Need help ... Interacting with girlfriends baby

Hello, I am a young man who is involved in a developing relationship
with a single mother of a 1 yr old boy. I recently met him for the
first few times, and while I am excited about getting involved with
his life, I am admittedly very nervous and unsure of what to do.
Things seem to go well, he seems to be smiling at me a lot and
everything, but I have never been in a situation where I have
interacted with young children, and would love to have someone elses
perspectives on getting involved in the life of a younger child, and
any tips they may have. Thank you very much in advance for any advice
you have.

awwwww, you sound nice to worry about this.
Be yourself, kids know when you are not.
In my opinion, dont force it, just spend time with him, play a few games,
and be very patient.

Hope all goes well

Fiona

"rwinnh" wrote in message
m...
Hello, I am a young man who is involved in a developing relationship
with a single mother of a 1 yr old boy. I recently met him for the
first few times, and while I am excited about getting involved with
his life, I am admittedly very nervous and unsure of what to do.
Things seem to go well, he seems to be smiling at me a lot and
everything, but I have never been in a situation where I have
interacted with young children, and would love to have someone elses
perspectives on getting involved in the life of a younger child, and
any tips they may have. Thank you very much in advance for any advice
you have.

rwinnh wrote:

Hello, I am a young man who is involved in a developing relationship
with a single mother of a 1 yr old boy. I recently met him for the
first few times, and while I am excited about getting involved with
his life, I am admittedly very nervous and unsure of what to do.
Things seem to go well, he seems to be smiling at me a lot and
everything, but I have never been in a situation where I have
interacted with young children, and would love to have someone elses
perspectives on getting involved in the life of a younger child, and
any tips they may have. Thank you very much in advance for any advice
you have.
-------------
You need to learn english.
Steve

On 31 Jul 2003 19:17:03 -0700, (rwinnh) wrote:

Hello, I am a young man who is involved in a developing relationship
with a single mother of a 1 yr old boy. I recently met him for the
first few times, and while I am excited about getting involved with
his life, I am admittedly very nervous and unsure of what to do.
Things seem to go well, he seems to be smiling at me a lot and
everything, but I have never been in a situation where I have
interacted with young children, and would love to have someone elses
perspectives on getting involved in the life of a younger child, and
any tips they may have. Thank you very much in advance for any advice
you have.

At one infants and toddlers are self-centered and if you follow his
lead, you should be fine.

Don't try to push yourself on him, let him come to you (I assume he
is walking or at least crawling so he can get to you when you are
around).

Try playing some simple games with him. At this age he will
probably enjoy it if you build a block tower and let him knock it
over. He also will probably enjoy games like peek a boo and
patty cake or other nursery rhymes. If you sing or play music,
you can probably interest him by playing or singing children's
songs. Finger plays are good too. Read board books to him.
Repetition is the key at this age. Babies like to hear and see
the same books and songs over and over again.

Consider that you should talk to him and explain things to him
even if you think he doesn't understand. Name objects for him
when he points to them. Name the colors of things with him.
Play verbal games that let him know you are thinking of him.

When he allows it, try to do the normal things that are care-giving,
like giving a bottle if he is bottle-fed or feeding solids in his high
chair or diapering him. Infants and toddlers relate to people who
take care of them. When you do care for him, do so respectfully.
Toddlers like to know when you are going to pick them up and
not to be suddenly whisked away from their toys to be diapered.
So talk to him and tell him what you are going to do.

Babies are a lot of fun at this age. So enjoy and smile back at
him and just be natural around him.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..
Outer Limits

rwinnh wrote:
Hello, I am a young man who is involved in a developing relationship
with a single mother of a 1 yr old boy.

Parenting is a little bit like having an obsessive hobby. It takes up ALL
your free time, it doesn't stop and it isn't all that much fun much of the
time. People do it for a variety of reasons, but the underlying reason is
love. If you aren't willing to love this child and spend 40 hours a week
for the next 17 years doing things with and for this child, find another
girlfriend.

I participate in a group supporting marriage and a reoccurring theme is
the marriage with toddlers/preschoolers falling apart. Typically one of
the partners come in saying, "we have a one year old and a three year old
and life is hard and I'm not having ANY fun with my partner, it's all work
work work. I want to find a partner who I can have fun with." They are
completely missing the point that the work comes from their situation, not
from having a bad partner. When life gets easier (like when the kids can
dress themselves, read to themselves, do toileting without help, etc.) the
marriage typically improves simply because the people have more leisure
time.

Anyway, my point is that a girlfriend who has overwhelming personal time
commitments isn't all that available for doing typical teen-age romance
stuff. Parents of one year olds get maybe two hours a week alone together
without their kid. I can't imagine how she even found time to date you to
start with!

Wendy

rwinnh wrote:

Things seem to go well, he seems to be smiling at me a lot and
everything, but I have never been in a situation where I have
interacted with young children, and would love to have someone elses
perspectives on getting involved in the life of a younger child

As already said: toddlers are very self-centered and will be
quite clear about what they like and what they don't like. Be
flexible, follow their 'lead' and you should be fine.

As an adult, you will have to learn how to play again. For a
toddler everything in the world is new. DS just discovered
gravity, and will throw anything down time and time again.
Try to see things in the same perspective, and soon you will
come up with the most impossible games to play, castles to
build and stories to tell.

Fun ways to start off: play hide and seek with a kitchen towel.
Have him discover different parts of your face. Build castles
with wooden blocks, or Lego that he can take apart. Have him
ride on your lap and sing a song, at one point in the song, let
him drop between your legs, or lift him up in the air, do this
several times and always drop/lift at the same point in the song
(of course holding on tight). HTH!

--
-- Ilse
mom to Olaf (07/15/2002)
TTC #2
"What's the use of brains if you are a girl?"
Aletta Jacobs, first Dutch woman to receive a PhD

What great advise Dorothy, just reading your advise will help me relate to
my own child. Well done.
"toto" wrote in message
...
On 31 Jul 2003 19:17:03 -0700, (rwinnh) wrote:

Hello, I am a young man who is involved in a developing relationship
with a single mother of a 1 yr old boy. I recently met him for the
first few times, and while I am excited about getting involved with
his life, I am admittedly very nervous and unsure of what to do.
Things seem to go well, he seems to be smiling at me a lot and
everything, but I have never been in a situation where I have
interacted with young children, and would love to have someone elses
perspectives on getting involved in the life of a younger child, and
any tips they may have. Thank you very much in advance for any advice
you have.

At one infants and toddlers are self-centered and if you follow his
lead, you should be fine.

Don't try to push yourself on him, let him come to you (I assume he
is walking or at least crawling so he can get to you when you are
around).

Try playing some simple games with him. At this age he will
probably enjoy it if you build a block tower and let him knock it
over. He also will probably enjoy games like peek a boo and
patty cake or other nursery rhymes. If you sing or play music,
you can probably interest him by playing or singing children's
songs. Finger plays are good too. Read board books to him.
Repetition is the key at this age. Babies like to hear and see
the same books and songs over and over again.

Consider that you should talk to him and explain things to him
even if you think he doesn't understand. Name objects for him
when he points to them. Name the colors of things with him.
Play verbal games that let him know you are thinking of him.

When he allows it, try to do the normal things that are care-giving,
like giving a bottle if he is bottle-fed or feeding solids in his high
chair or diapering him. Infants and toddlers relate to people who
take care of them. When you do care for him, do so respectfully.
Toddlers like to know when you are going to pick them up and
not to be suddenly whisked away from their toys to be diapered.
So talk to him and tell him what you are going to do.

Babies are a lot of fun at this age. So enjoy and smile back at
him and just be natural around him.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..
Outer Limits

Wendy Marsden wrote in message ...

I participate in a group supporting marriage and a reoccurring theme is
the marriage with toddlers/preschoolers falling apart. Typically one of
the partners come in saying, "we have a one year old and a three year old
and life is hard and I'm not having ANY fun with my partner, it's all work
work work. I want to find a partner who I can have fun with." They are
completely missing the point that the work comes from their situation, not
from having a bad partner. When life gets easier (like when the kids can
dress themselves, read to themselves, do toileting without help, etc.) the
marriage typically improves simply because the people have more leisure
time.

Anyway, my point is that a girlfriend who has overwhelming personal time
commitments isn't all that available for doing typical teen-age romance
stuff. Parents of one year olds get maybe two hours a week alone together
without their kid. I can't imagine how she even found time to date you to
start with!

Maybe it's just because we're just entering the toddler stage
(my son is almost one) and I'm about to encounter a staggering
comeuppance, but... it's hard, but I'm not sure I think it's *that*
hard. What time do most people's one-year-olds go to bed? Mine
is usually down by eight and I'm good until ten, so we get
two hours a day alone together without our son. Granted, I'm
usually a little punchy, and it's not like we spend it gazing
into each other's eyes while violins play, mostly it's doing
dishes and laundry and such, but still, it's adult together
time and it does a lot to keep us connected with each other.

I freely admit that my house is a mess and we eat too much
convenience food and there's laundry everywhere in various stages
of done, and so on, so maybe it's my pathetically low standards
that make this all possible, or something.

Beth
Sam 8/16/2002

On 1 Aug 2003 15:45:27 -0700, (rwinnh) wrote:

As far as details that I didn't include in the first message. I am 19
going on 20, and she is 26 going on 27, I know rereading my first
message it sounded as if we were both probably teenagers and I wanted
to correct that. As far as how she had the time to start dating me,
her ex-husband/Kobi's father has custody of him every Sunday, so that
was the time when we would date at the start of the relationship, and
only recently now that she is comfortable with me being involved with
her son as well have we spent time together on other days.

One thing you may also need to realize is that you are going to have
a relationship with her ex as well as with your gf and Kobi. You may
want to look into support groups for step-parenting as well if you
decide to live together or get married. As long as the relationship
is more casual and you are not acting in the role of parent with Kobi
full time, you may be able to ignore this, but if the relationship
becomes a full time one, it is wise to be prepared for the possible
complications that another parent in the picture *will* inevitably
present.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..
Outer Limits

Elizabeth Reid wrote:
Wendy Marsden wrote in message
...

I participate in a group supporting marriage and a reoccurring theme
is the marriage with toddlers/preschoolers falling apart. Typically
one of the partners come in saying, "we have a one year old and a
three year old and life is hard and I'm not having ANY fun with my
partner, it's all work work work. I want to find a partner who I
can have fun with." They are completely missing the point that the
work comes from their situation, not from having a bad partner.
When life gets easier (like when the kids can dress themselves, read
to themselves, do toileting without help, etc.) the marriage
typically improves simply because the people have more leisure time.

Anyway, my point is that a girlfriend who has overwhelming personal
time commitments isn't all that available for doing typical teen-age
romance stuff. Parents of one year olds get maybe two hours a week
alone together without their kid. I can't imagine how she even
found time to date you to start with!

Maybe it's just because we're just entering the toddler stage
(my son is almost one) and I'm about to encounter a staggering
comeuppance, but... it's hard, but I'm not sure I think it's *that*
hard. What time do most people's one-year-olds go to bed?

I wouldn't describe it so dismally and my marriage is fine but it sounded
right on the mark to me. There are many factors including the intensity of
the children, # of hours the parents work, personality of the parents etc.
etc. My time is pretty much all accounted for until 10 most night and it is
only in the last few months that I can count on my two actually sleeping
alone for any meaningful length of time so I can have my very own free time
or couple time (but dh is generally sleeping by then). The age mine are now
(2 and 4) I'm just more worn out then ever with how much *work* they are
just to keep them clothed and fed much less entertained and I haven't even
started potty training Luke :-) Jeez, I wanted 3???? Not till these two can
put on their own shoes, open all the doors, and do their own seat belts,
Lol.
--
Nikki
Mama to Hunter (4) and Luke (2)