Child Crying and Pre-School

Our 2 1/2 year old daughter started a catholic pre-school just one month
ago. Since that time, she's cried every day as my wife walks her to the
class and leaves. Several times she threw a tantrum and kicked my wife and
cried hysterically. My wife says the older children only cried the first few
days, but she does not see them crying any longer.

When the teacher comes and takes my daughter in the room, my wife listened
several times from behind the door and found that she stops crying when my
wife is out of sight.

Conversely, she appears to like school and came home singing one day, with
colored papers the next, etc.However, she never wants to talk about school.
When I ask her how it was, she either ignores me or changes the subject.

Is this normal behavior to cry for this long? What should we do?

"Billy" wrote in message
news
Our 2 1/2 year old daughter started a catholic pre-school just one month
ago. Since that time, she's cried every day as my wife walks her to the
class and leaves. Several times she threw a tantrum and kicked my wife and
cried hysterically. My wife says the older children only cried the first
few
days, but she does not see them crying any longer.

When the teacher comes and takes my daughter in the room, my wife listened
several times from behind the door and found that she stops crying when my
wife is out of sight.

Conversely, she appears to like school and came home singing one day, with
colored papers the next, etc.However, she never wants to talk about
school.
When I ask her how it was, she either ignores me or changes the subject.

Is this normal behavior to cry for this long? What should we do?


My 3 1/2 year old still cries when she gets on the school bus to her
preschool almost every morning. She's been in daycare/preschool since she
was 6 months old. Her busdriver reassures me, everyday, that she stops
crying as soon as the bus starts to pull away. She's happy when she comes
home, and her teacher says she's happy during school, so I'm not worried
about it. OTOH, my 5 year old and my 2 year old have hardly ever had
seperation anxiety. IME, its just a personality trait.




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"Billy" wrote in message
news
Our 2 1/2 year old daughter started a catholic pre-school just one month
ago. Since that time, she's cried every day as my wife walks her to the
class and leaves. Several times she threw a tantrum and kicked my wife and
cried hysterically. My wife says the older children only cried the first
few
days, but she does not see them crying any longer.

When the teacher comes and takes my daughter in the room, my wife listened
several times from behind the door and found that she stops crying when my
wife is out of sight.

Conversely, she appears to like school and came home singing one day, with
colored papers the next, etc.However, she never wants to talk about
school.
When I ask her how it was, she either ignores me or changes the subject.

Is this normal behavior to cry for this long? What should we do?



It's normal. The water works are for your wife's benefit. My kids' school
has video cameras. You can watch the monitors on your way out. Every kid
that's crying when mom leaves stops by the time she gets to the monitors -
lol.

If you want to know what she's learning and doing at school, ask the
teacher. Then ask your daughter specific questions based on what the
teacher told you she did. Last yr my daughter's teacher gave us an outline
for the week. I had a much better idea of what she was doing at school last
yr cos I could ask questions based on that outline.

--
Sophie -
TTC #4

"Billy" wrote:

: Our 2 1/2 year old daughter started a catholic
pre-school just one month
: ago. Since that time, she's cried every day as my wife
walks her to the
: class and leaves. Several times she threw a tantrum and
kicked my wife and
: cried hysterically. sniiiip

All children being different........ Both of my daughters
cried every morning of preschool for approximately four
months, in unison, in stereo, incredible They cried
enough that some of the other parents complained that their
children had to listen to them!

Having been in the childcare field for many years, I have
seen children that have segued in with absolutely no
difficulty, those that transition with great difficulty and
cry and fuss for as many as six months, and everything in
between. If she stops crying shortly after entering, and is
coming home happy, chances are that things are fine.

There was some mention that she doesn't really want to talk
about her daily experiences at school, or doesn't mention it
often, and I would say that this is normal. If you want to
engage a child in a conversation about school/daycare, you
may have to ask very specific questions. Even now with my
teenagers I won't get much of a response unless I ask the
right questions ;}

Ruth B


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"Billy" wrote in message
news
Our 2 1/2 year old daughter started a catholic pre-school just one month
ago. Since that time, she's cried every day as my wife walks her to the
class and leaves. Several times she threw a tantrum and kicked my wife and
cried hysterically. My wife says the older children only cried the first
few
days, but she does not see them crying any longer.

When the teacher comes and takes my daughter in the room, my wife listened
several times from behind the door and found that she stops crying when my
wife is out of sight.

Conversely, she appears to like school and came home singing one day, with
colored papers the next, etc.However, she never wants to talk about
school.
When I ask her how it was, she either ignores me or changes the subject.

Is this normal behavior to cry for this long? What should we do?

DS has been in the same daycare since he was 3 months old. Since the
beginning of this year, he would act like he didn't want to be there when we
get there, but he never wants to leave when I come to pick him up. It would
worry me if he couldn't wait to leave. That would make me suspicious, but
he's very happy there once he's settled.

You have to decide for her whether the good outweighs the bad. She's
only 2.5, so she doesn't need to be in any kind of "program" at all
yet. Unless you are using it as childcare, then the only reason for a
kid that age to be n a school environment is for fun. If it isn't fun,
or the fun comes at too high a price, take her out.

Can one of you arrange to watch (without her seeing you) the room at
various times during the program to see what's going on? Some kids cry
for a few months but then end up benefiting enormously from the
program they're in -- it was just an adjustment period. But in my
son's case, I look back and realize that I should have pulled him from
his 2-YO preschool class and let him wait 'til he was 3 to go to
preschool. He did like your DD -- SHRIEKed when I dropped him off. But
in addition, he misbehaved during the program, and what I saw of it
led me to believe it was a stressful place to be. There happened to be
a bunch of wild boys (including him) in his class, with a teacher who
was not suited to toddlers (he had the same lady when he was 4 to 5
and she was great with that age). I believe that the entire 2.5 hours
he was there, there was a high noise level and some out of control
behavior.

"Billy" ) writes:
Our 2 1/2 year old daughter started a catholic pre-school just one month
ago. Since that time, she's cried every day as my wife walks her to the
class and leaves. Several times she threw a tantrum and kicked my wife and
cried hysterically. My wife says the older children only cried the first few
days, but she does not see them crying any longer.

She's sad on leaving her mother. That is absolutely normal --
though of course the amount and timing of the sadness varies
from one child to another.

I would say it's a reason to consider taking her out of the
class, but you have to consider other factors too such as
how much fun she has, whether you need to go to work or
something, etc.

Here's a nice story: a kindergarten near here allowed parents
to be with their children as much as the children seemed to
need. Some parents would stay in the class the first couple
of days. One boy had his grandfather come with him every
day for about the first month. Gradually the grandfather
withdrew more from the class; for a while he just sat in
a chair in the hall, just outside the classroom, the whole
time. The boy felt more secure knowing he was there. Finally
the boy didn't feel he needed him there any more and
the grandfather would go home.

I think that's a lovely story.

Other things you might try: doing cheerful songs on
the way to class; making the actual goodbye very ritualized
and fairly short; hugs; making sure the child gets
plenty of sleep and vitamins; having the child bring
a special teddy bear to class; giving the child a
cellphone to call Mummy at any time??? Making sure
the child gets a good chunk of time each day with
focussed, undivided attention from each parent;
avoiding having the child exposed to yelling or
hitting; never being late coming to pick up the child
(being early, being the first parent to walk in
the room so the child doesn't perceive you as late,
always being in the same place when the child first
sees you so there's more certainty.)
--
Cathy