or partial custody of this
child. Nor do I want full or partial custody. I happen to think she'd be
inept as a mother, too, but I'd never be able to convince her and\or a judge
of that. I don't even have a place of my own. I still live with my parents.
And with what's on the horizon, I can't get a place of my own. I have no
idea how I'd afford it. I understand this and wanted to make a wise decision
by allowing an able and stable family adopt the child. Now, my hands are
tied. I don't know what she's going to do. Aside from screwing with me, she
hasn't really been doing anything to prepare either.



"teachrmama" wrote in message
...

"GerrickPeters" wrote in message
news:TY%Jf.2336$Em2.1248@trndny05...
Oh, I can tell you that if I ever decided to marry her, I'd get a prenup
in advance. My trust in women has all run out. I can't marry her, though.
She's self righteous and lazy. I have really expensive health insurance.
For family, it would be around $550 per month. I only make about $2200
per month.

You do realize that, if you are ordered to pay child support, you may be
ordered to pay health insurance for the child, too? I don't know where
you are but I can tell you that both in the state we live in and in the
state where my husband's child resides, health insurance is not a part of
the child support payment, but in addition to the child support payment.

She's been in and out of work ever since I met. She never really
holds down jobs and now that she's preggo, forget it. I know that if I
married her and\or let her live with me, her ass would be out of work as
soon as the kid is born, if not earlier. She'd stay out of work, too. It
would be like pulling teeth trying to get her back to work. Then, I'd be
supporting 3 people instead of 2 and I probably wouldn't be able to even
do that because of the medical insurance cost. I don't know. A part of me
thinks that living with her is a big mistake. I have no ill will towards
the poor child, but I think I might go nuts with her, knowing how she
pushed me into this and in effect, dragged an innocent child into this
mess-my child!.

Yes--your child. As much as you hate this whole mess, you need to
remember that the child is even more innocent than you are, and needs
his/her father. I absolutely understand your anger at the system. But you
need to think about your child, too.

I also think because of how pushy she is, that making any kind of
progress with her in regards to parenting and living together would be
impossible. I'd be totally whipped and miserable.

You don't have to live together, but you can try to get either full or
part custody. If she refuses to work, perhaps the child would be better
off with you.


I wish people knew how the US child support law creates such an unfair
and ultimately hostile environment for people in our situation. If men
could make the same choices that women are able to make after an
accidental conception, women would have to think like adults. If a man
had the same rights of a woman and could relinquish his parental rights
and responsibilities after conception, women would be left to either
raise the child themselves, place it up for adoption or abort it.
Instead, women aren't forced to think like adults. They can make a
decision that greatly effects someone else's life just to get money and
without any detriment to themselves. Women are treated like children in
this country. Women are not equal to men under the law. Until men have
the same right to plan their families as women do, ladies, stop bitching
about lower pay. You deserve lower pay because you can ultimately force a
dude to pay for you. I'm not going to take you seriously, until that
lame, unfair, "safety net" or as I like to call it, male-noose is removed
from your disposal.

Do you feel that way about women who have never used tha "safety net"?
About women who have shouldered the entire burden of raising their
children after their husbands have abandoned them? About women who are
the bread winners of the family because their men refuse to work? Are all
women condemned in your eyes because some milk the system to get for
themselves what they in no way deserve? Is just being a woman enough to
condemn a person in your eyes?

Gini wrote:
wrote

Gini wrote:
"GerrickPeters" wrote
.................................................. ......
Until men have the same right to plan their
families as women do, ladies, stop bitching about lower pay. You
deserve
lower pay because you can ultimately force a dude to pay for you. I'm
not
going to take you seriously, until that lame, unfair, "safety net" or
as I
like to call it, male-noose is removed from your disposal.
===
OK, I take back the advise I gave you.
===

I thought maybe women should stop bitching about lower pay when they
continue to take jobs that do not pay well. You cannot just average
women and mens salaries and say "well holy ****, women make XX% of what
men do, SEXISM, BOO HOO HOO." Their are reasons for pay disparity,
choices have consequences.
===
Women should be paid equally for equal work.

Of course, and that, by and large, has already been achieved. I thought
you were getting off on comparable worth, you don't want to get me
started on that piece of socialist bull****.

I am happy you are on our side Gini, I misunderstood you. Garret
doesn't seem all that bright as he assumed that equal pay was actually
an issue and not a feminist talking point.